I moved my body slightly and changed to a comfortable sitting position, and Zhang Ruolei sent me straight home. When I entered the community, I wondered, how did I go home? Don't go to the company anymore?

He didn't speak, opened the door, and I followed him out of the car. Coming into the house, it's warm. He went into the kitchen and cooked me a bowl of noodles, a big bowl, with vegetables, shredded meat, and a poached egg. The cooking was quite delicious, and I ate it quickly with soup and noodles. I didn't know he would cook, in the past we always ate outside, my own cooking skills were so-so, and then Huaiping was not around, and he was even more reluctant to open the fire.

He also ate, and the two of them ate until they sweated, and they all took off only a thin T.

"Take a hot shower and get some sleep."

He said.

"I'm not sleepy."

"Then lie down, I think you're really tired."

After saying that, he immediately bowed his head.

When he said this, my eyes were red again. People who used to cry when they didn't look down on big things now burst into tears at every turn.

"I'll be nice to you."

He said.

I sniffed and looked up at the ceiling, barely trying to push back the tears.

"Really."

He said.

I sniffed down again and bowed my head.

"I believe it."

I say.

Outside, the sky was cloudy again, and today and this day, it was repeated. Zhang Ruolei walked to the window and pulled the curtains tightly.

I came out of the bathroom, but I saw him lying on the sofa, asleep, his brows were furrowed when he slept, and when I saw him frowning, I wanted to help him smooth out, but I stretched out my hand and retracted it. I think he has such a fatal similarity with me, maybe there will be a fatal attraction later.

We are all people who seem to be happy, but who is not the person who looks happy? I remembered that in the book "You Are on the Plateau", a person said that I had sent away the best years in contradiction and pain, and I picked up my crutches before I remembered what I had left behind.

When we are young, we are always dissatisfied with our desire for life, and perhaps, only one day when we are all dying of old age will we truly understand: to be alive and young is the greatest gift that life has given us.

I covered him with a thin blanket, and as soon as he covered it, he woke up. I'm the same with this, the more I sleep, the slightest movement will wake up immediately.

We are all insecure, insecure in our sleeps and dreams. Like a horse, like a goose on duty, like having some kind of mission, and like always having a lot of unfinished thoughts, always worrying about the surroundings, and inevitably relying on the surroundings.

We are all conflicted and painful.

He went to take a shower, and there was the sound of water in the bathroom, and I went into the bedroom, and I liked the feeling of being surrounded by a quilt. I think, people, it is a blessing to be able to sleep, and it is a blessing to be able to wake up, but in fact, it is also a blessing to be unable to wake up after sleeping, depending on which angle you look at.

No one expected that Huaiping would come back at this time.

He didn't tell me, and the agency didn't inform me. How could he come back?

When Huaiping entered the door, Zhang Ruolei was wrapped in a bath towel, and I was wearing pajamas. Huai Ping smiled very awkwardly. We stood in the hall in an iron triangle, relatively silent.

And I suddenly remembered,The drawer that houses Huai Hisense,I haven't had time to reprocess it.。

Zhang Ruolei took his clothes and went to the bathroom to change, I crossed my hands and told Huaiping without silver, saying that a colleague died, Mr. Zhang sent me back, I have been to that kind of place, and I must wash away the bad luck when I come back.

When Zhang Ruolei heard me say this, he actually came back with his clothes, and he was straightforward and said that we were already together.

Zhang looked at Huaiping and said, I said I love her, do you believe it?

Huaiping didn't speak.

Zhang Ruolei spread his hands and said: But it's true.

After speaking, he went to change his clothes and came out to say that he wanted to catch the wind for Huaiping. Three mermaids rushed out.

During the meal, Zhang Ruolei asked for wine and poured a glass for Huaiping. I said he was still a kid.

Zhang Ruolei flashed his hand with the bottle and said That's what you think.

No one spoke, and the two men, one big and one small, just clinked glasses, drank wine, and didn't eat any food.

I didn't experience this when I was youngest and at my peak. I didn't expect that there were two men facing each other at the wine table for me.

Huaiping is my soft threat, forever soft threat. After being separated from his father for so many years, it is not unforgivable to find a man again, but he just feels that he can't save face in front of his children.

I said that I would depend on him for my life, I used to think that this life was just me with him, he with me, and this was the best ending between us. But I didn't expect that the willows were dark and the flowers were bright, and the peaks and loops turned. I didn't expect that I didn't make it public when I had the best relationship with Zhang Ruolei, but I was bumped into by Huaiping when I was most uncertain.

However, Huaiping is really tall, with a faint layer of fluff on his lips, which has the potential of a spark to ignite the prairie fire, the Adam's apple is much more prominent, and it is much stronger, and it is also black. My son is so good, if it weren't for so many accidents in the middle of the way, he would have gone to high school, taken the university entrance examination, married a wife, and had children, how wonderful!

But now, strictly speaking, he didn't even graduate from junior high school. I thought I was paying a lot for him, I thought I was a qualified single mother, but in fact, no.

This is really regrettable, but it is not the most regrettable, because the most regrettable thing is that life cannot be restarted, and there is no turning back. You can't go back, you can't undo, you can't tear it down and start over.

Life is full of thrills and excitement because of the unknown, which also makes people fearful, helpless and tragic.

They're all strong men, us. Who isn't? In this journey of life, the wind is sluggish and the water is cold, and the strong man will never return.

I poured myself a glass of wine, too, and I was happy to see my son.

Huaiping and Zhang Ruolei didn't stop it. I raised my glass and said, "Come, son, mom toasts you."

I craned my neck and drank wine in my glass.

I wanted to say, "You don't want to surprise your mother?" I didn't expect Mom to surprise you, right?! ”

Tears fell first, and the words did not come out.

Some words hurt the other party and hurt themselves, but whether it hurts the other party or yourself, it hurts the heart. We all have only one heart, don't always hurt the person we love the most and love us the most.

Huaiping also cried. I know what he's crying about, he always wants to grow up quickly and protect me, and when he grows up a little, he finds it embarrassing to be defenseless in the world.

He can't even protect himself, so how can he protect me well?

Zhang Ruolei said, come on, come on, it's a happy thing to reunite today.

He said reunion, he didn't say that your mother and son are reunited.

I'm really sensitive to these little words now, and I love him saying that. Every word he says speaks to my heart, and I love to hear it even if I know it won't come true in the future. This is different from what I used to be, I wouldn't live with someone before marriage, I wouldn't start a relationship that I couldn't see in the future, everything was justified and evidence-based in the past.

But now sometimes I like to be so casual, like a sudden whim one day, take a train, stop and go, even if I have to face unknown difficulties and dangers, it is all experience.

I still like to live the same life, and I can see the end of the day at a glance. You can say I'm old-fashioned, or you can say I'm boring or even dull, but in fact, I'm like that, I like that kind of life, like being programmed, and I live a standard life at which step, without any big ups and downs, and no liver and intestines. Live every day as if the human body had a normal body temperature.

Now it's not how conscious I am, but I finally understand that life never plays cards according to the card, and you don't recognize the fate of the program you have programmed for yourself.

Huaiping drank too much, he was young, no better than Zhang Ruolei, Zhang Ruolei is a battle-hardened old fritter, how difficult it is to settle a hairy young man who has not dried up! But he seemed to be drunk enough.

The two of them came out of the hotel shoulder to shoulder, because they were right next to the neighborhood and didn't drive, so they staggered ahead of me, and I heard them call each other brothers. I think it's funny in my heart, is it okay to be a junior? But they don't mind, so why bother me!

The evening was cool, I wrapped my coat tightly, and the two of them drank so much that they didn't feel cold. When Huaiping was young, I always thought that one day Huaiping was older, and his father Huaihai was drinking, and the two of them said a few words of self-consideration, I waited for the bureau next to me, but I didn't expect that it would be difficult to go back again.

Zhang Ruolei and the others entered Huaiping's house, and the two big men lay on the same bed. I went over and separated them, patted Zhang Ruolei, and said, "You, go, go to the guest room and sleep." But I can tell you, don't throw up on my bed. ”

The two of them agreed to me vaguely like two pigs, and I realized that there was a certain reason why women call men pigs. A drunk man behaves and has an IQ like a pig.

Zhang Ruolei moved his body, turned around and pressed one arm on Huaiping's body.

"Get up! Walk! You go to the guest room. ”

I struggled to pull him up, and the weight of most of his body weighed on me, stumbling under my feet.

After settling Zhang Ruolei down, I came back to wait for Huaiping. I helped him undress, covered him with a quilt, sat on the edge of his bed, turned off the headlights, and lit only the bedside lamps. Seeing that his eyebrows and eyes were full of joy, although there were also some painful memories. But I don't hate him, I just want to delete all that little episode like I delete the data on my computer if possible.

Am I too greedy? But it's not too much for everyone to want a full life. It's a shame to have no requirements for life.

I clean his room every day, to this day, every day when he is away, I will take the time to sit here and look at the empty bed, sometimes it is half a day, I imagine that he is still like when he was a child, sometimes the little hand touches my face, telling me to be strong and brave, I still have him.

I can still remember very clearly the texture of his skin that fits my skin, delicate, but more often warm.

The drawer was very eye-catching, I gently opened it, and it was full of a large pile of white flowers, which hid the unknown growth code of Huaiping, which I had always wanted to decipher, but it was out of place for Huaiping and myself to have a little bit of awe and respect for myself. It was this last bit of awe and respect that made me look beyond those faiths.