Day by day I look forward to that day and wait for that day to come. Every day in prison was worse than death, I hated not being able to sleep until noon, and I hated eating meals without meat.

In December 2011, when the case went to trial and I was sentenced to three years, I met Brooks in court that day, and he was emotionally stable. We didn't speak, just looked at each other as we walked, and I signaled with a calm look that I was okay. Actually, I'm not good at all, I just don't want him to worry.

Summer is over, autumn is not in time, winter in New York has arrived. John Lennon died in the winter of New York, and I 'died' in the winter of New York.

After I was officially taken in, I moved into another prison, and the words that the female prisoner had said to me on the first night echoed in my head: Okay, stop pretending, everyone who comes here is a bad person, and people outside look down on it.

Every word pierced my heart.

I slept under the quilt at night, and there was still the smell of sunshine, but it was also the smell of mites.

The people in prison have begun to gossip and chat every day, they have been here for a long time, and they have become very familiar, even if I don't speak, it is inevitable that my curious heart will prick up my ears to listen to these prison events.

"I went to the doctor in the morning, and there were several male prisoners who had been beaten, and I heard that they were beaten by the police!"

It was after dinner last night, when six policemen suddenly came to the men's prison, rushed in and beat people, not lightly or severely, but also with blue noses and swollen faces. One American said, "Those idiots. If they had reported it immediately after the beating, they might not have to be detained again. ”

Foreigners like me were puzzled, and I remembered that the American seemed to have been a police officer and came in without knowing what crime he had committed.

We listened to her continue: "It's illegal for a police officer to beat someone, and if a prisoner reports it, the federal government will talk to someone and the person who was beaten can get the charge dismissed." If he refuses to drop the charges and stay here, the government will pay him. ”

"Oh my God, who wants to stay here."

"There are enough meals a day, and there are entertainment activities, and Sube in O'Henry's novel dreams of coming here for the winter."

"There are too many homeless people in Manhattan."

Everyone was hooked and ran to the American to listen to her continue to talk.

When they finished talking, I interjected and asked the American, "Then why did you come in?" ”

"Intentional wounding." She said, "My husband cheated on me, and I almost shot his mistress at that time. ”

After a while, I asked them again, "How long have you all been locked up here?" ”

One by one, they said many numbers, ranging from a few months to five or six years, and there were too many answers, which was embarrassing.

I looked at the closed iron gate and said sadly, "If you are used to staying here, will you not have such a strong desire to leave?" ”

"Of course." The American said, "And a bunch of good sisters from all over the world, we can learn Japanese, French, English, Mexican, how great!" ”

I laughed inwardly at this American woman, and her strange optimism was incredible.

"Actually, I worked as a masseuse on Flushing Road 40, and the investigation was too strict during that period, and I continued to pick up customers in order to pay the rent, but I didn't expect to escape the arrest of the plainclothes police." A girl said.

"I especially regret the mistakes I made." Another Mexican girl said.

"I regret it too. Who wants to squat in this prison, after you get out, others will look down on you and despise you because of this. The girl from 40 spoke in simple English.

"When renting a house in New York, the landlord wants to look at your creditworthiness, and then after the vote of the neighborhood committee, people like me have to leave New York even if they wait for the day to go out."

"I've already bought a ticket, and the ticket for October 10 was transferred back to Xiamen, China, in Singapore, but that ticket is no longer useful." The emotion of this group of people made me can't help but join them.

I don't know what it will be like in three years, the only thing I have to do now is live every day here.

Late autumn in New York is coming, winter is coming, and I can't walk into the snowy sky of Manhattan or go back to that New Year's Eve night in Times Square. In the dark, I just can't find the so-called discrepancies in the hearts of the saints.

The police brought a person in charge of liaison with the Chinese to communicate with us, I only know his surname is Hu, and he told us to stay and accept the outcome of the trial, and to be a good person when we go out in the future.

I just said, "When I go out, I don't want to live." ”

What I never expected was that this sentence brought me a lot of disasters.

The police suspected that I was suicidal, so they gave me an injection of anesthesia immediately, and I fainted instantly. When I woke up, they came to Mr. Hu again, and I told Mr. Hu that I had surgery before and wanted to go for a follow-up.

Mr. Hu is kind and readily agreed.

At half past one o'clock in the afternoon, I appeared with him at the door of a chief doctor, and there were several male prisoners in the room examining them, and I waited outside. While I waited, I kept humming the Bach cello solo that Brooks had played.

The results of the examination showed that everything was normal. After that, he took me to see a doctor in Ling, who first looked me up and down, and then asked, "Are there any times when you are unhappy?" ”

"Yes, I'm not happy every day." I say.

"Every day?" He asked me over and over again.

"That's right. There is no point in being alive. ”

"Okay, I see."

"What do you understand?" I was puzzled and asked the doctor who was bowing his head to write the medical records.

It was only then that I noticed a silver plaque hanging on the chest of his white coat that read: "Psychological doctor, E· B· Paul.”

In the front is the department, and in the back is the doctor's name.

The doctor's name was Paul, and he was—

Psychological doctor.

Psychiatrist.

"Why are you taking me to a psychiatrist?" I asked Mr. Hu very dissatisfied.

"What the police mean, let you come to the psychiatric department after the examination."

"Sick, right?" I was immediately furious, "Without my consent, why?" ”

"I'm sorry, I'm hired by them, naturally ······" Mr. Hu did not feel the slightest sense of guilt and was very reasonable.

"Please stay calm, Miss Hua." Paul said, "I'll ask you a few more questions." What is your diet like? ”

"Average, no appetite." I was tempted to slam the door, but reason told me I shouldn't.

"What about sleep?"

"I can't sleep until late at night."

Paul babbled on and on about my daily habits, and I patiently answered him. He used a black pen to write down a lot of words on the medical record, and then I took the Minnesota psychometric test with hundreds of questions on my computer.

"Please answer carefully." Paul told me very seriously. I put away my thoughts.

I know what the diagnosis is.

"Why? Haven't you seen my file? I asked Mr. Hu next to me.

"I've seen it."

"And you're bringing me here?"

"You need to be re-examined, that's what the police mean."

The doctor couldn't understand what we were speaking Chinese, and when we finished speaking, he told me in English, "You have very severe bipolar disorder." ”

"I know. I checked it out before I came here. "I was very impatient.

Paul prescribed me medication, all imported antidepressants, and a small bottle of sleeping pills.

Mr. Hu took me back, and on the way he compensated me, saying that he was only responsible for his own work.

Seeing that I didn't have a straight face anymore, he couldn't help but ask me with his curiosity: "Are you from the mainland?" ”

Although I didn't want to pay attention to him, I thought that I would have to ask him for something in the future, so I obediently replied, "Yes." Xiamen people. ”

"I'm from Shanghai." He said, "Dr. who studied law in New York. ”

"Yo, or Dr, is the job here enough for you to pay for your tuition?"

"Of course it's not enough, just barely make some Brunch money."

I laughed, "Reading Dr, it's not a bit of Brunch's money at all." ”

He also smiled, "Anyway, being idle is idle, just as a social practice." Then he said earnestly: "Bach's solo in G major." ”

"What?"

"I said, the tune you hummed outside before you went to the doctor." He explained heartily, "I didn't expect you to hear this one." I thought a girl like you would like Richard Clayderman. ”

"Just like you, I thought you would like Mozart, God's favorite."

He laughed, as if mocking the two of us. I'm serious, though.

"To tell you the truth, I studied opera in London for a few years."

He came up to me and asked me, but I didn't answer, and walked quickly into the room, where Mr. Hu was called by the prison guards to another place.

Before going to bed at night, I took out the sleeping pills that Paul had prescribed for me, swallowed one pill, and felt groggy after lying down for a long time, and finally fell asleep at the earliest time. The effect of sleeping pills made me sleep very deeply and peacefully. It was the most comfortable sleep I've had in a year, I didn't dream of anything, and I fell asleep completely and completely.