There is no ambition to study, there is no way to make a living, there is no talent to serve the country, there is no way to join the army, loss, anxiety, helplessness, fear, after graduating from high school, my heart has been surrounded by these negative emotions, waiting for the next year of conscription, flying at home like a headless fly.

Idle all day long, idle, parents no matter how understanding and tolerating there is a limit, less to nag and scold, I also feel pressure, nearly twenty years old, has already grown up, in the countryside at such an age many have been married and started a family, and I am still in the food to open the mouth, clothes to stretch out.

I can't stand the nagging, I don't want to work in the field anymore, I always want to leave, my classmates can't go there, they tutor for tuition, go to work, find their own way out, no longer bother, almost cut off contact.

Relatives are also embarrassed to go, afraid of being blamed or ridiculed by them, only the fifth uncle's family does not have these, there is a lot of time there, in the name of helping him repair the bicycle, in fact, he doesn't do anything, every time he leaves, he will always stuff me with dozens of dollars.

Around October, when the opportunity to leave finally came, my second uncle's cousin, who was three years older than me, had completed his studies as a mason, and met a small cadre of a factory during his work in Dongken, contracted to paint the exterior wall of a house, and found the eldest son of my neighbor's eldest sister, pretending to be a painter, and went to help.

When I heard the news, I didn't even ask for my salary, and I agreed immediately without saying a word, so that I could stay away from my parents' nagging and away from the farm work that could never be done.

Shortly after leaving school, I came to Shangfu again, but the mood was not the same, the three of them chose a room to stay, just built and not painted, slightly empty, no crowded and lively dormitory, no familiar laughter, no fierce evaluation and debate, more freedom without control, more short chatter in parents, more monotonous loneliness and helplessness.

The weather is still hot, in the evening, the three of them will go to the nearby river to bathe, here is already the upper reaches of the river, there is no pollution of the paper mill, the water is particularly clear and cool, but just a bath, no longer like the school swimming, it seems a little strange, there are endless memories in the endless pollution, but it can only be memories.

Next door to the working house is a cold drink factory, just like the commune canteen where my grandfather worked, there are some young menstrual girls of the same age who go to work, and often go to watch them make popsicles during breaks, and then I see that I am active, compared to the eldest son of my cousin and eldest sister, I am more likely to laugh at them, and laugh with the passion of some classmates and teenagers.

The eldest sister's eldest son, who was a companion in his childhood, was a classmate in elementary school, and he didn't read again after finishing primary school, and he was learning carpentry from an apprentice at this time. He has no talent for reading, but he is ingenious, and he is actually quite intelligent.

After completing his studies, his father was the first to ask him to make a desk, which was made of camphor wood, which was made very carefully, and now it is still not deformed at all, very strong and very easy to use.

At that time, the carpentry work was almost all manual, there were no tracks, runners, bearings, whether the drawers were smoothly delivered, whether the book door was tightly sealed, all relied on a pair of hands, all relied on meticulous planing, sand, rubbing, all relied on the heart to type the abdominal manuscript and accurate calculation, and now the use is still as new, but on the surface of the desk, a thick layer of time paste has been added.

It can be seen that he is not only intelligent, but also quite diligent and hardworking, not long after the 21st century, when he was working in Dongguan, under the pretext of deep affection for his hometown, he secretly learned a technique from a fellow villager in Jiujiang, not only made a fortune himself, but also became rich with his two younger brothers and a younger sister.

Time flies, more than a month has passed, the paint work is all completed, I don't care if it's done well or badly, it's all raw how to have skills, I can only say that all the places that should be smeared have been smeared, and I care about returning home again, and I have to face the nagging of my parents, but I have nowhere to go, I can only carry dozens of wages given by my cousin, and go back silently.

Winter is coming, everything is depressed, the cold wind is shining, just like the mood at that time, only to pick up the young brother, only a little laughing, during the Chinese New Year to visit my grandparents, I specially took him to a photo studio in Huibu to leave a group photo, although love but can not get a decent gift, can only take a photo, to leave him some childhood memories.

I did grow taller and stronger, and I saw the physical advantages of my childhood, and I couldn't find a few people in the neighborhood who were taller than me, and after this photo was washed out, several children of the eldest sister's family next door joked about it, saying that it didn't look like an older brother or younger brother, but like a father with a son.

Time will fade everything, assimilate everything, and after a year, the restless mood has finally calmed down, and I have agreed with the reality and silently chose to accept it. The road to recruitment can no longer be opened, enlistment is full of variables, and the commercial grain index is too small.

Strong body, is already a "good style" in the field, and I am indeed a "good style" for farm work, adult men can do farm work, I will do all the farm work, two or three hundred pounds of heavy burden, one shoulder is not a problem, whether it is at home or relatives to walk around, from then on the initiative to help, with actions to prove that I accept the reality.

The winter has passed for a long time, and the busy spring and summer have passed, and my father has not mentioned repeating it, but he has tried his best to "find a relationship", maybe my cynicism has provoked him, and no matter how much energy he spends, he has to send me to the army, as a father's responsibility, and he is working hard.

I vividly remember that in order to help my sister enter a work unit in a temporary capacity, he and his mother bought wood from the mountains, and then stretched the winding path to avoid the bamboo and wood checkpoints, and used large carts to pull them to the county seat.

In the end, my sister's affairs were not done well, and my hard work and efforts came to naught, and in the face of the words, my parents accepted it calmly, hoping to pin on the next effort.

In contrast, I have some eyebrows about my enlistment, and I don't know the result yet, waiting for the conscription work to start at the end of the year, I have hope, but at the same time, I have a clear understanding of the difficulties encountered in the first conscription, so I don't care too optimistic.

I have already made plans that if I can't be conscripted into the army, I will be overage, and in the last year, I will be able to grasp the opportunity to enlist in the army, and I will not be able to grasp the fact that I will go to the coast and join the largest group of "part-timers" in history.

The time is after the speech of the 92nd Southern Tour, the reform and opening up has entered the first place, and a series is being broadcast on TV, called "Alien Girl", which tells the story of our group of people born in the early 70s, working hard along the coast.

The Nanchang girl, who should be about the same age as me, was found as a working girl, and sang the theme song "I Don't Want to Say", which expressed our hearts, expressed our yearning and expectations, and spread all over the country, calling young people like me who have a "dream of working", and finally embarked on the road of part-time work.

Soon after I enlisted in the army, I bid farewell to my identity as a substitute teacher in Yuxia Middle School, followed her classmates and sisters, and went to the coast.

In the middle of summer, an older man of the same age in the same village found us a few ignorant young men in the village and asked us to go to Guangxi with him to work.

The acquaintance he said introduced that his sister met and married a Cantonese who was working outside and married far away from Guangdong, which caused quite a stir in our small mountain village at that time. This brother-in-law of his, a relative of whom undertook the construction of a construction site in Debao, Guangxi, and the project was short of manpower, so he entrusted someone to help.

This Guangdong guy has been here before, I should still be in junior high school when I came, I don't remember the specific time, it seems to be the summer vacation of the third year of junior high school, with a little yearning for the outside world, with a little curiosity about the opening of the coast, I once took the initiative to contact him.

I even invited him to my house to play, the wild caught a rabbit that had been raised for a long time, he took a fancy to it, and wanted to buy it for twenty yuan, which was already quite a high price at that time, you must know that at that time pork was only a pound more than a pound, if you convert it according to the current pork a pound of nearly 30 yuan, it is equivalent to five or six hundred yuan now.

This rabbit got some accidents, once the neighbor's brother-in-law returned to Songbu very late and did not return, the transportation is inconvenient, the information is not smooth, can not be contacted, worried about safety, so all the way to meet the search.

I happened to go home to get rice, late at night flashlight, also followed to look for, walked to the col at the junction of the two townships, found a little rabbit squatting in the middle of the road, flashlight, its eyes stared at the flashlight, motionless, so I was caught.

This little rabbit looks so cute, I raised it for a long time, and every day I picked a lot of vegetable leaves and fed it to eat, and it always seemed to be unable to eat, no matter how much it was fed, it could be eaten. Soon he had brown hair shiny all over his body, two ears erected, and red eyes that seemed to be able to speak, which was particularly expressive.

My father said that the rats would bite the rabbits to death after they found them, so he specially emptied a chicken coop and raised rabbits for me.

One morning, when I went to see the rabbit again, I found that half of the rabbit's head had been bitten off, and the rat still got into it, and I was sad for a few days, and I could see how rampant the rat was in the countryside and how strong the fighting power was.

Because the rabbit is too cute, when the Guangzhou guy wants to sell it, he is not willing to sell it. He also felt very sorry to learn that the little rabbit had been bitten to death by a mouse, and apparently he saw such a cute rabbit and liked it very much.

I attach great importance to this part-time job, because it may be my future lifestyle and the starting point of my life path. It may be that my performance is recognized, or it may be that they hope that I will find a way out, and my parents also attach great importance to my trip, in addition to telling me to explain, they also gave me 200 yuan for the travel expenses.

I even fantasized about the rare opportunities I might encounter during my part-time job, and how I could seize these opportunities and get out of the real situation in one fell swoop, so that even if I didn't go to the army, I would make a difference.

The so-called greater expectations, the greater the disappointment, we traveled thousands of miles, arrived at the town of Bianhammer in Guangxi, and came back in less than a week.

Among the people who went with us, only one of them had already married and had just been married, perhaps because he was attached to his wife at home, or he really couldn't bear the hardships, so he didn't go long ago, and he thought that the weather was too hot, the accommodation was too poor, the food was not good, and the salary was too low, so he found all kinds of reasons to go back.

We should only come out to see the world, where have we thought about this, and besides, this little hardship is nothing for our children from rural areas, but he has been encouraging us to make trouble with him, to improve accommodation and food, to process money, people are brought by him, he is the oldest, of course they all listen to him, and finally they break up unhappily.

Fortunately, there are many of us, but fortunately, the boss is quite sincere, and finally according to the actual number of days we worked, we were paid for the salary, and the money earned was not enough to pay for the round-trip fare. The boss is actually a pretty shrewd person, and when he settles the salary, he can't calculate it, and he does it a few times, so that we can't find any fault.

The work we do is actually not tiring, mainly to do the framework for pouring cement, including nailing formwork, tying steel bars, and transporting cement, which is much easier and less monotonous than rice field farming.

The boss is also a very honest person, we are all new, the action is not skilled, the speed is not fast, during the period occasionally lazy, he never talks, and then calculate the salary, compared with the skilled workers, not a point less to us.

Because with my thoughts, I take every job seriously, humbly ask the master for advice, meet the boss to take out the drawings, I always secretly watch from the sidelines, I want to learn all, I want to take advantage of this to have a skill, thinking that one day, I will also take a group of people to create their own business.

It might also be called a fateful journey, during which he settled in Nanning, Guangxi, where a primary school classmate and childhood friend from the next village of Aoshang was a migrant from Guangxi, and his father was a Guangxi immigrant who helped his uncle take care of a construction site.

The construction site he took care of was more special, belonging to the city building heightened, when we met, they were on the top of the high building, looking down on the prosperity of the city, seeing the spirit of him leading a group of people, and suddenly there were countless emotions, thinking that if I also had such an uncle, take care of such a construction site, how good it would be.

In fact, this yearning in my heart has always been there, and as I gain more knowledge and experience, this yearning will become deeper.

When the train passed through Guilin, a mother was sending her daughter to college, the destination was Guilin, all the way was care and love, my friends have poked their heads to admire the mountains and rivers of the world, but I stubbornly turned my head and didn't look at it, thinking that one day I must be admitted to the university, and then I will carefully watch the mountains and rivers of the city.

I just failed the college entrance examination, and I don't know where the future is, but I have such reluctance, and I don't know where the confidence of reluctance comes from. Later, after his own efforts, he was really admitted to the military school, and the military school is in Guilin.