Chapter 150: What I Want

Xu Xiaoyu has been deeply in love with Zhang Fengyi all these years, he regards everything he has as the focus and center of his life, and everything he does is to please Zhang Fengyi. He always believed that his insistence was right and never thought of giving up. He was even willing to give his love unreservedly and completely to his little righteousness, and never thought of sharing it with others.

But Xu Xiaoyu has always been in Zhang Fengyi's body, and he has not obtained the kind of harvest he really wants, let alone the kind of love he wants. In fact, Xu Xiaoyu is also quite pitiful, and his love for Zhang Fengyi has not been reciprocated. But he didn't feel a trace of dissatisfaction, and he always believed that as long as he worked harder and treated Xiaoyi better, Zhang Fengyi would definitely accept himself one day.

In fact, in addition to not being able to give Xu Xiaoyu the kind of emotion he wanted, Zhang Fengyi also absolutely gave him a lot, a lot, and surpassed everyone, except for Fang Longxing, of course. Although this is the kind that he Xu Xiaoyu doesn't want, as far as Zhang Fengyi's personal position is concerned, this is the best he can give Xu Xiaoyu, and he has regarded Xu Xiaoyu as the most important person in his life besides Fang Longxing.

Before Fang Longxing returned to China, Zhang Fengyi had already done what he should do for Xu Xiaoyu, no matter what aspect, he repaid Xu Xiaoyu in his own way, the only thing was that he couldn't give his own people and his heart to him, but he did his duty to Xu Xiaoyu.

Xu Xiaoyu really doesn't understand why Zhang Fengyi is so brainless, but in fact, he himself is the same, it's just that they can see others clearly, and when it's their turn, they will be addicted to it, and they can't get around.

In Xu Xiaoyu's heart, he believes that the relationship between him and Zhang Fengyi was originally well maintained, but it was not until the appearance of Guan Yingai later that the relationship between him and Xiaoyi was inevitably affected. Xu Xiaoyu attributed all the mistakes to Guan Yingai alone.

Shouldn't he hate a woman like Guan Yingai? Yes, he should hate her! Disgusted with her! Dislike her! In order to take revenge on Guan Yingai, Xu Xiaoyu vented all his dissatisfaction. He took possession of her body and vented all his dissatisfaction, complaints and grievances on her, including, of course, the suppressed emotions that Zhang Fengyi forced him to marry her.

He wants to ask for the fairness he wants in her body, it is Guan Ying who loves you and does not know whether he is alive or dead, and he has to break into my life, and he can't blame others. Don't you love money? Isn't there no affection for me? Aren't you able to sell your flesh without an emotional foundation? Aren't you even willing to sell your soul for the sake of money like dung?

Then I will also let you know what it is like to have sex without love, and let you know my pain. Let you also experience what it would be like to sleep with someone you don't love at all; what kind of feeling; What kind of taste?

Since this is Guan Ying's choice to love you, then I will satisfy your vanity and let you experience this taste too. Let you also enjoy the bitter fruit of your own brewing. But Xu Xiaoyu took the safest measures every time, because he never thought of letting such a woman give birth to a child for him. He didn't want to be connected to such a woman by blood. The reason why they can be combined is simply that: each takes what he needs, owes each other nothing, can there be nothing else, and what else can there be?

Now even the person he Xu Xiaoyu misses in his heart, he doesn't have the ability to make him like himself. Can Xu Xiaoyu not feel aggrieved? Can you not feel your own failure? Money made him unable to see the direction clearly, unable to see his feelings clearly, and even made him lose himself. His heart is extremely empty now, if it was because Zhang Fengyi's existence was full before, then even his beloved Xiaoyi was ruthlessly snatched away by others, so what is the meaning of his Xu Xiaoyu's life?

If crying would have solved the problem, he would have cried out loud in TAMA, even if it was to burst his throat! Does it really make sense to buy drunk? The answer, of course, is no. It turns out that drinking doesn't solve practical problems!

But Xu Xiaoyu just wanted to use drinking to mutilate his body, because he had already begun to hate his own body. He felt that his body was not clean, so Xiaoyi hated him. If he can always keep himself like a jade, not come randomly, and face the feelings between them with love and honesty, will Xiaoyi be able to accept himself?

Xu Xiaoyu also began to reflect constantly, he always had to figure out why Xiaoyi never liked him, right? He wondered why he had lost so badly. You have to sum up your bastard behavior, right? Are you really not good enough? Hasn't he done enough for him, not good enough? What else to do?

Xu Xiaoyu kept drinking, his thoughts were confused, and many fragments flowed through his mind one by one, he wanted to go back to the past, the past when he first met Zhang Fengyi. Then everything can be rewritten. If he had known today, he would have chosen another path.

Raise a cup, raise your head, go back and forth a few times, and a few glasses of wine, although the effect of alcohol can paralyze people's nerves, but not people's thoughts. Scenes, piles, pieces, and fragments of memory are all like acting in a movie, passing through Xu Xiaoyu's mind rapidly, and those are all good memories that belong to Xu Xiaoyu.

The deepest and most precious things buried in his heart are haunted by him. It is as beautiful and pure as a fairy in a dream dancing with crystal seven-colored wings. In a hurry, the good times they experienced together can never come back, and can only be sealed in the dust.

If time can be reversed, if time can be traveled, if time can stand still, Xu Xiaoyu will definitely freeze his whole life in the beautiful college years, or in the years when he studied abroad with Zhang Fengyi, and let those times repeat repeatedly. If it was a dream, he would rather live in a dream forever and never wake up, it was the best years of his life.

Xu Xiaoyu leaned on the sofa and looked up at the dim seven-colored red light on the ceiling, full of emotion. He let out a long sigh, yes! A little melancholy, the young man's head turned white. Empty hatred, time flies, years are rushing, and I can't keep your footsteps. I'm still here, and you've traveled thousands of miles away.

Like a passing year, my love for you has turned into a lovesick bird, lovesick is a stupid bird, a stupid bird, stupidly flew into my fairy tale world, and this fairy tale is now missing you, my most beloved person in this life - Zhang Fengyi.

Little righteousness! What exactly should I do? You have left me and chosen him. How should you let me Xu Xiaoyu deal with himself in the future? How do you live without you? How can you change the life you are used to? How do you adjust to your new life? What is the meaning of living for my TAMA? Oh, yes! Waste doesn't deserve love, let alone love, does it? Isn't it? Xiaoyi, can you tell me?

Xu Xiaoyu ordered a song for himself, the childhood sung by Luo Dayou. In a slurred voice, he sang:

"On the banyan tree by the pond, I know that summer is crying...... An inch of time is an inch of gold, and the teacher said that it is difficult to buy an inch of time. Day after day, year after year, confused childhood...... A person faces the sky in a daze, so curious, so fantastic, such a lonely childhood...... Looking forward to the holidays, looking forward to tomorrow, looking forward to growing up in childhood......"

Memories - is the re-reading of the best memories treasured in memory, opening the dusty memories, through the tunnel of time, Xu Xiaoyu seems to have returned to the good college days: at that time, everyone left their parents and their hometowns. For the sake of dreams, for the sake of study, I am full of infinite longing for the future life. They come from all over the world and gather in this metropolis.

Although they were still very young at that time, they were full of youthful vigor. In college life, we learn to embellish life with the alternation of failure and success; learned to release one's emotions in solitude and social environment; I learned to deepen true friendships through listening and talking.