Shao Chengzhi pondered for a while and said slowly: "I studied in the county No. 1 middle school, which is the best middle school in the county, but the admission rate is still very poor. There are 6 classes in our middle school, of which there are only two top classes, one each in arts and sciences, but even in the top classes, nearly half of the students still have no chance of going on to university. ”

"The girl was in the same class as me, and she sat in front of me. At that time, there were often power outages in the small county town at night, and everyone had candles in their desks, and as soon as the power went out, everyone lit a candle in front of the book. Every time I looked up, I saw candlelight shining through her long hair - so I had a long hair complex. ”

"At that time, there were very few of us who were willing to let our daughters go to high school, and even fewer girls were in science. There are 60 students in the top science class, and only 9 girls are in the single digits. ”

"She's the prettiest girl in the grade, of course, you might think she's dirty, but she's the prettiest in the grade. She is fair-skinned, has dimples when she laughs, and is very sweet. She is also very beautiful and neatly dressed, her father is from the county food bureau, there are very few children in the family, just one brother, which is rare in our country, our rural area is generally 7-8 brothers and sisters. Shao Chengzhi smiled, "In short, she is the object of admiration of all the boys in the grade." I sat behind her, and I could often see the boys sneaking up on small notes to her, and she opened them and tore them up and threw them in the wastebasket. ”

"She likes you. Ling Ran smiled, "Because you have good grades." ”

"Well, maybe it's because she often asks me questions, so she treats me differently, but we haven't said anything else, at that time our whole mind was to go to college, so that we can get out of that small county, where do we dare to think about anything to fall in love. And I was very dirty at that time, my clothes were worn by my brother and brother-in-law, there were almost no shoes, I hardly took a bath in winter, I didn't pay attention to my hair for several months, and the mud on my body could rub the balls, and the children who came out of the countryside at that time were very sloppy, so we didn't know what the concept of cleanliness was. We were all living in dormitories at that time, the school conditions were poor, a large dormitory slept dozens of students, two students slept in a bunk, and no one was more smelly than the other. ”

Ling Ran laughed "haha": "Then she came to ask you a question, and she won't be stinky to death by you." ”

Shao Chengzhi also laughed: "I think so too, she wasn't smoked by me." ”

"And what happened later?" Ling Ran asked.

"Then I graduated. She failed in the first year, so she went to high school. If you didn't get into it at that time, you will go to repeat it, and since your family lets you go to high school, the goal is naturally college, otherwise why go to high school. Because there were few girls, when she was in high school, she sat with another boy in our class. That boy's family is also in the town, and he has been a sports commissioner, and he looks a little handsome."

"It seems that the two of them are getting along, and you fall out of love. Ling Ran teased.

"I've never been in love at all, so why should I fall out of love. However, when the two of them got along, I was a little touched, at a loss, of course, very faint. Shao Chengzhi smiled.

"Actually, that boy has a good relationship with me, before I came to Beijing, he also came to my house to find me, lamenting that he couldn't get into college, what should I do in the future, is it just a lifetime in a small town, or go south to work to be a working boy." I encouraged him to go on to university. ”

"A month after the start of the high school class, the boy wrote to me and said that he was sitting next to the girl, and he knew that he had a bright future, and it was really not the time (for love), but he couldn't control it. ”

Ling Ran was inexplicable: "Falling in love has a hairy relationship with being admitted to college." I have been in the sixth grade of elementary school since the high school, is there anyone in the class who does not fall in love? Especially girls, who don't have a boyfriend, are very faceless? A girl, if there are few boys who are jealous of her, it is not first-class, so if you don't like it, you have to hang a few at the same time"

"Okay, miss, you are the one who hovers between Niu A and Niu C, let's not compare. Shao Chengzhi surrendered.

"Actually, I don't understand what falling in love has to do with going to university. However, you have to find an excuse for not being able to get into college. Shao Chengzhi smiled, "Then the two of them will get along." The pressure on the boy also came, and he wrote to me, saying that he was in love, and he really shouldn't be in love, and now it's over, he won't be able to get into college, and he will have no future. Then, during the winter conscription, he suddenly dropped out of school and went to the army. His family has a bit of a way, plus he is in good health, and he became a special soldier as soon as he joined the army. ”

"What's wrong with that?" Ling Ran had no idea about being a soldier, because none of the people she knew were soldiers.

"Not much. Our children there, if they want to change their fate, there are two paths, one is to go to college, and the other is to become a soldier. When you become a special soldier, your future is guaranteed. A few months after the boy became a special soldier, the two broke up. This is very logical, everyone is so young, separated, and each embarked on a different path in life, but that girl suffered a lot of blows because of this, and fell off the list again. Shao Chengzhi sighed, "I didn't go home during the summer vacation, but Li Zhao brought me a letter, saying that the girl was out of love and was very depressed, and asked me to write a letter to comfort her." ”

"Did you write it. Ling Ran was excited again, staring at Shao Chengzhi with two big eyes, lest the world would not be chaotic.

Shao Chengzhi was angry and funny, seeing Ling Ran's body leaning forward, leaning in his direction with his first strength, he almost wanted to put a popping chestnut on her head: "Of course I wrote it, do I have a reason not to write." However, I was not good at Chinese, so I pieced together a page and a half of a sheet to encourage her to continue to revise and strive to be admitted to university next year. ”

Then she wrote to me often, and I replied to each one, and her letters were very long, and I didn't write long, but I was quite willing to receive letters. ”

"Then it was the winter break when I went home for the New Year, and she came to my house to see me. At that time, my family was still in the village, so I sent her all the way back to the county seat. On the way, she talked about breaking up with the boy, and then said, 'Actually, I'm waiting for you.'" ”

"My heart was pounding, my mind was buzzing, and the rest of the way was like walking in the clouds. But I didn't say anything, what can I say, she didn't get into college at that time, and I don't know if she can get into college. I will never go back to that small county town after graduation, if I fall in love with her, it will definitely end up with her and that boy, parting ways, making her sad again So, I didn't say anything. ”

"After returning to Beijing, I began to actively write to her, sending her college entrance examination review materials and encouraging her to prepare well for the college entrance examination. At that time, I thought to myself: if she can get into college, we can fall in love. ”

"Did she pass the exam?" Ling Ran looked like she had been beaten with chicken blood.

"She got in. Shao Chengzhi nodded, "But I was admitted to a junior college in our prefecture-level city, which was originally a secondary school and was remodeled into a junior college." After graduating from that kind of school, there is no place to find a job except for trusting the relationship and entering the local unit, and it is impossible to even go to the provincial capital to find a job. ”

Ling Ran understood: "Well, so you still can't fall in love with her." ”

"Am I too realistic? I also thought about unrealistic, just talk to her about falling in love, after she was admitted, she wrote me a lot of letters, although I didn't say it explicitly, but this is the meaning between the lines, so I couldn't help myself, and then I didn't dare to reply, but if I fell in love with her, how would it end? Break up? Isn't that tantamount to playing with her feelings and abandoning her again; getting married, then how can I solve her work registration? I thought about going abroad and taking her away, but she was a junior college, and if she came to the United States, she had to start from college, so how could we afford to study for a full undergraduate degree in the United States. I thought about it, but I couldn't go any way. If we fall in love, it must end in tragedy. Since you can't stay together, don't be happy. Shao Chengzhi sighed, "I am actually a person whose heart is higher than the sky, but I find myself powerless everywhere." ”

Ling Ran persuaded softly: "Don't be too demanding of yourself. You were a junior at the time, and it was rare for you to be able to think so thoroughly. It's rare that you really want to compete with the heavens. ”

Shao Chengzhi was silent.

"You didn't fall in love with her, but you didn't make her fall out of love, you didn't make her happy, but you didn't make her sad. Ling Ran's kind enlightenment.

"Did you break her heart, too. Shao Chengzhi blushed, and after half a sound, he said slowly: "That was when she graduated." Her parents had already arranged for her to go to the county industrial and commercial bureau -- a very good job. ”

"Before she went to work, she came to Tsinghua University to find me under the pretext of traveling to Beijing. I accompanied her to the Forbidden City and the Summer Palace, and I went to the places I needed to go anyway. She has a lot of affection for me, and I don't know what to do. She told me that she was going to report to the industrial and commercial office soon, and I congratulated her. She asked me what I planned to do in the future, and I was in my first year of graduate school at the time, and I was preparing to go to New Oriental to take classes. I told her that I was going to go abroad, I was going to take the G test for the second year of graduate school, and I was going to apply for the third year, and I was going to go to a top school, so my goal for the G test was to get a perfect score."

"I originally planned to arrange for her to live in the Tsinghua Guest House, which is a 4-person room, which is more economical. But she said that she wanted to live better, and would rather be more expensive. I arranged for her to be in Jingzhai, which was a two-person room, but she took one room and one room. Every night when I took her back to my room, she kept me talking and chatting, making me tea, which made me nervous every time. Every night I came out of her dormitory when the door was about to be locked, and every night I came back to the dorm room in a dizzy state, with countless cobwebs floating in front of me, and I had to wave away. ”

"At that time, it was popular in schools to use softball to express the degree of relationship with girls, first base is to pull hands, second base is to kiss, third base is to touch each other, home base is to make love, the relationship is growing by leaps and bounds, and doing it all quickly is called a home run. Every night when I went back to the dormitory, my dorm mates asked me: How many bases have I played, and I said: Go and go, we are just old classmates, and we don't have a first base. But I know I can run a home run if I want to. ”

"She stayed for a whole week and was leaving the next day. That night, she wore a white dress, her long, freshly washed hair was draped down, and the clothes on her shoulders were a little wet. I was a little embarrassed because I saw the straps of her bra. She said, 'This dress is a little wet, it's uncomfortable to wear, I'll have to change it.'" I said, 'Then I'll go to the hallway and wait.'" She said, 'No, this skirt is zipped tightly, can you help me pull it?' She stood on her back in front of me, pulled her long hair to her chest, and asked me to help her pull the long zipper off her back. I did. ”

"Actually, the skirt was not tight, and when the zipper was pulled down, the skirt fell to the ground. She stood quietly with her back to me, wearing only bra and underwear, I didn't know what to do, and it felt like a century had passed there, and finally I said, 'It's too late, I have to go back'. Without waiting for her to answer, I walked briskly out of her room. ”

"I was walking around campus, my mind was a mess, I didn't know what I was thinking. I climbed into the heating duct in my dorm building that night. The next morning, I went to her and put her on the train. I saw that her eyes were pink and her face was a little swollen, and I knew she must have been crying for a long time last night. I can't say a word, I really have everything in my heart. After Shao Chengzhi finished speaking, he fell silent again.

Ling Ran said, "Then what happened to her?"

Well, soon after she went to work in the industrial and commercial bureau, someone introduced her to a civil servant in the county government, and the two talked about getting married for less than a year, and their son is now making soy sauce. She is very happy now, her job is going well, her husband has been promoted to section chief, they have bought a large house of 1-200 square meters in the best community in the county, and they are currently saving money to buy a car. ”

"That's not very good, although you didn't give her happiness, but you didn't delay her happiness. Ling Ran smiled.

"Yes. Shao Chengzhi said, hesitating, "This matter has been lingering in my heart for so many years. I'm not sorry, even if it happened again, I would have made the same choice. I just don't know if my choice is right or wrong, can I be braver, a little more courageous? Am I too realistic, too rational? As a man, shouldn't I do everything for the girl I want?"

"Rightly or wrongly, I've never doubted my choice for so many years, but since I worked last year, I suddenly realized that if I hit a home run that night, I'd marry her, and then, she'd go with me to the United States. I have a full scholarship, and it is still no problem for two people to live, and when I graduate, even if she doesn't study or work, I have the ability to afford my wife and children, so isn't it me who is happy with her today? She obviously gave me a chance, but I didn't take it. ”

"Why, you regret that you don't have a son to make soy sauce now. ”

Shao Chengzhi laughed dumbly, and Ling Ran laughed "haha".