I'm going to do something for him, I'm going to avenge him, I'm going to make life worse than death for those who drag him into the water!

I started investigating the bastards who were on drugs with him.

But I can't find a clue about it. Their family backgrounds are different, the similarity is that they are both rebellious and stubborn, they both like to be mavericks, of course, there are also cynicals, the person who supplied the goods has good family conditions, his parents even knew that he was addicted to drugs, and they also took care of it, and then they couldn't manage it, so they simply turned one eye open and closed one eye, and only told him not to overdose.

The most important thing is that the first time I took the initiative to ask for it. That day, he looked extremely wilted. The classmate asked him to try it, and he hesitated for a moment, then reached out and took the medicine.

Everything looks flawless, there are no responsible persons, no murderers, no instigators.

Huaiping is getting better day by day, this child has a strong self-control ability, and I began to rejoice that I decided not to send him to a professional drug rehabilitation institution, so that they could study him like a patient. He wasn't sick, he was either just in pain or tired; I didn't send him out of town, I felt like I was evading my own responsibilities. Although, even if he is in front of me every day, in fact, I can't actually do anything.

The interval between Huaiping's addictions is getting longer and less painful.

At first, no matter how hot it was, whenever I got off work, he would change into a long-sleeved shirt. I knew he was hiding the strangulation marks on his wrists, which I had seen while he was asleep, one after the other, shocking.

He is still my good son, and he is afraid that I will be worried and that I will feel distressed when I see him. His victory is in sight, I am really happy for him, and I am proud of him from the bottom of my heart, and the smile on my face gradually appears, and the eyes of the second generation looking at me are no longer solemn and deep.

But I know that I will never go back. A large wasteland rises from the ground in my heart, and the vast expanse that cannot be seen at a glance, and the artemisia meadow, which is pressed down by the wind, is connected to the sky.

I often can't sleep, and I wake up in the middle of the night and look at myself in the mirror by moonlight. Behind me was a large black shadow, and I appeared like a ghost in another physical space. Sometimes I went to see him, he was in the room next to me, and he slept much better than before, with the sound of well-proportioned and proper breathing, his eyelashes lying quietly on his eyelids, a thin layer of sweat sometimes oozing from his skin, and thick hair covering his smooth forehead.

I would sit at the head of his bed for a long, long time and stare at him affectionately, I was very sure that I could love him with my life, but occasionally, I was afraid that he would be terribly afraid. You can't tell if this fear comes from the past, the present, or the future, from the desperate desire to have or the intense fear of losing.

You're just afraid.

That guy called Dread comes out of your heart like a ghost in the silent and deep night, and then through your pores. It lands in front of you, staring and smiling at you with a hideous face. You want to run, but you can't move as if you're caught in a nightmare; You don't want to run, but you're so scared that you seem to be about to suffocate.

Cold sweat strangled my body, and I was often short of breath at this point, but I didn't know if it was from the thinning of the air or the rapid rhythm of my heart.

I became unwilled and powerless to get to the bottom of it, and I was defeated again and again in this inexplicable fear.

As I got into the night, I hated it even more. With no work taking up my time, I became more and more distracted, and my mind was full of strange and unrealistic thoughts. Sometimes I try to catch a clue as much as possible, and try my best to pull these ideas in my head, and put them in a bright and categorical way, but in the end, I will always be disappointed to be discovered by myself, these seemingly unrelated nonsense, they are so large and tight, the inside is intertwined, the outside is intertwined, and the whole body is involved, and none of them is easy to mess with.

I sighed softly and tiptoed out of my son's narrow territory of Huaiping. When I came out, I closed his door, and I would gaze at it with affection for a long time in the dark.

I feel as if I owe that door an explanation, or a respect, or else, what?

I thought that my head hurt so much that I felt like it was going to explode, so I had to turn around and go back to my room, and torture the mattress on the bed for a long time.

During that time, I thought of Huaihai and Han quite frequently. I thought of cause and effect, I thought of the word retribution, and I convinced myself that I was right, but I feared and surrendered to some unseen, untouchable force.

If I am not at fault, why is fate so dangerous?

I became fond of going to monasteries and doing good deeds. Once, when I met an old nun in a nunnery, I folded my hands and asked for advice very reverently in front of her.

She looked at me and bowed me back, and the dark gray nun's robe was lifted by the wind, and the dust drifted out. Her eyes stayed on my facial features, and at that moment, I had an inexplicable heartbeat and an inexplicable sadness, so that I didn't even listen to a word of what she answered.

I am the fool of this world, and the reckless man of this world. I love this red dust with all my might, and I don't want to run away all the time.

The high school entrance examination is over, and my son's high school has not yet landed. He was silent, often sitting in the air all day long, motionless, like an old monk who had settled down, his face was thin and pale, his cheeks were slightly sunken in, and Liuhai had just been cut obliquely, like a row of dandelions planted on his forehead.

His eyes are always ethereal, there is a world in there, I can't walk in, no one can walk in.

He's not actually locked, but no one can get in.

I took him out to play, and he followed. Don't say no, don't say how cheerful. He doesn't like what a boy likes at this age, and everything in this world seems to be clear from him.

I still have the habit of staring at him for a long time in the dark night, and I still always step on my high heels very vigorously during the day. A lot of people say that I've changed, that I have the temperament of a strong woman, and I don't speak, or even smile at these people anymore, which makes them feel more like a strong woman.

But what exactly is a strong woman? I took the time to think about it, and there were three words of it, but I couldn't understand it.

Is it good or bad for a woman to become a strong woman in this world?

Why are women called strong women like this, but men are still just men when they do everything?

Has the world treated women favorably or poorly?

I can't see the world more and more clearly.

I often went to the monastery, but there was no one in the monastery preaching. A large crowd knelt before the Bodhisattva and the Buddha and prayed that they would see their most devout devotees in the crowd and then grant them happiness.

They begged twice, bowed twice, a pillar of incense, a handful of change, and kowtowed a few times, and they thought they could get it.

How ridiculous and greedy are people to think that there is a lucrative business in this world?

Out of the temple gate, some people stretched out their hands to beg, and some people set up stalls to tell fortunes. There was a large crowd of people around me, and I squeezed forward and saw an old man with a white beard, dressed in Taoist clothes, with a Taoist hair bun on his head. The hair is also gray, and I can't tell whether there is more black or white. The man had a frosty face and a black and red face, and he said that he had run all over the famous mountains and rivers, and even saw the golden body of a certain saint.

Someone on the side said that he was accurate, so I reached out to him and asked him, "Tell me, is my first child a boy or a girl?"

The man took my hand and pondered it in the sun, and then kept his fingers on my face, and finally touched his beard and made a final judgment without question: girl.

I smiled and said that my sons were in their teens.

He was annoyed and said you must have had an abortion before.

I said I had been your mother, and I ripped off his stall. I thought it would cause a bloodshed, but I didn't think that he just took the stall in a hurry, and someone next to him came up and said that it was a liar who ran the rivers and lakes to show his art, and nine times out of ten ignorant women and children would be deceived by him.

I turned my head and said, "Don't you lie to ignorant women and children?" You don't lie to ignorant women and children, what do you eat? Is anyone really shrewd going to believe you?

He looked arrogant and asked me if I knew so-and-so, that so-and-so, a well-known big man in the city, I didn't know, but I had heard of it.

He said, that's my client, don't believe you to inquire, when he moved, he was looking for me to see the feng shui of the yang house.

I shook my head and pushed aside the still-chaotic crowd, and the thick smoke from layers of incense rose over the temple, like a thick rain cloud when it soared into the air. Further, it is diluted in the diffuse air, leaving no trace.

Those incense that was supposed to represent respect and reverence are being lit and offered by many pilgrims in the name of trading.

"O Bodhisattva, please bless me ......"

The Bodhisattva lowered his eyebrows and looked at the sentient beings, perhaps with grief: "You all ask me to bless you, but you don't know what I can do or what I can do on your own." What's the point of blindly seeking from outside?

Bodhisattvas weep not because we are pitiful, but because we are too stupid.

One day, Zhang Ruolei saw me, and he and I hadn't crossed paths alone for a long time. If there is an intersection, it is to talk about work, and when it comes to work, everyone is busy. Zhang Ruolei once laughed and teased, saying that we are becoming more and more like old husbands and wives, how many old husbands and wives in China will turn both parties into strangers living under the same roof? !

He thought I was going to laugh, I'd get angry, I'd kick his dick, but I just lowered my head and turned away. Zhang Ruolei sent me out with his eyes. I sent a WeChat message saying that I had changed my mind.

Have you changed your mind?

Do I still have a heart?

How many people in the world still own this thing?