In addition to some unnecessary descriptions of the environment, Yan Xin also pointed out several minor problems in this chapter.

For example, the antagonist's taunt of the protagonist is too tactful, and sometimes it takes a moment to think about what he means, which is not conducive to emotional pulling.

The taunt could be more direct.

There is also the kind of villain's face that holds high and steps low, which is more obvious.

"This ...... That's a bit unreasonable, right? Chen Li hesitated, "Even if the protagonist is scrapped, he is still the son of the patriarch, and the people in the family say too much, don't you have to worry about being worn by the patriarch in small shoes?" ”

Although he is young, he is also a person who has come out to work for a few months, and he understands a little bit of human feelings.

"So, this is the reason why you hit the street," Yan Xin said, "You think too much, too thoughtful, you don't have that breath, you can't pull your emotions, and you can't resonate with readers." ”

"Yes...... Is it? Chen Li was not confident in himself.

Yan Xin said to him earnestly: "The selling point of this book is blood, that is, you will trample the people who once looked down on you and blow up the heads of all enemies." If the hatred can't be pulled up, the pleasure of slapping the face will be gone, and the whole book will not have that taste. ”

"What you say is reasonable...... Chen Li said.

He asked again: "But really don't talk about the logic in reality, is that good?" ”

"There's no need to be so forward-looking and timid," Yan Xin said, "This book pursues the enthusiasm of teenagers, which means that most of the audience is middle school students, and they are the age of defiance of all rules, how can they care about this?" As long as it's cool enough! ”

Chen Li was persuaded by him and said, "Then I'll change!" ”

According to Yan Xin's opinion, it was revised again.

Yan Xin saw that he was still thinking about the diction, and sometimes he twisted it there for a word, changed it back and forth, and said:

"You don't need this, you don't need to drag the text, as long as you can express your own meaning, don't show off your vocabulary, it's not worth wasting time. If you can express it simply, don't go around it. If you can express it in common words, don't use rare words. ”

Chen Li was a little embarrassed: "I want to create a sense of culture to the reader......"

"It's not necessary," Yan Xin said, "It's like cooking, the story is the ingredients, the rhythm is the heat, the writing is just the seasoning, it's okay to add a little seasoning appropriately, but you can't let the flavor of the seasoning cover the taste of the ingredients, this is the primary and secondary." And the main audience of your novel is middle school students, what do you do to show your vocabulary? Do you expect a group of people to look up a dictionary and read your novel at the same time? That's so tiring! ”

The more Chen Li thought about it, the more he felt reasonable: "You're right, it's me who wants to make a mistake, and I want to correct this problem." ”

Yan Xin was very relieved and patted him on the shoulder: "It's good to figure it out." Wenqing is a disease, and online writers must not be infected with it. ”

Chen Li looked at Yan Xin and had a strange feeling in his heart:

"Even though this man is younger than me, when he talks to me, I always feel that an experienced elder is educating me – how can he understand it like that?"

"Could it be that this is the real powerhouse?"

Yan Xin was a little creepy by him, laughed dryly, and said, "What, you continue to revise, I'll take a look at it later, and send it out directly if I think it's appropriate." ”

Before leaving, don't forget to encourage Chen Li:

"Actually, you've already written this well, and you should have a good score if you send it out like this, but I think you can do better, so the requirements will be higher. This is the first project we have worked on, and it must be an instant hit. ”

I went outside and breathed in the fresh air for another twenty minutes before I went in.

At this time, Chen Li had already completed the revision of the first chapter and was now looking for typos.

Yan Xin also followed to look.

This time, the feelings that made him unhappy were gone, there was no superfluous description, and the hatred value was full.

Chen Li's writing ability is still there.

According to his self-introduction, he began to learn to write novels when he was in high school, and after graduating from high school, he did not go out to work immediately, but wrote novels at home for more than a year, submitted articles to some literary journals, and published several short stories during the period, and earned more than 2,000 yuan in manuscript fees.

It was also at that time when I wrote the online novel, and dozens of people applauded it during the serialization period, but the data was too low, and I couldn't even meet the standards for putting it on the shelves, so I had to give up in the end.

It's not that he has strong writing skills, but he has reached a passing level.

The flaw is that I used to read too many martial arts novels, and I was affected by the worldview of those martial arts novels, and the plot was old-fashioned and I couldn't write anything new.

Man is a young man, but his consciousness is in an outdated worldview.

In addition, I also have a little bit of a literary illness, and I want to show my literary talent to show that I am different from ordinary online authors and have more depth for them.

This kind of thinking makes his novels particularly twisted and cannot win the audience.

Now that I have been selected by Yan Xin, I know how to write a good online novel, and I have given up those ideas of adding snakes, and the text has suddenly become smooth.

Yan Xin has read so many online novels in his previous life, and knows that the most suitable writing for online writing is the kind that makes people unaware of the writing, and the only thing that can remain in the reader's heart is the plot of the story, the emotions and emotions of the characters.

Now, at least in this first chapter, Chen Li has done it.

As a person concerned, he can't objectively evaluate which one is better in the first chapter or the first chapter of the original book, but he can see that this is a very good beginning.

"What do you think?"

After Yan Xin finished reading, Chen Li asked with some apprehension.

Now when he faced Yan Xin, he inexplicably felt a sense of awe.

He felt that this teenager was a person who knew how to write online, and he was much more powerful than himself in terms of online writing.

The opinion of this teenager is important.

Yan Xin gave him a thumbs up: "At this beginning, at least a boutique is indispensable." The future chapters can stabilize the level of this chapter, and there will be your place in the shrine of the online text. ”

Chen Li put his mind at ease.

This evaluation was so high that it even gave him a blissful sense of vertigo.

said: "Then, it's sent?" ”

"Let's send it!" Yan Xin said affirmatively.

Chen Li moved his mouse to the release, and looked at Yan Xin on the right side: "It's really hairy?" ”

Yan Xin: "Hair!" ”

Mouse a little, post.

Yan Xin looked at the time, 2:24 a.m. on August 12, 2005.

He said to Chen Li:

"You have to remember this time, this time represents an important milestone for the online article."

Chen Li smiled dryly: "It's not that exaggerated, right? ”

"It's such an exaggeration!" Yan Xin said affirmatively.

…………

On this day, in the distant Sichuan Province, in a place called Zhongjiang County, a sixteen-year-old boy was sleeping.

Suddenly, a heartache woke him up, and he found himself in tears.

"What's wrong with me?"

"Why do you suddenly feel like you've lost something so precious?"

"But what is that?"