1. The little cousin came to the door crying: "Cousin, I was deceived." I didn't say a word, I went to the boys' dormitory with her at school, she pointed to the most handsome one and said: "It's him, he cheated me out of a lot of money, I spend money to send him flowers every day, and he doesn't refuse, show love to him, and don't accept it!" I stared at the boy fiercely, and he muttered, "She has flowers in one hand and a fruit knife in her hand, do I dare to refuse?"

2. Today, my wife asked me: "Husband, if someone spends 10 million yuan to buy me, will you sell it?" Husband: "Of course I don't sell it!" My wife was very happy, kissed my husband fiercely, and asked: "Why?" My husband glanced at my wife and said with disgust: "You are not worth 10 million, I don't earn this kind of money with a bad conscience......!"

3. This morning, I went to work and picked up a girl who was taking a hitchhiker, and I was speechless all the way, and my wife got off the car first when she went to the company. The girl in the car casually asked, "Why didn't that woman pay just now?" I said, "Oh, she slept in my house last night, and the fare is free this week." The girl was silent for a moment and then whispered, "Big brother, I'm free tonight too." ”

4. I quarreled with my wife in the morning, and when I came home in the evening, I was still thinking about whether she was still angry and wanted to have a cold war. When she got home, she was not there, I opened the door and saw the scene in front of me, I burst into tears, what a virtuous woman, the messy home in the morning was cleaned up by her, and she didn't even leave me a piece of furniture and electrical appliances.

5. My brother is five years old this year, he is very squeamish and loves to cry at every turn, one day he suddenly asked me: "If one day the family has no money, will your parents sell you or sell me?" I said without hesitation: "I must have sold you." I thought that this little broken child would definitely cry, but I didn't expect him to grin: "I knew you were worthless......"

6. The last time I went to the commissary to buy water, I saw a drink called screaming, and when I saw it, it sold for 6 yuan. So I asked the boss why you sell six pieces for four dollars? He said you're going to scream if you drink it. I didn't believe I bought a bottle, and when I drank it, I screamed, "Boss, you're tap water!"

7. On the bus, because it was the rush hour after work, a young man said: "What a squeeze, don't squeeze! I TM have passed several stops and can't get off the bus!" Another guy said: "Big brother, don't say it, you are better than me, I TM just passed by and were squeezed up!" At this time, the uncle in his forties said: "Let me, let me, let me pass, I am the driver of this bus, who is driving now?"

8. My mother took out a piece of paper today and sat down solemnly to talk to me: "Son, this is the contract you signed with me. "What kind of contract?" "You promised to marry before twenty-six, and let me hold my grandson before twenty-eight, otherwise you will pay me all the tuition fees for your schooling, and cut off all subsidies." "Mom, when did I sign such a mentally retarded contract?" "When I was five years old."