PS: The long eleven volumes are finally over, and today's temperature can already be regarded as the arrival of summer in my opinion. Takakawa's story will also break into its final volume this summer, the Hado-Juku "The End of the Spiral".

Written to this part, as long as it can be finished smoothly, it is a victory, what do you think?

In addition, Happy April Fool's Day, two more today.

Dr. Nguyen Li looked at me with penetrating eyes. I've always been sure that in her eyes, I have another image, but this discrepancy is due to the fact that she is missing too much information and has been supplemented by another part of the repeater's information, which is unreal to me. However, on this very night, she made me feel to my horror that the intelligence gap between the two sides was by no means what I thought it was.

Dr. Nguyen Le seems to want to prove that I am the weaker party when it comes to intelligence.

"Because you turn a blind eye?" I couldn't help but ask, thinking ridiculous, but I couldn't deny the possibility.

To put it simply, in Dr. Ruan Li's observations, "Gao Chuan" depicts a complete adventure story in his diary, although most of the stories are based on the first-person perspective, but there is no lack of plot, and the "things that Gao Chuan doesn't know" described from the omniscient third-person perspective are precisely because they are "things that Gao Chuan doesn't know", so after this part of the content is recorded, it was forgotten by "Gao Chuan" himself, and the remaining part of the story described from the first-person perspective also involves the content of "truth", Ignored by "Takakawa".

In cases of psychology, it is quite common to deliberately forget and ignore certain things that exist. Now I am considered to be a mentally ill person with this kind of trauma - yes, in Dr. Nguyen Li's report, my psychopathology is very complicated. There are multiple complications, and every time I am pulled back to "reality" for some reason, I will relapse very quickly, and again. Mental hallucinations also become so complex and complete again and again that it becomes increasingly difficult to perceive what reality is.

At the moment, the phrase "turning a blind eye to the truth" to describe my situation seems to be the attitude of Dr. Nguyen Lê.

"Yes, turn a blind eye. Obviously, the most real situation is in front of you, and you will think that it does not exist. Instead of getting angry, Dr. Nguyen Le was unexpectedly calm, "But. Achuan, it's not your fault. You're sick, and the source of the disease is even more bizarre than you think. I'll tell you again one by one, even if you forget jì soon, for now, let's take a look at your diary. This diary is what you have recorded during this cycle, and you must not remember it. Every episode of the cycle, keep a diary of you. will form a relatively complete story line. And this time the story, you have also sorted out the titles of each volume. ”

In the text folder opened by Dr. Nguyen Li, I saw the name of the story that was full of immediacy, but I don't remember when it was written:

"Toilet Talk"

Caged Bird

"Everyday Split"

Night Stranger

Evil Force

"Death Between the Interludes" - this volume, marked with an asterisk. It doesn't seem to be the same as the stories in other volumes.

Chaos Head

Doomsday Agent

Burning City

"Crusader"

The Extraordinary Twins - This volume is marked "to be continued" and, as I understand it, is supposed to be a backup of the journal I am writing down today.

There are eleven volumes in all, and I never remember that I wrote them in such detail. I can't even help but suspect that Dr. Ruan Li has sorted it out by himself.

Dr. Nguyen opened the document, and in the excerpts she marked, there was indeed a lot of third-person perspective. Many of these contents are things that I have vague impressions of, but have no memory of at all, and the descriptions of Takakawa other than myself, as well as descriptions of Dorothy and Shise, are beyond imagination - including the reality of the hospital and the apocalyptic illusion, the things that cannot be seen from the perspective of "me" in the first person, those things that are "happening" and "have happened", all jump on the page.

The problem is that although I don't remember the content of these stories described in the third person, from the details that I still remember, I have a feeling that these third-person stories can explain or complete the situations that I know and that I vaguely guess.

As a person, when I look at the "things I don't know" in the story, I really can't express my feelings at this time.

I feel like a character out of this big, complex and obscure story.

And this story, it seems, is really, just a story. It's hard to imagine being both the protagonist and the author of the story.

No, I'm trying to think about it, and with the use of high-dimensional theories, maybe it can be explained. But why do you have to prove it?

It was so shocking that I couldn't even make a sound.

"Behold, you are as omniscient as God. No, it should be said, you played the role of God, filled in the setting, and then forgot about it and returned to the identity of a story character. Dr. Ruan Li said, "I have analyzed the characters in it, and my appearances seem to be very few, but, to put it mildly, don't you think that the Jiang you care about the most is actually modeled by me?" ”

My mind was racing and I felt like I had to say something, but there was nothing in my hot brain. On the contrary, there is such a thought that passes through my mind: I must be shocked by these situations.

No, it should be said that there are enough things that should be shocked after so many unbelievable adventures, encountering different people, and understanding the cognition generated by observing the world from different angles. Nowadays, what Dr. Ruan Li said is incredible, and it is true, but Cheng should not be shocked to the point of shocking himself.

Yes, I think that Dr. Ruan Li's perception of me, the expression of "truth", although the content is novel, should not be Cheng Dù who makes me unable to even say a word.

Despite thinking so. But, in my head, I couldn't think of anything else but this thought.

I couldn't help but be silent.

How long should I be silent?

I don't know what kind of attitude I should show to vehemently oppose Dr. Nguyen Li's statement? So what's the point? Dr. Nguyen Le doesn't think it's wrong just because I say it's wrong. And I myself have no evidence to prove her wrong, and the information recorded in Takakawa's diary archived in this laptop, not to mention whether it is right or wrong, has completely surpassed the amount of what I have obtained from my personal perspective. What I know and what I don't know have been expressed in great detail, even if we have to force this part of the "things I don't know" to be fiction, Dr. Nguyen Li's cognition based on these fictional contents. It's also wrong, but how do you prove that these "things I don't know" are wrong?

No, I guess I'm a little confused, and I don't need to prove it wrong at all. Because, Dr. Nguyen Li's point of view is: So far what I thought was the truth, what I was involved in the mystery. It's all just my own fantasy story, and I've written it down myself. These diary documents, to prove, are the only this:

The information I rely on is all fiction. I don't have the basis to convince others, and I don't have the basis to let myself see through the truth, because I will always subconsciously ignore and forget the details that can prove that this qiē is fiction. Therefore, no matter how ridiculous it is, I cannot recognize this absurdity from the spiritual consciousness that it should not exist, but on the contrary, I will make up for it by thinking and imagining.

Is this the joke that fools think? It's too cold, it's too cruel. I didn't want to believe it, I wanted to refute it, but because I had too many thoughts and too much clutter, I couldn't sort out what I wanted to say.

Although I admit that I am mentally ill, I still feel extremely miserable to accept that this kind of psychopathy is the fact that I have to face. Even so, deep down I felt ...... As if to tell me that this is the case, the qiē I experienced was actually just my own "creation". Moreover, this creation is not original, but a secondary creation based on what Dr. Nguyen Li told me.

Wait, based on the story of Dr. Nguyen Li? My thoughts, pause here. Then, out of that blank mess. I no longer think about how I can refute Dr. Nguyen's claims and what evidence I can find to prove myself right.

I remembered the last thing Dr. Ruan Li said before staring at me quietly: Isn't the "Jiang" in your diary a character created with me as a template?

Let me sort it out:

First of all, I have always believed that this repeater world is a huge temporary hedge space that is attached to the apocalyptic illusion, and the reason why it can exist is because of the support of the "spiritual integration device". The reason why this world is the way it is today is deeply related to Dr. Ruan Li's existence, and Dr. Ruan Li may be the "repeater core".

Secondly, Dr. Nguyen Li has never appeared in the apocalyptic fantasy outside of the hospital, and the reason why she appears here is because she is also infected with doomsday syndrome in the "hospital reality", but Dr. Ruan Li in the "hospital reality" and Dr. Ruan Li in front of her cannot be completely equated. The latter is simply a kind of existence similar to the "projection of spiritual personality" produced by being infected with the "virus". And assuming that she is the "repeater core", then this extremely special identity also makes it difficult to think about her situation in the "hospital reality" at this time, and how it is different from ordinary patients with doomsday syndrome. Whether or not he still retains his human form, and whether he has access to the doomsday illusion through the guò color center, etc., is difficult to determine if he does not return to the "hospital reality" in person.

Then, under the above premise, Dr. Nguyen Li does not have a direct relationship with "Jiang", on the contrary, it is very likely that his identity in the repeater world is determined by the "virus".

Yes, that's how I know about Dr. Nguyen Le in front of me.

However, if we look at the current situation according to Dr. Nguyen Li's statement, the previous situation is almost reversed:

First of all, what Dr. Ruan Li said in front of him is based on the fact that "this repeater world is actually the real world". If this Nazi-modified Las Vegas repeater is not the real world, then what she said. Don't worry too much about it. So, is there any evidence that this repeater world is a temporary hedge space attached to the apocalyptic illusion, rather than the real world? I thought there was, but it was broken by a diary document in my laptop. Because my evidence, my cognition, is based on the fact that those diaries are "real experiences", not "fantasy experiences". Dr. Ruan Li's approach is not to prove whether this repeater world is "real", but to prove that "Gao Chuan" wrote a diary based on his own experience and cognition, and the "truth" recorded in it. It's all hallucinations.

I can't just admit that Dr. Nguyen Le did this, but even if I don't think about it, but just feel it, I can't deny that the situation she is talking about is not "absolutely ridiculous". It's not "nonsense", aside from my perception. Thinking only from the perspective of a "mentally ill person" is theoretically possible. On the contrary, my mind, as she said, was trying to prove the absurdity of her claims, and it seemed to prove the opposite. There must be a truth in this.

Secondly, Dr. Nguyen Li said that I can't control my own spirit and thinking, and once I think about it, it will definitely be from the perspective of avoiding the truth and making up for the flaws. And there is a convincing basis for this argument - precisely because the patient cannot control himself. I can't treat myself effectively, so I need a more professional doctor.

I am reminded of the question Dr. Nguyen Le asked me earlier: "Do you believe me?" ”

I think she asked me this question from a rather complex perspective, and the relationship between the doctor and the patient must have taken a lot of weight from that perspective. Isn't it true that patients believe in themselves what doctors need most? On the other hand, psychological and psychiatric treatment requires this trust more than ordinary medical treatment.

If I trust Dr. Nguyen Li, then it is only natural to follow her words and re-understand the world from her point of view.

And if I don't trust Dr. Nguyen Li, then no matter how much truth she has said before, I will only be biased in the direction of "everything she said is nonsense" from the perspective of thinking.

When I thought of this, all the worries and anxieties in my heart calmed down at once.

I looked up and glanced at Dr. Nguyen Li, who didn't avoid it. I glanced at the time again, and it was almost midnight. The room is very soundproofed, and you can't hear the slightest sound from outside, but the silence is not cold and frightening. It is this silence that makes Dr. Ruan Li's sense of existence, as well as his own sense of existence, stronger than ever.

It was as if the whole world, at this time, was left with only two people.

I could hear my own breathing, and I even felt that my skin was burning with my swelling emotions and thoughts, and Dr. Nguyen Li on the other side could feel it.

I couldn't help but pull at my collar and loosen the top button.

I've never been sure that "I have the truth of the world", but because of this impossibility of certainty, it is not really important to have all the clues related to the "truth of the world".

The important thing is that I have to believe in the "reality of the hospital", in Dr. Ander and Dr. Nguyen Lê there, or, in front of me, in front of me.

Undoubtedly, in terms of the time of contact, the former is much earlier. And this advantage makes the former more realistic, and, from the perspective of the former, it can also give a relatively complete explanation of what he has encountered.

The timing of the latter is too awkward, and, from my personal point of view, it came a little late, and there are undoubtedly many disadvantages, but these disadvantages do not prove "true" and "false". As mentioned before, just turn the angle of looking at things a little, and you will find that Dr. Nguyen Li's explanation is also complete today.

Moreover, if I choose to believe Dr. Ruan Li in front of me, she will probably explain the "hospital reality" and "apocalyptic fantasy" based on "this repeater world is the real world" from more perspectives. And the situations she mentioned, including the mysterious organization that was once considered a cult like the Doomsday Shinrikyo cult, must also have a huge discrepancy between my perception and mine.

There is a huge contradiction between the truth of Dr. Nguyen Li and the reality of the hospital. And when one's own perception is based on this truth, it is inevitable to choose to believe one side and deny the other. Even if one party cannot be completely denied, trusting the other party will inevitably lead to the nullification of a lot of information about the distrustful side.

For example. Assuming that the "hospital reality" is real, "Jiang" can be inferred to be a variant of the "virus".

And if you believe Dr. Nguyen Le today, then, as she said before, "Jiang" may be a heroine of a story modeled after her image - in fact, I have been until now. It is difficult to associate Dr. Ruan Li and "Jiang" in front of her, but because she mentioned this, when she recalls the bits and pieces of getting along with "Jiang", she really feels a little similar.

"What is Jiang? Do you know? Mom. "I can't help but say.

"You wrote it very clearly in your diary, didn't you? I understand what you're setting it up for. Dr. Nguyen Le said, "Although its template has some of my images, it is the elements that make up it. It's still very complicated. I can also understand this complexity, and I can better know what inspired it is by its inhuman side. As I've already said, the stories you write, the settings and the plot arrangements, actually have prototypes, and I know them very well. ”

"I'm in love with the river. Don't you think ......" I didn't finish.

"It's okay." Dr. Ruan Li said calmly: "A large part of the emotions you express in your diary are the expression of the mother-lover complex. Substitute my figure into the illusory lover I have created. Rather, it is your most normal expression. I am very happy with the love, trust and protection you express, so you don't need to be embarrassed. ”

Dr. Nguyen Le said that, and I didn't want to say to her, "I don't believe what you're saying, I don't have any feelings for you."

I was silent. Suddenly, I want to change the perspective from which I have always perceived the world, and believe that including "Jiang", I have loved and worked hard. The qiē that made me and changed me is nothing more than the fantasy of a mentally ill person, a fiction that does not exist, and it is simply impossible to do it. I felt like I couldn't do it. As Dr. Nguyen Li said, my thinking has been trying to prove that what Dr. Nguyen Li said is odd or even wrong and imaginary.

"Do you believe me? Achuan. Dr. Nguyen Li asked again, she had no extra questions, her eyes were calm and penetrating, letting people know that she understood the reason for the hesitation and silence in front of her, but she would not give up on pressing forward step by step. She once said that the damage to the patient in such a drastic way is great, and the results achieved will become more risky, and she gave up on taking this approach on me a long time ago. Even when dealing with most patients, they prefer gentle treatments rather than irritating treatments.

So, why did she change her gentle attitude and use such a stimulating and direct way again?

I don't know if she's impromptu or if she's planned it a long time ago. Or maybe something spurred her on during the journey to this seminar? Even when I recall the details of the past, I can't find a reason for her sudden idea, and I can only think that she had premeditated and decided to take me to this seminar in this way.

Then again, isn't the reason she brought me here so that she could better treat me?

"You're hesitating, it's okay, I can understand it, because it's not your fault, you can't control yourself, and the reasons why you can't control yourself are also very complicated. It's because you can't solve it yourself that you need a doctor like me. Dr. Nguyen Li said: "However, from your diary, I only see despair, although Gao Chuan has been working hard, but still find a solution to the problem, can only make a desperate bet, to believe in his beloved, but inhuman 'Jiang'...... 'Jiang' has my shadow, you can love it, believe in it, I am very happy, but why not try to believe in me in front of you?" Perhaps, from this trust, you can find another way to save the world. ”

"Save the world?" I was a little stunned, "Trust you and save the world?" Didn't you say that the qiē in the diary is all fictional? ”

"It's fictional, but there's a prototype that exists." Doctor Ruan Li's expression was a little stricter, and his gaze became sharp, "Including the end of the world, there is also a prototype, don't you think that nothing has happened in this real reality?" ”

"What do you mean?" I was a little hesitant because she mentioned a very strict situation that made my diary start to be in line with her truth.

"I don't think you can save the world, Achuan." "However, the end of the world is alive, and now, in 1999, the end of the world has begun," said Dr. Nguyen Lê. ”

I was dumbfounded, and the end of the world she spoke of was not the same as the repeater apocalyptic process I observed from the perspective of "hospital reality" and "doomsday illusion", but it was not completely unrelated.

The end of the day is the existence of zài.

So—

"Trust me, become an agent of doom, and then, try to be a hero. Achuan. Dr. Nguyen Le said.

tobecontinue…… (To be continued......)