We must pay attention to principles in our conduct and work, and we must resolutely not do things that do not conform to principles. If someone asks you, it is not in accordance with the principle, of course you can't do it, this is called adhering to the principle.

We must not lose our stance in order to maintain a harmonious atmosphere, and no matter what kind of relationship, we must refuse what we should refuse.

But at the same time, we should pay attention to the flexibility of the way of speaking, according to the type and characteristics of interpersonal relations, according to the different contents, occasions and times of language exchanges, to adopt flexible strategies, which is called to have flexibility in things, to achieve the unity of principle and flexibility.

It's important to be flexible and subtle. U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt held a key position in the Admiralty before becoming president.

Once, a good friend of his asked him about the Navy's plans to build a submarine base on a small island in the Caribbean Sea.

Roosevelt looked around mysteriously, lowered his voice and asked, "Can you keep it a secret?" ”

"Absolutely".

"So", Roosevelt looked at him with a smile,

"Me too". His friend understood what Roosevelt meant and inquired no more. Franklin Roosevelt used a tactful and subtle refusal, and his language was light-hearted and humorous, showing Roosevelt's superb art, which not only adhered to the principled position that the factory could not divulge in front of his friends, but also did not embarrass his friends, and achieved excellent linguistic communication results.

So much so that many years after Roosevelt's death, the friend was able to recount this presidential anecdote with pleasure. On the contrary, if Roosevelt refuses it with a serious expression and righteous words, or even has doubts in his heart, and earnestly interrogates the other party why he inquired about this, what his purpose is, and who instructed him, wouldn't it be a big fuss and a bad scene, and the result would inevitably be a rift or even a crisis in the friendship between the two people!

Euphemism or shouting is a roundabout approach, this method is not a direct refusal, but hopes that the other party will know the difficulty and retreat.

For example, if someone wants to hire Zhuangzi to be an official, Zhuangzi did not directly refuse, but made an analogy, saying: "Do you see the cows and horses in the temple that are used as offerings? When it has not yet been slaughtered, it is indeed beautiful to be clothed in gorgeous cloth and eat the best feed, but once it enters the Taimiao, it is slaughtered as a sacrifice, and then wants to live freely, is it possible? Although Zhuangzi did not answer directly, a very apt analogy has already answered, it is impossible to let him become an official, and this method is a euphemistic refusal.

Qian Zhongshu used a surprising metaphor when rejecting others. Once, an English lady wanted to visit him, and he said to her on the phone, "If you think you're good at eating an egg, why do you know the hen that lays it?" Using the metaphor of the hen that lays eggs is not only clever and vivid, but also shows Qian Lao's easy and kind character, and refuses to visit tactfully and humorously.