What Nan Nan has always been forced to accept is also what she spurns the most. She confined herself to a small corner, in an enclosed environment with no doors or coffins. I didn't go out, I didn't dare to take a step, and I didn't let anyone get close, but I was also deeply resistant because of my fear. Tangled, shackled, all thoughts are lost, silent, and hopeless. This is all what Nan Nan felt when she circled herself and wrapped herself tightly. It's not a very good mood, and it can even be described as bad. However, this happened to be a mast built by Nan Nan himself, cold and strong. This is all Nan Nan in the past years, little by little, one base after another, it is higher and higher, the more cramped it is, just like a small warehouse. Nan Nan has been alone for a long time, locking herself in this warehouse, willingly, but she is also forced to do so.

However, gradually, Nan Nan also adapted to this environment. Moreover, she has found an unprecedented sense of security in this environment, which is real, not illusory, not ethereal, and not far away, which is what Nan Nan has always longed for. So, Nan Nan was reluctant to come out, she would rather keep imprisoning herself in this small corner. Compared to these, Nan Nan is more and more afraid of coming into contact with the outside world, and she feels panic and uneasy. All of these were tormenting her, so she longed even more for herself to stay in the mast she had built forever. Even if she was the only one there, she was lonely, lonely, and depressed, and she would rather be so.

However, it is precisely because of this that Nan Nan's personality has become more and more distorted. She is afraid of the dark, so she always turns on a night light before going to bed, otherwise, she will not be able to sleep peacefully at all. However, Nan Nan doesn't like light so much, not that she dislikes it, but just dodges, avoids, and evades. She is not afraid, she has low self-esteem, from beginning to end, she completely believes that she does not deserve to have such a bright world. Nan Nan has always felt that she should belong to the dark world, and since she can't lift the light, she can only fall into the darkness. Perhaps, that's the best place to go. But Nan Nan is cowardly, she is afraid, she is afraid of the darkness that will not see the light of day, she is afraid that her outstretched hand will be invisible. She was afraid that in that dark event, she would be alone and silent, and then die quietly and painfully and silently. All this, Nan Nan was afraid.

So, in the final analysis, in fact, Nannan's character is distorted, awkward, and tangled. She has a one-sided personality, but on the contrary, she has a personality that is contrary to it. Nan Nan knows this very well in her heart, of course, she also hates it because of this.

What she hates most about herself is her scheming. Nan Nan will think a lot, she is too insecure, she is too resistant to things in the outside world, and there are people. In addition, she has become more and more sensitive. Nan Nan will always think very complicated, for those who don't know each other at all, let alone know each other. She was scared, restless, even panicked. These emotions are all intertwined, and they haunt Nan Nan tightly, making her at a loss and not knowing what to do. So, her excessive desire for self-protection came out to trouble, and her fear was too strong. As a result, Nan Nan was originally in a state of disadvantage, a posture similar to that of the victim. But it seems to have transformed into an aggressive posture in an instant. She didn't want to let herself get hurt, she was afraid of pain, so Nan Nan quietly erected the thorn on her body.

However, Nan Nan is unwilling to hurt anyone. She only needs to think of the past, and the cold violence she has suffered from ostracism and language. Nan Nan can't do the same to others, she doesn't want to be the person she was, and still is, the person she hates. Nan Nan has no way to show the slightest disgust to anyone, even if she is resistant and repulsive. But these will never be fully revealed, and she is afraid that others will be hurt because of this. Just as she had been hurt in the past. Nan Nan used to stand in the perspective of a victim, but now, she is unwilling and afraid that she will become a perpetrator, an indifferent, cruel, and inhuman abuser.

So, even if Nan Nan wanted to add a protective barrier around her, she made a thorn. However, because of his extremely twisted and complicated character, he is still very entangled. Those thorns have become very soft, and the slightest bit of lethality is not there at all. As a result, Nan Nan had to abandon her innocence and her purity. She used her acumen, as well as her overly sensitive insight. She can clearly perceive any opinion of others about herself, whether it is good or bad, Nan Nan has always been clear and clear, and there is no ambiguity at all.

So, Nan Nan took advantage of this very cleverly. Nan Nan gradually knew, and also figured out how to express her resistance. Moreover, it is still impossible to find out. Slowly, Nan Nan tried and failed, she was always able to do it, and before others knew it, she was completely at a certain distance from others. That is a kind of protection for herself, and of course, it is also the culprit and ultimate reason why she has become the one who is good at perceiving people's hearts and scheming.

Nan Nan was disgusted with herself, and she always felt that she had become something like a monster. It is also true that you don't want to hurt others, and it is not false to be scheming towards them. She knew that she no longer belonged to the innocent one, but at the same time, she was even more reluctant to admit that she was a scheming, despicable and lowly person. This is not what Nan Nan wants to be, she wants to live purely, even if she is like a child who doesn't understand human feelings. However, she is not such a person. She is so complicated, so complicated that even Nan Nan herself can't tell what kind of person she is, she almost recognizes herself.

Even now, Nan Nan is still facing Gu Yun in the same way, even if Gu Yun sincerely expresses that closeness and friendliness to herself. But Nan Nan still used her little tricks to push Gu Yun away. She knew that Gu Yun was an excellent person, no matter how she couldn't have contact with anyone, no matter how she rejected the so-called people she didn't know. But if, in the face of a person like Gu Yun who revealed himself as intact, Nan Nan still shouldn't hide it, and deliberately used her own careful thinking to isolate her. It's so unrecognizable, indifferent, and mixed with a little ruthlessness.

And that's not all. Nan Nan knew why Gu Yun was so special and friendly to herself. It's nothing more than his usual look, and his safe attitude, which has won Gu Yun's heart. But these are always a false existence. This is all because Nan Nan is unwilling to hurt Gu Yun, and what can be shown on the surface is hypocritical. But it was self-defeating, which made Gu Yun misunderstood.

Actually, Nan Nan can explain, but she doesn't do that either. First, as the name goes, Nan Nan didn't want to tell the truth, which disappointed Gu Yun's expectations. Nan Nan understood that Gu Yun was very eager for someone to treat her as an ordinary person. That's her pride, and her self-esteem. Nan Nan thought that if the truth was told, Gu Yun would inevitably be disappointed and lonely. Nan Nan knew this very well, so she couldn't speak.

Second, Nan Nan is really a rather selfish person, that's what she thinks, and that's how she secretly slanders herself. She was reluctant to tell Gu Yun the truth, there was another reason. This reason accounts for a little more than half of the part. It was more than the degree of fear of disappointing Gu Yun. That is, although Nan Nan is not used to it, she also rejects Gu Yun's sense of closeness. But at the same time, Nan Nan will feel a little happy for it. It's sinful, it's narrow-minded, and there's no justification for it.

Nan Nan is afraid of other people's contact, but she also expects others to care about her. Just like Gu Yun's, it is obvious that she expresses a special feeling of affection to Nannan, and Nannan will feel a little happy. Although, she is still resisting, and she wants to choose to escape. But she is still shameless, and will feel a little joy for it. It's like a child who quietly steals a piece of candy while his family is unprepared. It is forbidden, it is inviolable, it is in the most secret corner of the heart, as if it were scratched by the tip of a feather. The thorn is very bad, the panic is terrible, the heart is uneasy, and it will be ashamed of it.

Nan Nan didn't understand why she had such a feeling, which made her feel a burst of self-rejection and self-boredom. It's like stealing a bite of the forbidden fruit and not being discovered, perhaps, it is fortunate at the moment, and it is secretly happy behind the scenes. However, when you react afterwards, you will be deeply tormented. It's in my heart, an inexplicable devastation that comes from myself. It's painful, it's bitter, it's the shame and shame that Nan Nan will feel unstoppable, and it's even more difficult for her to face.