Dr. Hu is indeed forcing Sanping to face and admit some pain that she is unwilling to accept - "You are cowardly, but you are not weak. At the end of the consultation, Dr. Hu finally told her this sentence. At that time, she didn't take it to heart, but kept thinking about one of the truths that Dr. Hu exposed in the consultation - "There is another pain that has appeared, it was once suppressed by you, but Lu Yi's confession made this pain appear again, and you couldn't bear it, so you chose to commit suicide." That's the real reason why you committed suicide."

Dr. Hu did not go on to ask what Sanping meant by "other pain". When Sanpei returned to his room, he lay on the bed and stared at the spider in the corner of the wall who was lying in the middle of a huge web waiting for its prey, motionless. The little spider has become a big spider, and the aunt who came to clean up has held the broom high several times to try to remove the nest of the web and the spider in the web, but each time it was stopped by Sanping.

"You girl doll, don't you feel panicked? Not afraid of spiders? The aunt muttered strangely and went out with a broom. Sanping, who was standing under the web, looked up, and the big spider was in the middle of the swaying web, slightly raising one of its eight legs, as if to thank Sanping. Sanpei smiled.

Sanpei suddenly remembered her autobiography - although she also said that she could not continue to write, she still got up, walked to the table, opened the drawer, and took out the notebook that had been left for a long time.

The part that records her mother was torn out by her. Now, she picked up the pen and wanted to recall the "other pain"—she had hoped that she could follow her old habits and escape this "new" pain, but she also really hoped that she would get better soon, that she could move on quickly—that she had been delayed for too long.

She knew that something was wrong, a big problem, but she didn't expect that the root of the problem turned out to be her "self-deception". She didn't expect that a small escape would sometimes make her feel so painful that she couldn't get out of bed.

Sanpei closed the notebook and let out a long breath - there was still no way to do it. As soon as I think of it...... As soon as she thought of Yonghe dying in front of her, she was short of breath and her heart was beating violently in her chest. Her back and forehead were covered in a layer of cold sweat, and her hands were shaking, and she couldn't even hold the pen. She looked up into the corner, and the spider was gone.

There was a soft knock on the door outside, and it took a long time for Sanping to answer, "Please come in." ”

She put the notebook away, turned her head, and watched numbly as Yu Yun came in with a large pile of books.

"I'm coming." Yu Yun put the book on the coffee table, then picked up the teacup and went into the bathroom, and when he came out, he took the washed teacup and put it on the coffee table. He looked at Sanping, "Come, drink tea." ”

"You," Sanping sighed, walked to the sofa in front of the coffee table, and sat down, "It's really interesting." I really think you're thinking about it. ”

"I have a wrong mind." Yu Yun turned on the induction cooker and boiled water, "Don't you know? ”

Sanping rolled his eyes, "Where did I know?" ”

Then, she said solemnly, "Don't learn the trick of the road, I'm really afraid of these things." ”

"I don't learn from him, and I can't learn from him." Yu Yun scooped the tea leaves into the teacup with a small spoon, "He's impulsive." I'm not impulsive. ”

Sanping cut a snort, and then frowned, "Then why did you keep coming to me?" Are you greedy for good feng shui here, or are you greedy for me to be clean enough here? Or ......" she thought for a moment and asked uncertainly, "Or did Granny Yu ask you to come over?" ”

"Neither." The water was boiling, Yu Yun poured the hot water from the kettle into the teacup with tea leaves, and after two teas, "My mother simply wants to come over to you as a nurse in person, I said, you have some psychological problems, it's not that you lack arms and legs, you don't need a nurse, let her come over occasionally to see you." Yu Yun glanced at Sanping, who was nodding again and again, put a cleaned teacup in front of Sanping, and then poured in the washed tea, "Now, care and greetings are a burden for you, right?" ”

Sanping was silent.

"But don't take it for granted," Yu Yun poured himself a cup of tea, "we don't care about you." How is it possible, the bond between people is not so shallow. The causes of many things are not so superficial. ”

"What do you want to say?" Sanping frowned, "Do you cultural people talk like this?" ”

Yu Yun smiled, took a sip of tea, and then sighed with satisfaction.

"Your dad, and your mom." Putting down the teacup, Yu Yun spoke lightly. Sanping immediately interrupted, "Don't mention them. ”

"I don't mention it," Yu Yun replied slowly, "Can you not want to?" ”

"No, you haven't said why you came to me like a dogskin plaster?" Sanpei was a little impatient.

"How could I really leave you here alone, with no one to accompany you." Yu Yun was not annoyed, and continued to say lightly, "Although the two of us didn't have any intersection before, and it was Xiao Fei who transferred to me to come to junior high school that we had more intersections, but before, thanks to you, you took care of my mother for a long time." Now I'm here to repay the favor. ”

"Ah, what do you say?" Sanping remembered that Yu Yun was going to study abroad for more than half a year, and it happened that at that time Granny Yu had something wrong with her body, and Sanping, who was on vacation, learned the news and went to accompany Granny Yu every day. At that time, Yonghe had been gone for several months.

"How can it be the same...... Sanping looked at Yu Yun, "Granny Yu, that's a trivial matter, and she can be discharged from the hospital in a few days." I'm ...... I can't see the end of this, and I don't know how long I'm going to stay here, it's like going to prison, what if it's an indefinite term? Will you stay with me indefinitely? ”

"That's a real problem." Yu Yun picked up the teacup and stared at the pale yellow tea, "I can only take a step, look at a step." ”

"I don't know what you're thinking."

"Isn't that normal?"

"Yes."

Xiao Fei thought that his last summer vacation in high school would be boring, but Lu Yi happened to have an art exhibition to open, so he picked him up by the way. After Xiao Fei and Lu Yi finished the exhibition together, they returned to Fushan Town. Within a few days, the acceptance letter of the University of Arts came down.

At the beginning, Xiao Fei was still more excited when he took the notice, but it didn't take long for him to feel a little uncomfortable.

The cost of art university is not low, plus accommodation and living expenses, it will cost tens of thousands to say the least. He knew that Sanping would definitely hand him over without saying a word, but it was precisely because of this incident that he was restless.

Why, he was just a person who had nothing to do with her, why did she spend so much money to get him to school?

He was an orphan, and his mother left when he was still ignorant...... Even in his ignorant memory, his hatred for his biological father grew day by day.

He hated his father, if it weren't for this man, he would have lived happily with his mother, he would have accepted his mother's love as a matter of course, and he wouldn't have to care about other people's eyes and gossip as much as he does now.

Gossip is such a thing, the person who says it can forget it, but the person who listens to it is tormented by these words all the time.

Lu Yi told him to look away more than once, told him not to think so much, and let him treat other people's words as a fart - how is it possible? Sometimes he even wants to ask Lu Yi, can the memories and experiences of the past really be put down as soon as he turns around? No longer has the feeling of worrying about his heart, can he really do it?

Everyone is more or less tormented by the past and present situation, what qualifications does he have to ask Xiao Fei to let go?

"Wild seeds", "no father's pain, no mother's love", "no home's things", "children who rely on people's help", ...... These words are light and heavy, and those who have nothing to do with them can easily dodge them by turning their bodies a little, but what about those who are related to them? Xiao Fei himself, who is related to it, is pressed by these words every day, every hour, and every moment.

He knew that Sanping was good to him, but he just couldn't accept it with peace of mind.

I didn't dare to think about these things until I got the notice; When I got the notice, I had to think.

Thinking about it, he decided to hide the notice first and see if he could get money from other sources.

It's too late to work, and school is still a while away.

Looking for a way to borrow money? No, he must have gone to Sanping as soon as he turned around.

It's even more impossible to find Yu Yun. Xiao Fei had a headache when he thought of Yu Yun's appearance of not getting oil and salt.

Xiao Fei was thinking about it while checking some information about the lending platform on the Internet.

He found that the loan threshold of some lending platforms is quite low, as long as the ID card is OK, no need to look at the credit information, no need to look at the qualification, fill out an application form, and wait for the review. It's that there is interest when he repays the loan, but he can't understand whether the interest is high or low, so he doesn't take it to heart.

He thought about borrowing a sum of money on the lending platform first, and then working hard to work when he borrowed it, and just get his salary back.

Following the prompts on the webpage, when he got to the last step to enter his ID card, his brain, which had been overheating, actually cooled down. Xiao Fei hesitated, he stopped the hand he was typing, thought about it, and closed the web page.

He didn't know how high the stakes were or what the consequences would be. With nothing uncertain, he can't make any decision lightly.

Xiao Fei sighed, took out his mobile phone, and sent a text message to Teacher Jian.

Teacher Jane's message quickly came back. They made an appointment at a snack bar near Xiao Fei's high school and so on.

Teacher Jian has always had a ...... that doesn't match his actual age. Taste. Yu Yun doesn't look old, but he looks like a little old man. As for Teacher Jian, not only does he not look old, but he always likes to wear some clothes that even Xiao Fei dislikes.

Today's Teacher Jane wears a Marvel hero top, a pair of Spider-Man pants, and an Iron Man hat on his head. Compared with him, Xiao Fei, who is in black clothes, black pants and black sneakers, looks much older.

Xiao Fei looked at Teacher Jian who came over with an excited face expressionlessly, and his mouth moved, which was regarded as a greeting.

He didn't have much appetite, and after Teacher Jian ordered the meal, he turned his head to look at him, "You got the admission letter, right?" ”

Xiao Fei didn't speak, picked up the water cup and took a sip of water. He knew that he couldn't hide it from Mr. Jian, who was originally working at the Art University, and thought that instead of waiting for them to discuss it and ask him later, it would be better to take the initiative first and talk to him by the way...... Something else.

He didn't know how far Teacher Jian could talk to him...... Let's see.

"I got it the morning before yesterday." Xiao Fei replied.

Teacher Jian nodded, "Well, I'm just thinking about these days." Didn't you tell them? ”

"What is there to say. I'm not a kid anymore. ”

"Then what did you do with me today?" The curry fish balls and milk tea ordered by Mr. Jian came up quickly, and he happily inserted the straw into the milk tea and took a big sip of satisfaction.

"I just want to talk casually."

"You're not someone who likes to talk casually." Teacher Jian smiled, "When I used to give you make-up lessons, you and I talked the most about studying, and you were not interested in anything else. Talking to you about Marvel, you're not interested. I'm not interested in talking to you about DC. I wanted to talk to you about drawing, but you should be interested, but you still don't talk to me. Just today, do you want to have a casual chat with me? ”

is worthy of being a friend with Yu Yun for so many years. Xiao Fei was speechless for a while.

"Tell me, what the hell is going on. Is it a matter of the Arts University? Teacher Jian shook out a few toothpicks from the toothpick holder and inserted them into the curry fish balls, and then inserted a fish ball for himself and sent it to his mouth.

Xiao Fei knew that it would be too boring to twist it any longer, so he simply got straight to the point and said, "I don't want to ask Sanping for tuition." ”

"Did you win the Mark Six?" Teacher Jian asked, he seemed to have guessed that Xiao Fei was going to tell him about it.

"Or have you found some channel to get the money?" After thinking about it, he asked again.

"Neither." Xiao Fei replied, "I don't have a penny now." ”

"Then ......," Teacher Jian paused, "are you not going to go to school?" ”

"No, I'm still going to school. I'm just waiting to go to college. ”

"And what do you mean?" Teacher Jian looked at Xiao Fei suspiciously.

Xiao Fei took a deep breath, "I'm thinking about borrowing money......"

"Who do you want to borrow?"

"Isn't there any quick borrowing, I just want to ......"

"Don't even think about it!" Teacher Jian interrupted quickly. He put down the fish balls and milk tea, and looked at Xiao Fei seriously, "Don't even think about it!" If you start this, you won't be able to go back. ”

"Why?" For some reason, Xiao Fei secretly breathed a sigh of relief.

"You didn't borrow it, did you?" Teacher Jian scanned his face back and forth with his small eyes alertly. Seeing Xiao Fei shaking his head, he withdrew his gaze and put it back on the fish ball, "I'll tell you, you can go crazy and play as much as you want, just don't borrow this thing, as well as pornography, gambling and drugs, you must not touch it." You know? If you touch it, you'll be ruined. ”

"These loans are all good in the early stage, what has no threshold, fast arrival, and low interest rates...... Don't believe it. In the end, what you have to pay back must be dozens of times more than the amount you borrowed. Although I don't understand the ins and outs, I have had a few students borrow these, and the results are not very good. Ah, the people are still there, but the scene is not very good, and they have to bear the burden that they can't afford in the first place. It's going to be overwhelming. Teacher Jian said while inhaling milk tea.

Xiao Fei was a little scared, but more than lucky.

"Then again, why don't you want Sanping's money?" Teacher Jian glanced at him.

Xiao Fei poked himself a fish ball, "Knowingly asked." ”

Teacher Jian laughed a few times, and then immediately put away his smile, "So I asked you to solve the problem between you and Sanping first." ”

Xiao Fei stared at Teacher Jian's face in surprise, "Have you learned Sichuan opera to change your face?" ”

"Don't interrupt." Teacher Jian shook his head proudly, "Learn from Yu Yun." ”

"No, the problem is, I don't know what the problem is, how can I solve it?" After Xiao Fei took a sip of milk tea irritably, he frowned, picked up the milk tea and looked at it, "This is too sweet, it's all too sweet." ”

"It's your mouth that's too bitter." Teacher Jian disagreed, "Then tell me why you don't want to use Sanping's money?" ”

Xiao Fei thought for a moment and raised his eyes to look at Teacher Jian, "When you first got home, weren't you also making trouble?" Why are you making trouble? ”

Teacher Jian was stunned for a moment, he tilted his head and thought for a while, "I don't know how to answer you when you suddenly ask this...... It's complicated, it's contradictory, right? When my dad brought me back, I was eleven or twelve years old. I would never want to go back to that compound again, but I don't want to stay with my dad. To be honest, my dad and I didn't know anyone at all at that time, and two strangers suddenly had to stay in the same room, who could adapt? I used to quarrel with my dad a lot, and I often yelled at who do you think you are? Really, this sentence is 100% lethal, and my dad's face has changed. But after the quarrel, my dad still cooked for me, washed my clothes, and sent me to school. It's very contradictory, very contradictory. I know that this man does not love me, but he uses his actions to deceive me, and I think he is hypocritical, and I feel that he is hypocritical. ”

Xiao Fei covered his face with his hands, and his voice was muffled, "That's how it feels......"

Teacher Jian pulled down his hand, narrowed his eyes, and looked at him, "Are you also messing with Sanping?" ”

"Can you make trouble?" Xiao Fei was in a hurry, and the volume soared up unconsciously, but soon he realized his gaffe and hurriedly lowered his voice, "What's the trouble with her situation?" ”

"You didn't make a fuss when she wasn't in this situation, did you?"

"She's not getting any better." Xiao Fei became more and more depressed the more he spoke, "When she took me back, her husband had just left not long ago. No normal person can have a buffer period? In addition, I went around at other relatives' houses before, and I heard all the gossip with white eyes, and Sanping said that he had officially adopted me, and he didn't let me float around, but it was ...... You know. I don't dare to make trouble, and I don't ......," Xiao Fei couldn't go on.

"You don't have the guts to make a fuss, do you?" Teacher Jian took over the conversation and sighed, "Finally, someone told you that you could stabilize it, and you began to be afraid of returning to the previous life. So whether it's yes or no, no matter how awkward you feel in your heart, you don't dare to vent it. ”

Xiao Fei didn't speak, closed his eyes and took another big sip of milk tea.

"Isn't it sweet? You drink slowly, drink milk tea, and drink the feeling of drinking. "Teacher Jane is happy.

"Don't gloat." Xiao Fei gave him a blank look.

"Don't think about not contacting this place when you go to college." Teacher Jian finished laughing, and suddenly became serious, "There's no need to be so extreme and harsh to her, everyone is the same, if you feel awkward, she must also feel awkward." But it must have been all well-intentioned initially. If not, in order to fill the emptiness, wouldn't it be much easier for her to have a pet than to raise a personal one? So...... Teacher Jian looked at Xiao Fei seriously, "You can entangle, it's normal, I've also gone through this stage, I don't know who I am, I don't know why I got involved with a person for no reason." But how can there really be anything for no reason? Some things can be studied deeply, but there are some things that there is no need to hold on. She has given so much to you, if you deserve it, will you be good to her again? ”

"Today's matter," Xiao Fei and Teacher Jian walked home, Xiao Fei looked at the traffic coming and going, turned his head and said to Teacher Jian, "It's the first time I've told someone." ”

"Normal." Teacher Jian was not surprised, "You are looking for me, you just think that I am the same as you, the same kind of person, and you can talk about something by talking about this." If you talk to Lu Yi and Yu Yun, they can receive half of your meaning. ”

"That's right, don't hold back if there's something. Find whoever you want, chat, scold, make trouble, don't hold back, and don't mess around yourself. Are you going to the hospital to see Sanping today? Xiao Fei was still listening to Teacher Jian with his head down, and when he heard Sanping's name, he raised his head and looked at Teacher Jian.

"Find her and have a good talk. The fate that was finally put together, don't waste and live up to it. If you don't take the first step first, how do you know what will happen next? Don't take everything for granted. ”