A night of tossing and turning, waking up early.

In the mirror of the guest house, I saw a haggard, tired self, dark circles under the eyes, yellow muscles, unkempt, and a languid and decadent appearance.

Cheer up, pack yourself, it's still early before the agreed time to go.

After washing, I called my hometown to report that I was safe, and I didn't mention to my family about coming to the southwest town, but just said that I was on a business trip in the field.

The mother's concerned words on the other end of the phone made me feel warm in my heart.

That's when I realized that life had to go on no matter what reality was.

Even if I am abandoned by people all over the world, I still have the affection of my family in the end, which should be my responsibility and motivation to live.

Love is like a luxury item for me, and I have always had hopes, but now that I see the price behind the back sign, I need to be more sensible.

When the appointed time came, Ding Ling appeared downstairs in the guest house on time, she changed into the last outfit we had after the county high school entrance examination, short skirt and red shirt, but because the weather turned cold, she put a woolen stockings on her legs, which looked slender and straight, beautiful and capable, about the secret but infatuated farewell in the county more than ten years ago, I never mentioned it to her, my deep affection for her secret love, maybe she will never know.

Behind Ding Ling, followed by two middle-aged men.

She generously introduced these two people to me.

A very delicate, long-haired, with a small braid tied at the back, and a medium build, he is the boss of the song hall.

A burly, inch-headed, meaty-faced, tall man, he was a big clock.

Under Ding Ling's recommendation, I met the two eldest brothers, and then drove to the scenic spots in the suburbs together.

Dazhong was in charge of driving, and the vehicle was a brand-new Santana owned by Boss Wang.

Ding Ling, including the two eldest brothers, was polite to me, Ding Ling and I sat in the back row, and Boss Wang sat in the co-pilot.

Everyone was silent all the way, and I noticed that Boss Wang had been fiddling with a new camera in front of him, raising his head from time to time and glancing at me in the rearview mirror, as if he was observing my every move.

I was a little depressed, which was too far from the original idea that I would be alone with Ding Ling and play together, and if the timing was right, the initial idea of further communication.

All of a sudden, there were more strangers around the two of them who had never known each other, which made me feel very restrained.

I was full of worries, and my mental state was a little dissociated during the whole game, Ding Ling seemed to notice my abnormality, but I didn't pay much attention to it.

She was very interested in Boss Wang and Da Zhong and had a very happy time.

In the process of playing, Boss Wang will pull her hand from time to time, and stroke her head for a while, intimately, completely like a couple, and the two of them take photos and take pictures, busy and happy.

From the beginning to the end of my travels, I was marginalized, treated lukewarmly, and completely an outsider.

What was supposed to be a planned itinerary turned into an ordeal for me.

As night falls, we're heading back.

The big clock started the car, Ding Ling and I sat in the back seat, the car had not started, but Boss Wang unexpectedly did not sit in the co-pilot, squeezed into the back seat, and sat down affectionately with Ding Ling.

I sat on the other side, my head tilted out of the window, and I felt them snuggling up to each other, whispering, intimate.

The car slowly drove out of the scenic spot.

In the night, Boss Wang's hands wandered between Ding Ling's legs, Ding Ling giggled, and the two were completely immersed in the world of the two.

What was my state of mind sitting next to them?

Sad and humiliated.

I even thought that I should be superfluous to live at the moment!

"Look, this is the person I once fell in love with, what she is doing in front of her now, how can she take me seriously?!"

"In that case, if I know the current affairs, should I get out of the car immediately and walk back to the city by myself?"

Reason, however, triumphed over emotion.

After all, he is already an adult, not a three-year-old child, even if he feels humiliated, all excesses must be distinguished from the time.

However, at that moment, I clearly knew that Ding Ling and I were completely finished!

She and Boss Wang flirted in front of me, and it is obvious that the relationship between the two has long gone beyond the boundaries of ordinary friends!

"What am I!?"

My heart felt like someone was being grabbed and cramped.

I am now soberly aware of an indisputable fact.

Even though he was infatuated with her.

Ding Ling's eyes should have never had me.

We're just friends!

To put it more cruelly, we shouldn't even be the most ordinary friends!

Although she took the initiative to visit from thousands of miles away, she was also patient and hospitable, and she had completely fulfilled the friendship of the landlord.

Now that this is the case, what more can I hope for?

Since we are just ordinary friends, ordinary classmates.

What does it matter to me what she does with anyone?

If it doesn't matter, why does my heart hurt like blood?

I closed my eyes and felt the speed of the car, but I still thought that the car should be faster so that I could get out of this awkward situation sooner.

In my mind, the bits and pieces of my study and life with Ding Ling, Huanglou, and the county middle school kept flashing like a movie.

The lingering memories break my heart.

From knowing each other more than ten years ago, to being close again now, but each other's hearts are far away in the world, I have realized this emotion so deeply.

.......

As soon as the car entered the city, I hurriedly got out of the car and said goodbye to Ding Ling and his colleagues in a hypocritical and friendly manner.

I dragged my tired shell back to the guest house and threw myself on the bed, my mind blank.

I don't know how long it took me to remember something and sit up from the bed.

Stood up, took out his mobile phone to make a call, and immediately booked a ticket to return to the capital on the same day.

After booking my ticket, I sat down on the bed again, shaking terribly.

The head is completely an intimate picture of Ding Ling and Boss Wang forgetting their love in the car.

I can't help but be discouraged.

I wanted to cry, but the dignity of a man stopped me from being willful.

I tried to shout, but my throat was so dry that I couldn't make any sound.

I sat in the dark for a long time.

......

"I'm leaving soon, I've been holding back for so many years, I'm still going to say what I want to say, right? Should I write something to stay? ”

"Forget it, I already know the result, what's the point of talking about it?"

I was struggling inside.

Or do you want to leave something behind?

I thought about it for a long time.

Standing up, I decided to buy a gift for Ding Ling, thank her for her hospitality, and also want to leave a memorial to our friendship over the past ten years.

Walking downstairs, the town was already shrouded in hazy night, and from a distance, the whole street was beautifully illuminated by the gorgeous street lamps.

I walked into the mall next to the guest house and wanted to pick a suitable gift.

The gift area turned around for a long time, and finally chose a crystal Rubik's cube, inside the crystal is a pastoral painting, there is a delicate cottage in the pastoral painting, and under a green tree in front of the house, there is a little girl dancing happily.

I can also count myself as a perfect interpretation and sustenance of Ding Ling's emotions.

......

More than ten years ago, Ding Ling, who was in her prime, danced to the beat of the music in the sunshine of the playground of the Yellow Building.

The girl in the crystal is the shadow engraved in the depths of my soul by Ding Ling more than ten years ago.

A beautiful shadow that once haunted her dreams.

Now this beautiful longing will also end with the emotion, forever sealed in my pure memory.

I have been chasing emotions in my heart for more than ten years, but I was shattered by the cruel reality.

This experience is like a thorn piercing deep muscles, which cannot be seen or touched on the surface, but often every time it is touched, it hurts the heart.

I reflect on myself, if I had spoken out my feelings earlier, confessed to Ding Ling earlier, been rejected earlier, and knew such an ending earlier, would it not have hurt so deeply?

However, reality is reality after all, it has happened, and I have to face it no matter what.

Reality experience, whether it is humiliation or pain, is a spur and growth after all.

I packed my bags, left my gifts at the front desk of the guest house, and prepared to go to the station.

I called Ding Ling to inform her that I was leaving, and I wanted her to cherish it.

She may have sensed the strangeness of my voice on the phone, and insisted on coming to the station to see me off.

Before the pit stop, she really rushed over.

I don't have the courage to see her again.

"Great country, are you leaving? Two more days? Aren't you planning to stay a few more days? "She's more sincere.

"No, the company has given me a short notice, and I am in a bit of a hurry to rush back." , I lowered my head, sad in my heart, for the first time in my life I lied.

"By the way, thank you for your hospitality over the past two days. I bought you a gift, catch the train, I'm afraid I won't have time to hand it over to you, so I put it at the front desk of the guest house, you remember to take it. ”

I said politely.

"Are you really in such a hurry?" Her eyes were a little red, and she seemed to be a little reluctant.

Although I already knew in my heart that we would never see each other again, the tone of her voice still shocked me and made me feel a sense of warmth.

"Looks like she really wants to keep me!" I thought to myself, I was really moved.

"Ding Ling .......", I wanted to say but stopped.

"Huh? ......", she looked at me.

"I'm leaving, I have something I want to say to you, but I don't know whether to say it or not."

"Say it."

"About ...... About Boss Wang. ”

Her expression changed, and her face immediately became very gloomy.

"What's wrong with Boss Wang?"

I didn't want to say any more, but looking at her expression, I couldn't say it.

"I think that Boss Wang and we are not the same kind of people, as classmates and friends, I think you ...... Be cautious when making friends. "I think it's necessary to be reminded.

Ding Ling immediately turned her face, and she looked angry.

"Why is Boss Wang not the same person as me, what are you? When people open a song hall, they can earn tens of thousands of yuan a night, can you? ”

"You don't look at your appearance in the past two days, you're dumbfounded, and when you eat, you have to be served tea and water, so you don't understand anything."

She said a lot of things, as if she hadn't put up with me for two days, but had had enough of it for years.

I stood there stiff, unable to utter a word.

It seems that I am too worried and too naïve.

I was choked by her words.

It's embarrassing.

Her reprimand was like a whip in the depths of my thoughts, and it whipped away my soul.

Yes, Ding Ling's words at this moment impressed me more than the slap from the owner of the fast food restaurant of the Provincial Research Institute three years ago.

It seems that there is a problem with my judgment, and there is also a problem with my values, it's not that people are not the same kind of people, it's that I don't belong to the stream at all, and I am not the same kind of people as them!

Yes, the owner of the song hall has dozens of beauties under his hands, singing and dancing every day, brocade clothes and jade food, and a monthly income of one million, compared to others, what am I? I'm just a poor scholar living in the basement of Beijing, and I still need a discount for staying in a hotel!

It is useless for me to say any more.

I have to reflect that when I am thousands of miles away and in a trance, someone is serving me tea and water, and I am completely unaware that this is rude; When I despise the moral character of others, whether it is legal or not, others have already made a lot of money and live a comfortable life, how old is my contempt? When I pursue others, when I like what others like in my heart, I don't know at all, people avoid me, and my infatuation has become a laughing stock for others!

What absurd logic! And what a huge humiliation is this!?

Looks like I'm really going to have to sum myself up.

What could have been a hypocritical and peaceful goodbye was completely messed up by me again.

A seemingly ordinary emotional invitation, but inadvertently evolved into an unforgettable emotional banquet.

Farewell, my true and pure emotional world.

Farewell, my soul love.

The world of emotions, where to go?

For a while, I once again fell into the same dilemma and confusion as I did after losing the county high school entrance examination a few years ago.