Originally, I was supposed to go to the hospital yesterday, but I called the doctor in the afternoon and told the doctor that it was changed to this afternoon. On the phone, the doctor briefly greeted my physical condition and said that he had not met me during the surgery last time, and asked me to pay more attention to my physical condition and finish the medicine on time. In addition, he said that he would not be in the hospital in the afternoon, so he would let me go over and finish the injection, and then let me take another CT before the Chinese New Year, and the retroperitoneal blood mass should be completely eliminated.

I went out of school at the same time as last time, went to the hospital, and returned to school after the injection.

Recently, I should be very busy, reviewing before the exam, exams one after another, or almost over the exam in half a month and then going on winter vacation. There's nothing in particular you want to say, and maybe you're too busy to contact me. Every time I can't get in touch with you, I'm a little worried, and after getting used to it, maybe I'm not worried about what happened to you, but I'm just worried that I'll be remembered and forgotten again. Holding my phone and looking at the message sent to you in WeChat, as if this is not a real-time chat software, it is more like a mailbox, I will have to wait a long time to receive a reply after I send it, maybe I will lose it halfway, and I will never receive a reply. Just as I was looking and thinking, my phone vibrated and your avatar popped up, I'm not dreaming, right? I answered the phone without relieving myself.

"Have you been lost these days?" I asked in a reproachful tone.

Without waiting for him to speak, he continued to ask, "Why did I send so many messages and make so many calls without replying?" "I didn't say anything about your worries.

You say, "It's not that I lost it, it's that I lost my phone, so I bought a new phone and reissued the number." ”

Then he asked me, "Are you worried or are you blaming me?" “

I replied, "You think too much, so I won't worry about you······" Before he finished speaking, there was a beeping voice in his ears, and he actually hung up the phone. I'm still wondering if my mouth is too poisonous, and I'm blaming myself for duplicitous self-blame, when I see your avatar again. I answered the phone quickly and spat out three words - sorry. But I faintly heard the sound of snickering,

"Are you laughing?" I asked.

After a few seconds you say, "No."

"Liar, obviously laughing, on purpose, right?" I asked knowingly.

"You're a liar, what if I'm a fool? I read WeChat, duplicity, worry, worry, is it embarrassing to say it? You laugh out loud as you speak.

I was speechless. Then he said a few words that he didn't even understand. No matter what you talk about, I feel quite comfortable, and the tiredness of coming back from a trip is completely gone. You asked me when I was on vacation and said you wanted to come to the school to find me before I came home from vacation. I felt like I was in a dream, and I was skeptical, because the plans you had told me in advance had not been fulfilled, and most likely they had notified me when they were about to appear in front of me. Still, I would have chosen to believe it, and then I would have been relieved for a long time. I said that I usually leave school after your birthday, and this year it may be an early holiday, and if this does come back to me, I'll wait, but if it doesn't work, I can go and see you.

—Diary, January 6, 2013

Many times, what bothers me is just the easy way to give up what I should have insisted on, and to insist on what I should have given up. I told myself that it didn't matter, that in the end, no one knew what should and shouldn't be, and that I had experienced it myself, and that even if it was wrong, what could it be, it was nothing more than a little more pain.