Finally, I couldn't hold on anymore and immediately fell to the ground. Lying on the floor, I didn't move, and my mouth kept muttering "It's not me, it's not my ......" Tears flowed uncontrollably down the corners of my eyes.

It wasn't until the phone rang at seven o'clock that I slowly got up from the ground. I went to the bathroom to wash my face, changed into clean clothes, wrapped my head and face in a scarf, put on my sunglasses, and walked out of the house to get ready to go to work.

I don't know why I'm wrapping myself so tightly. Even if other people's eyes stay on me for a second longer, I will be like a thorn in my back, unable to calm down.

At the morning meeting, I secretly sat in the corner, and Jing Xin came late and saw me sitting in the corner. Sitting down next to me, I subconsciously pulled my chair closer to the wall.

"What's wrong?" Because of the meeting, Jing Xin lip-synced to me.

I smiled and shook my head. After a while, I received a WeChat message "Do you have something on your mind? I shook my head again, not wanting to bring this emotion to Jingxin.

As soon as the morning meeting was over, I pulled out my chair and quickly left the conference room to go to the operating room to prepare my belongings. I wish I could immerse myself in my work and not think about these irritable things.

Jing Xin chased after me from behind, and "Fei Fei" hugged me. I suddenly pushed Jing Xin's hand away like a fried cat, and asked awkwardly, "What's wrong?" ”

"You dislike me?" Jing Xin pouted and looked coquettish.

"How so." I was talking to Jingxin as I picked up the equipment from the equipment cart. I'm still not ready to tell her about my unhappiness these days.

"Okay, Fei Fei, you must tell me if you have something on your mind, don't carry it yourself."

"Don't worry, I'll tell you." After that, I pretended to be busy and left. Little did I know that my actions would push my friend further and further away.

Before the patient came, the anesthesiologist was preparing his own medicines, and I was alone in the operating room at the moment, and I was pacing around in the operating room, and my heart was really not quiet.

In the past two days, I was inexplicably irritable, I knew that I was starting to be anxious again, and I decided to wait until I got off work and hurry to the psychiatric hospital to see a doctor again, I couldn't put it off, because there were still many things waiting for me to do.

Today's surgery is not much, and it will be over at half past two in the afternoon.

"Xia Fei, it's nothing, let's go shopping and change our mood!" Jing Xin had just finished taking a shower when he saw me coming out of the buffer room and said to me.

"Uh...... Forget it, another day, I need to go out now. "I changed my clothes quickly and didn't even take a shower.

"You're going to see Lin Jia?"

"No, I need to go out, so Jingxin won't talk to you, I'm leaving." I didn't even pick up my shoes in my bag, I didn't even take the elevator, and trotted all the way downstairs.

The car stopped in the courtyard of the hospital, and I got into the car and drove quickly towards the mental hospital on the edge of the city.

"Zhang Teng, are you in the hospital?" I used a Bluetooth phone in the car to call Zhang Teng.

"I'm in the hospital, what's wrong?"

"I've been having a bad time lately, let's meet you, I'm driving." I hung up the phone with the multi-function steering wheel in a hurry, pressed the accelerator a little deeper, and drove the car all the way to the mental hospital.

Almost trotting all the way to Zhang Teng's office, for me, the only appeal is to let me get better immediately, I can't be in this state every day.

"What's wrong with you, you're in such a hurry."

"I'm sick."

"What's wrong?"

"I've been irritable these days." I told Zhang Teng all the irritable and maddening things from Lin Jia's car accident to my professional exposure.

I'm not a good talker because I don't know how to tell these things like a story, but at the moment, I'm a patient, he's a doctor, and I have to tell him, without reservation. I never mentioned the matter of Feng Nannan and Lin Jia, because it did not help my condition in any way, I am a proud person, and I don't want others to look at me with sympathetic eyes.

"You retake the self-test, I think you're more than just anxious."

"Why? What I need is medicine, I want a medicine that eats the fragrance of birds and flowers. ”

"I can't prescribe medicine until my condition is clear." Zhang Teng said firmly, "Or, you come back to the hospital, I think you have some problems with your state today." ”

"No problem, I'm driving such a fast car to find out what you're doing!" I stood up with my hands on my desk, and I could feel my arms shaking.

"Zhang Teng, I know, I'm too anxious, Lin Jia is lying in the hospital, life and death are unknown, but I was pricked by needles again, I feel that everyone is laughing at me, all are looking at me with colored glasses, as if I am full of germs, I dare not talk to other people, I dare not have physical contact with people."

"Xia Fei, as Lin Jia's classmate and friend, I really suggest that you do a series of examinations and evaluations again, because your state is much worse than the state you came to see the doctor before."

"How's that bad?" Although I knew that I might be sick again, but I didn't expect it to be different from what I expected, I ran so fast in my heart in fact, I have been giving myself psychological hints again, I feel that I can sit back and relax when I get to Zhang Teng, as long as Zhang Teng says it's okay, I will be fine, but Zhang Teng asked me to recheck, I gritted my teeth and turned my heart sideways, "You open the check, I'll do it now." ”

Paying the fee, numbering, at that moment I felt like a person who was about to die. I stayed in the hospital all afternoon, and at about half past four, Zhang Teng said, "Feifei, you have to be a little mentally prepared, you have bipolar affective disorder." ”

"Bipolar Disorder? How can it be? ”

"Your recent state has been very unstable, you must pay attention to yourself, I suggest you stay in the hospital for a period of time to stabilize."

"I can't be hospitalized, Lin Jia is still hospitalized, I still have two children, I'm still taking blocking pills, I'm still at risk of being infected, I can't stay here, I have to find a way, find a way to make the situation better." Hearing that I was hospitalized, a sense of fear hit me in an instant, I shook my head, stared at Zhang Teng with my eyes, and said to him expressionlessly, "I have to get better quickly, do I need to take tranquilizers?" I'll eat it when I get home, and if you give me a full amount, I'll be able to persevere. ”

"Xia Fei, Xia Fei, you listen to me" Zhang Teng pinched my arm, "Relax now" His voice raised slightly, "Follow my rhythm, inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale"

I try to stabilize and not think about these things for a while.

"Have you noticed that you can't stop crying for a while, and you can't sleep for a while, and even hurt yourself, and now it has evolved to hurt others, and you can't control your emotions."

I bit my lip and gasped to listen to Zhang Teng say, "I hope you can be hospitalized, if something happens to you, Lin Jia will not have someone to take care of you." ”

I didn't speak, to be honest, my heart was very messy, I always thought that I was too anxious, I never thought about it, I used a knife to cut myself, I didn't sleep, I hurt Feng Nannan, these are actually the results of my own uncontrollable self. I always thought that I was very rational and calm in dealing with these things, but I didn't expect that I had become different from what I imagined.

vertex