On the fourth day of the diary stoppage today, I haven't written for three days. Since AH left my life, my early bedtime diary doesn't seem to have updated motivation and content. There is really no need to record the trivial things of life that are repeated every day. These three days are not accompanied by the diary of going to bed early, there is no time to write, I spend it in the game, I can't control myself unconsciously, forget the time, one day I rested after twelve o'clock, life seems to have returned to the previous state, playing games with nothing to do to kill time, I really want to win and rest again, every time it's like this, I keep playing and losing, I keep playing, and the vicious circle makes no sense at all.

When I realized the problem, I calmly thought about it, and I paused for three days just to relieve my emotions. And I indulged myself and became unself-controlled, and I analyzed the reason, and I thought that I would start to lose my purpose and direction again, and start to give up on myself. It is true that playing games can temporarily forget all your worries, but it is always empty. I play because I'm bored, and then the more I play, the more boring I get, no moderation and no restraint, that's the problem, being aware of my weaknesses and the crux of it, and always being able to change.

These days are also when the S game is in progress, in addition to watching the game, I will still play casually, and watch the game while playing. A person's life is always lonely and boring. But always find a pastime that works for you. I had previously imagined that the main character, AH, would no longer appear in my text, proving that she no longer needed me, and that my life no longer intersected. It's just that I didn't expect it to be so sudden, and it was inevitable that I didn't adapt. Three days have passed, and I have calmed down today, recording my mood or everything that happened today, and I find it really boring. There are no interesting facts or chats that can be recorded.

Actually, I have also seen AH in the past two days, of course, I am not a positive encounter, I am afraid that there will be embarrassment. After all, it's a colleague, and it's easy to bump into. After work that day, when I was working overtime for half an hour and riding away, I happened to meet AH and my roommate N getting off work together, I just signaled to say hello from a distance, I should have been very quiet, they didn't hear it. AH was wearing a hat that I wore that day, and N was carrying the multigrain toast I brought her for breakfast, and this time the meeting was just a hurried parting, and I was about to stop to say hello, but I hesitated and left in a hurry because I didn't think it was necessary.

I seem to have seen AH in the office building today, I was looking for the boss to sign, and she seemed to be in a hurry to sign it, and I didn't have time to say hello to the eager look, so strange, and finally faded out of my field of vision. also left my life, she no longer needed my care and help, and I finally let go at the moment.

Is there anything else going on these days that is meaningful and worth documenting? Oh, it seems that there is really one thing, the coach who used to learn to drive suddenly called me to introduce the fellow of Dingxi to me, knowing that I was from Gansu, but I politely declined, I lied to him and said that I had a goal to pursue, but the relationship has not yet been determined, the coach is really good, and in the end it was not explained. The next day, I added the coach WeChat to explain the situation, after all, it is necessary to introduce the fellow to get to know him, there will be a sense of intimacy, even if you become a friend, you are not alone, and the feeling of meeting your hometown is very exciting, but such an opportunity is hard to find. I gave a brief introduction to myself, and the coach agreed, saying that I would invite him to drink when I got back. I was a person who lacked initiative, and I didn't urge the coach anymore, and it seemed that there was no follow-up again. Just like the workshop Master Shen asked me to introduce the object in the photo, I don't like to take pictures of life without being able to get my hands on it, I always look at the photo and there is no follow-up, of course, all this is in my expectation. You can't refuse the master's affection, and you can maintain this posture well, so there is no pressure.

By the way, Pisces said on the weekend that I would go to her to get red wine, and I was supposed to work overtime and resigned, but in fact, I worked overtime for half a day on Sunday and slipped away in the afternoon to play games at home, and I admit that I have been in a sluggish state these days, and I am not as energetic as before. I don't think there will be time this week, my good brother Shutian said that he would come back to Bengbu on Saturday and find me to drink and work overtime on weekends without time to go to the Pisces appointment.

The contact with N is still intermittent, and she still sometimes takes the initiative to send me messages, just like before, but it seems to me that everything is not the same as before, I still have concerns, and I always think about what kind of care will go beyond the scope of friends, and I will not chat casually like before, I will always think deeply. N started to exercise and lose weight at night and walked and runs, it seems to be a person, she used to ask me to run with her, once I asked her tentatively, show her the way or something, she said that her male ticket would be misunderstood. I guess she was joking last time, and I took it seriously. Of course, I'm self-aware and will keep a good distance, it's enough to politely shush her and pay attention to her, we're just ordinary friends.

I suddenly have the idea of fitness and running at the moment, I try not to play games after work, not to stay at home, to go out to run laps around Longhu, go home to cook, etc., so that maybe it will be better, and it will not be so goalless or sinking and depressed. A boring life always needs a little sustenance, just like an early bedtime diary, it used to be AH to guide the direction and let me out of the haze. The departure of AH made me depressed and temporarily disoriented, but this sluggish state was only temporary. AH said that he would never read the words I wrote again, and the only reader I told was somewhat melancholy and lost. There are no fans, no readers, no bosom friends, but I will still insist on writing, just like I like someone, knowing that there is no result, I will still deceive myself and insist without hesitation, despite the pressure on the other party, but also have a clear conscience.

Just now N recommended me a sweet drama "Mr. Perfect and Miss Almost", let me chase it when I'm bored, she should know that I'm bored, but I don't take the initiative to talk to her anymore. Forget all the unhappiness, just chase the drama and rest early! Good night!