I suspect I'm depressed, but why am I depressed?

I searched online.

Depression is an episodic disorder. The so-called episodic means that the disease comes suddenly and inadvertently, and if it is not treated, the average time of attack is 6-9 months. Many people get better on their own after this episode.

This is an explanation of depression online.

I don't know what's going on with me, if you are beaten by someone else, the wound can't be bad for a lifetime, but although I haven't been beaten by someone, the effect is even worse.

I didn't even understand how this thing works, and I was depressed.

Let's not talk about the psychological ones, let's talk about the specific physical ones.

Physiologically, the main manifestations are loss, not wanting to eat, feeling guilty, feeling incompetent, everything is boring, the whole world is black and white, no matter how sunny the day, no matter how strong the sun shines on the body, it is like a cloudy day.

Burning in the stomach and not digesting after eating.

The heart was beating all the time, and it was a particularly tense beat.

I was very nervous, I always felt that the world was not as simple as it seemed, that my enemies and those who wanted to harm me were secretly watching me, and if I showed happiness and a hint of relaxation, my enemies would come and attack me.

My brain was constantly calculating, I didn't know what it was doing, but it felt like my computer was overclocked, and my mind was still chaotic with everything

I feel like a supercomputer right now, suddenly receiving a wrong instruction, which is full of the paradox of an endless loop, so the supercomputer calculates and calculates again, and is in this endless loop all the time.

Although Brother Jin Toad is attached to me, it doesn't understand my feelings, he can only feel that I am wrong, the original vitality in my body is gone, and there is a dead silence in my soul.

He manipulated my body to go out to eat and drink every day, so to speak, my body was like a prison, imprisoned me in it, and this prison was mobile, every day I went back and forth between the restaurant and the small hotel, I could feel that I was moving, but I couldn't do anything, I subconsciously thought that the result calculated in my mind was more important than the sky, so everything didn't matter.

It doesn't matter if the beautiful woman smiles at me.

I don't care if it's super delicious food or seafood.

It doesn't matter if the TV series adapted from the novel is sung.

It doesn't matter if the anime I liked before was updated.

Nothing is as important as the one in my mind, that thing is bigger than the sky.

Depression, in fact, is very close to us. Being depressed or depressed for a long time makes our happiness fleeting and our lives are clouded with a layer of gray.

But in fact, each of us has the ability to heal ourselves, and our lives can be better again. (This paragraph comes from Baidu)

I figured out how uncomfortable it is

First of all, people who shake the society accuse you, insult you, attack you, and when you are hurt, a personality will be created in you

This personality lurks in your body, and it reminds you all the time, why are you still playing?

As soon as you are happy, he will say: they are scolding you.

If you are in a bad mood, he will say, "If you don't solve this matter, your life will be over, and you will always live in the shadow of this kind of thing."

No matter what you're doing, he comes up with images and words from time to time that make you obscure.

A lot of people go crazy because of it, they feel like they can't get rid of these thoughts, they feel like they're possessed by the devil.

In fact, the so-called depression guilt is a traumatic personality that occurs after being attacked, which is manifested in the form of timidity and fear, constantly reminding you of what has happened, and constantly passing on to you those pictures and words that make you unhappy.

His intentions were good, he meant to let you run fast, and they were going to kill you.

But this child-type personality is actually too strong to show the enemy, and ignore his own weakness, he is actually not a black dog or a devil, he is just a child who is afraid to die, you don't push him away and dislike him, you should hug him and let him come back.

This person who constantly reminds you of danger is the superego.

He will make associations and predictions based on the feelings of the body and what he sees and hears collected by the brain, but imagination is actually poor, and there is no way out when he thinks about it, so people will be aggrieved and uncomfortable.

Reality is colorful, imagination is always poor, he can't make it out of thin air, he can only half-guess and half-imagine based on what has been in the past.

The superego makes you look back on the past and regret it, imagining a dark future.

For example, if he is asked to go somewhere, he will say that I will not go, and if I go, I will meet people who have offended me before, and I may also meet people who know me and insult homosexuality.

So he is very entangled, the past is not good, the future is even worse, staying at home and worrying, going out to go for a walk to create the future is even worse, for fear of being recognized and put on the Internet, and then attacked by the gay and lesbian alliance.

Write what you're afraid of, and put it on the bright side to see for yourself, it's ridiculous.

If you are not satisfied with your current life, you will be more afraid if you change.

Why does a healthy and happy life suddenly become uninteresting? Because instinctively avoiding danger is the first element, because the superego perceives danger, and he wants to avoid him, so he turns all the fun to the end, and focuses on avoiding danger, but this dangerous imagination is mostly an element, and you can't defeat an imaginary monster, and people become depressed and unhappy.

Don't think it's useless, concentrate on it, my job is to make money from the golden toad, everything else is fart.

Don't blame others for your mistakes, but if you make a mistake, you want to lie there and not get up.

Actually, I thought about it, and I've been in this state since I came out of the orphanage

Actually, I'm not good, I've always had an enemy in my heart, bear with it and feel aggrieved, I can't bear it, I'm still hurt, fighting with others, it will only grow from small to big, in fact, many times you feel that the sky is falling, but others think it's a simple thing.

Because I don't have confidence in myself, I can't live, and every time I think about something that is either obsessed or they hurt me, and I just rely on indulging in Internet cafes, games, books, and mobile phones to escape, avoid this problem, and hope that he can be well, but every time a new enemy appears.

Let's put it this way, in fact, it doesn't matter who I'm afraid of, it doesn't matter who makes me feel aggrieved, because I've been thinking like this for a long time, and I've already given the imaginary enemy a place in my heart, and I don't know what the empty brain should do without them, I'm really pathetic, and it has nothing to do with other people.

I want to make a conclusion, I don't want to run away like this, I want to be close to life, close to reality.

In fact, I had an idea in my heart, that is, to sit down with my enemy face to face and talk, I asked for his forgiveness, in fact, when I actually met, I found that there was nothing to talk about, it was not a matter of whether he forgave me or not, but my own problem.

Reality is never as complicated as imagined, and everything that is not based on reality will fail on its stand.

But it's actually fun to think about, life is a practice, and you have to go through everything.

I think the process of depression is to break up a self-righteous person, disrupt his original life, let him re-understand the world, because the change is so great, so I am very afraid, it is a very painful can't forget, I want to die.

Anyway, I thought about it, no matter who came to me and who made me uncomfortable, I hugged them, because they made me grow, made me smarter and more mature, and as my teacher, they should bless me and help me.

Anyway, sometimes the thoughts that make you uncomfortable are actually very simple, and they are only a few dozen words to write, but these short thoughts will make you feel very uncomfortable, and it is much better to write.

I pushed myself for the past two days, because I was doing well, and suddenly one day I felt that I should change, and subconsciously thought that there were people in my head who hurt me or threatened me, and that it was a sin to have their images and words, like maggots on the tarsal bones that made me uncomfortable and tortured me.

They scolded me, collectively scolded me, doxxed me in order to transmit to me the thoughts that made me uncomfortable through words, pictures and videos.

Actually no, all the thoughts that come out of your head are generated by yourself, and you are fighting against yourself.

Just do it, the past is also over, and it's you who hold on to it.

If you think about it, it's a little bit bigger, a few posts, a few videos, a few posts and you're scared, even though you're still scared of ...... after a month.

My mind is messed up again.

Every day my state is divided into two types, the first is panic, I fantasize about all the worst-case scenarios in my mind, and the second is persuasion, whenever I feel bad, I suddenly turn into a spiritual guide who analyzes my fantasies one by one and tries to convince myself, and these two thoughts are running in my mind and cannot stop.