I lay on my cloud, my eyes closed and let it drift, constantly energetic, intermittently suspicious, maybe it was me who was the other way around. The real situation is a constant suspicion of the fox, intermittently full of energy.

Didn't hug your head and cry, because there were too many of those times. I just know that I will never be happy, I have a lot of questions and confusion about the future, and more than that, I am unwilling.

I shouldn't have been.

My heart is empty, but it doesn't mean that Lu Juan swallowed my heart, it's empty, and I can't fill it. There will be a faint pain, which is a bit pretentious, but that feeling is really real.

Faith is like when I fly up to the sky and lie on the clouds, thinking that I can stand shoulder to shoulder with the sun, only to find that the sun is still above my head, because something is not my own, I can only look up forever.

It's not a good day today, I can't see the sun.

I decided to go to the temple, as if it was a quiet place where I could put aside my sorrows for a while, and what I was worried about was not my feelings, but mainly my own direction.

It's good to set off, but the purpose is also important.

I've been looking for that temple for a long time, and you know where you want to go, but when you actually look for a place to stay, you're stupid, and it's not easy to find it when you look around.

Fortunately, there is a cloud, and I don't feel tired from running around, because I don't go on my legs.

The temple is located on the mountain, and there is still a murmuring water under the mountain, the water is clear and clean, and the fish are happy in it, I took a handful of water in my hand and drank it, which was sweet and refreshing.

I happened to meet a little monk who came down the mountain to draw water.

One is tall and one is low, one fat and one is thin. Fat people are more lively, and thin people are shy.

The chubby monk smiled and said, "Senior brother of disobedience, I will go for you tomorrow, anyway, you don't like to communicate with others." ”

The thin monk's eyes were full of gratitude: "Thank you, Senior Brother." ”

I asked, "Little monk, do you have nuns in your temple?" ”

The thin monk wanted to answer but was suppressed by the fat monk, and the fat monk's face was enthusiastic and hot: "If you don't accept it, don't think about it, girl." ”

I smiled lightly: "It's not that I can't think of it. "I'm just looking for a relief.

They had filled their buckets and picked up their poles and were ready to leave. This temple is famous, it is said that the incense is continuous, there are many believers, and I am one of them, in fact, I don't believe it.

It doesn't matter if you believe it or not, it's just a solace in your heart, and you don't just have to believe in it to achieve everything. Even though I was God, I couldn't help them, and Providence could not be violated. But not absolutely, unless they work hard enough.

So if no one is reliable, just ask for yourself.

I came to this temple not because I was pure, but because I was not quiet, and I was always suffering from some troubles that could not be solved, and I was a devout believer in need of salvation.

It's not to believe, it's to believe.

It was the fat monk who spoke first: "Senior brother of rebellion, we still have something to do, we have to hurry back to the temple." He smiled lively: "Female benefactor, we have to leave." Then he put down his pole, folded his hands, and said goodbye to me, and I did the same in return.

The thin monk also hurriedly put down his flat shoulder and saluted me, and I also respectfully returned the salute.

I took advantage of their departure, and with no one around, I turned into a man, and my mouth changed some beard, but the flower marks on my face could not be dispersed. So he changed back to his own self.

I went to the temple, and the golden Buddha was very large, and he was in front of my eyes, and his eyes were half open to look at me.

I am in awe.

I heard a voice say:

Little fox, how did you come to the temple?

I looked around anxiously, they were very religiously kneeling on the mat to worship the Buddha, their hands folded, and the green smoke in the stove on the incense table was full of incense.

Their mouths were full of words, and their eyes were closed. I glared at the crowd of people waiting for the incense again, they were all innocent faces.

I had no choice but to give up.

Another voice: Whirling the world, whirling, fate comes and goes is empty, many things happen for reasons that are not your fault, but unhappiness is your fault.

I asked: Who, who is speaking?

The people in the temple looked at me, and I was embarrassed.

One of the kneeling women muttered: "Disappointing, where did the country girl come from, I don't know how to pay the etiquette, someone came to drag me down and beat me."

I heard the small chatter of the people, and they said, "This girl is finished, and she has struck the princess, and her ass is about to bloom."

"Well, it's a trivial matter for the butt to bloom, and it's good if you don't lose your life." Another said.

I glanced back at them, and they shut up.

There was already a man who looked like a family member came to take my arm, but then the abbot came out.

He first saluted the princess.

The princess's face softened, and she smiled lightly: "Master Likong, I am really fortunate to meet you." ”

He once rejected the invitations of many people, saying that he only saw people who were destined for the Buddha.

Countless believers, men and women have come many times and have not had the honor to meet each other. So the princess was naturally happy. This princess is delicate and savage, but she believes in Buddhism very much.

He said: This girl can't beat and collides with the Buddha, so the princess's wish to have an heir is empty. This girl has the flower of my Buddha on her face, my Buddha is compassionate, Amitabha.

The princess hurriedly took my hand and comforted me: "I didn't scare you, I didn't mean to, I was wrong." ”

I smiled awkwardly and shook my head to show that I didn't care.

Who hasn't asked for anything, who hasn't asked for it?

When everyone dispersed, I still didn't leave, and then Master Kong came to me with the fat and thin monk, because the monk could not meet the female benefactor alone.

I said, "Please give me a chance to lead the practice for a while." ”

The master asked, "The girl's brows are tightly knit and her eye sockets are sunken, but what is on her mind?" ”

I sighed: "I'm a little confused, there are those around me who work hard and those who give up, and I am the one who is nowhere to be found, a road is unknown, and I have a high possibility of being crushed, but I will regret it if I don't go." One is more stable, and the opportunity is not to be missed, but I don't want to go down that road because I have faith. But if I miss it, I'll regret it just as much. ”

The master was silent, but said, "I promise you to stay in our temple for the time being." His old voice was slow, slow, soft, and healing: "I think you'll have the answer yourself." ”

The days in the temple are very quiet, but it's too regular, and I don't need to turn the fate into a relationship by chanting and pushing the bell. I've been knocking for half a year and still haven't found the answer, this is the spring of the next year, I really want to push open the door of the abbot's confinement and ask: Do you have no answer, you also feel that you can't solve it, so there is no answer, let me find it myself, your Zen is to trick me again!

That night, I was arranged to chant all night, and I slowly knelt on the puff mat, knocking on the wooden fish again and again, but the sutra in my mouth was intermittent.

I read, "Nan Wu drinks...... Uhh......h Oh yes. It was broken, but the wooden fish continued to knock, but the first sentence in his mouth was always the first sentence: "Nan Wu Nan Wu Drink Na

There is no Emperor Alyabharu in the south. ”

It was already the second half of the night, and I was so sleepy that I began to doze off.

Another inexplicable voice: "Little fox, you are not dedicated to the Buddha." ”

I woke up suddenly: "Who? Who's talking. ”

The man smiled and replied, "I am far away in the sky, and I am close in front of me." ”

I looked up at the tall Buddha and asked, "Are you a Buddha?" ”

He said, "It's me." ”

The ancient Buddha of the green lantern, the night of spring is still very cold, I got up and closed the open Buddha door, and the sad place turned up and began to cry: "Buddha, I shouldn't be like this, but now I can only rely on the gods, it is too difficult to seal the gods." I sniffed and wiped my tears: "They all advised me to cherish the moment, but the answer at the moment is not what I thought." I don't want to learn to be a fox. ”

He didn't speak, he didn't answer.

I asked again, "Buddha, why don't you speak?" How do you shut up? ”

He is still silent, he often says that everything has a fate, but I don't admit it, because it's just because there's no way to classify everything as fate.

I continued to knock on the wooden fish, but I did not recite a single verse.

The old things that are in my mind hinder my progress and seriously affect my life at the moment, and I can't trust anyone who has just met me who has deceived me, because I have been deceived so badly, I don't accept any deception now.

As the sky turned bright, I pushed open the heavy door, and the light came in.

'Knock knock', the bell is crisp and beautiful, and it has a unique taste in a quiet environment, at least when I listen to this bell at the moment, I am healed, and I can forget something for a while.

At least for that moment, I was happy. I just want to stop my brain for a moment, because it's too noisy, the world is too noisy, and it's too impure.

The temple is fairly clean, and no one is so perverted that even a monk with shaved hair has to be coaxed.

As the saying goes, once you make a mistake, you will become a thousand years of hatred, even if you don't have a long memory, you won't enter the pit for the fourth time. Because inconsequential jokes make others lose exactly what is most important time and time again.

There is a person in the temple today, and I have made the above and the following feelings - human nature cannot withstand the temptation again and again, you feel that you have tried and tested, but others have decided to shut you out.

A girl entered this temple and threatened: "I want to become a monk gradually, and this Hongchen love and hate has nothing to do with me." ”

This world is like this, love to lift the ban and then approach, if you don't love, stay away, please don't drag the mud and water, don't explain the process in detail, it's not important.

The flickering senior brother smiled honestly: "Hey, hey, this is strange, why don't you all little girls go to the nunnery and come to our monk's temple?" Isn't this a mess when it gets out!"

Only then did the rebellious brother come from the bell.

The four of us looked at each other, not knowing what to do. I opened my mouth to break the deadlock: "Girl, why don't you take the gradient too, let's lead the practice together?" ”

Senior Brother Rebellion finally spoke, I hadn't seen him open his mouth for a whole year, and I was finally forced to say the first sentence: "You go back." ”

I sighed that it was so good, but I didn't talk very often.

The senior brother also said, "Yes, you can go back." ”