When I was in the seventh grade, I was a little girl who came out of a cold cave, looking at exam-oriented education with a pair of eyes eager for knowledge. However, just in time for compulsory education, compulsory education blew a (Korean) cold wind, blowing me fluttering, gone.

It wasn't until after high school that I woke up. I didn't dare to read indiscriminately anymore, just read some classics and books recommended by teachers.

Because he was afraid, he didn't even dare to read Guo Jingming's book, which was the most popular and best-selling at that time. It wasn't until I was in college that I had a certain ability to make judgments that I dared to read best-selling literature again.

It's too late to regret it, if I was deeply influenced by Xiao Si at that time, I am probably deep in the fantasy kingdom now, creating my own fantasy world. I've made a difference!

Well, let's stop dreaming!

Straight to the point.

That year, not long after the start of school, I read Han Han's famous work "Triple Gate" in a self-study class. Then, my math teacher found out, his little eyes flashed with a divine light, locked my eyes and asked me, "Do you understand this?" ”

I smiled and avoided his gaze and didn't answer. I don't know whether to say I understand it or not, and it seems that no matter how I answer, it doesn't seem right.

Then he closed my book and said to me, "Don't read my class, I'll read it after class." ”

I hadn't read literature in math class for the year since.

……

……

Many years later, I realized why I was hesitant. Because I have never agreed with such bastard words as "it is useless to go to school and study, and it is difficult to produce a noble son from a poor family".

Han Han has also read a lot of literary books, so he realized that his pen was born from his heart and he was arrogant.

But he is a child of a noble family, after criticizing the exam-oriented education, he suddenly turned around and dropped out of school to devote himself to racing, singing, and "Choir", which was mixed in the entertainment page, but I don't know how many poor children went astray.

And I'm one of them.

When I was in the fifth grade, I read Lu Yao's "Life", and I aspired to become a great writer like Lu Yao. However, a cold wind made me, who had not read a few books, have the idea of dropping out of school before I finished junior high school. However, his father's life was unbearable, but he learned Lin Yuxiang again, said little, pretended that silence was golden, and finally failed the college entrance examination and ended up repeating his studies for a year.

I remember when I was a freshman in high school, my Chinese teacher (my cousin) told us in a Chinese class, "...... You are not a poor family, many of you are not even a poor family, there is no door at all. Your name for generations is poverty, a product of the material and spiritual deprivation of the times. Why don't you study? ”

I always felt in my heart that he was talking about me, and the guilt and self-blame were like the sea, and they drowned me again. After struggling to flutter and study for a few days, the will was drowned in a tidal wave of negativity.

In fact, although I didn't understand the truth of this sentence when I was in the second year of junior high school, when I wandered alone at the door of my house at midnight on the night before the New Year, I deeply realized the poverty in my bones.

That year, when the four of our sisters and brothers were all high-consumption education, the eldest sister went to junior college, the second sister went to secondary school, I was in the second year of junior high school, and my younger brother was in the first year of junior high school.

My father, who was 1,800 degrees nearsighted, finally found a job as a hotel janitor, earning a small income, and my mother, who had dropped out of middle school, cooked for me and my younger brother while cleaning in a nearby military school classroom, and her salary was pitiful.

The family raised a few pigs, and caught up with the bird flu, all of them were left in the ravines at the west end to fertilize the weeds, leaving only one sow with cubs and twelve piglets waiting to be fed, which was the only hope for the family.

During the Chinese New Year that year, my grandfather and grandmother, who were far away in the deep mountains and old forests, wanted to go out of the house on a whim to visit their daughters who had not returned home for seven or eight years, and my uncle and his two sons also went to my sister's house for the New Year.

In my poor home, even the sofa where I often slept was used to entertain distant relatives.

At noon during the day, I helped my mother in the kitchen, and my mother said, "Maomao, you go to your classmate's house at night, there is no place to live at home." ”

"I'm not going." I told my mother, who had low self-esteem and suppressed resentment.

"Can't eat, you!" My mother scolded me with a wry smile.

Tears suddenly welled up in my eyes, and I felt an irrepressible sense of indignation.

……

……

Why me again? Just because I'm the third child, do I deserve to be kicked out of the house and go to someone else's house for the New Year? Just because I am the third, should I endure the unfair treatment of fate? Just because I'm the third......

My parents, why was I born? You might as well give me away, what are you doing with the hard work by your side......

My growth really corresponds to an old saying in Shaanxi: "The old three oblique (xue) are long". But I just don't want to go to other people's houses for the Chinese New Year, even if I make a floor at home, I don't want to go to other people's houses.

Poverty has limited my imagination, and I don't even believe that my best friend Wu Yang wants me to live in her house for the Chinese New Year.

I remember when I was in the seventh grade, Wu Yang once told me: "Yuxiang often goes to live at her house, and she also goes to live at her house on weekends, and her mother comes home on weekends and asks her, why doesn't Yuxiang go back to her own house?" But she told Yuxiang to let Yuxiang go home to live on weekends, and her mother left to live together, but Yuxiang still stayed at her house and was reluctant to leave, which made her very distressed. Eventually, that day, Yuka was educated by her mother and went home. ”

However, poverty has limited my imagination, and I can't believe that my friendship with Wu Yang can last forever.

I can't lose Wu Yang's friend, she is like a sun, the only light that my claustrophobic heart can grasp, what if she sees me embarrassed and runs away?

It's unimaginable, Wu Yang is unwilling, who else will? I have no friends, and poverty has trapped my brain in dark corners, and I can't feel any light.

At that moment, my heart was there, but I couldn't. As the old saying goes, "The body gives the skin to the parents", even though my mother used to criticize me, but so what?

Can I really repay my parents' kindness like Nezha in "Journey to the West" I watched?

I can't. But I think I can do it, and when I grow up, I'll be the same as she said, I'm a white-eyed wolf, I'm going to go away and never contact them again, is that okay?

In that case, I'll probably be happy, right? Will you really be happy then?

My parents had discussed together that they would give me to someone else's house. However, when someone else came to my house to pick up the child, my father couldn't bear it. snatched me back from the arms of the person holding the child, saying that I would be a lucky star to shine on the lintel.

How can I not believe that I am a lucky star who can shine on the lintel?

It is this belief that has sustained me through that dark night.