Sometimes, I think I might have molded myself into someone who can afford to put it down and not get caught up in emotions, but I don't. I'm too sensitive, too competitive with myself, and if I'm not careful, I'll get caught up in a self-righteous storyline. I've never been strong, I just never show it. I have wiped my tearful eyes, mixed with how much attachment to the past, missing you, really, not an exaggeration. I have never shed a single tear in all the pain, injections, medicines, and even bone marrow extraction, but I have thought of you several times and shed tears without fighting.

I hate to admit that time will change me. Where the heart is connected, where the heart goes. I also told myself to wipe away my tears and say goodbye to the precipitation of those fond memories that had left in my mind, and it was just a self-deceptive thought, which only existed in the few seconds that I tried to persuade myself, and then easily forgotten. ­

I might stop to think of you when I saw a street we walked together. Blazing eyes drift in the wind, just to catch the trail you accidentally left behind. But I found that there was too much dust in the wind, and I accidentally got into my eyes, and I shed inexplicable tears. I once thought about walking in the world of love, but I never thought that it would be a mess before it started, only tangled in my heart, and your face entangled my eyes. I can't say what it feels like, or let's just use an analogy, the comfort of walking through the branches, the pain of stepping on thorns, even if you know that it is a difficult fate, you must always have hope······ After all, he is a mortal, and everything will only be left to time to make a decision.

You haven't heard me back for two more days, so all I miss is the pen in my hand.

When love was still in its infancy, I was not out of the ordinary, and I also thought about studying for the rise of China. Later, I thought about it, this burden is too heavy, the target is downgraded, and I am thankful that I can eat with a mouthful of food. Now is not the era of "all officials are inferior, only high in reading", since the freshman year went to Shenzhen to do a summer job for a month, I have a deep experience, this is not the trend in today's society, we are all called pedantic under compulsory education. This path should not be taken! The world is muddy, do I need to be alone? Isn't that time to be decadent, depraved, and go with the flow? I can't give myself a reason to continue to sink in this materialistic holy place. Really, even in school, even as small as a dormitory. Some people will often skip class to play, and some people will be eager to break one minute into two minutes to learn knowledge; Some people will overconsume because of comparison, while others are self-disciplined and thrifty; Some people set up tables to play mahjong in the balcony aisle in broad daylight, and some people will play basketball in their spare time and sweat. What I want to say is that because of your presence and your constant advice, I want to be a better person and try to stay away from those bad habits. Maybe it's because I saw four seniors sitting around the public balcony playing mahjong when I was thinking about you, so I wrote something I didn't understand very well.

Fortunately, most of your time is spent in the library, otherwise it would be a day in the dormitory where you close your eyes, and a semester will pass after a few more closures. It is said that the quilt is the grave of youth, which is not unreasonable, but I don't want to sleep in the grave every day, which is too scary! I once heard, "Why sleep more before you die, you will sleep forever after you die." "Yes, that's it! It seems that it is often said when the college entrance examination will motivate me to study against time. Think about it, as soon as this exam is over, this semester will be over, what will I gain? Don't wait for me to lose weight when I go home, and my friends also recited the words for me, "I don't regret the gradual widening of the belt, and I will be haggard for Yi", which is really ironic, I didn't enter the golden house, and I didn't hug Yan Ruyu! I had to tell them they were only emaciated because they were sick. If I could see you, I would tell you, "I miss you, I think you're getting thin." "A joke like this should make you laugh.

After reading the book for two days, I still feel that I have too much time left, otherwise where would I have the time to miss you? In college, empty people's time can be sold! Have plenty of time to talk about love, go online or sleep comfortably...... And my life was too monotonous, too quiet. There are always times when I am depressed and sad, there are always times when I am bored and lonely, and then I usually go to clean up, mop the floor three or four times, and be OK to be able to see myself clearly on the floor, and then sit in the door with music on, and use myself as a sign - no entry! At this moment, I sat in the doorway, writing these words casually, and I didn't need to give them any meaning, because these words or the fact of writing a diary are not worth mentioning to others, but this is my other world, and I can see me in the real world.

On the first Saturday of 2013, the sun was shining and I wanted to tell you that I was fine today, but I just thought of you and wanted to talk to you.

Good afternoon.

—Diary, January 5, 2013