"You are really different from Zhao Liang, you are a good person. This is somewhat similar to Zhao Liang, it is not a thing. ”

Liang Haixing saw that Gao Yan was already a little drunk, and hurriedly handed Gao Yan a glass of white water. Unexpectedly, Gao Yan blocked it with his hand, and Liang Haixing was unguarded and almost dropped the cup on the coffee table. Gao Yan said: "I haven't finished yet? Gao Yan continued: "Don't look at Liu Dake's smile all day long, he looks dignified and approachable, in fact, it is all pretended, behind the humility is a pair of fancy intestines, like me, and Zhao Liang, it is not a thing." ”

Liang Haixing saw that Gao Yan had really drunk too much, so he hurriedly stopped: "Gao Yan, what are you talking about, you really drank too much." Gao Yan squinted, looked at Liang Haixing and smiled slightly, her delicate face was very charming, and her delicate voice said: "Life is short, why bother with yourself, today we will drink and talk happily, maybe tomorrow we will go our separate ways, the two worlds of yin and yang, let me say all the words in my heart to the most trusted person in this world, maybe this is my last confession." Liang Haixing seemed to hear something from Gao Yan's words, and was particularly worried that Gao Yan would have an accident, so he said: "Gao Yan, wake up, don't think about it." Gao Yan still touched Liang Haixing's cheek with her jade hand, looked at Liang Haixing with charming eyes, smiled slightly, and said: "We are all intellectuals, materialists, wealth is in people, life and death are in the sky, little fool, don't worry, the wind and waves have come over, can this small ditch in front of me still capsize, good wine, let me tell my long-buried heart to my most beloved person." Hearing Gao Yan's confession, Liang Haixing didn't say anything more, and listened quietly. Unexpectedly, suddenly, Gao Yan smiled at Liang Haixing, looking extremely secretive. Gao Yan said: "Don't you want to listen to the dirty story between me and Liu Dake? ”

Liang Haixing couldn't help but be stunned, knowing that Gao Yan's heart was very painful at this time, so he didn't want to sprinkle salt on Gao Yan's injured heart, although he cared about Gao Yan's personal relationship with Liu Dake. Although there are all kinds of discussions about this, some people have even asked Liang Haixing. Maybe out of curiosity, or out of knowing more about Gao Yan, Liang Haixing wanted to learn more about Gao Yan euphemistically many times, but often had to swallow back when the words came to his mouth. He always felt that it was just a legend, or a rumor and slander, in his subconscious, Gao Yan was a noble woman in her bones, and she would never do such an undignified thing.

Without waiting for Liang Haixing to respond, Gao Yan told Liang Haixing about the painful and seemingly bloody past in his heart.

I don't understand myself now, and sometimes I don't understand myself, and I am like a girl or even a college student, and I even sometimes look down on myself. Especially in the dead of night, when I was lying alone in bed and couldn't sleep, I asked myself more than once: when did I start to fall, or when did I start to change? Why did I fall. I can't answer. Sometimes I feel that everything is so natural, there is no ideological struggle, no coercion, and even no regrets.

Perhaps because of the strict family education since childhood, the most hated is male thieves and female prostitutes, and the most disdainful is female cheating. When I was a girl, I often thought that I had a lot of problems, and my temper was not very good, and I might make some mistakes of one kind or another in my life, but emotionally, I would never start from the beginning, and even sometimes thought that even if I never married, I would not do something dirty that violated common sense.

When I was in college, there were many women chasing Lu Jun at that time, and I thought: if I really catch Lu Jun one day, it will be the greatest happiness in my life, and Lu Jun is the love of my life. Sure enough, I succeeded, at that time I felt that I was very happy, I felt that life was so beautiful, I felt much lighter than usual when I walked, and even my dreams were so sweet, I often woke up beautifully, immersed in dreams, couldn't help laughing, licked the corners of my mouth There is a special honey fragrance, and I am full of infinitely beautiful visions for the future: marry Lu Jun, be a good wife and mother, husband and children, no matter how Lu Jun treats me, as long as I don't betray me emotionally, I will endure everything. Especially after listening to Lu Jun's confession to me and confirming that Lu Jun is the man I can trust for the rest of my life, I am even more glad that God has favored me and let me know and get the only good man in the world in my eyes. Of course, Lu Jun has also become my only one, and I naturally cherish the feelings that I have pursued with all my might. After marriage, Lu Jun did not disappoint me, he understood and tolerated me everywhere, and served me carefully like a princess, especially when Zhao Liang asked me to go to Mashan to participate in poverty alleviation, saying that the personnel department should take the lead in actively signing up, I was still a little hesitant at that time, it can be said that I was worried, worried that Lu Jun was alone at home, and he would not agree. To my surprise, when I went home and told Lu Jun, Lu Jun was very understanding and calmly told me that going to the grassroots level to exercise and broaden my horizons is very beneficial to my personal development in the future. I didn't think much about it at the time, and I was even grateful for Lu Jun's understanding and support. Some people say that a man's true nature will be exposed when he gets married, and I sometimes think that maybe it's because of my pursuit of Lu Jun. Lu Jun has no nature to hide in my heart, Lu Jun is the only person I have met in this world who is worthy of love and loves me very much. I even thought that if one day, the road army suddenly encountered a catastrophe, I would never abandon it for the rest of my life, and I would protect the happiness of the road army with my life. But I was wrong, especially after I found out about his relationship with Qian Yiran, my psychology completely collapsed. When Lu Jun explained to me, I still had a trace of illusion in my heart at that time, but that day, when we went back to the provincial capital to work in his unit, that night, he did not accompany me, and even the most basic feelings of a woman with a wounded heart were no longer taken into account, and I was completely disappointed. Later, I thought about why I was so stupid in the first place: Lu Jun didn't love me at all, it was an exchange, exchanging my love for him for what he wanted, and he was using me to stay in the provincial capital to work after graduation. And the Lu Jun agreed that I would go to Mashan to help, in fact, it was in the hands of the Lu Jun that it provided him with an excellent opportunity to live with Qian Yiran. Later, I thought: I have not been by Lu Jun's side for a long time, and for Lu Jun, it is an undesirable thing, and I will definitely be very happy in my heart, but he deliberately suppressed himself and did not show it in front of me. Completely disappointed, I often wonder what feelings are and what is the relationship between feelings and materials. Later, I finally understood that if anyone talked to me about love again, my first reaction would be. I no longer believe that there is true love in the world, love is to meet each other's physical needs, like the equivalent exchange of goods, marriage is two people who can live together.

I also wanted to fight against those who didn't know how to disrespect feelings at the cost of my own life, but then I thought, is it worth it? How ridiculous it would be to die for someone who is not worthy of love.

Later, I tried to get close to you, but I found that you are a good man, you cannot betray your wife, and I cannot be reduced to the shame of taking the initiative to destroy other people's families.

I began to indulge myself in my mind.

In the past, maybe I regarded Lu Jun as the only reason in my heart, I was always so cautious and worried when I spoke and did things, and I always felt that Lu Jun's eyes were staring at me behind my back, and no matter what I did, the first thing I thought of was Lu Jun. Since I found out that Lu Jun had betrayed me, I seemed to have seen through everything in the world, and in my eyes, everything was no longer important, and I didn't care about it.

That day, I drank some wine, and in Liu Dake's room, I laughed and scolded Zhao Liang, and I felt very happy. Liu Dake is worthy of being the leader of the hall, with observation beyond ordinary people, he quickly saw my thoughts, and had a new understanding of the debauched me, so, while you were not paying attention, he whispered to me that he wanted to talk to me alone when he took the time. I didn't know how to answer, so I smiled. Liu Dake seemed to understand and smiled slightly.

Back in the room, I lay on the bed, tossing and turning, everything that happened in the past, especially Lu Jun's despicable behavior, as well as Liu Dake's meaningful smile, the words he said, more than once reflected in front of my eyes, echoing in my ears, I thought: what is this life for. Since Lu Jun betrayed me, and he had fun with Qian Yiran, why should I defend myself like a jade for him and punish myself with rebellion? I also thought, what will I get if I continue like this, self-destruction after repression? Life is only a few decades away, why should it be difficult for yourself? The more I thought about it, the more annoyed I became, so I walked out of the room alone, walking back and forth in the corridor, when I passed by Liu Dake's door, I found that Liu Dake's room actually came from the sound of the TV turned on, so I knocked on Liu Dake's door.

Liu Dake gently opened the door, and I walked into his room. Liu Dake is worthy of being a veteran, his eyes are firmly on me, and the first thing he said to me was: I know you will come to me. It seemed that in his eyes, I was born a woman, and I felt greatly humiliated at that time. However, I actually smiled.

I still don't understand what kind of state of mind I was in. How can it be as indifferent as water. Am I really as Liu Dake said, a mercenary bad woman? Or is everything no longer important to me, becoming numb.

Liu Dake said to me again, I have been studying you, I found that you are a person who is cold on the outside and hot on the inside, and I have been waiting for you for several nights. Liu Dake said, hugging me tightly in his arms. To be honest, I was very touched by Liu Dake's words, and I thought: Although there is a huge age difference between me and him, no matter what kind of person he is, he is the leader of the department after all, and he has been paying attention to me, which shows that he cares about me, and I feel very comfortable to be so cared for by the leaders of the department. I still smiled slightly, not resisting at all, even willingly. What was even more unexpected to me was that Liu Dake actually gave me a princess hug, and just like that, I closed my eyes slightly and came to Liu Dake's bed like sleepwalking.