I shook sharply, as if something cold had chilled me. I raised my head and looked at Zhuo Yichen. "It's none of your business, it's my own distraction that will fall." I muttered, "If I had known I was pregnant, I would have aborted too, and I was over with him." ”

Anger rose in his eyes. "Is he empathetic and abandoned you?"

"No," I looked into his caring and anxious eyes, blinking his eyelids and tears rolling down, "There are so many problems between us that we can't find a solution to them, so we can only separate." I don't want to dwell on the past anymore, my miscarriage, and please keep it a secret for me. ”

"I'll keep it a secret for you." Zhuo Yichen said sincerely and sincerely, "This matter, only me, Ye Zihan, and Head Yu in the dance troupe know, and I even hide it from Yin Jingshu, for fear that she won't be able to control her mouth." ”

"Thank you." I sobbed.

He examined my face carefully, for a long time, and sadly, and finally said sadly: "Tong Xin, you still have a long way to go, don't let setbacks knock you down, you must go on strongly Tomorrow the sun will still rise, and the new day will continue." ”

"Tomorrow across the mountains, the world is boundless." I read it softly, in a trance and in a daze, these two lines of Du Fu's poems are really well written.

He wanted to speak and stopped, and I, having heard but not heard, like a wooden man, only trapped in my own realm. Two days later, the troupe went abroad to perform for more than a month, but I had to cancel the trip and let someone else take over my show. I curled up in the hospital bed, covered my head with a quilt, closed my eyes tightly, didn't cry, didn't move, didn't speak, didn't think I didn't want to do anything, I didn't even want to see the world.

I returned to my apartment from the hospital in despair, looking at myself in the mirror, so haggard and pale that I almost didn't look like "me" anymore. Ye Zihan also visited with the group, and she asked Yu Meng to come over to take care of me. Yu Meng went to live in my apartment for a while, and under her careful care, my body gradually recovered, but it was difficult to recover from the serious injury. The days are long and sleepy, and I no longer shed tears, but I always have a sad and confused heart. If Xiao Se knew about the existence of that child, how would he react He has lost trust in me, will he doubt that the child is not his, since he has chosen to let go, he should start a new relationship soon. There are so many beautiful and passionate girls in France, I am afraid that they are intoxicated by the gentle country and cannot extricate themselves

I thought about these questions all day and all night, and I was dizzy and dazed by the thoughts. And at the same time as these problems, there is also a deepening pain in the heart. In those sleepless nights, I tossed and turned in my heart and shouted Xiao Se's name. I don't know when I lost myself.

One day, Yu Meng saw me holding my rice bowl in a daze, and asked very gently: "Is the food I made not to your taste?"

"No, it tastes good." I took two large mouthfuls of food and swallowed it.

"Tong Xin," Yu Meng's hand crossed the dining table and held mine, "You haven't practiced for many days, and your ligaments will become stiff." ”

I woke up suddenly, put down my job, and tears welled up in my eyes. I have lost love, I can't lose my dreams anymore, I can't just be depressed, I have to face the reality and have the courage to live. I consoled myself with Pushkin's poem: "If life deceives you, don't be sad, don't be hasty to believe, happy days will come, everything will be instantaneous, everything will pass; And what has passed will become a cordial nostalgia. ”

I resumed my practice, sweating alone in the practice hall, and sometimes Yu Meng would accompany me by the side, looking at me quietly, her eyes filled with sadness. She must have remembered her lost dreams, as well as the simple and beautiful dream-chasing times that she could never go back to.

Spring goes to winter, and in the blink of an eye, another year has passed. When I went to the Time Garden Black Tea House by the South Lake to look for Yu Meng that day, I saw her standing quietly in front of the floor-to-ceiling windows on the second floor, like a marble carved icon. At noon, there were no guests in the lobby on the second floor, and it was quiet and peaceful. Yu Meng's eyelashes are half drooping, her starry eyes are half hidden, her eyes fall on an unknown place, and her thoughts seem to have drifted into another planet, which has a sense of bereavement.

"Yu Meng, Yu Meng," I called her softly.

Yu Meng raised her eyelashes and asked in surprise, "Are you calling me?"

"yes." I looked at her in confusion, "What's wrong with you, you can't give up."

Her face was infinitely sad, and then she sighed and said, "Tong Xin, I'm going to marry Wen Hao." ”

I was shocked, not because she was going to marry Luo Wenhao, but because of the look on her face when she mentioned her marriage. "You seem to be very reluctant, did he force you to get married?"

"No, I volunteered." Her face was melancholy and sad, desolate and lonely, "I still can't let go of that person, maybe only marriage can make me leave him completely." Besides, I'm also old enough to get married, and my mom has been pushing me. ”

Yu Meng's mother only learned the news three years after she left the dance troupe, although she was shocked and regretted, but seeing that she was living a good life, and Luo Wenhao had a deep affection for her, she accepted this fact, and fell in love with Luo Wenhao, and had already regarded him as the best son-in-law.

"But you are like this, it is unfair to Luo Wenhao." I couldn't help but say.

"I admit that I was selfish, and I had the urge to confess everything to him, but I was perfect in his mind, and I didn't want to destroy that perfection." She looked at me with a pair of miserable eyes, "Since I can't marry the person I love, I can only settle for the second best thing and choose the person who loves me." I don't love him, but I don't want to lose him. ”

"He didn't find it" I was a little puzzled, didn't Luo Wenhao realize it, Yu Meng is not the first time

She shook her head. "That night, I was nearing the end of my period, and he thought I was better for me after that. I don't think there's anyone else in the world who loves me as much as he does. ”

I have a faint worry in my heart, if Luo Wenhao knows the truth one day, the psychological gap can be imagined. "If you make up your mind to live with Luo Wenhao, you must not be entangled with Qin Feng anymore, you must completely break it off and avoid future troubles." I was almost warning her, "You have to take your heart back and try to love Luo Wenhao, he is the one who wants to live with you for the rest of your life, don't ruin the happiness that really belongs to you." ”

She frowned. "My heart has been lost, and I can't get it back, what should I do if I'm with Luo Wenhao, I don't have any passion at all, I can only pretend. I thought I was suffering from severe frigidity, but I was obviously still very passionate about Qin Feng."

"You still have that kind of relationship with Qin Feng" I interrupted her in shock, "You are talking about marriage with Luo Wenhao, and cheating with Qin Feng at the same time"

"I can't refuse him, as long as he calls, I can't fly to his side immediately." She laughed, so sad and sad, "Even I look down on myself and feel so cheap." I only hope that after getting married, he will let me go and stop tempting me. As long as he doesn't contact me, I won't take the initiative to go to him. ”

I was silent.

"Tong Xin" she took my hand and asked in a low voice, "Would you like to be my bridesmaid?"

"Of course I do." My disagreement with her in some aspects does not affect our friendship or my sincere blessings for her.

We sat by the window on the second floor and drank black tea, the scenery here is still the same, and the interior furnishings are still the same. I looked blankly at the old-fashioned record player in the hall, listened to the elegant and romantic music coming from it, and vaguely saw me and Xiao Se spinning and dancing to the accompaniment of the music. When did that happen, and it was so far away that it was almost impossible to remember. I thought I was numb, but in fact, after staying in this environment for a long time, the tingling in my heart increased with each passing day, straining my heart more and more, and stimulating my nerves more and more.

"Tong Xin, do you want to know the news of Xiao Se" Yu Meng saw that I was immersed in painful memories.

"What's the news" I suddenly panicked, "is he going to get married?"

"It's not." Yu Meng stood up and took a magazine from the bookshelf next to her, "This is a character magazine that Yuan Jiapeng brought back when he went to Beijing on a business trip last year, and it has been here for a long time, and I only found it two days ago." ”

I took the magazine, and the cover was a photo of Xiao Se, and there was an introductory text "Young Architectural Dream Meets Young Parisian Architect Xiao Se Interview". Xiao Se on the cover is wearing a very formal suit and tie, and he already has the demeanor of a successful person. There was a faint, subtle, soft smile in his eyes. However, there was no warmth in that smile, but a little sour, almost melancholy.

At the end of last year, when he was invited to Beijing to participate in the "Dialogue with Architects" forum, he was interviewed by a magazine reporter. The magazine also included a newsletter published on June 15 last year by the Southern Region of French Cultural Heritage and translated into Chinese:

Xiao Se, a young Chinese architect, just won the François Meyerlevi Prize for the best graduate in France at the French Institute of Architecture in June. Now he has started working in the top 10 offices of Artecharpentier in Paris, France.

His graduation project has been reported by the Southern Region of Cultural Heritage. This design is about the remediation of the PAL plot in the municipality of Cahors. His idea "The earth is a green carpet of moving forms" places the medieval architecture of the Pont du Canale, a World Heritage Site, "like a jewel on a flannel". Xiao Se's designs stand out because of his unique sensitivity and poetry. Through the art of hand-drawing, he uses architectural painting and watercolor to dissect space and analyze problems, leading a way of thinking with the eyes and hands.

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