Chen Ran

Xiaojuan's father left unexpectedly, I remember the first night he left, that is, the day I went back to H City, on the way home after dinner, Xiaojuan also talked to him on the phone, telling him that he had taken in a goddaughter. I heard him muttering on the phone when he would be able to hug his own grandson, Xiaojuan's mother smiled and persuaded on the side, Xiaojuan looked disdainful of thousands of miles away anyway, and that kind of short scene of parents disappeared forever with this prominent car accident. And what has changed is my unspoken words to Xiaojuan, break up, hehe, when this big change happens, how can I break up with Xiaojuan again, she has lost a loved one overnight, how can I make her suffer the same pain again in one day?! I can't do it, how can I do it!

I am a man, I am Xiaojuan's husband, and I am the pillar of this family, even if I have no love for Xiaojuan, but in the face of such a painful moment in my life, morality and responsibility have made me have no way out. I know very well that at this moment, Xiaojuan needs me more than ever, this family has lost a male host, and it must not lose another. And the seemingly beautiful and simple love between me and Yue'er was quietly hidden behind me in the impermanence of this world. That night, all the surprises I had promised her were wiped out with this unexpected turn of events......

Standing in the corridor outside the hospital at this moment, looking at the dark night in front of me, the miserable white light behind me was like a ghost fire projecting onto my body, and the smell of disinfectant water unique to the hospital seemed to swallow me in this endless darkness. Xiaojuan was with her mother in the ward at this time, and their cries were particularly harsh in the quiet night. I took out a cigarette, the glimmer of the fireworks lit up and extinguished in the cold night breeze, repeated several times before igniting, took a deep breath, and then slowly exhaled, I closed my eyes, feeling the rough and bitter when the breeze of the early morning breeze brushed my cheeks, only to feel a deep powerlessness and sadness, gradually permeating the whole body, unprecedented sense of helplessness made me unable to see the future, in the future, this home, me and Xiaojuan, and Yue'er, what to do, how to go, as if suddenly there was no answer.

The smoke from my mouth dissipated in the cold air, I silently finished the cigarette, took out my mobile phone, and looked at the time It was only 5 o'clock in the morning, should I call Yue'er, she must still be asleep now, but the next time must be busy and inconvenient for me, I am afraid that it will be difficult to have a suitable opportunity to inform her about my situation. Is she worried? Sure, such vague words and messages that don't know the return date, in other words, I must have been anxious. That's it, the most important thing at the moment is to let her feel at ease first.

I didn't hesitate anymore, quickly dialed Yue'er's phone, as expected, Yue'er's anxiety and worry were still visible even through the long radio waves, in the end, she asked me to take care of myself, she said that Xiaojuan needed me the most at the moment, and she also asked me to promise her that she must hold on, and she would wait for me to go back in C City. The cool breeze whispered against the earpiece, I heard Yue'er's breathing unevenly on the phone, I knew she was crying at the moment, but I couldn't say a word, I suddenly didn't know how to comfort her, in front of us, it seemed to be a road that never saw the end, every time I thought we could finally walk hand in hand towards the distant goal without distractions, the road seemed to change direction inexplicably, leaving us speechless confusion and sadness.

Yue'er is selfless, in this love, she has done her best to give me understanding and understanding, just like she has always emphasized to me that I should not be separated from Xiaojuan, I believe that even if she longs for the twilight of the twilight, she is not willing to break my marriage to join hands with me for the rest of her life. That's why I was even more reluctant to let a 24-year-old girl die for me, so I told her I wouldn't let her wait too long and plan for the surprises that would come her. In my eyes, the world around me rises and sets every day, people go out early and return late, and all personnel are moving in an orderly manner, and I only need to spend the most ordinary 48 hours to cross the world and really come to her side. But I never thought that in these quiet years day after day, life and death are just a momentary thing, so that all my expectations and longings can only be condensed into three words - sorry.

Yes, I'm sorry Yue'er. If I can't give her a marriage, she will have to be lonely behind me like this, even if she says she doesn't care, but she is as strong as I care, how can her sensitive and melancholy heart be indifferent? It's just for my forbearance for love. Of course, I can do my best to be good to her, lovely to a person, but I can't give her marriage, just like beautiful music has a prelude and climax but can't find an end, after all, it is not a complete work; And a piece that can never be finished, no matter how melodious and beautiful it sounds, there will be times of aesthetic fatigue, and at that time, how many players and listeners will persevere? I looked at the sky above me that was gradually turning gray and blue, the hustle and bustle of the city was about to slowly open in the sun, and a few crows flew through the treetops with their wings fluttering, making a lonely and suppressed cry, just like my mood at the moment, depressed and declining.

For Yue'er, I owe it after all.

Xiaojuan's father's funeral was held in N City a week later, and all relatives and friends were present, and Guo Kai and his new wife also rushed over as soon as possible. It was the first time I saw his wife after he got married, and although she deliberately dressed up maturely, it was difficult to hide the youth and innocence of her actual age. Looking at her tightly holding Guo Kai's arm and snuggling up to him, as if no matter how big and difficult things can not disturb her peace of mind and steadfastness, my heart suddenly mourned, and Yue'er's face unconsciously appeared in front of her, she and her, a few years apart, but the fate is so different, Guo Kai's wife can enjoy the world without worry, just because someone shelters her from the wind and rain, and my Yue'er can only swallow all the ups and downs of this road of no return silently behind me, and I, but I am standing aside and powerless.

Slightly browning his eyebrows, he calmed down, how could he have more time for me to think about other things now? Raising my head, I had returned to my normal appearance, only standing beside Xiaojuan, and continued to greet relatives and friends who came to mourn.

"Xiaojuan's mother!" A familiar child's voice sounded, and I saw a thin figure rushing over, and threw himself into Xiaojuan's arms, already with tears in his eyes, "Xiaojuan's mother, don't cry, I know you're sad, but you still have Dad Chen, and me." Don't cry, okay."

Xiaojuan was stunned for a moment, only to realize that it was Zhao Tingting, and hurriedly looked up, not far behind her, Director Zhao was walking towards us step by step. As if a little surprised, Xiaojuan didn't speak, just stared blankly in the direction where Director Zhao came, until Tingting pulled her arm and hugged her again, before she woke up, and hurriedly hugged Tingting and said, "Okay, good, Tingting is good, mom listens to you, mom doesn't cry, ah?" Why did you and Dad get here? As he spoke, he wiped the tears from his face, but he couldn't wipe them off, and the tears flowed more and more.

Na Tingting was very caring, took out the tissue in her bag to help Xiaojuan wipe the tears from the corners of her mouth, and said, "Dad heard that the aunt in your unit said that something happened at your house, so we rushed over." ”

I listened to it with a warm heart, but I didn't expect Director Zhao to be such an old-fashioned and warm-hearted person. Originally, I just thought that others were good, and it was also a matter of rights and interests under the circumstances to recognize Tingting as my goddaughter, with my character and life experience, I did these harmless things on the scene, and I would not really think that I had a relationship with the director of the department, and it was even more impossible to classify his relationship into the category of real relatives and friends in such an accident where a family member died. Therefore, when I saw Director Zhao and his daughter rushing from H City to N City to attend Xiaojuan's father's funeral, Rao was cold and warm, and I couldn't help but be moved, so I hurriedly stepped forward with Xiaojuan and stretched out his hand to Director Zhao, "Zhao, thank you, thank you!" I didn't expect you to come, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry! ”

Director Zhao grabbed my hand, "Mr. Chen, what are you talking about, Tingting is your goddaughter, we are like a family, we are all very sad when something like this happens, and we should be there no matter what." As he spoke, he stretched out his hand and patted Xiaojuan's shoulder, there seemed to be endless distress and pity in his eyes, and he said heavily, "Xiaojuan, by the way." ”

"Zhao, thank you!" Xiaojuan was also moved, put her arm around Tingting, and said, "Why didn't Zhao make a call in advance, I didn't expect you to come, I didn't go to greet you in person, I'm really embarrassed......"

"What are you talking about?" Director Zhao waved his hand, "At this time, you are still polite to me, now you are the one who needs to be taken care of the most, especially you, Xiaojuan" Director Zhao looked at Xiaojuan, seemed to want to speak and stopped, after all, he sighed, "The deceased has passed away, you still have to take care of your body, the future is still a long way, take good care of your mother." ”

Hearing Director Zhao say this, Xiaojuan's eyes turned red again, and I saw her looking at Director Zhao in a daze, with countless waves in her eyes, and said, "I understand, Director Zhao, thank you." Fu turned his head and called me, "Chen Ran, you take Director Zhao to the lounge to sit and drink some water for a while, they have traveled a long way, and they must be tired now." Then he lowered his eyes and stroked Tingting's hair, "Is Tingting hungry?" Let's go grab a bite to eat with your mom. ”

Tingting agreed, and jumped up and followed Xiaojuan. I accompanied Director Zhao to the lounge and lit cigarettes for each other, but he was not as talkative as before. I was a little puzzled, and suddenly I heard him ask, "How long has Mr. Chen been in Kairan?" ”

I couldn't help but be stunned, and secretly asked him why he suddenly asked about this, but I also told the truth, "I have been there for three years before, and this time recently, it has been more than half a year." ”

"Why don't you consider coming back?"

I couldn't help but be asked by him, but how to explain the cause and effect in this sentence clearly, I didn't know how to answer for a while.

Seeing that I was silent, he patted me on the shoulder and said, "Mr. Chen, don't blame me for inquiring about your private affairs. Tingting is your goddaughter, and I really treat you as a brother. Saying that, he took a puff of cigarette and looked into the distance, "I have known Xiaojuan for almost two years, that time I accompanied my sister on a blind date, but the boy brought by Xiaojuan was not sensible, such a meal did not know to take the initiative to settle the bill, hehe, but Xiaojuan paid very happily, and apologized to us at the end and said that she didn't expect the boy to be so wooden, she also did the boy's mother a favor, and brought people over without understanding clearly, so that we could see and laugh." At that time, I thought that Xiaojuan was a very good person, righteous, enthusiastic, and informal. Director Zhao dusted off the cigarette ash on his hand, "Later, it gradually became ripe, and from her mouth, I slowly got to know you again." It's just that Xiaojuan seems to be a little sad every time she mentions you, and after a few questions, I learned that since you founded Kairan, you have spent most of your time gathering less and leaving more. It's not easy for a woman. He stopped and turned his head to look at me, "Brother, don't blame me for being too talkative, Tingting has a fate with you, I don't treat you as outsiders in my heart, you have been married for so many years, you should understand that although Xiaojuan is strong in her mouth, she is a little woman in her bones, and she is actually very eager for companionship." I don't know why you followed her to H City and then returned to Kairan, at that time Xiaojuan told me that she was very bottomless in her heart, and there seemed to be a feeling that you would never return, and I advised her not to think about it at the time. I don't mention these now, there was the situation at that time, but now that my uncle is gone, my aunt and Xiaojuan are on each side, and they are both alone, should you also plan well, you, Xiaojuan, Kairan, whether to go or stay, there must be a choice and arrangement. ”

I couldn't help but be stunned, and suddenly remembered the days before returning to Kairan, several midnight dreams, Xiaojuan was smoking on the balcony and talking about the thin and thin telephone, and now when I heard Director Zhao's words, I understood her helplessness and reluctance at that time, but at that time, the two of us were angry and had no communication, and finally pushed each other farther away from each other, and my heart also changed the trajectory in this exile, and I can never go back.

There was a bit of a pause for a while, but I understood that Director Zhao was right, and if he put his heart in his heart, he must really treat me as a friend. My father is gone, Xiaojuan and my mother, two women, and the world is different, and I, as the head of the family, must make comprehensive arrangements for them. But now that I have Yue'er, not being able to give her a marriage has made me feel guilty, how can I leave her and return to Xiaojuan alone? However, how can such a difficult and difficult distress be said to Director Zhao? Thinking of this, I lowered my head and smiled to myself, extinguished the cigarette butt, and was silent for a long time before I raised my head and looked into the distance, and said slowly, "Thank you, Zhao, I understand, I will think about it." ”