All of us are thinking for ourselves; All of us have our own secrets. However, not everyone likes themselves. Like me, I hate myself.

I wore a hood and sat on the bus. The rain slapped on the car glass, "popping" I listened to the rain hitting the glass and felt inexplicably irritable in my heart. "I'm annoyed, this ghost weather." I pulled down my hood and sat in my seat without saying a word.

"Mom, look! This boy looks like a girl! A little girl pointed at me and said aloud. For a moment, everyone in the car locked their eyes on me.

"Eh! Don't say that, kid. Be quiet. Auntie hurriedly covered her child's mouth, and then smiled awkwardly at me, "I'm sorry, handsome guy." Children are not sensible, don't care. ”

"It's fine, and I don't care. And I'm a girl. "My voice is sweet and soft.

"Look, you're in trouble! Such a cute girl, she said it was a boy, and Yuan Yuan apologized quickly! The aunt took the little girl's hand and said to the girl.

"But, Mom." The little girl looked aggrieved, "But if he is a girl, why does this big sister have an Adam's apple?" ”

My aunt looked at my neck all of a sudden, and sure enough, there was a protrusion that didn't belong to a girl - it was the Adam's apple.

Just as I was about to get off the station, I walked over and squatted, gently touched the little girl's head, and said softly, "Some girls have an Adam's apple." ”

"Really?" The little girl blinked at this eye, which shone with innocence and innocence, which was almost like the sun, and wanted to burn me. I forced out a laugh and nodded at her. When the bus stopped, I left the bus as if I was running away.

Walking down the street, the rain hit my clothes. I stared with godless eyes at everything I saw: loving lovers; frolicking children; And cars coming and going.

It's so noisy, it's disgusting. I suddenly bent down and covered my mouth, frantically suppressing the disgust in my heart. People passing by don't look at me, they just want to go home early, see their wives and husbands, and then love each other.

That's fine—everyone is just trying to live for themselves, right? Everyone is just living for themselves, so it's good that everyone is so indifferent.

I took a shortcut to get home early, and it was a dimly lit alley. The pungent garbage, the buzzing flies, all made me feel like my stomach was turning upside down.

"Meow~" Suddenly, a cat meow caught my attention. I turned my head and saw a shivering kitten. When it saw me, it slowly approached me, and I crouched down and said to it:

"It's pathetic, are you also alone?" I reached out and touched it, "But, I'm sorry, I can't stay with you for long." I'm an alien, I'm not worthy. "I'm leaving.

But the cat kept following me, and when I saw that it would not leave, I cried out to it, "Get out of here!" Don't follow me anymore! ”

The kitten tilted its head half-tilted, apparently not understanding. So I took the stone and struck it at it. The kitten ducked out of the way, hunched over, and stared at me motionlessly. I put away my sudden anger, remorse and self-reproach turned in my heart, and I said softly, "That's it, it's fine, stay away from me." And he left it.

Damn, this estrogen side effect hasn't been there yet! I covered my head and slowly returned home. Ignoring the filth on my body, I threw myself on the bed and emptied everything. I looked at the computer, and there was only one person who could comfort the pain in my heart. But what about this person—maybe he's chatting happily with another person right now, or maybe he's just like me—a world-weary and troubled person?

"Boom." A message beep came from the computer. I struggled to get up and opened the message. It was a message from Yang Jie, and I didn't even notice a smile on the corner of my mouth.

It turns out that this news was sent a long time ago, maybe I didn't find out.

"What are you doing?" Yang Jie asked.

I hurriedly typed, "I'm sorry, I just foraged for food." After the fight, he sighed and was about to go to the refrigerator to get something. However, halfway through, I heard a message.

I walked quickly to the refrigerator and got a bottle of yogurt, and then returned to the computer, and sure enough, it was Yang Jie.

"Ah, it's okay, it's okay. If you bother, forget it. ”

"No, no! I'm bored too, so I don't bother. I replied.

"Haha, I'm sorry, I'm a little lonely." He gave an embarrassed look, "Can you talk to me?" ”

"Of course." I can't really ask for it in my heart, and I want to talk to this person more. He selflessly helped me learn false voice and gave me the courage to face myself, and I am really grateful to him.

"Today, I used your false voice." I said, "I didn't even know I could make such a lovely sound." ”

"Everyone's potential is endless, Futaba your voice is originally good, so it is destined to learn." Yang Jie replied very rationally.

I hesitated: "Yang Jie, can you tell me about your past or your story?" ”

There was no answer over there, I was a little anxious, I was anxious to get to know him as a person, I just wanted to become friends with him quickly.

"I'm sorry, I probably shouldn't have asked. Everyone has their own secrets. "I sincerely apologize.

"I'm just an ordinary person, I have an ordinary family, I go to school, and I like a girl." He himself suddenly made such a statement, and I couldn't react at once.

"Poof, what kind of answer are you!" I chuckled softly, "Is that what you said when you applied for jobs?" ”

"You're not the boss, and besides, I haven't gone to work yet." There was another expression wiping cold sweat on the other side, "I'm still young, Auntie." ”

His sentence of "auntie" completely pierced my heart, and I was actually a girl. But I still answered, "Who's Auntie?" Hey, maybe you're older than me. "I also posted an embarrassed face.

"Then tell me how old you are, I still don't believe it, you're all at work, and you're still younger than me?" He sent a disdainful look.

"I'm 20." I typed slowly, "How old are you?" ”

“。。。。” Yang Jie replied, "I'm 22-" and then he sent another embarrassed expression.

"Hahaha, big brother." I smirked out loud, and I let go of all the spikes when I talked to him, and it seemed like I hadn't felt like I had done it in a long time.

"No, you're still going to work at such a young age?" Yang Jie's incredible inquiry, I seemed to be able to feel his surprised face through the screen.

"I just didn't want to go to graduate school, so I came out to work. Don't talk about this, Yang Jie, can you teach me false voice today? I asked expectantly.

"Why? Aren't you all going to do it? What else do you want me to teach? Yang Jie replied.

This guy doesn't understand a girl's mind at all?! I'm a little angry. But he called anyway, and I was a little nervous and accepted.

"Hey-hey?" I stammered.

"Shhhhh ”

"No-no." I panicked a little, "What's the matter, isn't it hard to hear?" ”

"N-no." Yang Jie coughed hard, "That, the voice is so good, I can't hold it anymore." ”

Hearing his naked answer, I blushed: "That, don't make fun of me." ”

"No, no, no!" Yang Jie hurriedly denied that his voice was very serious, "It's really good, you don't need to be inferior."

Although it was across the phone, I also lowered my head as if I felt that Yang Jie was right in front of me, "Really-really?" Didn't you lie to me? ”

"Look at me, do you like people who like to deceive people?" He asked earnestly.

Just as I was about to say something, the doorbell and knock rang on Yang Jie's side. But he didn't say anything, and he didn't prepare to open the door, and the phone went silent.

After a few minutes, I broke the silence: "Yang Jie, or- you go open the door." He sighed and got up to open the door.

I looked up at the ceiling and faintly heard the girl's voice.

After that, the voice got closer and closer: "This is Yang Jie's room, it's so tidy." Then the girl sat down next to the computer, "It's been a long time since we've been like this." ”

This is a real girl's voice, crisp and pleasant, and there is vitality that I don't have. I felt inexplicably irritable and inexplicably sad.

My brain was hot, and I typed this sentence without even thinking about it: "Jay, do you mind if a boy falls in love with a boy?" "After the fight, the desire for revenge in my heart was inexplicably unraveled.

"What is this—" The girl saw the news, and I could hear surprise and anger in her voice. After that, I hung up.

I looked up out the window, it was still raining, and the sound of the rain was even more pronounced than it had just been.

I put on my coat and walked outside. Slowly, I started running.

I walked to the supermarket, bought a quick ham sausage, and ran down the alley home. Looking around, the one who was as lonely as I was.

"Are you there? I'm sorry. I whispered, "Come on, I've got something to eat for you." ”

"Meow~" The cat is still there! But when it saw that it was me, it immediately arched itself. I crouched down and slowly approached it, after which it scratched me with its sharp claws.

I withdrew my hand in pain. But still don't give up, but don't mind the smell on its body, and hold it in your arms. Crying: "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. The cat's fierce resistance at the beginning gradually turned into a docile cry.

Suddenly, the rain stopped, and the sun leaked through the cracks in the clouds. The sun was shining on me, and it was very warm.

Ah, will God share the sunshine with me? Am I not abandoned? I looked at the cat in my arms and said, "From now on, you can live with me." ”

I don't know why, I remembered what Yang Jie said to me again, and that sentence had a huge impact on me:

"Futaba, you are yourself, you don't have to worry about passing on the lineage, I hope that when I can come to the wedding, you are wearing a wedding dress, not a suit."

"I've decided!" I said to the cat, which tilted its head and looked at me, "I'm not going to give up, definitely." ”

Me: Human beings have their own secrets.

Yang Jie: But human beings can share their secrets. , especially the secret of pain.

Me: But human beings are all about themselves.

Yang Jie: That's because you haven't met someone who cherishes you.

Me: I hate myself because I'm neither male nor female.

Yang Jie: I admire you, you have done things that ordinary people can't do, I like you like this.

I believe that after that rainy day, it must be a sunny day. Yang Jie, that's what you call me.