Chapter 189: Baby, Don't Cry

"Stubborn as you and me, what else can I say? It's useless to say anything, isn't it? Even so, I'll say it anyway. Xiaoyu, have you ever thought about our parents and our parents? Ever thought about Kwan Young-ae? I ask you, how old are we? Be responsible, you know? You don't need me to tell you the truth, right? Over the years, do you know what I hate about you the most, is that you always do it by your own temperament, and never think about the consequences. ”

Zhang Fengyi's original intention was to talk to Xu Xiaoyu about the matter, if he didn't say something to stimulate Xu Xiaoyu, I am afraid that Xu Xiaoyu would really change the topic, and then the purpose of his coming out today would only be half achieved.

The next time I see Xu Xiaoyu, I'm afraid I will have to wait until the family dinner on New Year's Day, and then there will be no more time to discuss this type of topic with him. Then I really don't know: when will this matter be put before they can bring it up again. During this period, it is inevitable that something unpleasant will happen, and Zhang Fengyi is still very anxious.

"Xiaoyi, we finally met once, I don't want to quarrel with you, you want to talk to me about responsibility, right? Then let me tell you: my sense of responsibility is to be responsible for the person I love, to live with him for the rest of my life, to be good to him for the rest of my life, am I wrong? You said that I have been using my own temperament all these years, do you know why I want to come here? Why am I here?

I'm going to tell you about it today, it was when I was nineteen years old, and I found out that I was in love with a boy, and I felt like an anomaly, like a monster. To be honest, I was scared, helpless, confused and hesitant. Author: Jin Lan Xiuxian

I started to become abnormal, I was afraid that people would find out that something was wrong with me, and I tried to prove that I was normal. What if I don't? Who's going to teach me exactly what to do? Who can truly understand my difficulties? Understand my struggle? Do you feel my good intentions?

I was afraid that the boy I fell in love with would hate me, would not accept me, would stay away from me, and would look at me in a strange light. I was afraid of losing him, I tried everything to please him, I listened to him, and I would do anything for him. I approached him just to be good to him, to do everything I could for him, to the point of giving everything I had unconditionally.

But what about him? Guess what he did to me? He knew that I loved him, but he still pretended not to know anything, and deliberately distanced himself from me and avoided me. I know that he has someone else in his heart, but I am willing to give it like a fool.

I think one day, he will be moved by my sincerity, throw himself into my arms, and I will be able to wait for him. But the result? Guess what I've been waiting for in the end? The person he loves, the person he misses, the person he has been waiting for for more than 20 years, has returned to him, and they can live happily together.

And me? Am I going to die alone? What do I protect and look at? Do I deserve it? Why should I give up my beloved to someone else? Where is his lover when he needs it most? Who was the person who was with him when he was most helpless?

It's me! It's me Xu Xiaoyu, isn't it? Why does he pretend not to see my love for him? Pretend not to know? Why did he never put me in his heart? Xiaoyi! It's up to you to tell me today? What exactly should I do? Aren't you my best buddy? You're going to help me analyze it! Tell me about it! ”

The more Xu Xiaoyu spoke, the more excited he became, his emotions seemed to be a little out of control, he was not a good-tempered person, but he had never lost his temper in front of Zhang Fengyi, he completely provoked Zhang Fengyi, he couldn't tolerate Zhang Fengyi's hatred of himself, Zhang Fengyi had never said anything to him about hating him over the years.

At the same time, he didn't want to hide it anymore, so he just said it all at once! At least when you want to lose someone, you must also make each other's hearts clear and clear, if it is not because of your own wrong practices all these years, why should you fall so deep, and the result is that both of them are sad and sad.

"Xiaoyu, stop talking! I beg you, don't say any more! At this time, Zhang Fengyi was already in tears, he covered his head with both hands, kept shaking his head, and begged Xu Xiaoyu to stop talking.

Seeing this, Xu Xiaoyu was startled at first, and then suddenly felt a throbbing pain in his heart. He stopped talking, and the car fell into silence, and he seemed to be able to hear Zhang Fengyi's silent tears, which seemed to pierce his whole body. He immediately found a nearby parking space, parked the car, and then took some tissues for Zhang Fengyi to gently wipe the tears that flowed down. In the end, Xu Xiaoyu finally couldn't help it, hugged Zhang Fengyi, who was sitting in the co-pilot, into his arms, and said very gently:

"You don't want to hear it, do you? Whose grievances, whose tears, whose helplessness, who knows. I don't want to force you to give any more answers. Baby, don't cry, okay? I didn't expect you to be like this, you cry, I'm going to be sad! If you cry, my heart will hurt too! If you cry, it will make my life worse than death. I beg you! Baby, don't cry anymore! ”

Xu Xiaoyu would never make people happy, even if he was willing to please Zhang Fengyi, he had never been like today. Facing the current Zhang Fengyi, he was suddenly at a loss. After knowing each other for so long, it was the first time he had seen Zhang Fengyi like this.

Xu Xiaoyu didn't know how to coax for a while, but he actually said two "treasures" in a row, if these words came out of Fang Longxing's mouth, it would be very natural. This word came out of Xu Xiaoyu's mouth, and he always felt weird. Actually, everything is changing, we just don't notice it. Because true love can really change a lot, a lot!

Zhang Fengyi, who was suddenly held in Xu Xiaoyu's arms, first stiffened his body, and then did not make any resistance, and let Xu Xiaoyu hold him like this. There's really nothing too much to do this between buddies! What's more, Zhang Fengyi didn't do anything to be sorry for Fang Longxing.

Zhang Fengyi doesn't cry for no reason, he has always been strong, but he has already dried up his tears. Recently, with Fang Longxing, he has become emotional. is even more because he empathizes with everything Xu Xiaoyu said.

As a same-sex and love-minded person, how could he not understand everything Xu Xiaoyu said when he was only interested in the same sex! He also came from that time, and he can better understand Xu Xiaoyu's helplessness and understand everything Xu Xiaoyu has experienced.

Oh, yes! When they first discover their sexuality and orientation, they will be very conflicted, even panicked, so that they are afraid. They can't even understand their own behavior, but this behavior is innate, not something that is nurtured after birth. There is nothing wrong with them, but no one wants to accept and understand, let alone get more support.

Some people become timid, cowardly, cautious, and sinner-like as a result. They will even consider themselves a freak! even began to hate themselves, disgusted with life, and some even had the idea of suicide.

did not meet people of the same kind; No one wants to touch; No one wants to take it; No one has learned to understand...... All they get are skeptical glances, disdainful disgust, and even crusade voices, and no one tells them what to do to be right! can only grow slowly and grope slowly under the ravages of life......

After a while, Zhang Fengyi finally calmed down his emotions, and then said to Xu Xiaoyu very gently:

"Xiaoyu, I understand! In the future, I will no longer persuade you, you can do whatever you want, I will support your approach and choice, and I will not complain. No matter what happens in the future, I am willing to bear it with you. As long as you feel better, relieved, and comfortable. I just want you to promise me not to do too many things that are out of line, and what I mean by wrong means not to do personal harm, as long as you do this, I will not hate you. ”

Zhang Fengyi finally put his heart down, because when they could see each other honestly, everyone had no sense of guilt! There will be no more concealment, and there is no need to be afraid that the gun is easy to dodge. What he owes Xu Xiaoyu must be repaid, which is understandable. As long as Xu Xiaoyu promised himself not to hurt Fang Longxing, he would be able to accept the rest, which was also Zhang Fengyi's only bottom line.