Chapter 22 If in your bright world, I am only a shadow

If the corners of your gentle mouth and eyebrows are filled with wind and rain

There was no sound in the white ward, it seemed that a needle could be heard, Cangnan sat next to me and was already asleep on the hospital bed, the bright light lit up the whole room, I looked at the sky outside the window was already dark, the night was already deep, the neon lights outside flashed and flashed, and reminded me of the vividness of this dark night.

Cangnan's naturally curly hair is as smooth as a baby, so I can't help but want to touch it, want to smooth those naughty erected hair strands for him, his side face is so calm and calm, he doesn't know when a small mole grew on his delicate nose, especially prominent on a clean face, but it doesn't feel ugly, it's more like a finishing touch and looks natural and playful.

His long eyelashes drooped under his eyes, like a crystal curtain of his eyes, and his mouth was still moving slightly, could it be that he was dreaming of eating? I looked at him and couldn't help but laugh at his completely incongruous style.

Cangnan felt that I was touching his hair, raised his head and rubbed his eyes, and saw that I had woken up and couldn't hide the surprise, "Beimo, you finally woke up, you really scared me, you didn't know that I walked there and saw you, I felt that the sky was falling, and I was afraid that you would have something." ”

I looked at his red and swollen eyes, the dark circles under his eyes also turned into panda eyes because of staying up late, and the wrinkled clothes, I was very embarrassed to say, "It's all my fault, but you have to believe that I am a person who will never die every time, and the fortune teller since I was a child said that I am a girl shrouded in blessings." ”

"yes, I guess I was scared when I wanted to take you away and looked at you." Cangnan couldn't hide his smile, and said to me with a bad smile, I realized that I had a heavy gauze wrapped around my head, and my face felt much bigger than before, I asked Cangnan to bring me a mirror, and I was really startled to see myself in the mirror with a blue nose and swollen eyes, although I also knew that I would become ugly, but it was far easier to accept than really seeing myself like this, I quickly got into the quilt and didn't want to come out, Cangnan was anxiously persuaded me outside, "Are you going to cover yourself until you are better?" It doesn't matter, anyway, you've never been pretty. ”

Listening to his words, I felt even more sad, I wasn't beautiful in the first place, but now it must be even more unacceptable to become like this, and Cangnan really won't comfort people, seeing that I haven't come out, he said vigorously, "It's okay, everyone doesn't care about your face, what we like is you, not your face." ”

In my heart, you have always been the most beautiful, even if you are seventy or eighty one day, even if you are gray-haired and old. I will remember you for you to remember the appearance of black hair, and love you with white hair. This is a sentence that I accidentally saw in Cangnan's diary later.,The previous sentence is,If I can say this to Beimo at that time,She must be very happy.,She won't feel sorry for herself.,But I don't know how to say it.。

It doesn't matter, I can experience the sweet words you can't speak.

The next day, Beilu and Beichu they also hurried to the hospital to see me after getting the news, my mother brought my favorite sweet and sour fish, and even fed me personally, I have never enjoyed such a good treatment since I was a child, my mother has never let Beichu feed me, and then I grew up and did it myself, so I looked at the woman opposite, this woman who is no longer young and beautiful, suddenly returned to my childhood, I didn't expect that ten years in the blink of an eye was just a moment.

"At the end of the day, my mother has lived for so many years, and the most unbearable of you three children is you, you were always beaten when you were a child, and you were bullied by your sister, and when you grew up, you were too busy to take care of you, do you hate your mother?" She put down the chicken soup in her hand, held my hand and said softly, I can't wait to tell me all the things I haven't said in all these years, make up for all my shortcomings and apologies.

"Mom, what are you talking about, we are a family, so what you do is still my mother, I won't resent you, I'm already very happy to have such a happy family, to be able to grow up so happily, and didn't you also say that I am slim and smart and cute, so I don't miss anything." I smiled brightly, trying my best to hold back the tears that were about to rush out of my eyes, some grievances have been hidden in the years, buried deep in my heart, and finally drifted away with the signal of the wind, just hearing the words of apology, I still can't help but evoke those sad in my heart, long-lasting regrets.

Mom covered her head and said with a headache, "You always think about others like this, just like this time, although it was your sister who caused the trouble, you also carried the black pot for her and suffered for her, I really wronged you, if your sister was half as sensible as you would be, I really don't know what to do with her, this child is so willful, when can I be a little sensible and let me worry a little." ”

Seeing her helpless to the point of having a splitting headache, I stretched out my hand to pat her slightly trembling back, not knowing what to say to comfort her, just at this time Bei Chu and Bei Lu walked in, Bei Chu heard her words and immediately said angrily, "Am I a drag oil bottle in your heart?" I went to find that bitch to avenge North Road, and it's not my fault. Looking at Bei Chu's expression, it is estimated that there are not a few people who fall behind on the North Road, so Bei Chu, who was already uncomfortable, heard his mother's words before he entered the ward, and he couldn't accept it.

"Look at your bitch and bitch scolding all day long, no wonder you will be beaten, you see your consequence is to torture your sister into something and not repent!" When my mother heard Bei Chu's fierce scolding, she was also furious, got up and pointed at Bei Chu and accused loudly, all of us were stunned, since Bei Lu they came to our house, it was rare to see my mother so angry, and even she knew that Yin Taoze was called to school to cover up the crime for Bei Chu in three days, she also patted her chest and told herself that Bei Chu must have just been a little willful, and she would definitely become a good girl when she grew up. But the more it accumulates, the more intense and out of control it will become.

I pulled the corner of my mother's clothes and persuaded her, "Mom, don't blame Beichu, she is also for our good, and we won't pursue this matter anymore, okay?" Don't you think I'm fine? ”

But they were all red-eyed, and they couldn't hear my persuasion at all, and Beilu didn't speak on the side, but leaned down with concern to ask about my condition, and I smiled at him and motioned him to say a few words to ease their atmosphere, but Beilu moved his mouth and didn't make a sound.

I almost forgot how long they quarreled that day, they quarreled very fiercely, my mother seemed to pour all the disappointment and heartache of Beichu over the years, and Beichu was also shocked by my mother's attitude, thinking that in my mother's heart, I was a useless oil bottle, and I wanted to disappear immediately.

I still remember that Beichu collapsed and shouted at her mother, "You all treat me like this as a burden, you don't care about me at all, you want me to die immediately, you are all bad people with scorpion hearts!" ”

That sentence has always been left in my mind, I don't know when it started, everyone is no longer the original simple and scheming appearance, I don't know when everyone started to be full of hearts and can't vent, so when all the dissatisfaction and all the contradictions are torn apart, it is so devastating and irreparable.

And what I didn't expect was that after hearing that sentence, the biggest reaction was Beilu, who had been silent and steady like a pool of clear water, that was the first time I saw Beilu raise his hand to beat someone, and it was also the only time, hitting the face of Beichu who regarded him as his beloved, a bright red palm print was so hideous, Beilu said to Beichu with cold eyes, "Yin Beichu, you are too much, you look at Bei Mo lying on the hospital bed, you look at your tearful mother, don't you have no heart and no feelings?" ”

"That's right, I'm cold-blooded, I not only hurt you but I also fell in love with you blindly, can't I go? I will never see you again. She stared at the north road and said it clearly, and then ran out of the ward without looking back, leaving no room for redemption. Bei Chu's eyes are cold and resolute that I have never seen before, although Bei Chu has always scolded people when she is angry, and she will also speak very seriously, but her eyes have never been so desperate and cold, her eyes have never been so deeply hateful and painful, as if she will never see each other in eternity, as if she will never go back to time.

I remembered that Bei Chu smiled and shared with me the little secrets in her heart, her bits and pieces, I realized that what hurt her the most was not her mother's disappointment or their hatred, but this loud slap of Beilu, she knew Beilu's character as deeply as I did, she knew like me that Beilu had never really been angry at anyone, let alone raised her hand to hit someone, she never imagined that Beilu would be angry to this extent, she classified this anger as annoyance, She can't accept that the person she loves deeply doesn't understand her like this, hates herself so much, so she is on the verge of collapse, so she doesn't know how to save her position in Beilu's heart, and it also makes her instantly realize Beilu's feelings for herself, breaking all her illusions and hopes, and tearing up all her feelings.

The crisp slap, the hot pain is a beautiful face, and the heart-rending pain is a clear heart.

Although I didn't want my hunch to be correct, something happened to Beichu, and she was still as serious as I feared, irreparable, unable not to be heartbroken, and unable to give herself a step.

After Bei Chu ran out of the hospital, all of us looked at each other, and I pulled Bei Lu's clothes and reminded in a whisper, "Bei Lu, you go to see her, I'm worried that something will happen to her, you go and comfort her." ”

But I've never been unaware of the digging of the North Road, just like when we first met, he pulled Yin Taoze's clothes and had to go in, just like when he left, no one could stop him from doing anything, and no one could make him regret what he had done, so he was stunned and didn't move half a step, Bei Lu said that he never thought that Bei Chu's attachment to him would be so deep, he always thought that Bei Chu's words were just jokes, just like Bei Chu used to make fun of Xichen and Haoran, It's just nonsense, just talking casually, but today's reaction to Beichu undoubtedly made him unacceptable all of a sudden, he didn't have time to react, and he didn't think of a countermeasure.

The mother sighed at the empty door, seeing that Beilu did not move, and her expression was dull when she heard Bei Chu's words just now, she never thought that her smug daughter would fall in love with her stepfather's son, she never thought that Bei Chu would fall in love with Bei Lu, who had always laughed at Bei Lu, never thought that Bei Chu would have such an emotional and delicate side, and it was with Bei Lu, and the mother, who had always regarded Bei Lu as her own son, actually had a trembling voice, patted Bei Lu's shoulder and tried to smile and said, "It's okay, just let her think about it herself." It's time for this kid to learn a lesson. ”

She turned and walked to the door, raised her hand and wiped the tears from the corners of her eyes, although we all knew that she deliberately turned around and walked some distance before raising her hand, but we could all see that she was hiding her panic, her inner uneasiness and disappointment. Her back was a little vicissitudes, Yin Taoze grabbed her shoulders and didn't speak, just turned back to me and instructed, "Momo, you have a good rest and don't think too much, we will deal with it on your sister's side." ”

After they left, the whole world seemed to fall silent all of a sudden, as if the smoke and fire of the war just now were just an illusion, as if they had never existed, only the feelings in each of our hearts were torn in our hearts, and the torment in our hearts reminded us that all the wounds were torn, all the truths were spread, and all the grievances and dissatisfaction were all exposed to the sun, like the afterglow of the sunset, scattered in the clouds, and we could not hide, and none of them were spared.

"Beimo, you tell me honestly, Beichu she ......" Beilu sat next to me, and asked again and again, but stopped halfway through the conversation. He sat up straight, picked up the apple on the table to help me peel it, but his hand kept shaking, almost cut his finger, I was so frightened that I quickly snatched the fruit knife from his hand and asked him if he was okay, he shook his head and said in a trance that it was okay, I looked at his intact fingers and put my mind at ease, but looking at his stunned expression, I knew that there must be something in his heart.

"Ask whatever you want, and I'll be honest with you." I held Beilu's trembling hands, the cool fingertips seemed to be cold from the body, I looked at his eyes and said firmly, some things always have to be said, some feelings always have to be said, I firmly thought that Beilu didn't expect Bei Chu's seriousness to him to be so sluggish, I thought that as long as he understood Bei Chu's sincerity for so long, he would definitely not be able to bear to reject her, and he would definitely accept the girl who was desperate for herself, for herself, for herself, But I forgot that this is love, this is focused love.

So that day, I told Beilu about the night when Bei Chu announced to me that he liked Bei Lu in the quilt in the spring, until all the details of the revenge of the bar woman for Bei Lu, as well as all the things on Bei Chu's heart, her discomfort, her dependence on Bei Lu, and her fantasy about the future of He Bei Lu, even I was about to be moved, but Bei Lu's expression became more and more solemn, I couldn't guess what he was thinking, I realized that I was so much to ignore Bei Lu, It turns out that I can't guess Beilu's mind like that, every time I am sad, every time I have something on my mind, Beilu can understand it clearly, and can comfort me at the first time, but I stared at Beilu's face and couldn't see his heart.

After I told the whole story, I cautiously added, "Beilu, can you go and find Beichu?" I think she must be sad this time, she must not accept it, I am afraid that something will happen to her. ”

"Okay, I'll go see her first and explain to her, you have a good rest, and I'll come back to see you when I find her." Beilu stood up and patted his chest, as if he had made a big decision, muttering, "I must be able to, she must understand." ”

Before I could ask what he meant, Beilu had already walked quickly to the door, and then paused at the door and turned around and asked me with a gloomy face, "Beimo, if I still fail Beichu, will you forgive me?" ”

He didn't seem to be in a hurry to wait for my answer, but ran out on his own after asking, as if he was more afraid to hear my answer than to expect my answer.

But I lay alone on the hospital bed and thought about it for a long time, and my heart was always very flustered, as if I realized that I would lose something, as if I had already felt that some happiness had stopped, and some time could never be returned.

The quietness around me made me bored in every way, I woke up last night and chatted with Cangnan for a long time, the two of them watched the movie and laughed in the blink of an eye, and it was early in the morning, with the arrival of dawn to wake up, so now lying down makes me even more sleepy, looking out the window It is close to dusk, the afterglow shines on the earth like a lonely old movie, the picture is yellow, and the memory is in a hurry.

I don't know when I fell asleep, I fell asleep unconsciously, and when I woke up, the night had covered the world, and Cangnan was reading intently next to me, but there was still no trace of Beichu, I was suddenly shocked, Beilu clearly said that he would come back with Beichu to see me, did they forget? I sat up anxiously and borrowed the phone from Cangnan, and it took a long time for Beilu to answer the phone, and his voice was a little tired, "Beimo, what's wrong, don't worry, Beichu She's fine, I'll hang up first." ”

Before I could speak, Beilu crackled and said a paragraph, but his words not only made me settle down, but also made me realize the seriousness of the problem, why did he tell me that Beichu was fine, if there was nothing wrong, why didn't he bring it directly to see me?