Who doesn't live like a dog in front of life?

At noon the next day, I was at work when I suddenly received a phone call saying that something had happened to my son and that he was taking drugs.

I said what do you say?

The other party said that he took drugs and let the public security bureau arrest him.

How can it be? This is a big scammer for phone scams.

I hung up the phone, I don't want to listen, how is that possible? Are you kidding? Is my son that kind of person? It's impossible for boys all over the world to take drugs.

When I got home last night, he sat at his desk, his waist standing tall like a poplar in the northwest desert, and his grades had always been very good, and under the lamp, I could only hear his rustling of writing. When I went home, he didn't even look back.

And when he was a child, when he was only a little old, he knew how to coax me, and he said that when he grew up, he would start to protect his mother and would not let me be hurt in any way.

But the phone rang tirelessly, I picked it up, this time it was my son, and he only said one word, Mom......

I ran over it, and I don't know how I got there. I still don't believe it, he won't, he's not that kind of child, the police must be mistaken, or he's ......

The car was speeding down the asphalt road, and I was still too slow. The driver said Mr. Mei, no matter how fast we are, we will be speeding. I yelled at him, and I said that's super, do you think I can't afford it? Don't go to the company's account, I pay for it privately, and I give.

The driver glanced at me, muttered quietly, and said, "I still deduct points."

I said deduction, deduction, what's the big deal, it's a big deal to buy points.

When he arrived, he and a few other boys of about the same age, he hung his head when he saw me from afar.

It's my fault, it must be my fault, it's me who neglected him, he doesn't have a father yet, what happened to him? Is there a knot in my heart that can't be solved, and it has to be like this?

"Son, you tell Mommy."

I held his face with shaking hands and crying.

He doesn't look at me, he tilts his head. He's in his third year of junior high school, so tall, a head taller than me, my son is so good, what's wrong with you! Why are you ruining yourself like this?!

The police called me in alone, only to find out that he had confessed, he had been eating for a long time, and he said that it was because of the pressure of studying, and at first it was given by others, and then he became addicted. He thought about quitting, but he couldn't. For this reason, he actually harmed himself, and the police showed me a photo of him, the left shoulder blade, densely covered with cigarette butts.

I was holding the pictures and my mind went blank.

I lived with him day and night, and I didn't even know it.

Zhang Ruolei is here, the lawyer is here, they are negotiating, I don't know what they are negotiating, I just want someone to hurry up and give me a stuffy stick, and when I wake up, tell me that everything is fake, that's a dream, that's a dream.

The son was bailed out, and this incident also alarmed the school, and he was immediately admitted to high school, so he said that the school agreed to suspend him first, and he suspended his junior high school, what should he do in the future? What can he do? Does he have a future? He said it, Mom, when I grow up.

He's grown up now, but that's it.

I told myself not to be angry with him, and not to be rough with him. We went upstairs and got home. I asked him, why?

He was silent.

His eyebrows are becoming more and more like his father, why do I fight so hard and suffer so many grievances, does he know or not?

He's stabbing me in the heart with a knife, does he know?

"Why?" I was hoarse.

He kept his head down, insensitive, as if he didn't hear me, as if he didn't see my anger.

"Why?" I felt like my voice was about to burst, it wasn't a sound, and I sounded like my hair stood on end.

But he still kept his head down, and he didn't look at me, and he didn't pay attention to me. My son is so good, when did he change!

I picked up something and rained down on him, beating and scolding.

"Why? You tell me, you ruined yourself know no? I'm your own mother, how did I treat you, how hard it was for me to take you alone, why did you do this to me! Why? Are you trying to me off! ”

He doesn't hide, he doesn't cry, his eyes are dull, what's wrong with him, my son, what hope do I have in life? Who else do I have? Why did he break my heart so much!

He knelt in front of me with a "plop", and he knelt up almost to my shoulder. My son, my mother looks forward to you growing up day and night.

Something "clanged" to the ground, I hugged his head, and he cried in my arms with a "wow". He cried so sadly, at this age, it should be his most carefree and happiest days. What exactly did he go through? Or has he never healed?

Blame me, blame me, why don't you take him to see a psychiatrist regularly? Why are you so relieved and so careless? Why don't you pay more attention to him?

Money, I always use money as an excuse. But now that he's like this, what's the point of making more money?

I held his face, his face was full of furrows, tears exchanged, my tears fell on his face, and he kept saying sorry to me.

But who is sorry for whom?

He had been wandering with me since he was a child, and he hadn't had a good day, but now it seems that he can finally see a little light, and he is like this again.

I fell to the floor and he pounced on me, wrapped his arms around my neck like he had done when I was a child, and pressed his forehead against mine, and he had reached the stage of changing his voice.

"Mom, I'm sorry for you, I'm sorry for you......"

That night, no one slept well, we all pretended to be asleep, but I heard the sound of him turning over, turning over and over again and couldn't sleep, was he addicted or was he guilty and blamed himself? Will he still be like when he was a child, crouching under the table and not coming out to reject the whole world?

I wanted to see him, but I didn't dare. I don't want to see him like that. I bit the corners of the quilt and wept quietly in the dark, and in a few moments, my head was wet.

The morning light faintly spilled into the room through the curtains, my son got up early, I got up too, and asked him what he wanted to eat, his eyes were swollen, and so was mine. We deliberately remain calm, but we are deliberately so rusty.

He said he could eat anything.

I said, "Oh," and sat on the edge of his bed as I spoke, and I tossed up and down and asked him, "Mom, how is this bed, is it still loud to sleep?" ”

He lowered his head, like a child who had broken the rules of heaven, and he still didn't dare to look at me and say "no".

But when the word "no" came out, I saw his Adam's apple move, and he choked up.

I pretended to be free and got up from the bed.

"Mom baked you an omelet, do you want to eat it? Remember? When you were a child, you loved to eat this, your mother baked it for you, and then rolled sausages in it, cut them into diamond shapes, arranged them on a plate, and drizzled them with a little ketchup? ”

He nodded.

"With porridge? There are small pickles at home. How long has it been since we've had breakfast together? ”

"Hmm."

He should.

I walked out of his room, tears unstoppable. I don't know what will happen to him in the future, does he still have a future? Drug addiction, who can quit?! If you get that thing, you're done. How did he get it?

I turned on the range hood, the sound of the range hood roared, like a started car, I began to aimlessly cut green onions, beat eggs, add flour to the egg mixture, the aroma of egg cakes wafted out, cut the ham, wrapped it in, and then changed the knife and put it on the plate.

When I opened the refrigerator and found that the ketchup was gone, I simmered the porridge over low heat, took off my apron, and shouted in the direction of his room, saying son, Mom went down to buy ketchup, you wait for Mom, Mom will come back in a while.

He said, "Ah." ”

When I came back, he found me crying outside, and I found out he had cried at home. We ate breakfast in silence, forcing ourselves to behave normally, to appear interested in food, but we all tasted like chewing wax, and the meal was like swallowing medicine.

I didn't finish the handover of work, and I didn't dare to go to the unit to hand over, I was afraid that if I walked on the front foot, he would go out and mess around with those children, and I was afraid that he would be addicted and unable to control himself.

Zhang Ruolei sent me WeChat and told me not to worry about the company, first, that position will always be yours; Second, you can come back to work whenever you want.

I hugged the phone, feeling that my tears were getting lower and lower, and now a warm look from anyone, a clean hug was enough to bring tears to my eyes.

Besides, I don't have time to think about that anymore, and the most important thing now is my son.

During the day, I took him to the wet market and bought a new pair of sneakers. Boys like those things, he was excited, I stewed him cabbage pork rib soup in the evening, steamed flower rolls, fried bitter gourd shredded meat, he ate better than the previous meals, and after eating he helped me clean up the table and pick up the dishes, he also helped me wash the dishes and clean the kitchen, I said that you are a manly man, you will do big things in the future, let my mother come to this kind of small things.

He leaned against the kitchen doorframe, his face darkened, and he silently turned back to his room.

I stood in the kitchen for a long time, trying to chase after him immediately, but I didn't know what to say to him, so I had to pretend not to notice him.

After cutting the fruit, he brought it to the living room, turned on the TV, and beckoned him to come out. The TV was full of fun, and the two of us sat neatly on the couch with a plate of fruit that I had carefully cut in front of us. I picked up a banana with a toothpick, and I tied another one for him, and he mechanically took it.

"Is it sweet?"

"Sweet."

"Here, eat another piece."

"Okay, thank you, Mom."

"What do you thank your mother? Eating more fruits is good for your health. ”

"Mom, I'll do it myself."

The selection program on TV was coming to an end, and a group of people were clapping violently and excitedly, and everyone had a happy and satisfied smile on their faces, but what were they laughing at?