It was late at night, so I had to go back to my own home. Open the door, turn on the light, there is silence in the house, everything has been covered with a fine layer of dust because you have not been at home for a few days, as is the case in the northern cities, the dust is too big.

I took off my coat, mopped the floor, wiped the table and tidied up the room, because it was the middle of the night, so I couldn't vacuum, so I knelt on the ground and wiped floor by floor.

This stone was picked up by Lin Jia and I when we went to the beach, this bottle of sand was loaded back from abroad, and this ornament was picked up by the two of us who hid in the quilt when we didn't sleep in the middle of the night when we just renovated the house.

In this way, while I knelt on the floor to wipe the floor, tears dripped down my cheeks on the floor, and after all the cleaning was done, I still felt that there was nothing to do, so I took out all the clothes and folded them again, I hope that one day the mango and the little cream will come back, and the house will still be the same as before.

At half past five in the morning, I had exhausted the last of my strength, lying on the floor motionless and staring at the light above my head.

What am I going to do? What am I going to do? What am I going to do? These questions haunted me like a mess. I don't know when Lin Jia will wake up, I don't know if I will be infected, and I don't know if Lin Jia wakes up one day, whether I will forgive him as I said.

Lying motionless on the floor, not sleepy at all, I didn't get up until the alarm went off, washed my face and brushed my teeth to go to work.

The whole morning I felt like everyone was avoiding me because I was professionally exposed by patients with a problem with the virus, and there was a certain chance that I would be infected.

I didn't talk to anyone except work, and I spent the morning with anger and uneasiness. "Fei Fei, let's divide another gynecological operation later, the director of the gynecology department is in a hurry, the general surgery in front of them will never end, and they can't pick it up."

Hearing this, my anger flared up, "She deserves it, she waits, I won't take it, and I won't have gynecological surgery from today on." "I pressed the phone off for a while, I worked according to the operating procedures that day, if it wasn't for her carelessness when handing over the needle, it would not have hurt me, and then I knew that this patient had a problem, and I didn't notify me at the first time, I still knew the news of this patient from someone else's mouth, and I couldn't forgive her for this.

After a while, the head nurse came to me from the office to the operating room, "Fei Fei, don't bring any personal emotions when you work, even if this person is your sad person, you must fully cooperate with the operation, because you have to consider the patient." ”

"Think about it, I think about it every day, think about it, think about that, who thinks about me." The operation had just ended, the patient had just been sent away, and I was putting the items back in place, when I heard this sentence, I angrily threw the sorting box on the ground, "Why are people being taken care of like this when they are breastfeeding, being taken care of like that, even if I am not taken care of, I should be allowed to use up the nursing leave fairly, right?" forced me to end my nursing leave early, and I can't wait for all the women in the department to hate me. I was pierced, no one informed me, and now I am in a hurry to go to surgery, but I want to carry forward my spirits, why? ”

I was so angry that my whole chest cavity fell together, and my whole body was in a state of irritability, "I went to the infectious disease department to sign, and sneered that I didn't follow the rules and regulations and didn't want to sign for me." Am I still a human being in your eyes? Or maybe you're used to it, and I deserve to be treated like this. ”

I've been at work for so long, and I've never lost my temper with the head nurse, and for the first time today, the head nurse seemed to be stunned by me, standing still and unable to say a word.

"You go and ask the director of the gynecology department, should she give me an explanation, I won't take her surgery today, you let her sue, I'm not afraid to sue the dean." With that, I turned and left.

I was distraught, I was in a state of irritability, I didn't want to talk to anyone, I didn't want to work, I changed my clothes and left the hospital as if I were running away.

I don't want to listen to songs, I don't want to go home, I don't want to see Lin Jia, I can't get rid of my irritability, I feel that a big stone has been pressed in my heart, I want to pick up this stone, but I can't do anything.

At the stage of sanity and Shangcun, I called my mother, tried to keep my voice at the gentlest volume and speed of speech, I told my mother that I was with Lin Jia in the hospital, and told my mother that I would not be going home tonight.

Although my mother wanted to ask, she paused and hung up the phone without saying anything, and after a while, my mother sent me a message that said, "Feifei, be strong." ”

I don't know why my mother sent me such a message. At this moment, I can't listen to any words of comfort, in my heart, I am the most miserable person, no one is more miserable than me.

Immersed in such a mood, I wandered around the streets, sitting in the square watching the children run, watching the elderly basking in the sun, and going to the vegetable market to watch the crowd busy buying joy and happiness.

All of them were colored, except for my gray slag.

Rubbing my face and patting my head on the verge of exploding, I returned to my own home, opened the cabinet, found painkillers, antidepressants, and anxiolytics, and placed them in my mouth at random, but found that there was no water at home.

I haven't spoken and drunk water for too long, my lips have been dry and cracked and bleeding, I wiped it lightly with the back of my hand, and I tore off the dry skin on my mouth with my hand, standing in front of the mirror, my face was gray and yellow, and the person with thick dark circles under my eyes was me, without a trace of anger, and my cheeks became sunken because I didn't eat well recently.

Are you me? I asked the person in the mirror in a dumb voice, and suddenly the blood rushed into my brain again, and I felt a trance, and I saw that the person in the mirror actually laughed, "Yes, I am you." ”

I was surprised when she spoke, and she said again, "Look at you now, what the hell do you look like?" There is no vitality, there is no youthful atmosphere, such a you, it is strange that Lin Jia will like you. ”

I covered my ears and didn't want to hear it fart "you shut up"

"Look at you, after giving birth to two children, the scars on your belly, the loose belly, the soft female sexual characteristics, the dark circles on your face that never disappear, how do you compare with young people with youthful vitality?"

"Get out! Say no more. ”

"Don't want to admit it? Hahaha, think about Lin Jia and that woman rolling together, she is pregnant with your husband's child in her belly, you still have to serve her, you have to take care of your husband who was in a car accident, you are pathetic, you want you to say, who accompanied you on the night of your breastfeeding? Has your mother-in-law ever felt sorry for you? Has your husband ever cared about you? Hahahaha"

The sound is like an axe directly splitting my brain, I want to stop the sound, but this sound keeps drilling into my brain, my ears are ringing in the ears, I even have some dizziness, I picked up the water glass from the table and smashed it against the mirror with all my strength, only to hear a sound, the mirror shattered and fell to the ground, all the debris on the ground, refracted all the embarrassed me, tired me, sad me, helpless me. I gasped and tried to smash all the mirrors with my feet.

I cried and yelled "You're not right, it's not me, it's not me, it's not me!" I held my head, crouched on the ground, and began to cry.

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