I've been to a lot of places, I've taken countless photos, and I've experimented with different styles. At a certain time, my albums were exhibited in different exhibition areas, and my style was admired by my peers and attracted the attention of others, but my tutors unanimously agreed that I was the least talented person he had ever led, and the student with the least artistic cells.

In my senior year, I received an invitation from a travel agency to shoot a food travel book. Although the tour operator is based in Geneva, the filming takes place in another small city at the foot of the Alps, and promotes the gastronomic culture of the local tourist festival. My tutor scoffed at my choice of topic, believing that I should be like other students to cultivate my artistic skills, exercise my aesthetic ability, and then do reflective documentary photography at a higher level of perception and understanding. Because in this major, I am a relatively poor student in art.

In his opinion, the photographer's own values and artistic cultivation are the transmission ability and influence of the work directly created, and a high-level shooting work can not only show the author's superb artistic skills, but also the valuable human factors behind it can be expressed and understood more clearly and straightforwardly. Although I agree with him 100%, in my opinion, a photograph and a series of photos to create the same story are incomparable in terms of the dimension and depth of emotion, and there is no need to ask for more in the art of shooting.

Before I graduated, he always thought that my photography was a fast-selling advertising product, although it could quickly become popular, but it could not help me go further in art, so he firmly disagreed, and finally admitted that my artistic creation still has a cure. However, my understanding and concept of photography is the same as my study of calligraphy and painting, and I don't think I am a person who can follow the path of art. The tutor expressed his regret because he thought I was a very strong emotional empathizer among his students, but he also respected my choice.

It is for sustenance, in the past I photographed humanistic still lifes, and later I photographed the splendid scenery of mountains and rivers, and in all my works, the ability I gave to record was far greater than the ability to create. In addition to shooting "my" works.

What made me think this was when I got the news that my grandfather was sick in Cotswold in 11 years.

My grandfather passed away at the end of the winter of '11, and my grandmother became seriously ill the following spring.

When my grandfather was seriously ill, he insisted on refusing to go to the hospital for hospitalization, but he still maintained the majesty of an old general, so no one in our family objected to his decision, so we had to ask the family doctor in the military hospital to take care of him nearby. That year, I had just finished my undergraduate studies and entered the graduate army, which was the busiest time for my studies. My mother returned to China early in September, and I waited for the family reunion in November. Knowing that I had been worried about my grandfather's condition, my mother took the camera I asked her to bring back to record my grandfather's recovery, and in the evening, when I finished class, we had a video chat on the computer.

Grandpa is not in good health, but he tries to keep his spirits and smile in front of the camera, and so does Grandma. She seemed to have seen my grandfather's illness very much, and she didn't have the sadness I imagined. I think this time is just time for our family to accept.

My mother complained to me that my grandfather refused to take medicine at home, saying that he would only take it if he listened to me, and asked me to supervise, so I called back in the morning and evening. The call was connected, and before my mother could speak, my grandfather's voice came from there.

"I'm about to eat!"

"Has Xiaoxi eaten?"

"Xiaoxi, you don't have to worry about me all the time, you have to take care of your body."

His voice was full of energy, as if it was exactly the same as when he was a child. After he finished speaking, my mother hugged the phone and cried silently, telling me that because the side effects on my body after taking the medicine would make my grandfather very uncomfortable, she couldn't bear to look at it. But we are all optimistic.

Grandpa's temper is becoming more and more like an old naughty boy, and he needs to be let by, spoiled, and coaxed.

Mother said, He Xi, it turns out that your temper when you were a child was like your grandfather, do you think your grandfather looks like you when you were a child?

She took pictures of the house and sent it to me, and one of them showed him and his grandmother lying in the sun on a deck chair, snow-white snowballs lying quietly at their feet, and daffodils blooming brightly in the yard. That year, the family planted a lot of plums, and they bloomed night after night. There are still a few plants that have not opened for a long time, and she said that she is waiting for the snow, and she is also waiting for me.

My mother sent me the photos, she didn't know the camera, she didn't know the technique and the art of composition, she took them one by one, just trying to find the best angle. She said that she used to fiddle with you at home, and she didn't know how difficult it was to use. She said she couldn't shoot well because I was a professional and would be ugly. But those photos are more meaningful than any other photo I have ever taken, and I value and cherish them the most.

I returned home 1 month later than planned, but fortunately, I also went home when the flowers bloomed. In the last days of being with my grandfather, we lived peacefully and optimistically. Grandpa talked a lot about life and death, and during that time his friends came to see him, and his grandfather played chess and drank tea with them, and everyone was not sad. Only the gentleman was drunk once, crying all night, like a child.

During the day, he practiced calligraphy in my study at home, and untied his jacket in the winter, and he practiced all morning.

We haven't seen each other for years, and my husband hasn't changed at all. The first time he saw me, he said, "Xiaoxi hasn't seen you for a long time, you've grown so big." ”

When the gentleman was practicing calligraphy, there was papyrus paper everywhere on the ground, and as I picked it up, I said to him, "I want to collect all this." ”

He smiled and asked me, "Is your grandfather awake?" I'll have to find him to tease the bird. ”

When my grandfather was most ill, he was unable to get out of bed and move freely, so his husband and grandmother often accompanied him to relieve his boredom and read books and watch operas (operas). Mr. stayed directly at home, and in the twilight, the old days, accompanied his grandfather to the end of the last time.

My grandfather was strong, except for the past few months of illness, he had never taken so many medicines and suffered so many crimes. We are very grateful for the time we have bought for our family, and we are very comfortable with his departure. We said goodbye one by one, and when I was unconscious, he grabbed my hand, called me by my nickname in a low voice, and refused to sleep.

I remember that when I was a child, I would often ask him: Grandpa, grandpa, do you love me? Will you ever love me?

He will always answer, of course, my baby, I will always love you.

I whispered to him, "Well, I believe you. So you can sleep with peace of mind, I'm here with you. ”

He is reluctant to give up, and he still has his wish fulfilled.

When my grandfather died, my father also came, and he stood outside the house all night, and my grandfather did not see him and had nothing to tell him. He may still blame him, blame him for his treachery and betrayal of his mother, and make her sad for so long, but he also knows that he can rest assured that I am by my mother's side. He has no wish or forgiveness for his father, and it makes no difference whether he sees him or not.

At dawn, Aunt Qiu routinely walked to the kitchen as soon as possible, opened the window, and cleaned the stove. Aunt Zhang went to hold the snowball and put it in the yard. Grandma and Auntie stayed in their respective rooms and called the people who were worried about Grandpa to inform them of the news of Grandpa's departure. The family didn't sleep all night, there was only calm and exhaustion on their faces, and no one cared about the man standing in the yard.

I saw my mother sigh and look at his back under the eaves, without speaking or lingering. This sigh, this back, this glance was also recorded.

I think at that moment, I complained a little less about him, because I no longer needed my resentment, and the sin and remorse that weighed on his heart were heavy enough to punish him.

Another year, at the end of March, my grandmother passed away, and she walked very peacefully and quietly. We cried a lot, one was reluctant, and the other was happy for her.

She took the bullet casings and his vest shirt that her grandfather had given her, just as she had taken her sewing kit and pearl earrings. When he was young, he almost lost his life for her, and in this life they finally kept their promise to be together for the rest of their lives.

The yard was left to the aunt and uncle's family, and there were fewer people in the family, but Aunt Qiu, Aunt Zhang and the driver were all there. My aunt said that when they are old, this is their nursing home, and as long as the yard is still there, the family will be there. Mother and she put away the relics of their grandfather and grandmother, locked them in their room, and planted another piece of their favorite daffodil. In the afterglow of the sunset, the two sisters looked at each other and cried, and this longing had been put into their hearts.

In April, the sun is warm and the flowers are scarce. My mother and I said goodbye to our hometown and returned to Oxford, and my father came to see us off. Jiang Li hurried from the hospital, the cherry blossoms fell on his head, and before he could sweep it, he smiled brightly when he saw me, but I couldn't return his smile.

The story between the father and the mother has long since ended, and the guilt, resentment and affection between them have long been said. On the train platform, he watched my mother get on the train, without saying goodbye or taking care. Jiang and I left and right, and finally parted ways.

At the beginning of the year, it was all goodbyes and partings, my mother was depressed, and when I returned to school, she signed up for a tour group to go around South Africa. I went back to campus and it was business as usual.

At the end of April, I received a letter from my aunt in charge of the dormitory, and when I opened it, it showed only my name and a bookmark of hay specimens, no signature, and no mailing address. I thought it was sent by a fan, but I didn't care. Since then, every year on birthdays, New Year's Day and New Year's Day, similar bookmarks have been found in letters sent by fans, but I still don't care, thinking that it is a blessing sent by a fanatical fan in China. It wasn't until that time when I had a quarrel with Mr. Ann, Cold War, and received his letter in the Springs that I realized that the person who had been sending the letter was Mr. Ann.

From birth to my upbringing, to my experiences over the years, I have always considered me to be a luckier person than most people. But because I experienced that family mutation when I was young, I cherish and be careful about every relationship. I also know that life has to be blessed enough to be gentle and loving, and I have received too much from too many people, so I want to love people purely and gently, including lifelong love for my partner.

I never asked Mr. An, will you love me forever, but the love between us has long been closed, and Mr. An has already given me the answer. And he is a man who values affection and righteousness, gentleness and firmness, and keeps promises, I believe in him, there is no doubt about it.