Want to get it back to where it was? But life needs to be honest! We sometimes choose not to be honest because we are afraid of losing each other, but deception is the biggest killer of a relationship. When we choose to deceive, sometimes it is not simply that we don't want to lose the other person, but we don't want to face the real self, and we just want to mold ourselves into the eyes and hearts of the other person.

Deception itself is a selfish act. There's not much to say about that.

I don't want to lie to him. In my life, I have few relatives and friends, and even if I lose it because of this, I don't want to get it because of deception. That doesn't really mean anything to me now. What's more, in the middle of the night, I really want to restore it to its original appearance, I'm afraid it's impossible, unless I also have some conch girl at home.

"What are you looking at?"

I was shocked. Looking back, Zhang Ruolei happened to look at me with a smile.

"Shh

I stood up and walked over to him.

"You're not drunk, are you?"

Zhang Ruolei looked quite proud.

"I'm not going to let him get me drunk."

When I think about it, too.

I pushed him out by the door and closed the door of Huaiping.

"Would you like to restore that drawer?"

We sat on the couch, and I was worried that Huaiping would wake up and be a little restless.

Zhang Ruolei hugged my waist.

"What? You? ”

He smacked my face with his face.

"It's so exciting for you to be like this, it's like we're cheating."

I couldn't laugh or cry. But I like this kind of crying and laughing, most of the time people have to wear a mask to deal with the world, and it is not easy to peel off that mask to be real and relatively difficult. Some people say that people come and go but only play a scene, and they are all made up, but if they really act for a lifetime, they are not only tired but also pitiful. Are people in the play? Or is it yourself?

"Don't let your child hear me."

I pointed to the door, and suddenly I felt like an old husband and wife, how good it would be if my life could really be simple. But for a moment, I should also thank God for his favor.

"Guess I've passed his place?" He looked at me with an eager look in his eyes. I don't want him to be so serious, he's a rich second generation, when did he care about outsiders' opinions. When he quit his marriage, the whole city was hotly discussed, and he even did not hesitate to make enemies in the mall.......

But it really worked for me. He seemed to be serious about me. I looked at him, and there was a faint smell of wine in his mouth. To be exact, the smell of wine and sweat fermenting together all over my body slammed my nose and said that you stink.

"Stinky man!"

He always makes me laugh, in love, this should be the time of the highest concentration. This heat is actually not easy to master, like what hydrogen gas burns when it meets oxygen, and if the concentration is a little higher, it may explode, blowing both people to death. If it's too low, it will make people feel boring.

Just right, it's a rare situation in life.

Zhang Ruolei said that he wanted to sleep with me. Huaiping lives in that house, I can't get over that hurdle psychologically, he is like a child begging for candy but fruitless, his eyes are pitiful. The male god walked off the altar and became an ordinary man with seven emotions and six desires, not too cold, and fireworks. Don't be cynical anymore, be serious.

I lifted my kick and kicked him in the ass, and he looked back at me with an instant of grief.

I don't know how many days this picture can have in my life, or until I die.

Will Zhang Ruolei be like Huaihai one day?

Did Huaihai love me?

Look at me, I can't jump out of love for a day.

I have a book on my desk: The Handmaid's Tale. One of the archbishops inside said that for a woman, one plus one plus one and again plus one does not equal four.

The maid asked him what it was.

He said that it is equal to one plus one plus one and one and again and again.

I think about it for a long time, and sometimes I walk thinking about it. How so? No woman can be that stupid. But then I came to understand that sometimes women are just that stupid. Men flirt with women mostly for sex, but women think that men are for love. Women are like moths in love, and men's hints and ambiguities to her are lamps and fires, which are enough to make her desperate. Sometimes she knows that there is danger and is uncertain, but she still has to risk her life.

If you can't meet the right person, it's wrong to take every step of the way, and it's also wrong to believe it easily. It is wrong to ask for eternity, and it is wrong to ask for temporary possession. But what kind of person is the right person? How many people can meet the right person in this life?

I think the reason why love is so precious is because things are scarce, if every pair of marriages, every pair of lovers is born because of love, love can be dry and rotten, eternal and unchanged, the world is too complete. And there is true love at your fingertips everywhere, and maybe by then, love will not be able to make people want to live and die.

So it's so common for women not to meet love, what's there to call for heaven and earth?

Tossing for half a night, a little tired, I really want to sleep, but I can't sleep at all. When I opened the book, I saw that in "The Handmaid's Tale", the heroine almost had a secret affection for the archbishop, but at this time she learned that her last handmaiden had lost her life because of it. She thinks that she is different from other women, special and unique, at least for a certain period of time, or in the eyes of the other party.

But they don't want to, and they are also sacrifices.

Seeing this, I don't want to look any further. I always like to sit in the right seat at such times, is Zhang Ruolei the same for me? Am I like the maid? I closed my eyes and chewed on the memories slowly, those fragments, flashing and superimposing, and I tried to find out from them the living proof that he was different from me and others, and tried to find the proof that he was no different from me and other women.

It was a self-inflicted errand, and I tried to persuade myself in the quiet darkness not to bother myself, but with little success. I turned over and sighed, but the door opened gently, thinking it was Zhang Ruolei who didn't succeed, but I didn't want to, but it was Huaiping.

Huaiping asked me, "Mom, did you sleep?" ”

I sat up, although I was silent on the surface, but I was surprised that he was also sober, wasn't he drunk like Zhang Ruolei?

Man!

They're all masters of acting, right?

I turned on the bedside lamp and he had already closed my bedroom door. I moved in, opened the covers, and said, "Come, son." ”

Huai Ping shook his head shamefully and sat on a stool at the head of the bed.

"Aren't you drunk?"

He smiled again.

"It's fine."

I looked at him with a smile and waited for him to finish. But he was silent, maybe he was brewing, maybe he was looking for the source of the words little by little, where to start?

"That's right."

I slapped my forehead.

"I pried your desk drawer open."

He smiled again and said I saw it.

I wondered if he was going to talk about me and Zhang Ruolei, or to explain those letters to me, but I knew that he hadn't opened those letters at all.

"Mom, forget those letters."

Under the light, his eyes sparkled: "You have a new beginning, I have been looking forward to it for many years." ”

My heart was so sour that I was at a loss. I don't know what to answer him. Do you want to say thank you?

"And ......"

He choked up.

"Forget Huaihai and Xiao Han."

I took a deep breath and nodded.

"Mom,"

He took my hand, and his eyes fell. I hugged his head, "Son." ”

"Mom."

He kept putting his head on my shoulder like he did when he was a child.

"Mom,"

Huaiping raised his teary eyes.

"Forget about us."

I smoothed his hairline over and over again: "Silly boy, what are we?" Mom can forget anyone, it's ......"

My hand stopped suddenly, and I frowned, as if suddenly alarmed.

"Huaiping, you, what do you mean?"

Zhang Ruolei pushed the door in at this time. I'm a little annoyed, what's going on with them? Don't knock on the door? But Zhang Ruolei deliberately ignored the anger on my face. He said to Huaiping, you go back to your room and sleep first.

Huaiping looked up at me, then at him, and silently turned around to go out. I stopped him and was dissatisfied with Zhang Ruolei. I glared at him and said, "Why do you want to let the child out?" He wants to tell me, let him finish with me.

But Huaiping bowed his head and remained silent. Zhang Ruolei said, how scary are you like this, looking in the mirror? It's strange that he dares to tell you.

"I ......"

Huaiping played a round and said, "It's none of my mother's business, it's my problem." ”

I saw Huaiping bow his head, his head trembled slightly, and his hands trembled slightly. What happened to him? What did he mean by saying this to me? Why is he so excited? Why pretend to be drunk? Doesn't he agree with me to be with Zhang Ruolei? It's okay, I can ......

I'm messed up, and I must be too excited.

I couldn't sit still, wishing I could read minds, and I wished I could now know all the details of that little part of his past that I had not been a part of.

God knows, when I encounter everything about Huaiping, I will become uncalm.

Huaiping has already gone out, Zhang Ruolei is not like Huaiping, he went to bed and pulled my quilt, I was still angry, and I pulled the quilt over again in anger, not letting him cover it, he didn't make a sound, he pulled hard, and the quilt let him pull it over.

I tugged back and forth, and so on for a few rounds, until I burst out laughing.

"Childish or not?"

I asked him, and he smiled and put his arm around my shoulder.

"You're going to scare him like that, and he'll be scared back if he really wants to tell you."

I threw him a roll of the eye: "Is it as serious as you say?" ”

"You're spoking the kids."

I sighed, what mother wouldn't be so nervous when faced with her own child's affairs? Too much love, no matter who you love, will make the person you love more messed up. And the person who received it, I'm afraid he would avoid it.

I know, but I just can't control myself.

I let out another long sigh. Come to think of it, Huaiping will stay at home for a long time anyway, and there will be a lot of opportunities in the future.

I didn't expect that he would say goodbye early the next morning, and what disappeared with him was the handwritten letter from Huaihai who filled a drawer with him.

I frantically called him, but he turned off. This had never happened before, and I thought I must be angry. I want to control my emotions, but I can't, he's still young, he's not going to go back to that drug rehabilitation center, where will he go? What seminary do you really go to? He doesn't really think that there is a God, and God will save the world.