My whole person became unenergetic, I dreamed again and again that Lu Chengying died next to me, he smiled and was relieved, and I, with shackles, was unforgivable in my heart.

Many times I think about what Lu Chengying said, he said that this needle was prepared by him a long time ago, he put this forgiveness of himself to the present, and he wants us to remember him, especially me.

Lu Chengying, this time I really remember you, remember everything about your last moment, all the deep imprints that happened in my heart, unforgettable.

I am always awakened at night, sometimes I have some dreams about Lu Chengying, and sometimes I can even hear him talking to me at night, I am nervous, I can't eat well, I can't sleep, Zou Moyan gave me the maximum amount of sleeping pills for a normal person, but I still can't sleep.

Is this retribution?

I do not know.

Zou Moyan would also ask me very carefully what was wrong, he tried to give me a romantic date, or go for a walk with me, more often he would accompany me quietly, he didn't do anything, just looked at me like that......

Zou Moyan is taking care of all my movements, every time I wake up in the middle of the night, he will hug me and gently pat me to sleep, every time I don't want to eat or vomit something, he will cook something for me to eat in different ways, he will not leave me an inch, but I feel inexplicable pressure.

He was kind to me, I felt guilty, I blamed myself, I felt that I was not worthy of such gentle treatment by Zou Moyan.

Gradually, I looked at myself in the mirror who was getting thinner and thinner, and felt more and more that I was worthy of Zou Moyan's appearance, I was willful, I was hypocritical, many times I hesitated, I was not free enough, not individual, and even sometimes I was not so kind, why did I enjoy Zou Moyan's feelings, why was I involved with his life?

Sometimes I don't talk to Zou Moyan for a day, sometimes I cry and make a lot of noise, he doesn't get angry at all, he doesn't quarrel with me at all, he just looks at me silently, I want to quarrel with him and then get out of the house by myself, so that it will never affect his mood again.

I lost weight, Zou Moyan also became thinner and thinner, several times I saw him taking medicine behind my back, I asked a few times, he said it was just a general vitamin, I didn't believe it, I was troubled by finding fault, but he ignored me, he often brought Gao Ziqian to the house, Gao Ziqian would give me a short hypnosis, I don't know what I said after hypnosis, but I know that Zou Moyan's face is ugly after every hypnosis.

And Gao Ziqian kept urging Zou Moyan to go to the UK, and once for this matter, Zou Moyan was still anxious, saying that it was his own business, and he had a spectrum in his heart.

Gao Ziqian scolded him very badly, especially for He Jiaran, you deserve to fucking die.

I laughed, but I deserved it.

&

I heard Zou Moyan talk about Lu Chengying's aftermath once, saying that he had been cremated and then buried in the sea, and when he said this, he just understated it, but I remember it very deeply.

Lu Chengying has such a good face, he likes pomp and circumstance so much, and in the end, such an ending can't help but make people sigh, knowing that the day he was buried in the sea was a rainy day, and it was already early summer outside the window, I stared at the sparse raindrops, feeling inexplicably melancholy and lonely.

This may be that I have been alone for a long time, and gradually I am still sentimental, I have lost weight from one hundred and two pounds before to ninety pounds now, my eyes have changed from double eyelids to three eyelids, even Sun Yao saw me and thought that I went to South Korea to get face slimming injections and made European-style double eyelids, but what she didn't know was that I was swayed by my emotions.

Sun Yao knew those things, and she also knew that asking would touch my sadness, and she didn't say anything, but I could see that she was chatting with me very carefully, for fear that my emotions would fluctuate.

In fact, I don't have anything to fluctuate, as if I don't have any consciousness in my heart.

Zhou Ling gave birth to a lovely daughter, I went to see once, the girl had big eyes, white skin, eyebrows and eyes like Zhou Ling, I also went when the moon was full, that day, I saw Pan Yiming.

Pan Yiming's skin is a lot darker, he is still talkative, with a hot body around him, he still makes everyone laugh like that many times, but behind me I heard his long sigh, sometimes when he was drinking wine with himself, he saw us sitting together as a pair, and he secretly smiled bitterly.

He's unhappy, I can feel it.

Although the full moon wine is simple, but according to Zhou Luo's style of sao bao, he was stunned to make a high-quality private patry, our friends got together together, Xu Moxuan and Mo Chengze Fu Xuan and their group of people also came, all with their wives and children, it was very lively.

Zhou Luo has fallen out with the United States, naturally no one will come to congratulate, he drank a few glasses during the banquet and was very happy, I looked at him like a woman with everything, and I couldn't help but be happy for them.

After dinner, the man went into the room to chat, and we went to accompany Zhou Ling, they all knew what happened to me, no one asked me, and they didn't talk about those things between husband and wife, everyone deliberately avoided these topics.

Everyone is discussing the east and the west, and when they talk about something, they will ask me for my opinions and thoughts, I just cater to two sentences, it's not that I don't want to talk, I don't know what to say.

Xu Moxuan's wife Han Ying We have met a few times before, she has experienced emotional tribulations, and it is only after a hundred turns and thousands of times that she has achieved a positive result with Xu Moxuan, she is very gentle, people can't help but feel good, she let her daughter play with the little fox, and let her son go to see the little princess of the Zhou family, and she pulled me aside, and said with a smile, "Have a cup of coffee?" Great view from the outside terrace. ”

I guessed she had something to say to me, and I nodded, "Hmm." ”

We each took our coffee to the terrace outside, and the evening sky was full of red sky, she looked at me and smiled softly, "My brother once died in front of me." ”

My body stiffened, looking at Han Ying, she said unhurriedly, "A car fell off a cliff, he held me in his arms, I only injured my neck and spine, but he died." He called my name countless times before he died, and my eyes were covered in red blood, and I will never forget that image for the rest of my life. ”

My heart trembled, how could it be so imaginary with Lu Chengying's death, I also said, "I have a friend who also died by my side, he held my hand and injected himself with medicine and died, I can't forget that scene, I close my eyes many times and he looks like in front of me." ”

"He Jiaran, we have all been deeply loved, no matter whether that relationship has begun or ended, the person who really loves you will never bully you, he will respect you and protect you, you must know that they went to another world, not to suffer, but to live another life, instead of living in the memories they give us, it is better to cherish the people in front of us and live well."

I understand what Han Ying said, but I can't use it at all, I try hard to open my heart, and I try hard to make myself look down on all this, but these words are just words after all, I work hard, I can't do it.

I sighed into the distance, "I understand what you say, but I need time. ”

"You need time, but what about the people around you?" Han Ying looked at me, "No one will unconditionally pay for another person, and the so-called deep love also has a limit." ”

Han Ying's words hit my heart hard, and I nodded, knowing her intentions.

Zou Moyan was really well-intentioned to let Han Ying come and talk to me about these things.

It was getting dark, Sun Yao called us in to eat fruit, Han Ying took my arm and whispered, "Actually, Mr. Zou is very worried about you, but he doesn't know how to express it, you can't escape from these things, you can't hide, he is also very painful, he loves you, we can all see it, why bother to ignore the lover around you for a friend who has left?" ”

I nodded and replied, "I see." ”

Back in the room to eat fruit, everyone shouted to disperse, Xu Moxuan came over to hold the child and hold his wife, happy envy of others, Zou Moyan looked at me, although his face was cold, but I read a kind of expectation in that gaze, I took the initiative to walk to his side and took his hand.

His palms were as gentle and dry as ever, like the first time I had held them.

Han Ying is right, I shouldn't be selfish to live in those pasts, and let someone around me who loves me suffer a lot of grievances.

These days, my hypocrisy of death has come up, and I really forgot Zou Moyan's feelings.

After we got home, we were busy with each other, Zou Moyan read in the bedroom after washing, I took a picture album to the left and looked at it after I washed, Zou Moyan saw that I was very interested, and asked, "Interested?" ”

I shook my head, "Just take a look." ”

"But you've been staring at that page for more than a minute."

"Really?" I hurriedly turned the page and looked at Zou Moyan with some embarrassment, "Aren't you reading, why did you notice me?" ”

"Hmm, Afterglow."

After Zou Moyan finished speaking, he began to look down at the book again, and I looked at this awkward man, and suddenly felt an urge to laugh from the bottom of my heart.

I haven't felt this way for a long time, all my nerves before seemed to be paralyzed, I don't know what joy, anger and sorrow are, I don't know how to face Zou Moyan, and I don't even know how to face myself many times.

I put down the album in my hand and sat next to Zou Moyan, looking at his delicate eyebrows and very handsome facial features, and the appearance of the little princess of Zhou Luo's family brushed in my mind, I thought in my heart that in the future, my child must look like Zou Moyan, and his personality must be like him, of course, IQ must follow him!

My hand gently touched Zou Moyan's face, he was obviously stunned, grabbed my hand, I looked at him, and said slowly: "Mo Yan, we want a child." ”