"The disease is cured, I'm in a bad mood, okay, some things will be talked about later. Now the top priority is to treat your disease, although you are not as dead or alive as I was at the beginning, but it does not mean that you are really not sick, it is impossible for Lou Dad to find a doctor to make fun of you for no reason, we had better diagnose first, treat the disease if you are sick, and I will continue to listen to you sing high-pitched songs if you are not sick. ”

"Is there any special way to get a diagnosis? The current diagnosis of depression is enough to choke, and as far as I know, there is no cure for it, so there is no series of treatments like you did back then. ”

"Depression can be controlled, insisting on taking medication generally does not affect normal life, I don't think Dad Lou will bother for this, since you have found my father's problem, it won't be so simple, you really don't have any ideas yourself?"

"Actually, my father initially thought that I had schizophrenic tendencies, and I thought this might be the basis for him to find Jiang's father, who probably thought that schizophrenia was related to experiments. Schizophrenia is serious enough, it sounds quite explosive. ”

Jiang He stared at me for a while, and then said, "Did you hide some symptoms in your later treatment because you were worried about being diagnosed with schizophrenia?" became depressed, after all, Meng Ying was not professional enough and was easy to be deceived. ”

"This is really not, it's all private treatment anyway, why should I hide it. I had hallucinations, which were basically caused by my overwork when I was taking care of my father in the hospital, and it was also related to my own bad routine, which I have not happened again since I corrected it, and I told Dr. Meng about these. However, at that time, I felt ashamed that there were some strange and confusing small details, and I didn't fully say it, and I also hid my own individual bad behaviors. ”

"What bad behavior?"

I looked at Jiang He's eyes, a little embarrassed, but I still told the truth: "Because my father was still alive at the time, I was afraid that he would be angry when I said it, so I didn't admit to Dr. Meng that I took medicine to lift my spirits in those days. ”

"You take drugs?!"

"No, no, no, it's not a drug, it's a neurological drug, Ritalin."

Jiang He glared at me viciously: "I have heard of this medicine in Japan, and it is sold at a high price in private on foreign campuses, it is the so-called exam medicine, and it can improve concentration by reviewing before the exam, and you can study without sleep for several days in a row." This medicine was originally used to treat neurological diseases, and it is a special control drug at home and abroad, where did you get it? What do you eat it for? ”

"It's not for the sake of spirit. I'm a small person who can't pretend to be a big deal, after my dad got sick, I was in the hospital with the bed, I should have slept when he slept, but I was always worried that he would suddenly die in the middle of the night, so I stared at him all night long, and after staying up too much, I listened to a classmate's and took this medicine. ”

Jiang He looked at me thoughtfully, his expression was elusive, and finally said, "You better tell me about the situation in detail, including the details of your so-called strange powers, don't leave anything out." ”

I sorted out my thoughts and tried to explain things clearly, for fear that I would be incoherent with one mouth, and Jiang He would feel that my brain was not enough if I was sick or not.

Almost half a year ago, my father was admitted to the hospital with a sudden and massive myocardial infarction, and after 48 hours of rescue, his fate was saved. His father's good habits of long-term military career saved him at this time, especially the good lung function of non-smoking, and the high blood oxygen content played a huge role in the rapid establishment of compensatory function in the heart, and it was a miracle to survive. The doctor said that if he smoked, it would be basically impossible to save the gods.

I quit smoking from that day on, and it was the hottest spring I've ever experienced.

Because my grandmother died relatively suddenly, we didn't go through much bedside tossing, so our family basically didn't accumulate much experience in taking care of patients, and later I realized that taking care of patients is a very physically demanding thing.

For the next 20 days, he basically needed to lie in absolute silence, and the doctor said that he could not get out of bed and do any activities without permission. For the first week, my mom and I took turns taking care of me, and it didn't bother much at first.

In fact, the first week of the most serious illness is the most challenging for doctors and patients, and it may be mentally painful for the family members who care for the patients, but the care is actually the easiest time. My father spent most of the week on fluids, and his life was actually kept alive by various medications. Because he couldn't get up, his urination was intubated; I didn't eat, so I didn't need to have a bowel movement. Slightly complicated operations are all done by doctors and nurses, and all we need to do is to accompany them. As for keeping an eye on the progress and speed of the infusion at all times, it is also the nurse's task to pay attention to the timely replacement of the urine bag when it is full, and it is the same whether we have to worry about it or not. If you are an experienced family member, you won't waste too much physical energy during this period, because it can't actually help much, but my mother and I are already tired from working day and night shifts at this stage.

Although there are many relatives in the family, there are only a few people in the direct family who can be used at this time. At that time, the second uncle happened to be in a bit of a lawsuit and went in to be investigated, although the second aunt and cousin were enthusiastic to help, it was okay to send food, but it was always inconvenient to come to accompany the bed, and the most important thing was that I didn't feel at ease to hand over my father to others, and even refused to hire a nurse.

After the first week, my father's condition improved, and there were more troubles. First, because of long-term intubation, after extubation, it is found that the urethra and prostate are somewhat inflamed, and it is difficult to urinate; Second, with eating, it was found that staying in bed for a long time caused constipation, so that bowel and bowel movements became a big problem. In particular, poop is a challenge every time because it can't be forced, so much so that it takes a long time to brew to succeed. To this day, I still occasionally wonder if one day if I get to that point, will I have the ability to sit on the bed and pull the out. It is not much danger to urinate, because no one knows when the prostate inflammation will come out, sometimes I hold the urinal and wait for him, and the wait is ten minutes, and the father and son stared dryly. The worst thing is that the infusion volume is very large, and the urine is still heavy and frequent. I remember one time when my father couldn't pee out, and at last he said to me in despair, "Ask the doctor what kind of condition is holding on to your bladder before it explodes." ”

Although my parents have a good relationship, my father refuses to go out and urinate in front of my mother, and I can't count on nurses to do these two things well and decently, so I need to be on call in the hospital at all times, so I began to accompany my father to eat and live in the hospital. At that time, the hospital bed was not tight, so I asked an acquaintance for an extra bed.

The food in the hospital is really not good, and my mother goes back and forth between the hospital and home full-time to cook and deliver meals for our father and son. And although I eat and sleep with me full-time, it seems easier than taking turns, but because I don't arrange my schedule well, I feel even more unbearable after a week.

During the day, the hospital was noisy, and I couldn't sleep well, and at night I didn't dare to sleep. My father became ill in the early hours of the morning, and I started to feel anxious every night, and I paid attention to my father's condition from time to time, and I was very worried that he would suddenly stop breathing. At that stage, I understood life as something particularly fragile.

After my father fell ill, my classmates and friends, who usually made good friends, came to visit one after another, and at this time Lin Shu came. Lin Shu, like Shi Ting's, is my buddy from childhood to adulthood.

Lin Shu especially admired Lu Xun, and he claimed that he was born for Lu Xun. So before growing up as Lu Xun's heir, he inherited Lu Xun's greatest hobby as much as he could, collecting fruit girl pictures. When he was a junior in high school, he showed us his collection of hundreds of thousands of copies on his computer, and just by looking at his classification, we knew that he was a serious and meticulous person. Later, Lin Shu really insisted on his ideal of following Lu Xun and further exploring the mysteries of the human body, and was admitted to medical school to become a doctor. According to the regulations of their industry to take turns at the grassroots level, they are currently sitting in the internal medicine department of a community hospital.

He was the one who gave me Ritalin. To be young is to be bold, and he had such a bad idea when he knew I needed to stay up late. He said that in order to cope with the professional assessment, he used to take this medicine and work overtime and stay up late to study, and taking one or two tablets a day had no adverse effects on his body. I didn't know what this medicine was at the time, but when I heard him say that it would help me stay up late, I asked for most of his remaining bottles of seventy or eighty tablets.

Ritalin really works. During the day, I slept with stitches, and at night I couldn't bear it, so I took Ritalin, and then stared at my sleeping father energetically, or read a book by the light of the nurse's station in the middle of the hallway. In the dead of night, I even wandered around the hospital.

A few days passed like this, and the twenty-day period of danger was over, and I was in a good mood watching my father get better day by day. But at the same time, I was also fascinated by this kind of morning and dusk, night tour of the hospital. I can sleep for three or four hours during the day, and at night I often squint until dawn. To this day, I still remember the satisfaction I felt when I sat there and watched my father, who was breathing evenly, and the light that was gradually pouring in through the window, and you felt that life had become something that could be grasped and touched again.

After that, the medicine didn't work so well, and I took another pill in the second half of the night after the drug had worked. In this way, I actually ate back and forth for almost a month, except for some weight loss, I didn't feel anything unusual.

At this time, my father was almost recovered, and he was able to get out of bed and move, and he could go to the toilet to take care of himself.

It began to rain in May, and one night there was a lot of wind and rain, lightning and thunder, although it was not a typhoon, it was a rare storm of the season. On nights like these, you can't hear anything but the wind and rain, but you feel that the corridors of the hospital are exceptionally quiet.

Everyone is asleep, although the lights are on in the nurse's station, it is empty, and the nurse on duty goes to the hut inside to rest and ring the bell when there is an emergency.

I curled up on the bench next to the nurse's station reading a book. Actually, I've been reading e-books on my phone, and I don't need lights at all, and the reason why I'm sitting here is because my right eye is a little astigmatism, and if I stare at my phone in the dark for a long time, my eyes will get tired quickly. At the same time, I was also worried that the bright light of my mobile phone would affect my father's rest. I remember watching Bill Bryson's A Brief History of Everything that day.

It feels good to read on a stormy night, especially at the crossroads of life and death in the hospital. Occasionally, I would get up and pace back and forth to relax my stiff muscles.

I went to the toilet at two o'clock, and the toilet was around the corner at the end of the hallway, because it was not dark because there was a night light.