Chapter6(2018)

In March, I sent Lin Meow a WeChat message.

"It's my birthday today, can we drink together?"

"Where's your wife? You're not together? Lin Meow replied.

"She's been transferred to work in the field, and she can't let me celebrate her birthday by myself, right?"

"Lin, it's not good for you to be like this, your wife will find other girls to drink when she is transferred?"

I was a little inexplicably angry.

I called Lin Meow directly, and she answered.

"Hey, Meow Lin, we recognize that this year is the sixth year! From your freshman year to your graduation, we spent Christmas together on New Year's Eve together, do we have no love and no friendship? ”

"But you're married, so you should avoid suspicion." Lin Meow said calmly.

"What are you afraid of? What to avoid? Did I ignore you when you were in love? "I feel aggrieved.

"It's different." Lin Meow is still very calm.

"I don't care about your mess, tonight, at eight o'clock, next to your school, I'll wait for you."

After that, I hung up the phone and turned off my phone.

At half past seven, I went to the Qing bar.

At eight o'clock, Lin Meow didn't come, and I didn't leave.

At half past nine, I saw Lin Meow come in with a box of cakes in his hand.

She said in a very soft voice, "Happy birthday, Lin." ”

"You're here." I looked at her and said.

"Do you remember the second time we met, in fact, I saw you outside a long time ago that day, I guess you might have been waiting for me, but I didn't go in, I thought, a little later, if you don't leave, I'll go in and say hello to you, and it's the same today." Lin Meow sat down and said slowly.

I didn't speak.

"Lin, I know you're not happy, but I'm the same. But we are adults, and sometimes we have to push ourselves to be rational. Lin Meow's tone was light.

"I understand, but Lin Meow, you don't understand, you are also a very important friend to me, yes, I am married, but this does not mean that we are going to break up, do you know, except for you, I have no other friends who can make friends like this." I'm in a bit of a hurry.

"But you haven't had much of a relationship with me, I'm talking to you." Lin Meow stared at a pair of big eyes.

"I know, I know, but you make me feel at ease, you attract me, I like to hear you tell me about such and such things, I admit, I have some affection for you, but I will never act excessively, for so many years, I have kept a comfortable distance from each other, haven't I?"

Lin Meow was silent.

"Lin Meow, I don't ask for anything else, let's just like before, drink and chat together, can't we do this? If it weren't for my birthday today, I wouldn't know how to find you. ”

Lin Meow smiled.

"You know what, Lin, we've been drinking together so many times, and today is the first time you've said so much."

I lowered my head, sighed, and didn't speak.

"Lin, do you know my name?" Lin Meow asked me.

"I know." I answered truthfully.

Lin Meow wasn't surprised, just took a sip of wine and asked, "When did you know?" ”

"The time I accompanied you to the hospital, I saw it in the medical record."

"Then why don't you tell me?" Lin Meow looked at me and asked.

"Because you say strangers are the closest distance." I say.

Lin Meow looked at me straight for a while.

"Call me when you drink in the future, eat the cake, happy birthday."

With that, she got up and left.

As soon as she left, I quickly turned on my phone and wanted to send her WeChat, but I stopped.

After that, I didn't look for Lin Meow, but just went to the Qing bar every night to sit for a while.

In the first two days, I didn't meet Lin Meow.

On the third day, she came.

When I entered, he walked straight across from me, sat down and said, "Let's have a drink." ”

The song that was played in the bar was "Related" without faith.

I ordered a Tekira Sunrise for Lin Meow, and she ordered two more Sunsets herself.

At first, it was just small talk, I talked about the workplace, and she talked about fitness and Kabu.

After drinking three glasses of wine, Lin Meow was a little drunk.

She looked down at me with her eyes down, a little flush on her face, and a drunken smile.

"Lin, you are not authentic." Lin Meow pointed at me with his index finger and said.

I nodded, "Well, it's not authentic, tell me about it, it's not authentic." "I also took a big sip of wine.

Lin Meow snorted and gave me a blank look.

"Okay, I'll talk to you today." Lin Meow sat up straight.

I didn't speak.

"You, you, you." She shook her head, "No. ”

I smile.

"Do you think I don't know, don't forget what I studied, I also took the psychology of love."

"You said that you are a person, you like me, if you don't say it, you will get married."

After Lin Meow finished speaking, he began to laugh drunkly.

I still didn't speak, and I smiled as I watched her smile.

"I ask you, did I tell you? Did I tell you? ”

"I said, Lin, I like you very much, but unfortunately, I have lost the ability to love."

"You said you haven't experienced all the bad things I went through, and you don't have any personality disorders, why don't you make it clear to me?"

"You still say that you make friends, what are you pretending to be!"

"So, I have to tell you, in fact, you subconsciously don't dare to be with me, because you don't have me to be free, you don't dare to abandon your family and give up your marriage, you are not like me, I have lost a lot, I have less things to worry about, you have more, and you can't let go of more."

"Your brain understands that I'm just novelty and attraction to you, but I'm not like you, and I can't live that worldly life."

"But you don't understand it yourself, do you know why?" Lin Meow looked at me.

I shook my head.

"Because these are all in your subconscious, subconscious things, you don't think about it, but it will directly govern your behavior, to put it bluntly, you don't like me enough, so even if you like it, you don't dare to say it, understand?"

Lin Meow tilted her head, her expression seemed to be looking at and mocking.

"Lin Meow, I admit it, I like you very much, but I don't say it, it's not all for myself."

"I don't dare deny the subconscious part you said."

"But when we get along, I like to follow your rhythm, at the beginning, you are a very easy little girl in my heart to be uneasy, and it is easy to build up a defensive mentality, I dare not act too much."

"But after more and more contact, I found that you are a person who is easy to satisfy, and I also found that we are all lonely, your eyes are shining with excitement when you see the Christmas tree, your happy smiling face when we are on New Year's Eve together, your simplicity, your free and easy, your compassion, these all attract me, and you also have something that I don't have but I envy."

"Don't say I didn't tell you, I actually did, but I said it very quietly, and you didn't hear it."

Lin Meow snorted.

"Okay, stop."

"Lin, it's good to talk about it today, but tomorrow we have to forget it all."

"You're a man, a family man."

"I'm a woman, a young woman."

"What's the matter with the two of us?"

"No matter what the past is, what it is, what it looks like, in the future, we will be friends."

"Nothing else."

"Understand?"

Lin Meow asked me.

I nodded.

"Speak! What are you shaking! "Lin Meow is really drunk.

"Don't worry, Lin Meow, the past is over, like you said, I don't like you that much, it's just that I transcend friendship, but I can't reach love."

"If you know, it's good." Lin Meow laughed disdainfully.

"I know, I know." I nodded.

"Lin Meow, don't worry, since you have made everything clear today, I will also give you a statement, I will never betray my wife, we have always been strangers."

"It's a deal." Lin Meow held out his little thumb at me.

I couldn't help but think that this kind of Lin Meow was a little cute, and I also stretched out my little thumb.

In the evening, I put Lin Meow into the elevator, but I didn't go upstairs with her.

Lin Meow asked me to tell her when I got home.

"Arrive home safely." I sent it to her.

"Me too." Lin Meow replied.

"Go to bed early." I'll send it.

"Good night." Lin Meow replied to me.

I opened the circle of friends, and Lin Meow no longer blocked me.

For the next week, due to my busy work, I didn't ask Lin Meow for a drink.

At the end of March, let's clear it.

asked Lin Meow to drink together.

Lin Meow ordered a cup of screwdriver.

"What have you been up to lately? It's been a long time since I've been drinking, and I don't know how you're doing. I asked Lin Meow.

Lin Meow sighed, "I'm not busy with anything, I just go to the bubble library occasionally, play games occasionally, and then go to the gym." ”

I nodded, but didn't speak.

Lin Meow smiled lightly.

"If this is a different person, he will definitely tell me, you plan to go on like this, when will you find a job." Lin Meow continued.

I laughed too.

"Lin, you are really good at this, you know how to respect other people's differences."

"Because I know you're a good boy." I said to Lin Meow in a very sincere tone.

Lin Meow looked at the wine glass and shook his head.

"No, I'm not good." With that, she took a sip of wine.

"Actually, I'm confused."

I didn't speak, waiting for Lin Meow to continue.

"Everyone has their own expectations when they are alive."

"But for me, the biggest expectation is gone."

I tilted my head and listened intently.

Lin Meow took another sip of wine.

"When I was a child, when it was time for the Chinese New Year, Lin Haisheng would take me to his relatives' house to celebrate the New Year."

"And Mom, he will be driven away."

"I remember that back very well."

Lin Meow's pupils began to diverge, as if she was stuck in a memory.

"Growing up, I never saw my mother or bought any new clothes. She has a lilac padded jacket. ”

"In winter, it's almost the New Year, and she wears this lilac cotton jacket back to her grandmother's house."

"Actually, I was very reluctant to let her go."

"Because I have never spent the New Year with my mother, I have never had a Chinese New Year's Eve dinner together."

"But when I was a child, Lin Haisheng was rude, and I was cowardly, so I didn't dare to say anything."

Lin Meow drank all the wine in the cup in one gulp and ordered another cup of Long Island Iced Tea.

"Once, when it was almost the New Year, in winter, it was dark early, and my mother was driven back to her parents' house by Lin Haisheng."

She packed her things, put on the lilac padded jacket, closed the door and left.

"I'm sad in my heart."

"I ran over and opened the door, just in time to see my mother's back downstairs, I whispered, goodbye, mother."

Speaking of this, Lin Meow's tears were already rolling in his eyes.

"So I've always had an expectation in my heart."

"I hope that I can spend the New Year with my mother in the future, we can have a Chinese New Year's Eve dinner together, eat dumplings together, only laughter, no Lin Haisheng's sighs and sighs, and he scolds us, destroying the atmosphere of this festival."

"So, after they divorced, I studied hard, reading every day and night, but in the end I had a nervous breakdown because of not resting enough."

"After I go to university, I also hope to study my own and then relieve my mother and let her recover from her mental illness."

Lin Meow took a sip of wine.

"You know what happened next."

"Until now, my mother is gone, and I still haven't spent the New Year with her."

"All I have is her ashes."

"So, there's nothing I'm looking forward to in this world."

"Because I have lost all the affection and love, dependence and trust in my heart."

"Like a turtle, I like to retract into my shell to avoid getting hurt."

After Lin Meow finished speaking, he had already drunk most of the cup of Long Island Iced Tea.

There was a bit of wine in my mouth.

"Lin Meow, what about me?"

"Am I your friend?"

"Am I someone you can trust?"

I threw three questions in a row.

Lin Meow looked up, looked at me for a while, and finally said, "Sort of." ”

"That's okay, no matter what happens in the future, you can tell me, and I will definitely help if I can."

Lin Meow shook his head.

"No, I don't."

I didn't answer.

"When I was in elementary school, I didn't have many friends, and there was a little girl who had a relatively wealthy family, and she didn't have many friends."

"She's very generous, and she often buys me snacks for me after school."

"However, she also often threatened me, saying that she would break up her relationship, and if she broke off her relationship, she would convert the snacks she had eaten into money and return them to her."

"So since then, I have known that there is no such thing as free in the world, and you will always have to pay back what others give you."

"So I don't like to bother people. Where did you ask someone to help you today, and tomorrow you will have to return it somewhere else. ”

I still didn't speak.

"But I still have to thank you, Lin, for saying that, I already feel very warm, and it's enough to feel this way."

"Lin Meow, the situation you said does exist, but there are exceptions to everything, and I won't let you return the favor."

"You won't?"

Lin Meow laughed out loud.

"Then you said a bunch of impassioned things last time, so I asked me to accompany you for your birthday?"

Lin Meow was still laughing.

I was momentarily speechless, but retorted, "These are two different things. ”

"So, Lin, you have to learn to cherish it."

Lin Meow was a little drunk, and the topic changed very quickly.

"Like me, although I have always had some expectations in my heart, I have never visited my mother in the years I have been away from school."

Lin Meow drank the wine in the glass in another sip, called the waiter, and ordered a bottle of Roosevelt No. 10.

"At that time, I felt that I was a poor student, and I couldn't change anything when I went to see my mother, and I couldn't buy her anything, and I couldn't take care of her."

"I used to think that no matter what happened, the process was not important, the result was the most important thing."

"I've been waiting for a result, but I didn't expect another result from one result."

"So, I'm a person who doesn't know how to cherish."

"And you, Lin, must not learn from me, you must cherish what you have."

Lin Meow opened the wine.

I'm not sure what Lin Meow is trying to say, but I vaguely feel that she wants me to cherish my marriage.

"Lin Meow, you drank a lot of wine tonight, and you can't drink this bottle anymore."

Lin Meow nodded.

Eventually, there was still half of the bottle left, so I pulled her away.

April, April Fool's Day.

Weibo hot searches are all confessions on April Fool's Day.

In the evening, Yolin Meow drank together, but she didn't come to the gym.

Second Sunday in April.

In the evening, let's go clean.

After Lin Meow started exercising, her complexion became much better.

"I've never seen you get a gym card before." I took a sip of wine and said to Lin Meow.

"Isn't this year idle?" Lin Meow responded lightly.

I didn't speak.

"Actually, I only swim in the gym, and I never play with those equipment."

"I learned to swim at a very young age, one year in the basic class and one year in the improvement class."

"After I learned it, as long as I had a summer vacation, I would go to the swimming pool for a summer."

"Hey, can you swim?" Lin Meow asked me.

I shook my head.

"Do you want to learn?" Lin Meow asked me.

"Can I do it? I'm getting old. "I don't have the confidence to say it.

"Let's see if you're interested. In fact, one of the coaches said that if I could introduce him to a student, he would give me a free lesson. ”

"Do you need to learn again?"

"Maybe it's correcting some of the details of the posture."

"Okay, I'll learn."

Once I learned it, I could swim with Lin Meow.

Three days later.

Lin Meow took me to the gym.

I got an annual card and bought 20 swimming lessons.

It's also very convenient to study here, there is no fixed time, and classes are all scheduled for time.

Mid-April, in the evening, clear bar.

"How's swimming going?" Lin Meow asked me.

"It's okay, it's not as hard as I thought."

Lin Meow smiled.

"This kind of formal gym is just different." I say.

"How?" Lin Meow tilted his head.

"I've been swimming before, saying it's going swimming, it's going to play in the water, and I'm going to a swimming pool."

"There are a lot of people in it, and there are very few who are pure swimmers."

"It's not like this gym, everyone is here to work out and swim all the time."

"Of course."

"Lin Meow, that I ....."

"Huh?" Lin Meow looked up at me.

Actually, I'd love to say, if I learn, can I go swimming with you.

But when the words came to his lips, he stopped.

"It's okay, there's something in your hair."

"Study hard, Lin, swimming is a sport that can benefit you for life." Lin Meow said while pulling her hair.

"Okay." I nodded.

"Where is your wife, is it far away, and how often do you two meet?" Lin Meow asked me.

"She's not transferred to the province, far away."

"We are both busy, and we always work overtime, and after she was transferred, we made video calls every day."

"Sometimes, she has time and I don't have time, and now I don't always talk."

Lin Meow sighed.

"Long-distance relationships are quite torturous."

"To be honest, maybe you don't like to hear it, but long-distance relationships break up a lot of people, it's raining in her city, you can't give her an umbrella, that's the reality."

"But you're both married, and you should have a stronger relationship than someone in love."

"I appreciate that you always tell the truth." I nodded and said to Lin Meow.

"Actually, I also understand in my heart, do you remember that I told you that I had a girlfriend last time?"

"We are separated because of different places, like you said, two people are far away, she cried, I couldn't hold her, she walked on the road carrying very heavy things, tired, called me and said, I can't do anything, after a long time, people will be disappointed, and slowly despair."

"Like now, we started talking every day, then every week, then twice a month."

"Lin, which do you like nice lies or ugly truths?" Lin Meow looked at me.

"Ugly truth."

Lin Meow nodded, "Me too." ”

"So I want to tell you that if you go on like this, it is likely that your last relationship will end the same."

"So I advise you to squeeze some time out of the sponge and go see her."

I didn't speak, I took a big sip of wine.

Finally nodded.

At the beginning of May, seven days off.

I bought a plane ticket and was going to do what Lin Meow said.

Beginning of summer, late, clear bar.

"Where didn't you go on vacation?" Lin Meow asked me.

"I'm going to look for her."

"Just two days ago."

"Well, your wife is very impressed."

I sighed.

"Don't mention it, she has developed well over there, and she didn't rest on May Day, when I went to look for her, she was in a meeting, and there were a bunch of customers to meet, so she didn't have time to talk to me at all."

"This is also a good thing, I really like such girls, who have their own careers and are very independent." Lin Meow said.

"It's not like me, I eat and wait to die." She added.

"Do you have any plans for the future?" I asked.

Lin Meow shook his head and didn't speak.

"You can go ahead and do what you love, like coffee."

"It's strange to say, when I didn't know how to do it before, I wasn't too tired to add seven or eight points a day to class."

"But after I learned it, my enthusiasm was reduced by more than half."

"Do you think I like the new and hate the old?"

"It doesn't count." I say for sure.

"At most, you are tired of the old, and you don't like the new."

Lin Meow smiled.

By mid-May, I was able to swim slowly in the pool.

The instructor would record it for me to show while I was swimming.

I took a look at it and it was ugly.

But I still couldn't open my mouth and then find Lin Meow to swim with meow.

Maybe drinking and chatting together is the most comfortable way for us to be between us.

When I was able to swim, I often went to class after work and swam by myself for a while.

Every time I travel, I think of Lin Meow.

Xiaoman, late, Qing bar.

"Lin Meow, I can swim on my own now." I said with great interest.

"yes, that's amazing." Lin Meow also smiled.

Sure enough, she didn't say anything about going swimming together.

"How are you going to spend your birthday next month?" I asked.

"I don't know." Lin Meow said.

"Don't know, you haven't had it last year, you're still young, you have to celebrate your birthday, and when you reach my age, I don't want to face it even if I think about it."

Lin Meow smiled, "You're not old." ”

"That's right, I'm not old, you're not old, you have to be positive on your birthday."

Lin Meow smiled again, "Isn't this not here yet, let's talk about it then." ”

In the evening, in June, the bench outside the bar.

Meow Lin and I each held a glass of blue margaret.

Lin Meow likes blue the most.

"Today is Uncle Pu's birthday." Lin Meow said.

"Depp?" I answered.

Lin Meow looked at me sideways, "You watched that movie?" ”

"yes, Edward Scissorhands, it's beautiful, I like it."

"I love Johnny Depp." Lin Meow was suddenly interested.

"I remember the first time I watched that movie, my family didn't have a computer yet."

"Later, I don't know how long later, I bought an LCD computer at home."

"I was looking for Uncle Pu on the Internet, in fact, he was not young at that time, but I could still see at a glance that his eyes had not changed, and they were the same as Edward's."

Lin Meow turned his head sideways and said to me with a smile.

I laughed too.

"After that, I watched a lot of his movies, and I liked them all." Lin Meow continued.

"But my favorite is Edward."

When Lin Meow mentions that she likes things, she always has a very bright smile on her face, like a child.

During the Dragon Boat Festival holiday, I picked a morning to go swimming.

This time, I met Lin Meow.

I was wearing a swimming cap and goggles, and Lin Meow was short-sighted, so she shouldn't have recognized me.

But I recognized her at a glance, tall, slender, in a swimsuit with a light blue top and black shorts.

A lot of people look back at her.

The coach said that this little girl swims here for a long time every time.

Lin Meow said that she is a person who needs to release dopamine through exercise.

In late June, I was thinking about how to celebrate Lin Meow's birthday.

At first, I checked on the Internet to see if there was any concert by Li Jian.

It was found in October.

Finally, I found a meadow music festival, which happened to be Lin Meow's birthday.

I decided to take her with me.

Lin Meow's birthday, in the afternoon, in the evening, the music festival opened.

I drove Lin Meow to the scene.

"Happy birthday Lin Meow, I hope you enjoy it here."

"I love it." Lin Meow was very happy.

The crowd, the music, Lin Meow and everyone else were jumping and laughing in the music.

It was rainy in June, and the sky was a little cloudy, but the mood was clear.

At the beginning of July, all the swimming lessons were finished.

The weather is getting hotter, and I go for a swim after work.

I occasionally met Lin Meow, but I never went to say hello to her.

I don't dare, I don't know why, I'm afraid that if I get closer and closer to Lin Meow, it will be like two magnets with the same pole, bounce each other apart.

In the evening, the benches outside the bar.

The music is the song "Youbelongtome" that Lin Meow likes very much.

Lin Meow ordered a bottle of Lost Coast beer, and I ordered a bottle of Corona.

Lin Meow watched me squeeze the juice of the lemon wedge into the wine glass and said to me,

"Corona is produced in Mexico, where the climate is hot, and there are often small flying insects, so to prevent them from falling into the bottle, they will use lemon wedges to plug the mouth of the bottle."

I listened quietly.

"So after the introduction of this wine, people continued the custom of Corona with lemon wedges, but they didn't know what it was used for, and they all squeezed the juice."

Lin Meow smiled, and I smiled too.

"Lin Meow, you are really the girl I have ever met who likes to drink the most." I say it from the bottom of my heart.

Lin Meow shook his head and smiled.

"That's because you usually have too few girls."

"Like me, I just know a little bit of the surface."

"And I only go to Qingba, like people who often go to night clubs, they know a lot more than me."

I didn't speak.

"I'd love to try a wide variety of imported beers now, with different flavors and different packaging, all of which give me a sense of freshness."

"Speaking of which, I seem to be in need of freshness, and changing the theme of my phone every once in a while, changing the skin of the input software, and changing the phone case can give me freshness."

"Is my life too boring?"

Lin Meow asked herself.

"Whatever, just be happy." I raised my glass to Meow Lin.

Lin Meow touched the wine bottle.

Lin Meow rarely uses a wine glass to drink beer, unless she adds ice cubes, she likes to drink directly from the bottle.

"If you drink at night, don't you eat during the day?" I looked at Lin Meow's thin figure and asked her.

"Not necessarily, sometimes eat some breakfast, and then eat a little fruit when you are hungry." Lin Meowyun said lightly.

"To stay in shape? You're already skinny. I said.

Lin Meow nodded.

I was a little surprised.

"I'm not a person who doesn't eat fireworks, and when I was a child, I was also fat." Lin Meow turned her head sideways and smiled at me.

"After I got fat, I was disgusted and unconfident, the kind of uncontrollable unconfidence."

"Maybe it's because there are very few happy things, and in the end, I can't even manage my body well, and I feel that I'm useless."

"And it's an era of thinness. I still have to face reality. ”

"But I like to drink, alcohol is very easy to make people fat, so I have to eat less."

Lin Meow's tone was still flat.

I didn't answer.

"Actually, I like this feeling, the feeling of being a little cruel to myself, sometimes I am hungry but control myself to get through, just like the feeling of running when I am obviously tired, and finally insisting on running to the finish line."

"Only when people learn to be cruel to themselves will they grow, be strong, and endure more."

I couldn't help but turn my head sideways to look at Lin Meow, there was no expression on her face.

In mid-July, it's almost ambush.

Weekend evenings, clear bar.

We ordered two glasses of wine in the house at the beginning, I had some photos to fix, and Lin Meow used a tablet to watch "Friends".

It cooled down a lot after dark.

We sat outside on the benches and chatted.

"Do you like to watch American dramas?" I asked Lin Meow.

"Compared with domestic dramas, I still prefer American dramas." Lin Meow nodded.

"After all, there are fewer restrictions in American dramas, and there are more laughs." Lin Meow smiled.

"What about you, do you like to watch American dramas?" Lin Meow turned his head and asked me.

"I prefer British dramas, "Downton Abbey", have you watched it?"

Lin Meow shook his head.

"Maybe I prefer American pronunciation to British pronunciation." Lin Meow smiled.

"I love Friends too." I say.

"Yes, many people like it, life is not satisfactory, rewatch "Friends"." Lin Meow said with a smile.

I laughed too.

"What, do you feel like life is unsatisfactory now?" I asked Lin Meow.

Lin Meow raised her head and took a deep breath.

"It's not good to say, I feel that I am very worthless now, my classmates, the graduate school entrance examination, the work of the job, I have graduated for a year in the blink of an eye."

"It turns out that it doesn't feel very good to be idle every day." Lin Meow smiled bitterly.

"Then you can also go to graduate school." I took a sip of wine and said to Lin Meow.

Lin Meow shook his head, "I don't want to study psychology anymore." ”

"Then you should change your major." I say.

"What kind of major?" Lin Meow asked me.

I smiled, "You can take whatever you like." ”

"What do I like...," Lin Meow muttered to herself.

"Inter-major, can I pass the exam?" Lin Meow said with a smile.

"Whether you pass the test or not, you can learn a lot in the process of preparing for the exam." I say.

Lin Meow looked at me thoughtfully, "Well, that makes sense, I'll think about it." ”

End of July, Saturday, City Library.

I read the book with Lin Meow.

There were a lot of people on Saturdays, and we couldn't find the empty tables next to each other, so we had to find separate tables.

I looked for a few photography books to read, and Lin Meow found a book about coffee cocktails.

Our table was on either side of an aisle, she was in front of me, and I always looked up at her when I was reading.

It was quiet in the library, and Lin Meow listened to music with headphones, immersed in her own world.

I got up and went to buy two cups of coffee and put one next to her.

Lin Meow whispered a thank you.

At around four o'clock in the afternoon, Lin Meow walked up to me and asked me if I could go.

I got up to return the book.

"Where will you go in a moment?" I asked Lin Meow.

"Go for a walk in the playground." Lin Meow said.

"Then I'll go back first, and I'll see you at 8 o'clock in the evening." I say.

"Okay." Lin Meow walked to the subway station by himself.

The city library is so close to my house that I can walk home.

After Ah Jin was not by Lin Meow's side, we rarely went to the playground together.

And I always think of that quiet, failed confession.

Eight o'clock in the evening, let's clear.

Lin Meow ordered a mojito.

She loved the taste of lime.

We sat outside at a small round wooden table.

"Time flies." Lin Meow looked at the street opposite in confusion and muttered.

I didn't speak, just took a sip of wine.

"In the blink of an eye, even Kabu has grown so big." Lin Meow continued.

Then she turned to me, "You know, it's so good to eat, eat and sleep right now." ”

"Lin Meow, do you miss Ah Jin?" I asked.

Lin Meow smiled with a sigh, "You are so powerful, you can always see through me." ”

I smiled, "Because you went to the playground today." ”

"Yes, I used to take Ah Jin with me, to be honest, after you gave me Kabu, I was indeed much better, when Ah Jin was just sent away, I was very sad, and I always dreamed of it."

"But I still think about it occasionally, especially when I see some videos of dogs on the Internet." Lin Meow said while drinking.

But judging from the wine she ordered, it was not so strong, indicating that her mood was not too bad.

"Will you ever have another dog in the future?" I asked.

"Maybe, I'd love to have a corgi." Lin Meow said.

"After all, people like me who want to die alone have to have something to accompany them." Lin Meow continued.

I didn't speak.

"Actually, I'm not too young now."

"When I was young, I dared to think and do, maybe because I was not old enough and many things did not come to me."

"Like now, my classmates are also married, think about it in a few years, I will become an old woman, and the initiative of many things will no longer be in my hands."

"Although I still don't want to have children, I don't want to get married." Lin Meow took a sip of wine.

"But I'm not sure if I'll be able to die well in the end."

"It's not easy to challenge the conventions of life."

Lin Meow's face was expressionless, and his tone was as indifferent as ever.

I lowered my head, not knowing how to respond, so I could only remain silent.

Lin Meow continued,

"I saw a passage that roughly means that the people in the past didn't pay attention to these things of our generation, freedom, youth, and people lived in a step-by-step manner, got married and had children, so they had everything."

"That's true, but it's a pity that it's not the life I want."

"Now I still advocate having a second child, and people like me are still dragging their feet."

Lin Meow kept his head on the table with his hands on his arms and said slowly.

"You say that if I am an idealist, I am quite materialistic, I see good food, good clothes, good shoes, I like them all, you have to say that I am a materialist, I can't give up my principles for the sake of materialism."

"It's too wrenched." Lin Meow shook his head after speaking, drank all the wine in the cup in one gulp, and ordered another glass of other flavors of mojito.

After drinking some wine, Lin Meow's whole person relaxed a lot, and the conversation box also opened.

"Actually, I envy you sometimes, Lin."

Lin Meow's eyes were still looking at the opposite road.

"You said that you have a job, a house, a car, and a wife, and you are stable in this life."

"No matter how many setbacks you have outside, you have a home, and there is someone in the family who loves you."

"As for me, I only have a small amount of savings, I can buy a kitchen at most in this city, rent a house by myself, and I can only digest unhappy things by myself, and I have a cat at home who may love me." Lin Meow said with a smile.

I smiled.

"You can tell me if you're unhappy." I say.

Lin Meow shook his head.

"No, there are some things that are boring if you talk too much."

"Actually, there are only a few things that make me unhappy, back and forth, but they always appear in my mind repeatedly, I can't pour the same bucket of bitter water with you endlessly, it's a person who will be annoyed, Xianglin, you know."

Lin Meow said with a smile at me.

"Lin Meow, you have to know."

"The most important thing for a person is not what happened in the past, nor the present, but your future."

Lin Meow turned his head to me, looked at me, and didn't speak.

I went on to say to her,

"Although you don't have stability now, it's just now, you have a future life, and the future life is determined by the present you."

"I remember a Korean drama called "Nine Times of Time Travel", I remember a line that is particularly classic, that is, the male protagonist traveled to the past, and said to him at that time, 'Every decision you made at this time made made me who I am now.'" ”。

"You're so smart, you should know what I mean."

Lin Meow nodded thoughtfully.

"So, you just think about it, suppose there is a future you now, appear in front of you, and tell you that because of your efforts, she is living a good life now."

Lin Meow smiled.

"Lin, you're such a comforting master."

Lin Meow held up his glass to me, and I touched it lightly.

Lin Meow turned his head and continued to look at the cars coming and going on the road.

"I love observing people." Lin Meow looked at the road under the night and said.

"Like a car driving at night, or a person on the subway, I will observe."

"I would wonder what their lives were like, and I would fall into my imagination."

"I used to feel that everyone was happier than me."

"Actually, no, I originally thought that I was also outstanding in pain, but it turned out that I was not so special, everyone has their own hardships, and it is not easy; On the contrary, this year's leisure seems quite precious. ”

"Therefore, people really can't think of how unique they are, we are all a drop in the ocean, and we are the most ordinary grain."

I smiled and felt that Lin Meow's emotional appearance was both sensual and real, and a little cute.

In the middle of summer in August, Lin Meow went swimming almost every day.

Sometimes from daytime, swim until dark, take a break in the gym after swimming, and then go to the Qing bar for a while.

At nine o'clock in the evening, there were no more people in the bar.

Every summer, Lin Meow has the same faint smell of floral water.

"I've thought about it, this year, just like this, I should take a year off for my life."

"Next year, I'm going to take the graduate school entrance examination, take the major I like, and if I can't pass the exam, I'll look for a job."

Lin Meow said while stirring the ice cubes in the cup.

I nodded, "Good." ”

"Have you figured out what major to take and which school to apply for?" I asked.

"I have a rough idea, but I haven't decided yet." Lin Meow said.

"I haven't worked this year, do you still have enough money to spend?" I looked at Lin Meow and asked.

Lin Meow didn't look up at me, she drank through a straw and looked at the glass.

She nodded, "Well, I don't spend much, I don't eat and drink much, and I don't buy expensive things, when I used to work, I saved some money, and it was enough for me to live." ”

"What's more, every time I drink, you don't let me pay."

"I don't have much to spend." Lin Meow said with a smile.

I nodded, relieved.

Lin Meow is a girl who is easily insecure, and she shouldn't spend money indiscriminately.

At the end of August, Lin Meow suddenly stopped drinking.

I asked her and she only said that she was taking medicine now.

In the evening, we sat in the Qing bar for a while, I accompanied Lin Meow to the pharmacy next to buy medicine, she went in to look for it, and I waited at the checkout counter at the door.

An eldest sister at the checkout desk said to me, "This little girl is your girlfriend, take care of her, let her eat well, and her menstrual irregularities due to dieting." She's lost a lot of weight and diets. ”

I didn't speak, just smiled and nodded.

After we left, Lin Meow asked me, "What did that eldest sister tell you just now?" ”

I smiled, "It's nothing, she thinks I'm your boyfriend, so she asks me." ”

"That's a lot of gossip." Lin Meow rolled her eyes and said.

Lin Meow couldn't drink, so we changed the location of the small gathering to a coffee shop.

Every time I go to the coffee shop, I order a plate of salad for her.

"Why do you always order me salad to eat, I'll just drink coffee." Lin Meow asked me.

"I've seen the menu here, and their salad sells well, and there are many types, chicken, beef, fish, shrimp, and eggs, which are protein supplements and nutritionally balanced."

I took a sip of my coffee and said.

Lin Meow smiled, "Isn't it too late for you to want me to thrive now, you have to be my little father." ”

I smiled and didn't speak.

Half a month later, Lin Meow stopped taking medicine.

But I didn't drink on the grounds that she had just stopped taking the drug, so I went to the coffee shop.

"Lin Meow, I think you can make some of these salads for yourself in the future." I said to her.

"You still don't stop eating because you drink alcohol, and eat some low-calorie foods if you are afraid of getting fat, especially protein, otherwise you will always be not nutritious enough, and your body will get sick if you can't stand it."

I saw a wall cabinet in Lin Meow's house before, and she had several base wines for bartending, and she should often mix and drink by herself.

Lin Meow put down the fork, "I know, you always stare at me every day to eat, that big sister must have said something to you that day." ”

Lin Meow sighed.

"I'm fine, don't worry, I know it."

I nodded, "That'll do." ”

In late September, we returned to Qingba.

The weather is noticeably cooler.

"I haven't asked you for a long time, how are you and your wife, are you still in a different place?" Lin Meow asked me.

"Well, she came back three times, once to go home to get her clothes, and then left in the afternoon, and twice to come back for a meeting, and we had a meal together, and I took her to the airport."

Lin Meow and I sighed in unison.

I looked at her and couldn't help but smile.

"What are you sighing for?" I asked.

Lin Meow looked at the desktop, shook his head, and didn't speak.

"I see, I'm close to her." I shook the ice cubes in the cup with a straw and said helplessly.

Lin Meow still looked at the desktop, didn't speak, flattened his mouth, and nodded.

I looked at her and smiled.

"Come on, cheers, to my failed love because of a long place, and to my marriage that is about to fail because of a long place."

Lin Meow picked up the wine glass with an expressionless face but all thoughts, and touched it with me.

"Lin, you said that if we were separated in the future, would we just cut off contact like that?" Lin Meow asked me.

"I think we discussed it." I took a sip of wine and said.

"No, we haven't discussed the situation of separating the two places, you think, it's not in the same city anymore, you can't always get together together, you can't come to this Qing bar anymore, it's been a long time, even your lover can be worn apart, let alone a drinking friend." Lin Meow's face was expressionless, and his tone seemed to be drawing conclusions to himself.

"No, because people are different." I took a sip of my wine, put down my glass and said.

"Do you think you've ever said these things to your boyfriend and me before? And I don't talk to my girlfriend like this, why is that, because we have a good grasp of the distance, we haven't actually been very close, like you said, stay strange, because strange, so don't care, just say it. But at the same time we're familiar with each other, because we've always been together, and it's been six years now. ”

I said with a dry mouth and took another sip of wine.

"So, no matter where you go in the future, where I go, no matter how long we haven't seen each other, when we meet again, we will always be in that state, strange and familiar, and we will still be like today, drinking, chatting, you say, I listen, I say, you listen, what you may say has nothing to do with each other's lives, but it makes each other feel very comfortable."

Lin Meow looked at me and smiled, but didn't speak.

"I hope so." Finally, she said this, and raised a glass to me.

National Day holiday.

Xiao Chu can finally go home and rest for a few days.

I wanted to take her for a swim, but she didn't like it and didn't.

I went swimming by myself when I was free in the daylight and she slept at home.

At the same time, she offered to move to another city because she was doing well there, and the company wanted to keep her there and give her a promotion, which meant that her income would be higher than mine.

She told me to think about it, and I decided to move in by this year.

But in this case, the house here will be sold, and I will have to quit my job and find another place there.

If we don't move away, our lives in different places will be longer and longer.

She didn't force me, she just let me think for myself.

In mid-October, let's clear it.

I told Lin Meow about it.

"Do you think I should move out?" I asked.

"Actually, you know it in your heart." Lin Meow said softly.

"Different people will give you different advice from different angles, but there is only one choice you really want to make, and only you know."

"So, now it's time for me to ask you, do you think you should move out."

After speaking, Lin Meow took a sip of wine.

I lowered my head and sighed.

"I don't want to." I shook my head.

"But if we don't move over, we'll always be in a different place." I continued.

"Then why don't you let her come back?" Lin Meow asked me.

"She was promoted with great difficulty, and her journey was not easy." I say.

"Look, that's the difference." Lin Meow said.

"You will be considerate of her, what about her, she can't say that she is inconsiderate of you, this may be a very real problem, she has a high income now, although emotionally speaking, she will be a little wronged by you, but from the overall situation, your wife's advice is correct."

"After all, we live in an environment that is materialistic." Lin Meow said.

"But I think I'm quite satisfied with my current life, and I don't need her to make so much money, in fact, I can feel it before, although she is gentle, but she is very ambitious." I said helplessly.

"In fact, life is all about constantly making choices, if you want to save your marriage, it will definitely help to go with her, if you go the other way, no one knows what it will be like to go behind." Lin Meow still spoke in a light tone.

"If I leave, what will you do, I won't see you anymore, and I won't be able to drink together."

Lin Meow smiled.

"You said a lot of things before, saying that even if the two of us were separated, we wouldn't break off contact, but you forgot?"

"Not really." I hastened to say.

"You are an adult and not a child, you don't need to be persuaded by anyone, you still have to think about it yourself," Lin Meow said in a calm tone.

I nodded.

At the end of October, Xiao Chu came back again.

Ask me if I've thought about it.

I agreed, and I could tell she was happy.

I handed in my resignation letter, and the leader wanted to keep it. After I told me why, he still expressed his understanding and promised to welcome me back at any time in the future, and I expressed my gratitude.

After packing up our things, we decided to live with Xiao Chu in a house that her parents bought for her in another city for the time being.

After deciding to move out that day, Xiao Chu also immediately took three days off.

We were in a hurry.

I didn't meet with Lin Meow before leaving, I only sent a WeChat message to Lin Meow,

"Lin Meow, I decided to move over with Xiao Chu, but everything was in a hurry, and I had to leave today."

"Have a nice trip." Lin Meow only sent these four words.

I had a very strong feeling in my heart, but I couldn't put it into words, was it sad, I asked myself.

This year's Christmas, how will Lin Meow spend it, Xiao Chu doesn't like foreign festivals, and I shouldn't have it.

After I'm gone, will Lin Meow go to drink by herself, and will she meet the next person to chat with her?

On the plane, I was cranky and was taken to another city without Lin Meow.

There was always a little bitterness in my heart.

This time, instead of doing what I really wanted to do, I did what I had to do.