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Li Yue'er

After breaking up with Chen Ran, I took a week off, on the one hand, I needed time to sort out everything for myself, the joy and sorrow came too quickly and suddenly in less than half a month, and my body and mind seemed to be unbearable, and I was very tired. On the other hand, subconsciously I am also beginning to learn to get used to the days without staleness, after all, this is the normal state of my life in the future, isn't it?

It's just how do I get rid of the heartache that strikes me at any moment, when I push open the door and see the slippers on the shoe rack; As I leaned against the window, I remembered the fireworks that used to be strung between the pots and pans; When I opened the closet and saw the missing white shirt hanging in the corner; When I looked at myself in the mirror and touched the brown wash cup on the table without paying attention...... My heart will always be touched involuntarily, giving birth to a faint pain. Every corner seems to be Chen Ran's shadow, the warmth of his arms, the temperature of his palm, the grace of his smile, the clear breath between his fine stubble, his slender fingers holding cigarettes, his eyebrows and eyes, handsome and flying, all appeared in front of my eyes, turning my heart upside down. When I got out of this world, I saw his apartment standing in the wind again, his back running in the surging waves of the embroidered river, and the traffic on the street always felt that he was speeding towards me in a silver car, stopping steadily in front of me, rolling down the window, and his forever gentle face in the depths of my memory...... Every grass and tree, every flower and leaf, every inch of air, and every trickle here are all contaminated with his breath, surrounding me, drowning me, and making me unable to extricate myself.

I sleep with the stars on my pillow every night, but my eyes are blazing when the morning sun is dewed, and there is always a look of Chen Ran in my dreams, his gentle and calm sad and happy appearance, all the joys, sorrows, and sorrows are repeatedly switched in my mind, but the clearest thing is the back of the café on the day of the breakup that can't find a way out.

After that day, he didn't contact me again.

I also did not and could not contact him again.

I thought of his face that day, so bitterly begging, just to be able to look at me more in the rest of the time, such a fragile Chen Ran, I saw it for the first time. But I can be so ruthless, even though there are countless voices echoing in my ears, promise him, promise him, but reason tells me from beginning to end that I can't.

What about the connection? What about meeting in person? Can we go back to the way things were? Can't, time has sent us to a new interface, everything around us has long been rearranged and combined, meeting is just to increase sadness, love, read, see, but can only be unrelated to each other, close to each other, such entanglement, hurt others and hurt themselves, tired and tired, what does it mean to each other, I'm really tired......

I have to admit that neither he nor I, nor we, can go back......

Don't talk about love, don't talk about love, if all the troubles in the world can make love stand alone, the first person to be by his side should be me.

It's a pity that in those times when we all existed, he was always surrounded by another person.

The end of the world between us turned out to be destined in time long ago.

This love has exhausted all my life's strength, but unfortunately in the end, he and I still returned to the original appearance, as if we had never been in this world, seen, or loved.

Ten years of life and death, Chen Ran and I, one year, is already a lifetime.

I think of what I looked like when I first saw him, of the eloquent stories on the banks of the Xiu River, of the sizzling squid in the night rain, of the delicate purple shells, of the ring he put on me...... The ring is still resting on my breast, but the man who gave it has left me.

I am only 24 years old, the age of flowers, but I feel that my body is aging rapidly, and the energy of life is draining from my blood, so that my young body gradually fades into an old soul, deep singing, helpless love, helpless life.

I don't know how much it takes for people who love each other to come together, it seems that things that are easy in others seem to be difficult in my own place, and I have asked myself many times, why can't I give each other a chance, why can't I put everything aside and be with Chen Ran, and be the woman behind him Isn't it also my choice? Why can't you prove the greatness of a love in person? But in the end, I found that the love that came seemed to have nothing to do with greatness; And even if I could prove its greatness, I wouldn't be able to turn back the clock and things are impermanent.

In this love, I am the cowardly one after all.

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Suddenly, I felt that I had no strength to love.

Mourning is greater than heart death, and my heart is already full of holes.

That's it, let's let go of each other's hands, each is safe, each moving forward, don't look back, it wasn't each other's hands that were held from the beginning, right? It's better to bow your head, bow your head, let go of each other, and let go of yourself.

Don't contact, don't say goodbye, because we all know that long pain is better than short pain, listening to your voice and seeing your face will only make me more painful and make me more inseparable from you.

And I can't do without you, it's ...... the most painful!

So please forgive me for my cruelty and ruthlessness, I decided to leave Kairan, leave you, and go to a place you don't know, avoiding you in this life and this life, thinking of you, and loving you......

Goodbye, Chen Ran, goodbye, my love, I will never forget you, like the stars in the sky, shining eternally.

A week later, I submitted my resignation to Kairan.

I didn't see Chen Ran.

Wang Hao was not surprised when he received my resignation, thinking that he already knew everything, and I saw the sympathy and helplessness in his eyes. He took it silently, and without saying a word for a long time, he lit a cigarette and took two puffs, and asked me, "What are your plans next?" ”

I didn't want to tell him, "Not for the time being, let's rest for a while." ”

"Well, well," he hurriedly extinguished the cigarette butt, and it didn't seem that he really wanted to smoke, "if you change the contact information, you must tell me, we will always be friends." After speaking, he got up and walked in front of me and stretched out his hand to me, "Yue'er, take care." ”

I suddenly remembered the first day I arrived at Kairan, and he also stretched out his hand to me like this, and said, "Hello, I am Wang Hao, the manager of the administrative department", as if it was a long time ago, and it was only two years after careful calculation. I couldn't help but nodded, stretched out my hand to him, and smiled slightly, "Manager Wang, take care." ”

When I came out, I met Zhang Xiaoqi in the corridor, but I didn't expect her to stop me, "Xiao Li, can you say a few words?" ”

Her voice was no longer as sharp as before, and although there was a faint distantness, it was also sincere. I had no ill will towards her from the beginning, and I was about to leave now, so I didn't care, nodded, and followed her to the end of the corridor.

Outside the huge floor-to-ceiling windows are a patchwork of high-rise buildings, which shimmer in a cold and alienated light under the blue sky, reflecting the appearance of the real world. Zhang Xiaoqi looked out the window, took a deep breath, turned to me and said, "Xiao Li, I apologize to you for my previous opinion of you." ”

I looked up at her as if I knew everything, but I didn't say anything. She paused and pursed her lips slightly, "Because of Wang Hao, I have always misunderstood you, and I have deliberately felt sorry for you at work, and now I know how naïve my thoughts were." She lowered her head and smiled to herself, "I even gave up on myself for Wang Hao, and let myself catch up with someone like Guo Xin, but it turned out to be full of wind and rain in the city, I can't say it, I really feel so stupid" I think it recalls the embarrassment of Guo Xin's wife who made a big fuss about the company, and there were tears in her eyes, "If Wang Hao hadn't relieved me, I wouldn't have known how to get out of that pain, and it was that time that he maintained me that made us finally come together." I just understood," Zhang Xiaoqi looked at me and seemed to deliberately say to me, "Extramarital affairs, after all, hurt others and hurt ourselves, it is not easy for us women to survive in this world, and fair and honest love, at least let us work less." After a pause, she accentuated, "Do you understand?" ”

I smiled slightly, understanding that she was kindly reminding her, no matter what, her sincerity at the moment was warm, I nodded and looked at her, "Thank you, Sister Xiaoqi, I understand what you mean, I wrote it down," and took the initiative to reach out to her, "Take care, Sister Xiaoqi, I wish you and Manager Wang happiness." ”

She sighed, stretched out her hand to shake me, and her eyes were sincere, "Thank you, Xiao Li, take care." ”

I left Kairan, but it was as if I had left all the love of this life here.

When I walked out of the company, I received a text message from Mr. Guo, "Xiao Li, thank you for your success". I read it, deleted it, and didn't reply. Because, there is no need.

I decided to go to J City for further study.

Before leaving C City, I went to Hehuan Mountain alone, in the alternating season of summer and autumn, the acacia flower affair is nearing the end, and the mountains and fields are no longer full of clouds and clouds, only dotted with clusters of red

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Feather, people can't help but be gloomy. Standing on the edge of the Valley of Changqing, I remembered the scene when Chen Ran proposed to me here, as if I was in a different world. The ring he gave me is still on my chest, caressing the coolness of my heart, and I will always wear it, just like Chen Ran is by my side, accompanying me through thousands of mountains and rivers.

I suddenly remembered what the grandmother said, in life, whether it is husband and wife, children, friends and friends, they are just going hand in hand, and the red stripes come and go to the Three Realms, and it has always been a person's life......

It turned out that she had foreseen our parting a long time ago, although I used my own heart and blood to survive a thousand years of time in exchange for Chen Ran, but the reincarnation of Yoyo has long been doomed, we have missed it before the millennium, even if the time passes for a thousand years, what cannot be changed is still our fate......

It turned out that from the beginning, there was no future.

I sat down on the ground in front of the silent valley, tears raining down. The sound of insects and birds, only the sound of the mountains of acacia flying down.

On the day I left City C, Pleasant Goat and Manager Shen went to the station to see me off. Pleasant Goat knew that I didn't want others to know where I was, so he also told Manager Shen not to tell anyone, of course, this person, the most important thing is Chen Ran.

The two of them were already preparing for the wedding, and Pleasant Goat took my hand and complained, "Yue'er, you are leaving without even attending my wedding." ”

I held her back, glanced at Manager Shen next to me, and said with a smile, "Don't worry, the red envelope won't be missing you." ”

"What's the problem with red envelopes, am I so obsessed with money?" Pleasant Goat said angrily, "Forget it, I understand." You don't want to see him. Seeing my expression, he paused, and said cautiously, "Yue'er, do you know that Mr. Chen is also leaving Kairan?" I heard that he was going back to N City with his wife. ”

I was slightly stunned, but I was also relieved, this is also a matter of time or time, whether it is for Chen Ran or Sister Xiaojuan, City C is just a post station in life, how can Sister Xiaojuan stay here all the time in her current situation. Let's go, it's good to go, to see things and think about people, to see things and injuries, it's better to leave, just like me, isn't it the same?

It's just that N City, J City, one south and one north, are farther away, farther away...... After all, Chen Ran and I are drifting apart, and we can no longer see it.

I lowered my head, bit my lip to hide the turmoil in my heart, and when I looked up again, it was already clear, Yue'er couldn't bear to say more when she saw this, and hurriedly changed the topic, "By the way, Yue'er, I will leave Kairan after I get married to Dazhi." Dazhi applied for a doctorate degree from a ** university in the United Kingdom, and I had to marry a chicken and a dog to accompany me. ”

"Really?! How nice that is, congratulations! "I heard her excited, and I couldn't help but be happy for them, there are lovers who eventually become dependents, happy marriages, successful careers, and consummation doesn't seem to be as difficult as imagined, thinking of this, I can't help but turn my head to Manager Shen and say, "Congratulations, Manager Shen, double happiness is coming, and you will be good to us in the future."

Manager Shen still smiled and nodded, his eyes revealing firmness, "Don't worry, Xiao Li, you have to take care of yourself in the future." ”

"Don't worry, Yue'er, Dazhi and I will definitely keep it secret for you, you will quickly tell us the new mobile phone number when you arrive in J City" Pleasant Goat said and gave me a big hug, but his voice was choked, "Yue'er, take care, you must take good care of yourself" After a pause, she finally said, "Let it pass in the past, everything is a new beginning, there are many good men in the world, if you meet it, you must grasp it well, hear it, you stupid girl!" Don't worry me! Remember no!? "I was already in tears.

I couldn't help but mourn in my heart, and tears welled up in my eyes, but I just nodded desperately, "Got it, Pleasant Goat, I know, you guys should take care of yourself", and couldn't say anything more.

When the train started, I silently said in my heart,

"Goodbye, Chen Ran, goodbye, my love, I will always remember everything you have given me, from now on without me, you must take good care of yourself, all my love for you is now condensed into a wish, I wish you all well."

Love is something that can never be forgotten, but it can be given up. I took one last look at the blue sky and white clouds of the high-rise buildings in City C, turned around, and the wheels rolled forward, never looking back.

(End of chapter)