Two days ago, I read an article about the latest fashion trends, saying that leopard print is one of the fashion notes of this year. This can't help but remind me that if when Sun Wukong and Tang Seng first left the Two Realms Mountain, a leopard jumped out of the roadside instead of a tiger, then the great sage we see today should have appeared in a leopard skin skirt.

Thousands of years ago, if Sun Dasheng could wear the leopard skin skirt that was popular in the 21st century, he would definitely be regarded by today's fashionistas as a perfect combination of classical and popular. However, compared with today's fashionistas, Sun Wukong's style is more daring, his leather skirt is vacuum, not only does he not wear trousers, but he also does not have a pair of underwear. For example, in the 42nd episode of "Journey to the West", when Sun Wukong asked Guanyin Bodhisattva to subdue the red child, he was reluctant to fly in front of Guanyin: the disciple did not dare to perform in front of the Bodhisattva. If you drive a somersault cloud, I am afraid that I will expose my body, and I am afraid that the Bodhisattva will blame me for being disrespectful.

The first intuitive result of Sun Wukong not wearing pants is that the red butt is often seen, so it is called the three representative characteristics of Sun Wukong along with the hairy face and Lei Gongzui. In the 34th episode of "Journey to the West", Sun Wukong turned into a little demon and sneaked into the Lotus Cave of Pingdingshan, but was recognized by the tied Bajie: Although you have changed your head and face, you have never become an ass. Isn't that two pieces of red on the buttocks? That's why I know you.

When Wukong heard this, he went to the bottom of the kitchen pot and touched it and wiped his buttocks black.

The 75th chapter of "Journey to the West" once explained that although Wukong was good at changing, he could only change his head and face when he changed his character, not his body, so he was often torn off his buttocks. However, in the same 34th episode of "Journey to the West", Wukong turned into a little demon to set Bashan Tiger and rely on the information of the sea dragon, afraid that the skirt would be recognized, so he inserted the tiger skin skirt upside down and strangled it. In this way, although the skirt will not be recognized, the spring light under the skirt can be seen at a glance, and the style of the great sage is really strong.

Why doesn't Daishon wear pants? Does he have an exhibitionist or other mental disorder? This is undoubtedly an important topic worth studying. To this end, the Neuroarchaeological Society held a special session of the "Monkey King Comrade Pants and Ass Academic Symposium", a large sprinkle of invitations, participants will be reimbursed for all expenses, and there are red envelopes to give each other, so for a time the group of sages is complete, and the young people are salty. The participating scholars reached a consensus at the meeting: Comrade Sun Wukong is a positive typical figure set up by us, how can he be an exhibitionist? Even if he's an exhibitionist, we're going to dress him up like an exhibitionist. Under this guiding ideology, the participating scholars published many academic articles on the ass of the Great Sage, the most convincing are the following two:

Dr. Hu Yanyu thinks: ? It's a clever tactic to fight youkai. Human beings and monsters have different aesthetics, in the eyes of humans, Sun Dasheng has a hairy face and a thunderous mouth, and is very ugly, but in the eyes of monsters, he is a dashing Monkey King. When Wukong fights with the monsters, the tiger stripe leather skirt, the vacuum goes into battle, the thighs fly between the moves, and the red buttocks flash when they flash, full of wild temptation and sexy teasing, which makes the monsters want to be confused, so that the combat effectiveness is greatly reduced, creating favorable conditions for the great sage to win.

Professor Xia Lianxi further developed on this basis and put forward different statements. He believes that the country of Xiyi attaches great importance to traffic rules, pays attention to stopping at red lights and going at green lights, and the same is true for Western monsters. When the Great Sage was fighting, the red buttocks suddenly appeared when his body turned, like two red lights, and the monster looked at it at first glance, thinking that the red light in front of him was flickering, and he must have stopped reflexing. This method is one of the great sage's nirvana, and the famous one is called a red light.

These two theories are well-founded and inferential, and they were unanimously praised by the participants, who believed that the neuroarchaeological school had a united congress, a successful congress, and a victorious congress. Therefore, the organizing committee of the conference recommended their articles to be published in core journals, and Hu Xia and Hu Xia also used this as the basis for evaluating their titles, and they were not mentioned by one level.

It stands to reason that these two theories have been important academic achievements, but the purpose of neuroarchaeology has always been to achieve a hundred feet. So the head of Mao Seventeen looked for chapters and excerpts, hooked Xuansuo hidden, and further sought the truth from Shi Haizhong that the great sage did not wear pants.

According to historical documents, in ancient times, Chinese did not seem to wear pants, it is said that pants became popular after Zhao Wuling King Hu Fu rode and shot, and the pants at that time were all open crotch pants in order to facilitate drowning. As we all know, the ancient Chinese hyphenation is the patent of the aristocracy, and the documents that have been handed down also describe the life of the aristocracy, the nobles pay attention to courtesy and grace, the robe reaches the ground, and it doesn't hurt to wear pants, but the working people, go up the mountain to chop wood, go down to the field to farm, must wear short clothes for convenience, if you don't wear pants or have pants but open your crotch, then don't expose your lower body, how can you conform to the image of the state of etiquette in the Celestial Empire? Judging from the real objects that have been handed down, the Qin figurines are all wearing pants, but they don't know whether they are crotched, but there is a kind of kneeling figurines, with their legs staggered and half kneeling, which can be exquisite.

If it comes to the head of the immortals, the above research proves that the flight of the immortals is powered by exhaust, and from this point of view, for the convenience of flying, it seems that it is appropriate to wear open crotch pants. But there are many types of immortals, there are various names of heavenly immortals, immortals, human immortals, earth immortals, and ghost immortals. And when the gods descend from the sky, look up below, and if you want to see the harm at a glance, wouldn't it be a big mistake? Thinking that the heavenly court sent troops to attack Huaguo Mountain, if the 100,000 heavenly soldiers were all naked and the 3,000 gods would go together, I am afraid that it would make the monkeys laugh in vain, and it would not be conducive to the heavenly soldiers and generals to establish the image of a mighty and civilized army that can come when called, fight when they come, and win in battle. There are also the Queen Mother of Guanyin, Chang'e Weaver Girl, and a group of female fairies often go down to earth, how can they not wear pants and leak the spring light? From this technical level, it is concluded that the heavenly immortals must wear pants, and they are pants with crotch. Sun Wukong's official worship of Monkey King, I want to come and have to accept the rules of heaven, put on pants to go, and Wukong's early daily wear is gold chain mail, people with ancient military knowledge know that the chain mail is made of interlocking armor rings, there are many gaps between the rings, if the pants are not lined below, it will inevitably repeatedly clamp the leg hair when acting, which is very inconvenient.

According to Mao XVII's research, the key to Sun Wukong's not wearing pants is that he was suppressed after making trouble in the Heavenly Palace. When Wukong was captured in the Bagua Furnace, he was not stripped of his armor, and he hid in the furnace in the Xun position, with wind and no fire, and his armor should be safe and sound. Later, Rulai intervened and conjured up a Five Elements Mountain to crush Wukong under the mountain for five hundred years, but when he was hungry, he ate iron balls with him; When thirsty, drink with the copper juice that he has melted. Rank official, although Wukong has cultivated to become an immortal, he wants to defecate like mortals, and a bubble of urine on the palm of Rulai's hand is proof, but Rulai gave him iron pills and copper juice, these things are difficult to digest, don't they create excrement for him? Wukong is crushed under the mountain and can't move, where is the defecation? It's tolerable for a moment and a half, but how can you endure it for 500 years? How poisonous is the intention!

The so-called so-called suffocating and living immortals with a soak of urine, since Wukong is not dead, he can't bear it anymore, he doesn't need to endure it anymore, and he will be discharged in one shot. How much excrement must have accumulated in that small cave for 500 years? What a great physical and mental pain Wukong must have experienced in the five hundred years under the Five Elements Mountain! Heaven and earth are ruthless, heroes have tears, seeing this, everyone should understand why Sun Wukong is willing to lower the arrogant head of the Monkey King in order to get out of here, and is willing to be Tang Seng's apprentice of waste wood.

From a medical point of view, Goku's lower body is buried in piles of excrement, and he is in close contact with various bacteria, which will definitely cause serious skin diseases over time. "Journey to the West" describes Sun Wukong's escape from the Five Elements Mountain like this: I saw that the monkey had already arrived in front of Sanzang's horse and knelt down in the red drench.

The three words of red drenching here are by no means idle pens, Wu Chengen is a generation of talents, and the words and sentences are very precise, "Journey to the West" describes the state of nakedness, some use red stripes, some use fine nakedness, and use the red drenching place In addition to here, there are also Bajie to go to the Jinglong King Palace to carry the body of the king of the black chicken country, and Wukong Che Chi Guo Doufa to take a bath in the oil pot, which describes the naked and wet state. What is it that is wet on Goku's body, excrement? Fester? Maybe both. Wukong should still have his armor when he was pressed, but when he came out, he was drenched, and the golden chain mail was damaged, and it seemed that he had really suffered a lot.

The following description can be corroborated: it is said that Sun Xingzhi asked Sanzang to get on the horse, and he was in front, carrying luggage and stripes, turning and walking.

The front is drenched with red, and here with red stripes, when it is the time of apprenticeship, the filth on the body is inexhaustible, which is very disrespectful, so wipe the body dry and then open the way. The next sentence says that he walked with turns, and you see, the great sage broke his leg and walked on crutches. Wu Chengen's huge pen is like a rafter, and he has done enough work on such small details, and he is really a generation of talents.

According to this test, the mystery of Sun Wukong not wearing pants should have been solved, that is, in the five hundred years of life under the Five Elements Mountain, the great sage suffered from serious skin diseases because of poor sanitary conditions, and if he wore pants and insufficient ventilation, his condition would be serious. Don't look at the knife and gun can't hurt him, in fact, the Monkey King is also very fragile in many ways, he fell into pink eye in forty-nine days in the gossip furnace, and it was already luck that he didn't fall into a lifelong disability for five hundred years under the Five Elements Mountain. In later operas and film and television works, Sun Wukong scratched his ears and cheeks at every turn, picking up and pinching, which was actually to show the pain of itching all over his body when he had a skin disease.

It should be solemnly pointed out here that after knowing the reason why Sun Wukong does not wear pants, we modern people should not laugh at him or look down on him, but should sympathize with him and understand him. The heroes who have been entangled in illness should be respected more by people, because they have endured more ** suffering. Zeng Guofan endured the itch of psoriasis, Yang Guo endured the strange poison of love flowers, but they both made earth-shattering things, and Sun Wukong, who did not wear pants, should be revered by people like them.

Of course, people are not sages, who can be infallible, and Sun Wukong also made small mistakes in this matter. When Guanyin went to the Five Elements Mountain to recruit Wukong, Wukong complained:

I've been here for years, and no one of them has come to see me.

This is Wukong's mistake, you have been here for five hundred years with a handful of and urine, and you have been aesthetically tired of the smell, the so-called Zhilan's room, and you haven't smelled its fragrance for a long time; If you don't smell the smell of abalone for a long time, you think it's nothing, but in the eyes of others, it smells stinky. Rao you used to be a Monkey King, but at this time you are just a worm in, a maggot in your urine, and it is really excusable not to visit, how can you blame others?

Be kind, be kind, be a monkey.