"Are you ready?"

"Yes, alright." Li Yifan lay on the sofa, closed his eyes, adjusted his breathing, and tried to relax himself.

"What did you see again this time?" Bai Ran's eyes were solemn and serious, looking at Li Yifan, holding his previous medical record in his hand, and placing it on the white tender thighs faintly exposed under the white coat.

This is Bai Ran's psychological clinic, which is clean and tidy, and the sunlight outside the floor-to-ceiling windows shines on the pothos next to it through the blinds, which looks vibrant.

Li Yifan and Bai Ran hadn't seen each other for a while, and if he could, he hoped that they would never meet in this situation.

I came here because Li Yifan saw some not very good things again, and this situation has been frequent for a while since the incident eleven years ago. Li Yifan also received psychological treatment for three years because of that incident, and now he rarely has delusions of being victimized, and no longer receives systematic treatment, but only regularly undergoes some basic psychological evaluations.

And this time, the real, as if I was experiencing the victimization, reappeared......

It was two weeks ago, during self-study on Tuesday night, Li Yifan and his roommates couldn't stand the stuffiness of the classroom, so they skipped self-study to play basketball. In the summer of this furnace-like city, the heat is still rolling even at night.

After playing basketball, everyone is sweating, and it will feel extremely refreshing to go to the pool next to the basketball court to rinse down. Several young men frolicked while washing, and threw water at each other, starting a water fight.

Li Yifan didn't join in, just lowered his head and washed the sweat on his face and head under the faucet. Wu Shuai, who liked to joke the most in the dormitory, saw that he was alone, so he quietly ran behind Li Yifan, and pressed Li Yifan, who was washing his hair under the faucet, with his hand, wanting to scare her.

At the moment of entering the water, Li Yifan felt that his whole person was pushed into the water by a powerful force, and at that moment, it seemed that his nose, mouth, and ears were filled with cold and earthy water, he subconsciously wanted to struggle, but he couldn't struggle.

He was limp and weak, and he couldn't use the slightest strength. That inexplicable sense of fear "rubbed" into his entire body at once. He tried to open his eyes in horror to find everything around him that could be used to escape, but he didn't even seem to have the strength to open his eyes, and could only feel himself slowly sink into the boundless darkness beneath him, and the cold, earthy water slowly wrapped the long hair flowing from his head around his face......

"Long hair?" He couldn't help but be taken aback, his mind seemed to be a little clearer, but the deeper he sank, the darker and darker it became, the water was so cold at the moment, as if even the water rushed into his alveoli with malice, he tried to breathe wide, but he could never get air. He tried to open his eyes again, and saw the long pink dress slowly floating under him. And there was a red bag floating in his hand, and the cosmetics and mirrors in it floated out. Li Yifan's consciousness also began to blur, in a trance he seemed to see a student card in a pink card bag, he couldn't see the name clearly, vaguely only saw a girl with long hair in the photo, in a trance he saw the face of "himself" in the mirror floating over, it was a girl's delicate face, her half-squinted eyes were only desperate, looking at the world she was still nostalgic for on the shore.

Li Yifan felt that the fear had spread to his whole body, he desperately wanted to struggle, desperately wanted to swim upstream, but he could only let the current pull him down, he saw the sparkling waterfront, under the street lamp, a man stood there holding the guardrail on the shore, because he was carrying the light on his back, there was only a black shadow on his face, but even so, Li Yifan seemed to be able to feel that the man was wearing sunglasses, and behind the sunglasses was a cold gaze. He looked at himself in the water indifferently. The rippling waters of the lake dilute the scene on the shore, turning it into dappled colors, until the last of the dim light of the streetlamps disappears from view.

"Is she going to die? No! It's me going to die! Li Yifan felt the horror of being on the verge of death, and he struggled desperately, trying to break free from this fear. He exerted the last bit of strength in his bones, closed his eyes and raised his head, because the force was too strong, even his body was thrown back, and the whole person fell to the ground. The people around looked at Li Yifan in surprise, he gasped for breath, and his whole body was trembling, as if he had just climbed out of the water. For the first time, he felt that being able to breathe air was the greatest happiness, and he looked around and saw the familiar street lamps and basketball courts around him, and breathed a sigh of relief.

"Tell you not to joke with him, why are you like this!" While helping Li Yifan up, the head of the room angrily scolded Wu Shuai, who looked embarrassed next to him. The rest of the roommates also hurriedly ran over to help Li Yifan up.

"Yifan, are you alright? I just wanted to make a joke with you, I didn't expect you to react so much! Wu Shuai helped Li Yifan pat the soil on his shorts, and said embarrassedly: "I pressed you for a few seconds at most just now, and I didn't make much effort, if you are afraid, you can struggle, I saw that you didn't react for a long time, and I thought you were fine, and then I saw that you were struggling there alone, and as soon as I pulled you, why did you sit on the ground with your ass." Surprise me! Wu Shuai saw that Li Yifan was fine, but Li Yifan looked like he was scared of him.

Li Yifan's mind is now in a mess, and he is still panting heavily. The three roommates around him didn't dare to speak when they saw him like this, so they quietly watched him panting......

"Ding Lingling!" The bell for the next night's self-study broke the embarrassment.

Li Yifan laughed "poof". "It's okay, it's okay, I just washed my face and suddenly thought that I would have to hand in my art history homework tomorrow, and I held my breath too much." Li Yifan pretended to be calm to hide his frightened mood. Some of the students had already left the stadium one after another, and several people passing by looked curiously.

"Ahh The big night didn't let people have a good rest, really, I even forgot! The three roommates complained, returned to their usual appearance, and even said that they would hurry back when it was not too early, and walked in the direction of the dormitory while fighting.

It was less than ten seconds after all this just experienced, but Li Yifan felt like he had experienced a real terrifying night, he had been restless all the way, the fear in his heart deepened infinitely, the feeling of being able to wait for death silently was too painful, and the real feeling of drowning was only ten seconds, but it was still hovering in his mind. After a long time, Li Yifan still couldn't breathe normally, and kept panting heavily......

After reminiscing, Li Yifan slowly opened his eyes, as if he had experienced that drowning again, lying on the soft sofa and breathing shortly. Bai Ran asked him to slowly relax and adjust his breathing, so he closed his eyes and took a deep breath, sorted out his thoughts, and eased his mind.

He hadn't slept a single night's sleep for a few days after that night, and he always had a vague glimpse of something strange.

Li Yifan's current state seems to be back to a few years ago, having some strange dreams, but subconsciously resisting the memories of the past, because of fear, fear and guilt. Some dreams will vaguely remember some fragments after waking up, but they will forget it in the blink of an eye. And the feeling of drowning this time has always been vivid and lingering. Every time he saw the water and heard the sound of the water, the picture of that time suddenly appeared in his mind, Li Yifan deliberately avoided memories and wanted to forget, but the more he didn't want to think about it, these painful feelings hit him again and again, and every time he remembered it, it was like experiencing it again.

"Sister Bai Ran, did you say that the feeling before has come back, I won't take those medicines again!" Li Yifan is also very helpless about his delusions, because of this problem when he was a child, his mother always cried day and night, or he quarreled with his father, and finally the two of them came to the point of divorce. When he was a child, he always felt that it was because of his own relationship, so every time he felt something strange when he was a child, Li Yifan would rather endure it by himself than dare to tell his mother, being afraid and making her sad, it was indeed not easy for her mother to pull Li Yifan to grow up alone.

"Nine years ago, I wasn't much different from you now." Bai Ran flipped through the medical records in her hand while sorting out her thoughts. "The initial diagnosis should be delusional, but looking at your current appearance, it is not too serious, and if you cooperate with the treatment, there will generally not be too many problems."

Li Yifan and Bai Ran met after he moved when he was a child, although Bai Ran is seven years older than Li Yifan, but the relationship between the two is very good, children like to play with children older than themselves, not to mention that Li Yifan when he was a child was very cute, obedient and sensible, very likable, Bai Ran prefers to play with him.

"Or those medicines?" Li Yifan took the doctor's order handed by Bai Ran, and he didn't have to think about it to know that it was those medicines that would only take up his stomach.

"Well, let's observe for a while, at the moment we are using conservative medication, if a similar situation happens again, remember to call me as soon as possible. According to the current situation, it is not as serious as a few years ago, I have added some drugs to relieve mental tension, and you should know how to take the rest, and you know better than me how to react to each medicine. Bai Ran regained her serious, cold-hearted appearance.

After going to Bai Ran's house for dinner, Li Yifan went back to school, and as soon as he got off the bus, he received Bai Ran's WeChat, telling him to take medicine on time. He smiled at his phone, yes, the medicine can't be stopped!

The campus at seven o'clock was already bathed in twilight, and this time on the way to school, Li Yifan felt that it was also very bumpy and unpeaceful......