In the past, Zhao Xun thought that this world was really small, and the people he saw in the morning could still see him in the afternoon, and the people he saw today could still see him tomorrow.

But then she felt that the world was so big, so big that maybe just a turn of yours would cause you to lose a lot, and the past could only be used to remember.

When I was a child, my family was poor, and I used all my strength to squeeze a very flat toothpaste bag in order to brush my teeth for two more days.

Later, everyone is busy growing up, and my father is also desperately busy getting old, I don't know if they grow up fast, or my father grows old, in the past, I could forget the world with a turn of my own, but now I have become a turn of my father.

But Father did it, and even if he forgets the whole world now, he will not forget you.

Zhao Xun looked at Gu Chen, who was sitting opposite the bluestone slab, raised the wine glass in his hand, and burst into tears......

"And what about later? Later, did your father's illness get better? ”

"Later, a lot of things happened that I can't measure or forget."

It wasn't in the tavern that day, not in the KTV, and not on the wine table where the wine was talking, just a bluestone slab, just a muddy path leading to the town outside the village, Zhao Xun and Gu Chen talked a lot, a lot.

Zhao Xun said that they were all laymen who had collapsed in the middle of the night, covered with quilts, afraid of being heard by others, or crying silently, or crying, or tears, or quietly, so we adjusted the growth from the bell to the vibration again and again, and finally to silence.

In the consultation room, the doctor told Zhao Xun that depression is what is called a "cold" in psychiatric psychology.

And Zhao Xun's understanding of colds, at that moment, she seemed to suddenly understand all the explanations about depression that the expert in front of her said.

As far as depression is concerned, doctors say that its main defense is actually the fear of the disease itself, so suicide has become its most feared and most common main symptom.

Fortunately, the father has not yet reached the idea of wanting to commit suicide every day, and it is enough to see the father's desire for life in the little boy who cried and cried out that the needle prick hurts.

The doctor said that in fact, no one has been able to stand up and really point out what causes depression to occur, and it cannot be symptomatic, so it will not be so easy to treat.

The Institute of Mental Health in the United States has pointed out that depression is most likely caused by genetic, biological, or a combination of environmental and psychological factors.

Although everyone has some negative emotions, or depression, to a greater or lesser extent, those emotions cannot be defined as depression, and when this emotion accumulates to a certain extent, it cannot be at peace with you in your body, so it will explode without reservation.

The doctor gave my father a self-scale of depression and some neurological tests.

In the end, a dexamethasone inhibition test was prescribed, and there was also a thyrotropin-releasing hormone inhibition test, Zhao Xun didn't understand what the name of the examination meant, in short, as long as it was good for his father's health, Zhao Xun would do it, and Zhao Xun would fully cooperate.

The doctor said that the recurrence rate of depression may be particularly high, and nearly 75%-80% of the statistical data in the past ten years have relapsed, so it must be completely cured in the first treatment, and then preventive treatment is carried out, of course, the later recovery stage is also very important.

Later, it seems that I did a treatment for the head, the kind of MRI that is particularly professional, anyway, Zhao Xun can't tell clearly, but I vaguely remember these names.

Before leaving, the doctor prescribed some oral medicine, and also told Zhao to find advice, she hoped that after returning home, there could be someone who could live with her father, eat together, live together, experience her father's experience, feel her father's feelings, and do so to help her father recover as soon as possible, but at the same time, she must also take care of herself.

In fact, sometimes it may not be the depression itself that is scary, but everyone's opinion on depression, the incomprehension of depression, sometimes it may be a word from others, a lack of attention is enough to crush the only remaining desire to survive in the heart of a depressed patient.

So please don't be in a hurry to say that you don't think you're an "executioner"!

As the doctor said in the clinic, the number of people who come to the doctor because of depression in China may only reach 10%, so people with depression are often easily ignored.

Your unhappiness, your abnormality, your nervousness, everyone will mistakenly think that you have encountered something troublesome, or forced by life, or a breakup between lovers, maybe everyone will not ask, and you will not say.

Sometimes, for the sake of the so-called "face", even if they obviously feel that their thoughts are not in harmony with their hearts, they delay seeking medical treatment, because they treat the psychological clinic as if it were a kind of plague, and they can hide as far as they can, and even think that going to the psychological clinic to see a doctor is a shame and a kind of unsightly thing.

People who don't practice medicine may have this misunderstanding, feeling that if they have this disease, they will not have the feeling of seeing people, so they are embarrassed to tell the people around them, even the closest people.

Depression is actually not terrible as we can see it, because we will take a certain measure about the next behavior that he may do.

The most terrible thing is the kind of depression that can't be seen, we can't see their sadness, we can't see their judgment of life and death, and they are numb to pain, so they will choose to commit suicide, choose to jump off a building, or even choose to cut their wrists.

This is actually the most terrible thing, when you stand in front of the person you trust the most and want to express your sadness, your pain, or insomnia, or auditory hallucinations, or the urge to die.

Maybe all they can reply to you is: "You are so cheerful, how can you get depression?" Don't make a fuss! What are you kidding in broad daylight! ”

Even when you have the courage to see a psychiatrist, you will be skipped by some so-called counselors during some consultations.

Then you only have to wait until the worst outcome is in front of you one day, when you may have no independent thoughts, you can't control the other self in your body, the more you struggle, the more excited it becomes, and then all you can do is regret it, that's all.

Because you're not depressed, or even you've been around someone with depression, you don't know them, you don't know what kind of life they have.

You don't really know what you've done, but when you do, you're going to find yourself in a deep and infinite state of self-blame, and then you don't know when that pain is going to happen, and you don't know how hard it will be when it's coming.

Although you try your best to restrain yourself, you still feel that you are living in two worlds every day, and that feeling is really difficult, and Zhao Xun also doubted his mental condition for a while later.

But the pain of struggling between life and death every day, only they can understand, the pain of living every day by the little will left, but it is still called hypocritical and contrived by some ruthless keyboardists.

They are in their own lonely little world, eating alone, shopping alone, sleeping alone, doing anything alone, they may have tried self-harm, tried suicide, tried to take medicine, the kind of pain that no one understands, no one cares about, only they know best in their hearts.

You haven't been through them, and you don't have their empathy, so don't make your comments lightly.

After listening to the doctor's mind, Zhao Zhao returned home and after careful consideration, he decided to resign from his job in the business hall, and after saying goodbye to his colleagues in the unit, although there would be a trace of loneliness in her heart, she still chose to do it without hesitation, her father needs her, and she also needs her father.

They haven't gone to see their mothers who are far away in the world, they haven't gone to see the Potala Palace in Tibet, they haven't gone to Beijing to see their younger brothers who work in big companies, they haven't gone to Beijing to see Tiananmen Square and the Forbidden City for the 68th anniversary of the founding of the People's Republic of China, and they still have a lot of things that have not yet been completed.

This time, she said that she must accompany her father in person until his father's health is getting better day by day.

Zhao Xun gave his aunt a month's salary, which can be regarded as a thank you to her aunt these days, Zhao Xun personally cooked a sumptuous lunch, and after eating, Zhao Xun let her aunt go home.

Before leaving, the aunt also said "I hope that good people will have a safe life", and she also hopes that her father can get better as soon as possible.

A stranger is like this, a stranger who only works at home for a few days still has such kindness, but Zhao Xun can't tell anyone else.

Because she really couldn't imagine what the men and women who were sitting in the alley with small benches did when they heard about their father's illness, or what they would say.

She didn't know and couldn't think of how those so-called relatives and friends would react when they heard about her father's illness, so she simply let her and her brother bear all this alone.

During that time, Zhao Xun didn't dare to take his father to a crowded place, didn't dare to go to the park, didn't dare to go to the small square nearby, and after getting up early every morning and having breakfast, Zhao Xun would always take his father out of the back door, and then go around a big circle to go farther, a little farther away from home.

There are also some of my father's regular customers, who always call me and ask, "Lao Zhao, your restaurant is still open, and the old brothers can't even get together if they want to!" ”

Although his father couldn't give any substantive response, Zhao Xun could see the little starlight passing under his father's eyes, and Zhao Xun felt that it was hope and faith.

If none of those are the case, Zhao Xun said that it is his father's desire to live.

Maybe it's because his father's desire to survive is too strong, maybe it's the development of modern medical technology, in short, Zhao Xun can feel that his father's state is getting better day by day.