After this incident, the relationship between Liu Yiyi and Qin Yixing has changed somewhat. Liu Yiyi thought, since you can't give me tomorrow, you should treat me better and pay more today. I can only think like this, what else can I think? Miao Xiaohui has long seen the situation clearly, but she is always hiding it. But Qin Yixing didn't think so, he felt that he had already paid a lot, enough. One day during the summer vacation, the two went to the mall, and Liu Yiyi looked at clothes, cosmetics, and endlessly. I took a fancy to the same, of course, it was a little more upscale, and I couldn't put it down, so I went to see Qin Yixing's face. Qin Yixing's face turned away, looking elsewhere, as if he was carefully observing something. Liu Yiyi had no choice but to put it down and told the salesman that this was not her favorite. Turning around, Liu Yiyi was reluctant to go, and finally Qin Yixing accompanied him once, always wanting to gain something. After buying one or two small things, Liu Yiyi still wanted to see it, but Qin Yixing urged her, but she refused to leave. Qin Yixing said: "I can't look at some narcissistic women, thinking that they are high-level people, how others should treat her, how high-end things should be, that's the only way to do." Liu Yiyi lost her emotions and said, "Do you say me?" Qin Yixing said: "I didn't talk about you, I said some other women." Liu Yiyi felt that it was too shameless to leave like this, so she turned around for a while, didn't buy anything, and left with Qin Yixing. In the car, she remembered that two years ago, on Chinese Valentine's Day, he took her to drive more than 100 kilometers to another city to visit the mall. He walked around the cosmetics counter for more than two hours, and he waited patiently, touching his hair and looking at himself with admiration. Later, he stayed in a hotel for two hours, released his passion, and returned to Lucheng after dark. The ancients said, "The past is only sad." "I wrote it for myself!

When she returned to Kangding, Liu Yiyi cried. Qin Yixing said: "Why are you crying again? Liu Yiyi said: "I cry my youth!" Qin Yixing said: "Don't say that. I haven't seen a few decent men in your life for more than two years, and I won't stop you if you really go with him. You don't have a place for the time being, stay with me, I'm still good to you. Without me, your youth would be twenty-three years old? Liu Yiyi had nothing to say. You can't get divorced, you have words first, don't delay yourself, and you have words first, and you are the one who wants to take the bait. This man, he has already designed a way out. What about himself, that is not his responsibility, and indeed it is not his responsibility.

Sadly, Liu Yiyi is still a little sober, she can't live without him! Without him, he would have immediately fallen into complete emptiness. She said, "It's boring for you to guard me like this!" Qin Yixing said: "Am I so free? And he said, "I have explained some things thoroughly for your own good, and you will know how to move forward." Liu Yiyi said: "I didn't ask you for anything, can't you be nice to me now?" Qin Yixing said: "How else to be good to you is good to you?" How much money do I give you every month, have you thought about it? We meet once or twice a week, how much does it cost to see you once? He stretched out two of his right fingers, and three more. Liu Yiyi quickly calculated in his heart, and calculated that when the two met once, he would indeed spend two or three hundred yuan. I hadn't thought about it that way before, but now that I think about it, it's a bit hard to think about it. She said, "What do you mean?" Do you think so? She thought, is he really in love with herself? True love does not count gains and losses, just as a person does not make a fine calculation for his children. Qin Yixing said: "What is placed here, do you still need to think about it? Liu Yiyi thought that men can settle accounts, and they have to think about whether it is cost-effective or not in their hearts. But this account can't be calculated, and I don't dare to calculate it, so I have to leave this atmosphere quickly. She said, "Selfish, man. He looked at Qin Yixing pitifully and said, "How could I fall in love with such a selfish man?" Qin Yixing hugged her and said, "Don't say these boring words, it's better to do something interesting, come on." ”

Later, Liu Yiyi found that Qin Yixing didn't need himself as much as before. He would call and message her every day, but the color had faded. In the past, he always asked her to go to Kangding, but now he wants her to call him, if she doesn't call, the two won't be able to see each other. In the past, Qin Yixing was angry with himself, but Qin Yixing always turned around in one day, touched his head and said, good, good, obedient! Now he is angry, but he has to find a chance to turn around, otherwise he will gamble to the end. He said, "Don't be angry with me, it's you who loses." "It's true, but it's going to choke her half to death. The ruthlessness of his anger now made her secretly surprised, was he playing wrecking ball? Liu Yiyi didn't dare to be so willful anymore, if he was willful, he pushed the boat down the river, and it was over. Liu Yiyi felt very pathetic, and now she was angry and didn't dare to be angry. Qin Yixing sometimes urged her to take the initiative to find a boyfriend, asking her to go to the dance hall and participate in social activities. Liu Yiyi said: "You drive me away!" I know you're annoying me. Qin Yixing said: "I'm for your good, don't delay." Liu Yiyi believed what he said, and said, "No one wants you to be responsible to the end." Qin Yixing said: "I would like that, but do I have this condition?" This state made Liu Yiyi feel uneasy and even panicked. In the past two or three years, her life has been arranged around him, and time has formed a huge inertia that cannot be reversed. If this relationship changes, and your whole life changes, then what's going on?

Liu Yiyi sent a message to Qin Yixing twice a week, at least once, saying that I miss you, or that I am sick, and asked Qin Yixing to go to Kangding, make love, linger, and do it, so I can feel a little relieved. Liu Yiyi thought, if he doesn't make affection, he doesn't linger, he has no meaning to him, it's really sad. Now, before she meets, she has to think about how to be affectionate, passionate, and the skills in passion. She bought two more sets of underwear, one pink and one green, and for a few years, she has learned a little bit about it. Even if she can't fight Zhou Shan in anything, she has an advantage in this regard, and she has this confidence. The preset passion is always a bit pretentious, but fortunately, Qin Yixing doesn't feel anything. No matter how shrewd a man is, there will be times when he is stupid, or that's what he wants, this is already all a man's expectations of a woman, as for what kind of mood is in the back, there is no need to study in detail. Liu Yiyi feels that in the past few years, her poetic imagination has lost its color and is pale. Since he calculates with himself, he has to calculate with him. Thinking like this, there was a blind force resisting in her heart, preventing her from thinking about it carefully. After all, she still loves him, and because of love, she is unwilling to consider problems so realistically. Maybe it's right to think like Miao Xiaohui, ask for money, do everything possible, the more the better. But now? It's true that both hands are empty, and youth is gone. It's not cruel or cruel, I'm a complete failure, and my heart hurts so much that I don't dare to think about it. She pushed all kinds of thoughts that came to her mind desperately outward, pushed, pushed. But those thoughts were so persistent, like the waves of the sea, wave after wave, surging up.

You have to find someone to talk to. Miao Xiaohui is getting married, and Liu Yiyi doesn't want to disturb her good mood, let alone let her happiness reflect how painful her pain is. Liu Yiyi called Ah Yu and asked her how she was doing now, and how was she okay with Manager Xu? Ah Yu said: "I'm good with myself. Liu Yiyi suddenly felt very cordial, so she said: "I heard that you are the manager of the department, do you sometimes see me indirectly?" Ah Yu said, "Don't you want to come and see my new house tonight?" ”

Liu Yiyi went in the evening, and when she entered the door, she was shocked when she saw Ah Yu, she hadn't seen her for more than a year, her body was slightly fat, and her face was not so moist. When I got to the living room, I was taken aback and said, "Such a big house, so beautiful!" Ah Yu said, "Why don't you move here too, there are still two or three empty rooms." "The room is light in color, with a Barbie doll leaning on a creamy sofa, a glass wall in the kitchen, and a hardwood floor imported from Brazil, creamy yellow. In the master bedroom, there is a large bed horizontally, Simmons's plastic packaging on the bed has not been removed, and a long pillow lies at the head of the bed, with a quietly expectant expression. In the living room and in every room, there are photos of Ah Yu from previous years, and those expressions are narcissistic and quietly expected. Liu Yiyi touched Simmons, a layer of ash, and raised her finger to show Ah Yu. Ah Yu said: "I'm too lazy to clean. "Ah Yu's bedroom is the smallest one. Liu Yiyi said: "Why don't you live in that big room? Ah Yu smiled and said: "That room has three doors, leading to the living room balcony toilet, and I feel worried at night, so I can rest assured if I latch the door to death." He also said, "It's not good if the house is too big, I come in alone at night, and I'm always afraid that there is someone hiding in one corner, so I take a stick and check the whole thing, and even open the wardrobe to see, so I feel a little relieved." Didn't you notice that there was a stick by the door? ”

Sitting on the sofa, Ah Yu took out five or six kinds of drinks and asked Liu Yiyi to choose by herself. Liu Yiyi said: "You still have to find someone to protect you." What about Mr. Yuan? This opened the topic, and Liu Yiyi felt relaxed. Ah Yu said: "Men are selfish at critical moments, and you can't imagine that he will be selfish for you. Liu Yiyi said: "No wonder he, he has children and daughters, he will not make that kind of sacrifice for us." Ah Yu said: "At that time, I asked you not to talk to reporters, but you didn't listen to me." Why bother to walk the dead end of others? And he said, "The lessons of others are always useless." People, at what age do you understand the things of that age, but if you are not at that age, what others say will be in vain. I'm afraid that she is so innocent and cute, and she doesn't understand the things of that age at that age. Liu Yiyi said: "Why did I take the wrong medicine at that time and it seems to be evil?" I don't know what I'm thinking. Ah Yu said, "What do you think? Women always follow the feelings, the feelings take you to a welcoming place, you are numb in the intoxication and forget the danger. Liu Yiyi said: "How many years can be repeated?" If I could do it all over again, maybe I'd still make the same mistake. Ah Yu said, "Who made you a woman!" He also said, "Being a woman has become more and more difficult and dangerous these years." When desires become greater and more sacred, women become more and more small and humble. In the eyes of desire, a woman's validity period is only a few years, ten years, and the rest is garbage time. What is a woman in garbage time? The status of women has declined too much over the years. Liu Yiyi said: "My heart is very empty, I don't know why I will live in this world in the future, I am so afraid of that day, but can people not live?" Ah Yu said: "I have written dozens of articles on how to be a woman in the newspaper, and I am ready to publish a book, but I am not qualified to say how to be a woman." If you don't do it yourself, can you tell others how to do it? There was a book called "The Second Sex" written by a French woman, and for a while I saw her as a spiritual teacher, and later I found out that she was also a failure. If you don't get married for the rest of your life, you don't want to follow a man, and you don't want children. If this man is good and loves her wholeheartedly, then there is also a bit of a thought. But this man kept betraying her, even her students were seduced, and she still followed the man, and the man died, and the inheritance was not given to her, and he did not admit that she was her own. This face is too big a shame. Is this also called love? Her endurance is truly inspiring! Is it free? Freely. Isn't it free if you don't get married and don't have children? I think her life is too miserable. A woman as good as she can't escape this fate, and I really don't know who can escape. Sometimes I think that I am afraid that only by finding a mediocre man can I escape. It's not how noble he is, it's that life doesn't give him a choice. Liu Yiyi said: "Ah Yu, you said that my heart is very cold, so there is really no hope for women?" Ah Yu said: "Everyone wants to try their luck, thinking that there are still so many good men in the world, and one of them is his husband." Liu Yiyi said: "Ah Yu, you lend me that book to see, I have heard someone say it." Ah Yu said, "Don't look at it." A woman who can't even maintain a minimum of self-esteem, whose happiness can she navigate? Since then, no one has dared to live or wish to live such a life in the name of freedom. He also said: "In the future, if a man talks to you about freedom and the emancipation of individuality, it is not a good word, you have to leave him as soon as possible, quickly, quickly, a good man will not talk like that." ”

Ah Yu takes the electric kettle to make coffee. Liu Yiyi looked at her bent body, a bit of a middle-aged woman, and she had a feeling of fright. The aroma of coffee rose, Ah Yu poured out two cups, put sugar cubes in them, stirred gently with a small spoon and said: "Sometimes I really want to forget about not getting married, fall in love for the rest of my life, look for a forty-year-old now, and find a fifty-year-old in ten years." It doesn't matter if you have a family, excellent men have homes, and the remaining few excellent ones are all in love, do you dare to be serious with him? He kills your feelings and your youth, saying sorry is his politeness, who do you go to cry to? It's better to find a home, anyway, his wife can only admit it. He sighed and said, "But I really want a child of my own, and he can't live without his father, that's his right." There are few suitable people in Lucheng, I'm afraid I have to find them in Beijing and Shanghai, and there are more older men over there. But I also think, if you are the right person, there are no younger and more beautiful girls in Beijing and Shanghai? Liu Yiyi smiled and said: "Speaking of which, you still have to look for excellent ones, you don't want to compare with your former classmates and friends around you, they have been found before." Ah Yu said: "There is no comparison, the vision is naturally formed, this is no way to do it." I knew there would be no miracles in this world, but I still hoped for miracles. Every woman hopes for a miracle to happen to her. Liu Yiyi said: "Ugly girls don't fantasize about miracles, but it's a pity that we are not ugly." Ah Yu smiled and said, "It's a pity." He also said: "It's a pity that all of us are a little narcissistic, and if we are narcissistic, we can't let go of it, just don't be narcissistic like an ugly girl." Liu Yiyi said: "Ah Yu, do you think you are only a little narcissistic? Ah Yu said, "A lot, a lot, I know myself." And he said, "If I were a man, the situation would be completely different." In the golden age, if you look for a girl, it's up to me how I am willing to find it. Liu Yiyi said: "Ah Yu, you said that we are sore spots, and you are not convinced, but you can only be convinced, it is enough for me to live to be forty years old, and I don't want more." Time is too cruel to us, we can't blame our parents, they gave birth to you into this world, it is a great merit. ”

Ah Yu said: "Is that reporter still so good to you? Liu Yiyi shook her head and immediately nodded again. Ah Yu said: "Being good to you and not giving you an implementation, in the final analysis, it is all vanity." You said that your first boyfriend was a love killer, and this reporter is a youth killer. The better he treats you, the less determined you are to leave, and the more youth you kill, the more dangerous it is. He kills your time, throws you to time, and in the end he has to leave. Liu Yiyi said: "Ah Yu, you scare me!" Ah Yu said: "This is the only possible truth. Liu Yiyi panicked and said, "Then I'll learn from you and live alone." Ah Yu said: "Alone? By you? How resilient are you? Will you put a stick to the door? A few times at night when I sat on the bed reading a book, I felt a shadow flickering at the door of the room, and I was so frightened that I quickly closed the door and bolted it to death, and I was scared into a cold sweat. Another time I saw a shadow, a real person, screamed, my legs were scared, and I couldn't stand up when I wanted to stand up and turn on the light, only to find out later that it was myself in the mirror. In the middle of the night, the wind blew the doors of those rooms and banged them, and I didn't dare to get up and close them. I usually don't dare to go out at night, two bathrooms, I don't dare to use it. I didn't dare let him in, who knew who he was? But I couldn't tighten the gas connection myself, and I cried several times. Do you still learn from me? My biggest hobby right now is talking on the phone, and I always have to find someone to talk to after work. More than 500 dollars were knocked out last month. Liu Yiyi said: "Really? The two drank coffee and fell silent.

At twelve o'clock, Liu Yiyi went back to school. The campus was quiet, and when she heard her footsteps, she suddenly had a sense of vicissitudes. She remembered the first time she stepped through the school gate eight years ago, and just like that, eight years had passed. There was a boy singing in a dark corner, "There is a girl named Xiaofang in the village", and she suddenly felt that the song was very cruel, "Thank you for the love you gave me and accompanied me through that era." With a "thank you", Xiaofang's youth was erased. Erased so easily. Almost all love songs are women's sad voices, which shows that their sorrow is not only their own. Thinking about it made her feel a little comforted. Where is that Xiaofang now? What kind of life does she live? No one thinks about these questions. As long as men are young women, they are like eating vegetables, only eating that little bit of cabbage. They invented a lot of expressions to express their needs: no matter how long it is, as long as they have it; Love is one by one, and each one is true; Nature; Give freedom to love, not shackles; Be calm about things between men and women, the result is not important; A marriage certificate is nothing but a piece of paper; Marriage represses human nature, a lot, a lot. , it's, it's a black hole, dug up just waiting for you to step into it. These are all for girls, and once you lose your youth, no one will even tell you these. Who would be in the mood to lie to you? This is real, and do you dare to admit that it is all true. It is cruel to face the truth, but it is more cruel to avoid the truth than to be cruel. The earth is still owned by nature, and this is a watershed moment between a woman's happiness and unhappiness. Those voices made in the name of human nature are actually men's voices, the voices of desire, and from the standpoint of men's desires, this is also the voice of human nature. Their desire is humanity, and it would be inhumane for you not to accept it. It's human nature, yes, it's human nature, but human nature can also be inhumane, it can be cruel. Poetic cruelty, warm cruelty, and still cruelty. They come up like a tidal wave in the name of love, and they retreat for the same reason. Calm and justified, put the girl's youth in the depths of time. Perhaps, it should be understood that they are just acting according to their inner impulses, is that wrong? It is also God's fault to be wrong. But what about Xiaofang? And Ah Yu and myself? It's time to wake up from a dream, but I'm still reluctant to give up on the dream. We, alas, we, we women.