John Bull is gone, and she's on tonight's plane to London. I don't know where the Rivet's big force will land outside of Asia, but John Bull has formed a little force in London, and there is always a way to join the team. Before Dr. Nguyen Li went home, Tomie and Zuo Chuan decided to leave here, of course, there will be no shortage of rooms at home, and I don't think Dr. Nguyen Le will drive them out after seeing them, but Tomie and Zuo Chuan still decided to rent a room nearby on the grounds that "they are not free under the fence". I told them about my plan to establish a mysterious organization in this city, the "Whisperers", the two of them were naturally members of the organization, they did not object, of course, there was no excitement, these actions did not make any difference between good and bad, wanted or not wanted to be in the affairs of the mysterious circle, and it was as natural as breathing.

Probably, only people who encounter "mystery" for the first time and whose self-perception is rapidly expanding will be excited and eager for the idea of establishing a mysterious organization to change the world. Many people will always think that they are unique and will make the whole world change with themselves at the core, but the facts will prove that behind the change of order and non-order, there are fragments of human common sense that cannot be connected, and once you try to connect them, you will see a dark abyss, and there is something hidden under the abyss that will make people feel hopeless, but that is the truth of this world.

In this world, there is no such thing as an accident, even if you become the protagonist of a story, what to fight and what to stop is only a part of fate, and even, there is no need to look forward to how much weight this link occupies in the whole fate. A script that no one can read alone with their own cognition is weaving everyone's destiny, all the ideas that think they are free. It is possible to be deceived by hallucinations.

Yes, it would be a desperate situation to assume that everything in one's life, those things that change and those that don't change, are part of a given scene in a large and complex script. So. It is better to narrow your horizons, walk in the one-sided common sense that belongs to human beings, and do not look at the darkness and the crazy philosophical thinking about fate, only in this way can you live in a "proper reality" - it may be just as full of falsehood and illusion, but at least it will not turn you into a madman.

And to have long been a madman, or, rather, to be a madman. People who also want to pursue the ultimate truth hidden in the darkness and despair will not compromise, even if, in the end, they themselves cannot distinguish whether the "reality" they see is real, or it is still false, or it is already an illusion that they have imagined. Just like me.

I've long been unclear. How much of this qiē I have experienced is real. How many are hallucinations. What the eyes see, what the skin touches, what the ears hear and what the nose smells, what you hear from others, what you piece together from the fragments of clues, can be something false. Theoretically, as long as there are enough clues, the truth can be pieced together, but the question is, how many clues are needed? At least. I've never had enough clues to piece together enough to convince myself that this is true, and I don't think I can get that many leads.

For me, a qiē is hidden in the fog, and only occasionally reveals a half-horn of scales, and that half-horn of scales is absolutely impossible to imagine what it really looks like when the fog is completely broken. The so-called "hospital reality" and the so-called "apocalyptic illusion" are just relative environments, and in my mind, neither of them has the basis for their independent existence, so I can't be sure that one of them is absolutely real.

If there is a certain thing that can be used as a reference to determine absolute truth, then there is only "Jiang". I used to assume that even "Jiang" was just my illusion, but this assumption was so crazy that it would subvert the foundation of what made me who I am, so I abandoned it.

Therefore, no matter what Tomie does, I will not feel strange, and I will not stop it, because even if she does not have this self-knowledge, I also know that she is a manifestation of "Jiang". "Jiang" is something I can't understand, so I will assume and speculate, but I won't really try to understand its nature and behavior, and regard "inexplicable" and "inexplicable" as its basic attributes, and then do what I have to do.

So, although I wanted to introduce Tomie to Dr. Nguyen Li, Sakiya, and Hakkei, I didn't object to it since Tomie had other ideas. When Dr. Nguyen Le returned home at the same time as usual, I was alone and greeted as usual, as if I had never left. However, Dr. Ruan Li is not so easy to deal with, in this repeater world, the past "Gao Chuan" has a history of mental illness, and that past will inevitably become my current past, and in the previous dozens of days together, I also did a lot of examinations in Dr. Ruan Li's clinic, and none of them can prove that I have become a "normal child". Now that I have been missing for a week, Dr. Nguyen Le has not lost his temper, but he is very sure that I have another illness.

Because of mental problems, I somehow ran to Europe and got married, which is a reason that "sounds very legitimate". That night, Sakuya and Bakyong came to me, but they were immediately strongly persuaded by Dr. Ruan Li to leave: "I didn't want to sue you, but I always felt that if some things were explained too clearly, they would hinder Ah Chuan's return to normal society. However, his current question is a bit strict, and I don't want to make you feel embarrassed because you don't know. ”

"What's wrong with Achuan?" Sakuya was a little anxious, she looked at me, I was only separated from them by a crack in the door, and in the narrow gap, I saw their side faces—Dr. Nguyen Le did not tie me up, but forced me not to leave her study, and I knew very well that this order and my choice were a psychological test. The answer to this test is not fixed, because the factors that determine the answer are very complex, and only Dr. Nguyen Le knows which standard of psychopathy my every action will be in the questionnaire in her mind based on the current environment, state and past observations. And this criterion will become the basis for some observations, questions, judgments and treatments.

If I were a different patient, it would be difficult for me to clearly recognize that I was being subjected to a strong and targeted approach. "Try not to let the mentally ill know that they are receiving psychiatric observation and treatment" is an extremely important part of Dr. Nguyen Li's treatment plan, but in reality, it is impossible to achieve this kind of process perfectly, and the patient who shouts "I am not sick" during the questioning and observation session and appears extremely agitated. I have encountered a lot, but in general, Dr. Nguyen Li's treatment behavior will try to make the patient not be limited by the idea that "he is mentally ill".

It's just that, when faced with a patient who, like me, "clearly knows that he is suffering from severe mental illness", those conventional methods will be ineffective, and even the consequences of continuing to use them will be extremely bad. So. For my situation, Dr. Nguyen Le also has another plan.

Now, I am being persuaded to stay in my room, and the door of the room opens a crack so that I can vaguely see the conversation, hear the conversation, and the content of Dr. Nguyen Lê's conversation itself, plus "I have been with Dr. Nguyen Le for many years. Know the psychology and understand the usefulness of these arrangements." It's all a scene designed for my situation. Although I have studied psychology on my own and have applied it on many occasions in the past, I cannot judge that Dr. Nguyen Le is the real expert. I judged that she could not be confident that it would really be the most appropriate answer to achieve the effect of such a scene arrangement, so she could not take the initiative to deceive the doctor like those highly intelligent mental patients.

In the end, I made the choice of "listening honestly to Dr. Nguyen Lê". It's just through the crack in the door.,From time to time, the eyes of the two collide with Sakuya.。 I also believe that Dr. Ruan Li has been observing the changes in the expressions of Sakuya and Hachijing, and in this study, there must be hidden cameras that capture the changes in my expressions at all times. And even if it is "expressionless" like Bajing, for Dr. Ruan Li, it is also meaningful, because "expressionless" is also an expression that carries a lot of information in psychology, in connection with the environment and occasion at the time.

"So, doctor, are you saying that Ah Chuan has a mental problem?" Hachikage finally spoke.

"Yes, and besides, the question is very strict." Dr. Nguyen Le said.

"Ah Chuan told us about his mental problems, and we still want to be friends with him after we know it!" Sakiya said anxiously: "It's true that Agawa often says something inexplicable, but he has never hurt us, and we also believe that he will not do that in the future." ”

"If the doctor, you only judged that Ah Chuan had a mental problem because he had been missing for so long...... We actually know some of the reasons why he did it. "I hope we can be an assistant in your treatment, we are his friends, there must be something we can do," Hakkei said. ”

Dr. Nguyen Li, as always, with a kind and warm professional smile, said, "You are all right, I do have this idea, but not now. Ah Chuan has a strict mental illness, and I am his attending doctor and his mother, I know your maintenance of Ah Chuan, but I also hope that you can believe me. Everything I do is for his good. ”

"Doctor, is it really because he went to Europe after his disappearance and got married inexplicably, do you judge that his psychosis has started to attack again? Is it based on these conditions that you can develop your current treatment plan? The Eight Scenes repeated very strongly.

Dr. Ruan Li didn't have any superfluous expressions, and replied with a smile: "No." ”

Her answer was so concise that even Haktori was surprised, and her emotions were completely displayed on her face.

"Ah Chuan's condition is very special, and just the environment and those words when he informed me are not enough to judge the specific problem." Dr. Ruan Li's tone was very soft, and she was not angry at all for the two girls' doubts, I think she was really not angry, because this conversation may be a link full of psychological factors. I don't think at all that Hakkei and Sakiya can be smart enough to be truly anti-customer-oriented, taking the initiative in conversations, and Dr. Ruan Li's knowledge and practical experience are much stronger than those of mere female high school students, and in conversations involving psychology, they are simply overwhelmingly powerful.

Hakkei also seemed to realize this, and opened his mouth a few times, but finally hesitated, and then said, "Can't you really let us stay and watch?" ”

"Yes, not tonight. However, I will not stop you from continuing to be friends with Achuan in the future, Achuan needs friends more than anyone else. Dr. Nguyen Li touched the heads of the two girls. Believe me, as a psychologist, attending physician and a mother, I don't do anything that doesn't make sense and will have a negative impact on my sick child. ”

"I see, we believe you. Doctor. Bajing pulled Sakiya and said goodbye to Dr. Ruan Li: "Can we come to pick up Ah Chuan from school tomorrow?" ”

"You can come over after class, but in the next few days, I will help Ah Chuan ask for leave." Dr. Nguyen Li replied, "When Ah Chuan can go back to school will need to be decided after some observation. ”

Dr. Nguyen Li's attitude was gentle and resolute, and Hakkei and Sakiya had to accept this result, and they looked at me from a distance through the crack in the door and said loudly, "Ah Chuan." We'll come back tomorrow to see you, and we'll leave with our bags. ”

Dr. Nguyen Le returned to the study, called up the video data from the computer in front of me, and wrote on a file, and I sat on the other side of her desk, which made me feel like I was back in the "hospital reality", and was being treated by another Dr. Nguyen Lê. There was silence in the study. Dr. Nguyen Le raised his head several times to observe my expression, but did not speak. The tension of the atmosphere is constantly changing, but I think that the reason why I feel that the change is entirely due to the fluctuations in my personal emotions and consciousness, and among the factors that dominate these feelings. Dr. Nguyen Le is not the one who takes the initiative. No matter how I responded, it didn't make a difference to Dr. Nguyen Li, all she wanted to see was "my reaction".

In about 30 minutes, Dr. Nguyen Li put the files together. He said to me in an extraordinarily strict manner: "Ah Chuan, we have done these treatments many times, and I think you will not be unfamiliar with them. ”

"Yes, Mom." I replied quietly, as she said, that I had accumulated too much experience in the "hospital reality". However, this does not mean that I can respond to any situation that follows in a targeted manner – this kind of mental testing does not have a fixed question and answer in the first place. According to the patient's understanding of the patient, according to the difference between the patient's past and present, a truly talented doctor can design many questions around a core, and if you feel that you can reverse analyze this core through these questions, and then also make targeted preparations for the questions, it is undoubtedly a very naïve idea. This is because when a skilled psychiatrist is fully prepared to administer psychological measures to a certain patient, the core of his various problems will be covered up by the problem itself, and the only person who can fight against it is "a mental patient who has deteriorated from a psychologist".

And I am not a psychologist, even if I can learn psychology in a state of knowing that I am a mentally ill person, there are too many external and internal factors that make it impossible for me to become a psychological expert in the real sense. The Dr. Ruan Li in front of me is undoubtedly a natural talent, and he has worked very hard, putting all his career energy into this industry, and has extremely rich clinical experience, and is an expert who is in charge of his own business.

Trying to cover myself up will only make my flaws bigger, and I have no reason to hide myself in front of Dr. Nguyen Li. Even if I subjectively don't think that the qiē I encountered when I got involved in the toilet monster talk is not a mental illusion - this is conceivable for me personally, but I will not take the initiative to admit it at all, after all, this is not only about the toilet monster incident, once it is denied, the consequences will be chained to a larger level, for example: the qiē I have experienced in the past and now is just illusory. Just thinking about it subconsciously makes me feel horribly destructive, and I'd rather not think about it.

Yes, even if what happened to me was a real thing, Dr. Nguyen Li is just an ordinary person, so I have no experience in "mystery", I still need Dr. Nguyen Li's help, because I am a mentally ill person, and I can't distinguish between "mysterious" and "everyday" when it comes to spiritual problems.

In the end, I chose to start with the toilet weird talk, and then I told Dr. Ruan Li about the things I went through, even when I was facing Sakiya and Hachijing, I didn't say it in such detail. I have a "criminal record" here with Dr. Ruan Li, and the situation of the "Doomsday Fantasy", as well as my adventures in the past Doomsday Fantasy, and even the encounter in the "Hospital Reality", are all recorded in the document in the form of a "past diary", and this document, which is a copy of Dr. Ruan Li's here, at this moment, she is in front of me, calling up this copy of the file, referring to this "black history", to understand the "illusion story" I am telling now.

In the eyes of Dr. Nguyen Li, what happened to me was proof that I had a serious mental illness. She studied the story I was telling, not because she believed in it, but because she believed that she could assess the mental changes I had at the time of "onset" from the setting, structure, context and development of the story. Combined with past medical history and the latest psychiatric diagnosis, I was able to assess my current mental state to determine what kind of treatment I needed and whether I could be put back into society – I had always been an "aggressive and severely mentally ill person" in the eyes of Dr. Nguyen Lê, even though she did not divulge this information and gave me the opportunity to live and study normally.

The former is her responsibility to being the attending doctor, and the latter is her love for herself as an adoptive mother – I think so.

I spent about three hours roughly telling the new story of the toilet weirdness, and then Dr. Nguyen Li asked her about the details she wanted to hear, including the slightest psychological change in me at that moment - what came out of my mouth was naturally very subjective, and I did think about it all the time at that time - these things, Dr. Nguyen Li knew very well, this is what she needed. In the process of my narration, Dr. Nguyen Li places great emphasis on coherence and storytelling, that is to say, from the beginning of my narration, there is no opportunity for zài to "add explanations", what she wants is that I can organize the events that have just ended, while telling them, into a "flat and straightforward novel, but with a high and low tide wave in structure". Although I made a general explanation when I called in that city in Europe, this face-to-face communication was undoubtedly more demanding, and I always felt that it was a very difficult thing. I often have to pause and organize what I want to say. Thankfully, Dr. Nguyen Le didn't mind me doing this and encouraged me to do so.

Dr. Nguyen Li believes that this kind of "storytelling" is itself a very targeted psychiatric treatment process. Being able to organize a story, tell it in an organized and story-like way can prove that a person's thinking ability is functionally normal and qualified in performance, and while telling a story, the organization and storytelling can also make the listener more clearly analyze the narrator's psychological state from the content - where is the negative? Where is the positive? What about negative and positive conversions? Because a storyteller who creates on the spot and has sensibility, and the story he tells is "something he has personally experienced", it is impossible to completely cover up his own consciousness and emotional changes from the perspective of a thoroughly rational third party, and in the process of alienating the story, it is also a kind of re-examining oneself, getting rid of the interference of those seemingly positive or negative emotions at the time of the story, and understanding and correcting oneself in a "more authentic state".

This type of treatment is called "self-correcting" by Dr. Nguyen Li. It is extremely strict not only for the storyteller himself, but also for the story itself. For the story, before the organization and storytelling, there is a key prerequisite, that is, "temporary creation", this story, should not be prepared and carved, but should be formed immediately, and for the doctor who implements this treatment, the most important thing is to distinguish whether the story that the patient is telling is "improvised" or "prepared", or "prepared in advance, but pretended to be a temporary creation". (To be continued......)