Xiao Xia, yesterday my mother had a very bad attitude towards her grandmother. After Grandma left, Mom tried to understand herself through a lot of self-soothing thoughts, so that she could justify her behavior instead of having a bad attitude. But no matter how she justified herself in her heart, in the end, my mother found that the crux of the problem was that she couldn't admit her mistakes, and at the same time, she kept making excuses for the unspeakable sorry.

In my mother's excuse for justifying herself, I thought about such a thing, grandma was used to getting along with her mother with a cold attitude and never revealed feelings when she was a child, or even until now, she has been indifferent for so many years, how can she unilaterally ask her mother to be a healthy, sound, optimistic person, and most importantly, how can she use cold noodles to expect enthusiasm. If you plant melons and get melons, you will plant beans and get beans, then your mother will naturally treat them in the way of others, and her attitude towards them will not be friendly, but also indifferent and poor.

However, after thinking about it like this, my mother vaguely felt that this idea was a bit naïve. At that time, my mother was lying in bed and couldn't sleep for a long time. His own words didn't really comfort him. In his thirties, his thoughts and feelings are not much different from those of his teens.

So my mother thought again, my life can almost be described as a disaster now. The loneliness in my heart swept over like wild sand.

In the midst of a storm, there is no one to comfort yourself, everything has to be borne by one person. And at this time, grandpa often vents his temper with his mother because of anger and helplessness. Whenever this happens, my mother feels that she has nothing to love and is ashamed of herself.

Extreme emotions can provoke anger. So my mother would sometimes hit back at my grandfather and ask them why they couldn't see the sorrow of an disillusioned person, but they wanted to add fuel to the fire and fall into the well. In fact, just give a little pity, a little sympathy, a little understanding.

At this time, grandpa will say that they have stepped forward and accompanied their mother, which is a great contribution.

But my mother was in anger and completely disdained such a statement. This is selfish companionship, and it has nothing to do with the mother herself at all. After waiting for their mother to die of depression, they said that we have done companionship and should not blame us. They don't understand, if they really think about me, they shouldn't just want to win, just want to sound reasonable, just want to always stand on the moral high ground, just want to control their mother's words and deeds, but really understand and empathize.

That's right, that's the truth, my father asked my mother before, if Xiao Xia did something wrong one day, what would my mother think about and how she would treat it.

At that time, my mother said, I hope I can understand your position no matter what. Dad thought Mom's idea was too naïve. It is very difficult for parents to hold back the blame after a child has made a mistake.

But Mom at least hopes that she can try to understand you.

This idea almost convinced my mother. But tossing and turning, my mother still feels that there is a drawback to this kind of thinking, that is, if I can't get someone close to me, or anyone's understanding, should it be more painful.

The second theory of using a bad attitude to convince herself that she could do whatever she wanted was also silently denied in her mother's heart. Not only that, but it also leads to a new question, that is, do we need to do anything to change our mood? And then is, should grandma's behavior towards her mother directly affect her mother's feedback?

Recalling many things in her childhood, my mother felt that my grandmother was a difficult woman to figure out, and she almost had no ability to express her emotions at all. Later, my mother felt that it was a product of their era, not a special case of grandma alone.

Not only that, but there was always a kind of thing in my grandmother's era that I didn't dare to say more, and I didn't take care of it when I didn't say much. Compared to modern times, the degree is almost unreasonable. But in the time and space in which they grew up and lived, this should be the basic quality of their lives.

Mom slipped past the end of Grandpa's era, and it should be said that she was completely untouched with the imprint of the times. But my mother's cousin was hooked by the tail of the times for a few years, and until now, she still often says, you can't say this.

Mom is very tired of this way of communication.

In my mother's life, there is almost no emotion-related communication, if it is not superficial, general, exaggerated, or incomprehensible low-pressure environment, use the atmosphere to express dissatisfaction. What exactly is going on, and what the specific reason is, is all up to speculation.

In the past few days, my mother has felt the atmosphere exactly the same as her childhood. Mom had no idea what was going on, but she felt like she was immersed in the air of isolation and abandonment, confused, like a fish in her throat.

Mom was disgusted by this kind of atmosphere.

But the assembly organized by the mother for such a thing is not worthy of praise in the current view.

Mom will either respond indifferently, or ridicule other people's pain, or she will get angry and sad and let her emotions go. Sometimes, there is even a hint of a first-striker.

Xiaoxia, my mother now thinks that these behaviors, or grandpa's communication habits, we don't think it's good in our hearts. In fact, the reason is very clear.

But we still do this, in fact, the reason is very simple, at least that's how my mother sees herself. The reason why my mother clearly saw her resistance in her heart, and knew very well that her reaction was not good, but she still did it, is because doing this is the simplest and most comfortable, and it is the attitude that she has always been used to, and she does not need to make any changes.

Mother thought, why didn't grandma want to comfort her daughter, but what she showed was indeed a set of masks that she was most familiar with, and the words she said were also scripts that she had said thousands of times before, and she was ripe. It's the least strenuous thing to do. The result is not satisfactory, but even this result, we are very familiar with the offer, and it couldn't be worse.

Mom too, I've dealt with it like this, for the things I hate, my spear and shield have long been cast, and when I need to use them, I take them out and use them, and I have to rethink and do them again.

But we all know that this is not the best option, and they have never solved the problem for us.

To get out of this circle of self-drawing, you need to bite the bullet and try a solution to the problem that you have never used before.

In the face of indifference, I want to understand others and understand the comfort zone in the context of that era, and jump out of my own and touch others with empathy. It's hard to be right or wrong, but my mother thinks that no matter how much she convinces herself, maybe the original answer is incorrect.

Mom hopes that she can go out step by step and change the familiar idea of solving problems with mistakes.

Xiao Xia, no matter what others do, it has nothing to do with the way we do things, and you shouldn't become a bad person just because someone else is a bad person.

This is the first thing your dad told your mom about. At that time, my mother didn't understand it, and she didn't have a big truth that she had personally experienced, and no matter how she heard it, it was like a mortal listening to the scriptures, and she didn't know it. But now my mother gradually understood.

With the idea of hoping that you are a good person, you will face the bad things, not be affected, and stick to your wishes. Coming down, it is necessary to jump out of the habitual behavior pattern and do the right and kind things head-on.

Mom said to grandma, Mom, I'm sorry. This should be the first step for mothers.