2. Hospital reunion

Friday, 27 October 2017 Fine

At six o'clock in the morning, my father had already gotten up, and the movement of cleaning up in the house was a bit loud, and I didn't feel much sleep after being woken up, so I brushed my teeth and washed my face. I had four poached eggs for breakfast, I ate one and a small packet of snow rice crackers, and at nine o'clock we got on the bus to the provincial capital, and we sat in the last row, which was very bumpy, and I began to doze off as soon as I sat up, and my father kept looking out the window at the mountains thoughtfully.

Arrived at the provincial capital of the first affiliated hospital when it was close to half past eleven, thinking that the appointment of the expert to see the time was half past two in the afternoon, my father and I went to the nearby restaurant, that is a very large store, at the crossroads opposite the hospital, the business is very good, the boss is from Xinjiang, the main promotion of mutton soup, mutton stewed noodles and mutton steamed buns, but the health of the store is not very good, some paper towels were thrown on the ground, and the bowls on the table were not cleaned up in time. We ordered two small portions of mutton stewed noodles, a total of 32 yuan, according to the impression of the amount of my father's meal, a small portion is not full, I think it is too expensive, so I sandwiched the noodles in my own bowl into his bowl. Dad didn't think the noodles tasted, put the chili oil on the table into it, and after putting it in, it was too spicy, and he was sweating all over his head, I said to ask the waiter to change the soup base, and Dad shook his head. I got up to buy him a bottle of water, just one dollar, but he still wouldn't let him, but fortunately there was a free supply of hot water in the store, I called some, and he barely drank two glasses.

At twelve o'clock to the hospital, to get the card only to find that we made an appointment with the provincial experts in the West Hospital today, we had to drag our luggage to the West Hospital, today the weather is very good, the sun is strong, we don't know the way, the heart is full of unspeakable sourness, I am so, expect my father to feel more uncomfortable, fortunately we still arrived before the appointment time. Dad said that the West Hospital is small and broken, indeed, the hardware facilities are not very good, and the health is also very bad, the key is that the experts let us be hospitalized here for treatment. Dad was reluctant and wanted to go to the new hospital, feeling that it was more professional, but in the end he was persuaded by the experts that no matter where he received treatment, the medicine used was the best.

In the evening, I took the canteen with my dad for dinner, the canteen is small and shabby, the cooking is also very simple, rice porridge and noodle soup, the color of the dishes is also very poor, I can't see any oil and water, I guess the chefs here are the uncles and aunts who are responsible for serving the food. My dad and I asked for two bowls of noodle soup, a bean sprout, two steamed buns, and an egg, which cost a total of 7 yuan.

When I returned to the ward after eating, it was already more than seven o'clock in the evening, I hit some hot water to soak my father's feet, maybe I was too tired after today's day's travel, my father fell asleep after washing his feet, looking at Dad's side face and the remaining half of the sparse white hair, my heart tightened for a while, until I heard Dad's even snoring, I didn't settle down.

I thought that we would go to the new hospital for treatment this time, I thought that Huo Heng and I would have a chance to meet again, but I didn't expect to come here by accident, I shouldn't have any expectations for it, but after being disappointed, it became more and more uncomfortable. I'm such a bad girl, and I still have some unrealistic fantasies in my head at this time, I'm so disgusting!

Saturday, 28 October 2017 Fine

I don't know how to make a completely objective evaluation of the entire treatment operation system of the hospital, but from the perspective of a doctor's family, the progress is very slow, there are many examination items, and the cost is high.

After having an ECG with my dad in the morning, and as soon as I returned to the ward, the doctor asked me to go to the East Campus to find another director to help me see the results. After waiting for nearly an hour at the entrance of the hospital to wait for the shuttle bus to the East Campus, I finally found the director's office, but I was told that I would not be at work this week, and the next week's shift had not yet been discharged. I had to sit in the old hospital and then turn back, and waited until half past two in the afternoon to go to work, and was told that I could not pick up the film in the afternoon and would not be able to pick it up until next Monday morning. I was very anxious, and I happened to run into the shuttle bus back to the old hospital, so I stopped running for a while.

Who knew that less than 20 minutes after returning to the ward, a young doctor who looked like he was in the internship period took a test sheet and some blood samples and asked me to send them to the laboratory department of the old hospital before I got off work, he said that he had just finished a trip, because of carelessness only left my dad's behind, I will go to your uncle's carelessness, your carelessness you will make up for it yourself, why let me help you run a trip when you are about to get off work? It was half past four when the guy told me, and I had to rush there before five o'clock, and my heart kept bursting, and even though I had a lot of grievances, I still ran non-stop, no matter what, Dad's examination was the most important. Called a motorcycle at the door of the hospital, the man asked for thirty yuan, I returned the price of fifteen, just said that the person immediately agreed, feeling that he was losing, but fortunately the man rode fast enough, around five twenty I arrived smoothly, until the things were sent to the fifteenth floor after my whole heart settled down.

I didn't expect to meet Huo Heng on the elevator unexpectedly this time, he was seeing a doctor in the old hospital today, there were a lot of people on the elevator, he came in and saw me and called my name directly, which made me really surprised, and then he squeezed to my side and asked enthusiastically. But I felt so embarrassed that I ran around all day, and I didn't know what it looked like.

After getting off the elevator, we stood in the lobby on the first floor and said hello, he was still as good-looking as before, and the pear vortex that laughed was simply dizzying.

"Is your dad coming to the hospital again?"

"Hmm. He's not been in good shape lately. Come back and check again. ”

"Take good care of your dad and make him optimistic, it works better than anything else. And you, take care of yourself too. Don't we have WeChat? If you have any difficulties, you can come to me, and I will definitely help if I can. ”

He raised his hand and rubbed my hair, and my heart began to beat again, and my eyebrows and eyes were crooked, exactly like last time.

And my hair is a little longer than last time, and it's shoulder-length, I don't know if he'll notice.

"Thank you, Dr. Huo."

"You're welcome, then, goodbye."

"Goodbye."

I smiled and said goodbye to him, but tears poured down the moment I turned around, and even my father, who I was running for, didn't tell me to take care of myself, didn't care if I would have time to eat lunch at noon. But Huo Heng, who is he? Who am I to him? There was nothing between us, we didn't even say we were qualified, but he told me to take care of myself and make it difficult for me to go to him. His words were like a small pebble, but they stirred up layers of ripples in my heart, even if I was grateful, but my dignity told me that no matter what kind of difficulties I encountered, I would not go to him, the more I liked it, the more I did not allow myself to show an embarrassed appearance in front of him, and the more I struggled not to feel inferior in front of him for seeking his help.

But I was so eager to be his equal.

It was dark when I came out of the hospital, and I couldn't catch the last interhospital bus.

Sitting on the bus and looking out the window, I had a lot of thoughts, and I didn't understand why life had to put me through so much, why God was so unfair.

When I think of Huo Heng, I suddenly feel that fate is still acceptable to me, in this world, who is less painful than whom, and how much happier than whom, no matter which one it is, it will be the life we have to experience. Believe that you can get through it no matter what. Get off the bus No. 409, there are still more than ten minutes away, pick a sycamore leaf and two rose petals and walk forward slowly, yes, this is how to move forward step by step, there is always a day when the hard days are over.

Thank you for showing up, thank you Huo Heng.

Sunday, 29 October 2017 Sunny

The wind blew all night last night and cooled down.

In the morning, I went to the cafeteria for breakfast, the wind blew on the body, and the sycamore leaves all over the ground were golden, and they creaked when I stepped on them.

The west courtyard is really small, and I feel that the corridor is dark and damp.

I washed my hair, folded some pothos branches, stuck them in the bottles of mineral water that I had drunk, and put them on the windowsill.

Looking out the window, everyone in sight seems to have a million possibilities in life, but I can't see my own, my future is like a scrapped green train, which stops where it will never come.

It's a sad day.

Monday, 30 October 2017 Fine

Maybe I went to bed too early last night, and I woke up at four o'clock this morning, and my dad got up to go to the toilet, and there was still heavy ink outside the window.

After reading the e-book "A Man's Pilgrimage" for a while, I squinted for a while.

This morning, I went to the East Hospital with my dad to borrow biopsy sections, and it was already half past eleven in the morning when I returned to the old hospital after taking it, we went to a small restaurant for lunch, Dad ordered an egg cover noodles, and I had a fried cold skin, I didn't eat enough, I felt that I was always not full recently, and the whole person was empty.

After the meal, the sun was very warm, so we bought a small portion of sugar-coated peanuts and sat in the open space of the parking lot to bask in the sun, and there were many people holding signs begging for alms, I wonder if there was really no money for treatment. I felt sad and turned my head to look down at my phone. In the afternoon, the biopsy was sent to the director and told to come tomorrow morning to get the results.

In the evening, my dad said that he would not go downstairs to eat, and I was very angry.

A man ran to the doctor and asked about the results of a recent examination, and the doctor said that chronic lymphocytic leukemia has no cure possibility. It's similar to what Huo Heng said last time.

was still angry with his father, but now it's all gone.

I could bear it, and I was prepared for the worst. After accepting my fate and controlling my fate, I want to believe in the power of the spirit and believe in miracles, and now what we have to do is to maintain an optimistic mood and actively cooperate with the treatment.

Tuesday, 31 October 2017 Light rain

A lot of times I don't feel bad anymore.

Only a few times did I feel that there was only one word left for the rest of my life.

Is it that in the face of more patients in pain, doctors have become numb and stiff.

Those who live in dire straits, you have to eat and sleep well, not everyone has a long life.

Today, I went to the old hospital to get the biopsy section of the re-examination report, the doctor suggested that we do a BC23 examination, but the results have not come out, the doctor said that it is 90% sure of the diagnosis, if it is done, it is 100% certain. I called my dad's doctor and she said she would do it.

I did it, what a simple three words, but it was so heavy for me. Can today's doctors think a little bit about their patients, 100 or 200 dollars may seem like nothing to them, but the unnecessary examination fees that are not there are are a heavy burden for us.

To do BC23, I need to go to the East Campus to borrow wax blocks, and I asked the doctor if I could do it in the East Campus, otherwise I would have to run back and forth between the three campuses, and the doctor said yes.

Sitting on the bus to the East Campus, I began to choke, but I had to hold back my tears.

When I went to the East Hospital, the doctor said that I couldn't do it there, the system was different or something, and I couldn't understand it, so I had to wait three hours for the doctor to go to work and borrow a wax block to go back to the old hospital.

I bought a few small breads at the supermarket for lunch, and I didn't want to cry so much.

It wasn't until more than three o'clock in the afternoon that everything was done and I planned to go back to the West Campus.

The shuttle bus from the old hospital to the west campus is only five o'clock, and I plan to take the bus.

Then the sky, which had been overcast, began to drizzle.

After running all day, my legs hurt, my ankles hurt, and the soreness in my heart should be described in words, maybe my dad just doesn't know how to care about people, so I haven't called.

When I got off the bus, the rain didn't stop, and I walked back slowly without an umbrella.

met Huo Heng at the gate of the hospital.

He trotted over to cover me from the rain with a transparent umbrella, which was so small that I could smell the faint fruity scent of him when I hid underneath, without the smell of disinfectant that I had ever imagined.

"You stupid boy, you don't know how to hide when it's raining, it's the most common thing to catch a cold in this kind of weather!"

He counted me down and pulled me forward, the hospital gate was already close to the inpatient building, but I felt closer.

"When I went out, I didn't expect it to rain today. Besides, Xiaoyu, what are you afraid of, my body is very strong. ”

"It's because of blind confidence that those germs will have a chance!"

I looked at his angry face and giggled.

His eyes widened, as if he was surprised that I could actually laugh, and unconsciously laughed with me, and then tapped my forehead with the tip of his index finger, but I felt that his fingertips seemed to ignite a flame, instantly burning every inch of skin on my body, and finally my whole frozen cold heart warmed up little by little.

I asked him why he came to the West Campus, and he coughed lightly, cleared his throat, and explained that it was because Professor Zhang was here today, and he would come here in the afternoon to hold an impromptu seminar, and I didn't understand what he said, but I was very happy to meet him anyway.

He left without saying a few words, and I stood there and watched as he took the transparent umbrella and got into a white Audi, which gradually disappeared from view before turning and going upstairs.

When I came back, my father excitedly told me that Dr. Huo, the attending doctor who was hospitalized in the East Hospital last time, came to see him, and said that the attending doctor had just left this time, saying that his current condition was very good, benign, and that he did not need chemotherapy at all in his current state.

My mood suddenly became relaxed, I don't know if it was because Huo Heng or because my father's illness was relatively stable at the moment, or both, and I seemed to be full of hope for the future.

Saturday, 20 November 2017 Fine

It's 21:49 Beijing time on November 23, 2017, and there are still 6 minutes before the train departs, and there are still 7 hours between me and Minwen.

At this moment, my heart is extremely mixed, a person's journey, a little lonely, but not afraid, leaving is just leaving, and the sense of reluctance will not be so strong. In fact, people always have to be separated from each other, sooner or later, who can accompany whom for a lifetime, I must learn to accept.

But when I thought of saying goodbye to Shanshan and the others before leaving in the afternoon, I had the idea of "forget it, I'm not going anywhere, just stay where I am and guard a few of my friends". In fact, think about it, I am not a person who is easy to be emotional, elementary school, junior high school, high school every stage of life go decisively, never reluctant, always feel that leaving is just leaving, but now, the three of them are my only concern in this school.

Taking advantage of the gap between the college and going out for an internship to find a job with Minwen first, it should be no problem, right? Although the chances of being found are not very high, there is still a little bit of fear.

I'm a person who doesn't have many new ideas, and I don't know what kind of job I'm looking for now, but I seem to be able to accept any kind of job. But Minwen kept persuading me to work in her company, I don't care, no matter what I do, as long as I have money and salary, I am willing to do it.

In fact, it's just because Dr. Huo is here, and that's it.