Chen Ran

Since Yue'er's father was transferred to the general ward, I have not been to the hospital again. The old man's heart disease, the doctor said that remember not to be stimulated again, worried that his visit will not only not solve the problem now, but cause him to resent, if there is any accident, I can not explain to Yue'er, it is better not to see, the old man needs time to calm down his anger, father and daughter can also take this opportunity to communicate well, at this time, I, an outsider, should retreat into the background, after all, the current situation, in the eyes of Yue'er's father, I can only be regarded as an outsider.

So I just kept in touch with Yue'er by phone and text message every day, and when something like that happened, I couldn't go to her apartment anymore. Only picked up her things when she was sent home from work. Although Yue'er didn't take the initiative, how could I not think about her, after her father was discharged from the hospital, it was inconvenient and unpleasant to see my clothes, so why bother to let the old man block it in vain. Yue'er and I have been around for a long time, and we are not away from us overnight.

On the one hand, I know that this kind of men's and women's affairs are the most unhurried and fast, and the amorous gossip between superiors and subordinates, mixed with themes such as extramarital affairs, ferments in everyone's population no less than a rocket ascending into the sky, and can cross 108,000 miles in a few seconds, and all blockages will be in vain; On the other hand, I also understand that the root of all this is just that piece of paper, as long as Yue'er and I get that certificate as soon as possible, all the short-term whipping and blame will naturally cease to fall. What's more, in front of my colleagues in the company that day, I pushed down Mayor Zhao's dinner for Yue'er, I expected that today, how could I be messed up because of this gossip. So for these swords and swords on the tip of my tongue, I turn a blind eye, and no one dares to chew my tongue in front of me anyway, right? After all, most of the living beings in this world need to survive more than everything, since they are begging for food in my hands, who dares to blatantly challenge my nerves? Human nature is like this, it is difficult to accept that the people around you have better opportunities than yourself, every day the heart and mind is nothing more than to get a little inner comparative advantage, in this case, why bother to kill these nonsense too much, you have to allow people to catch some gossip and anecdotes of the boss to satisfy the curiosity and comparison psychology in the depths of the heart. It's just that Yue'er suffered unnecessary influences, I specially gave her leave, which is convenient for her to take care of her father and avoid these disturbing words in a timely manner, yesterday Guo Kai also reminded me that I should not be so fanfare and not avoid the relationship with Yue'er, I ignored him, joke, so far, if my woman can't even give this bit of protection, am I Chen Ran still a man?

Sometimes I think about it and feel very ridiculous and helpless, a woman's position next to a man is determined by a thin piece of paper, this is the so-called dignity of a woman in love, this is the real world, this is the world's incompatible love and marriage standards, even I am willing to bow down in front of it and shout long live, I really don't know whether to say that it is the progress of this society or sadness.

It's just that at the moment, how can I discuss such a big and inappropriate social proposition, I need more time to sort out the upcoming separation, the distance from Yue'er, the distance from Xiaojuan and the physical and mental, the real meaning of the breakup. After three months, I will return to H City again, but for the same purpose as my previous return, which is ironic. And this time, there must be no more accidents that will fly to the disaster, and I will no longer allow myself to look forward and make sentences, this time I go back, the procedure is simple, the purpose is clear, is to tell Xiaojuan directly, I have ended my fate with you, let's divorce.

Sooner or later, it's time to wait, then, let's go!

I returned to H City on Friday night, and I didn't tell Xiaojuan in advance when I came back this time, I'll see you when I get home anyway, so why bother to make each other have to struggle to find something to say, is it possible that she will still be like before to pick up the airport and ask for warmth? Since it's for parting, let's just take a trip for the first time, and everything is at your own convenience. Laughing to myself, I sighed, waved a taxi and got in.

I sat in the car, looking at the fleeting scenery outside the window, H City at night has a strong hustle and bustle, so that every lonely soul is still cold and beautiful even if it is full of holes. Just like Xiaojuan's deep yearning for it, even though it is a city that has nothing to do with her past, she will not hesitate to leave her hometown at this moment in order to find a place to stand. And I, even if I have spent three spring and autumn here, but it is still incompatible with its bones, and now, finally to give it up, it seems that it really responds to the old saying, the twisted melon is not sweet, it was reluctant to come at the beginning, and now it is very decisive. Even if I bought a house and settled down and even my parents took over, a stranger in a foreign land, my fate with this city is nothing more than this after all.

Pulling out a cigarette and lighting it, I rolled down the window, and the smoke dissipated into the wind, leaving only the smell of cloudy tobacco mixed with the old leather gasoline in the car lingering on the tip of my nose. Although it was close to the child, the air outside the window still had the residual temperature of the day, and the air conditioner was spitting out cold air with all its might, splitting my body into two poles, cold and hot coexisting, cold and heat together, which made me feel comfortable, maybe this contrary experience is what I need most at this moment, I am so impatient to rush to Xiaojuan, isn't it just to be farther away from her?

Yes, in the future, this city will not appear many times in my life. After the divorce, there was no reason for my parents to stay here anymore, and I would respect their opinions wherever they wanted to go back to their hometown or go to City C with me. In the past ten years, I have sacrificed a lot for my patience and Xiaojuan, and it is time to truly enjoy my old age carefree......

It was past twelve o'clock in the evening when she got home, and Xiaojuan hadn't come back yet. Because of the second-hand house purchased at the beginning, the decoration was not complicated, and it didn't take long for Xiaojuan and her mother to move in. My parents didn't want to waste the rent they had already paid because their rental had not yet expired, so they insisted on moving in after the end of their lives. I understand their thrift and stubbornness, Xiaojuan is not a very good person, as a father-in-law and mother-in-law, they have been as tolerant and considerate as possible, in the past, there was a son by his side and a little comfort, now I am thousands of miles away, all day long in front of the familiar and strange daughter-in-law, after all, it is more embarrassing than comfortable, it will be later to live together, so I am not too reluctant. What's more, from now on, they have no reason to live together, this newly purchased house was originally intended to be left to Xiaojuan and her mother, but before I left last time, I told Xiaojuan to go home early to accompany her mother, but she still didn't care about it, and even disdained her own mother, which really made people a little angry.

At this moment, I looked at my sleepy-eyed mother-in-law, who had not seen her for three months, and she looked a lot older, and she was not surprised to see me come back, and she was still eager to cook some supper for me to pad her stomach. I couldn't bear it, so I hurriedly said, "Mom, you don't have to worry about me, I ate on the plane, go to sleep." I came back this time to deal with something, and I was in a hurry, so I didn't contact you in advance. Xiaojuan hasn't come back yet? ”

"Alas, Chen Ran, I also wanted to tell you, if you have time, you should persuade Xiaojuan, girl's family, socialize like this all day long, if you don't say anything else, this body can't bear it" The mother sighed, leaned on the chair next to her and sat down, "I don't know what my daughter thinks, if you want to say that now with your conditions, why do you need to run like this, why bother yourself so much." It's almost forty people, I originally wanted you to take the child, she was willful, unwilling to bring, okay, now we don't force her, then save worry and live a good life, but she has to float outside like this all day long, ask her impatiently, say that it is a unit entertainment, I don't understand, I am also a person who has worked for the Communist Party all his life, why haven't I seen her way of working? I don't go home until at least ten o'clock every day, I'm not saying that I'm an old woman who needs someone to accompany me, I'm worried about her, a woman, and her husband is not around, now the society is so chaotic, her father has left, if something happens to her again, I'm a lonely old woman, what should I do! Mother wiped away her tears as she spoke, "Chen Ran, don't blame your mother for talking too much, my mother has wanted to ask you for a long time, you and Xiaojuan, you are fine, right?" I look at you, as if something is not quite right, in N City before, Xiaojuan twittered about you every day, and now I can't hear her mention you for ten days and a half months, and occasionally I say it, I think she is also lazy. My mother looked at me and said, "You guys, it's nothing, right?" ”

sighed silently in her heart, her mother's worries were not unreasonable, but how could we tell her that our current situation made her anxious. Thinking of this, I pretended to pack my luggage easily, and said, "Mom, what can Xiaojuan and I have, you think too much." Xiaojuan is busy with work, and she has taken up a half-official position, and now there are many assessments and tasks in government departments, and units like the Health Bureau are directly linked to the people's livelihood problems such as taking medicine and seeing a doctor, and all aspects are staring at it, not to mention that in a big city like H City, many reform practices of the central government are piloted here, and things are only more than other units, how can it be compared with N City when you were young. Don't worry, I'll advise her when I'm free. Suddenly remembering that the documents and materials of the consulting company were still in the exchange room, he turned to his mother and said, "Mom, I'll go to the exchange room to get some information, you go to sleep first, don't wait for me, it's so late." I'll keep the door for Xiaojuan, and when she comes back, don't worry, huh? Go for it."

Seeing that I didn't look too unusual, my mother saw that it was indeed late, and the old man was getting older, and his body couldn't bear it after all, so she stood up on her knees, "Okay, anyway, we can't figure out about you young people." Okay, you go, it's so late, go and come back quickly, if Xiaojuan comes back and drinks wine, I will make her a decanting soup and put it in the refrigerator, and you will let her drink it hot. I'll go to sleep first. After saying that, he shook his head, sighed, and went into the house.

I promised to see her walk into the bedroom, and the relaxed smile on her face slowly retracted, and between me and Xiaojuan, it was dissolved, but the pain and hurt suffered by both parents in this process may not be less than ours at all. Looking at my mother's rickety back, thinking about my parents' premature birth, I couldn't help but sigh, even if I divorced Xiaojuan, I would still hide the news from them and wait for an opportunity to tell it later.

Walking on the sidewalk of the community at the moment, the summer night is silent and the cicadas are chirping. The roses on the side of the road are the most prosperous, although the color is not clear at night, the fragrance is so strong that it can't be dissolved. The sky is full of stars, faintly visible silver and man, it is really a beautiful night, in my memory, Xiaojuan and I have imagined the heavens and the earth together under the starry sky in N City, how could I have thought that at this moment I would plan to part with her in the same piece of starry man, the world is impermanent, it turns out that the starry sky has never belonged to her and me......

The corners of my mouth pulled out a wry smile, shook my head, seeing that the exchange room was close in front of me, I wiped my face, and was about to go up, when I suddenly saw a silver jeep parked next to me, the same license plate, the same model, which reminded me of that night, I couldn't help but stop, I raised my head and found that the room on the third floor was actually lit, and under the swaying of the lamp, there were two familiar figures hugging each other tightly......

I stopped, leaned on the jeep next to me, lit a cigarette, closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and then slowly spit out to the sky, my heart was very calm, without waves, as if I was bumping into two couples who had nothing to do with me doing normal things, I think there is no need to go up at this moment, right or wrong, it no longer matters, not to mention that this is not something that can be distinguished from right and wrong, how can there be any right or wrong, it is just a bunch of souls who are not free, and tomorrow, the four of us will finally be able to liberate......

Silently finished smoking the cigarette, I took out my mobile phone and edited a text message to Xiaojuan as fast as possible, "Xiaojuan, I'm back to H City, now I'm downstairs in the exchange room, I won't go up, remember to bring back the information of the consulting company in the exchange room when you go home, let's have dinner together at noon tomorrow, just the two of us, I have something to tell you." ”

Then he put his phone in his trouser pocket, turned and left, never looking back.