Because we are easily influenced by traditional ideas, people are more willing to talk about human feelings in the process of communication, and taboo to talk about utilitarianism. In fact, there are many levels of communication needs between people, which can be roughly divided into two basic levels: one level is emotional-oriented interpersonal communication, such as family, friendship, love, etc.; The other level is utilitarian-oriented interpersonal communication, that is, the interaction we carry out to achieve a certain utilitarian purpose.

In reality, people will always consciously or unconsciously intertwine these two needs. Sometimes, even if it is a utilitarian purpose, it will make people communicate and react emotionally with each other; Sometimes, although it is an emotional exchange, it will also bring mutual help and support for each other's material interests.

In all kinds of human interactions, sometimes it is to satisfy material needs, and sometimes it is to satisfy spiritual needs. In other words, the most basic motivation for interpersonal communication is the desire to get one's own needs satisfied from the person with whom you are interlocuting, of course, both spiritual and material.

So, according to the principle of mutual benefit in interpersonal communication, the strategy that people actually adopt is mainly: both emotional and utilitarian. Psychologists have found that there are three main laws of social trading or distribution of social resources: the law of fairness, the law of equality, and the law of demand.

The Law of Fairness: The belief that everyone should be comparably compensated according to the size of their contributions.

The law of equality: regardless of the size of each person's objective contribution, everyone is required to share profits and losses equally.

The Law of Demand: The belief that the distribution of profits, results, or other benefits should satisfy the legitimate needs of the recipient, regardless of their individual contributions.

In addition to the law of fairness, the law of equality and the law of demand may all be beneficial to one party to the transaction.

Therefore, whether the emotional bond between the two parties to the transaction is tight or loose will affect the rules used to conduct the transaction, which will ultimately lead to the amount of transaction costs. Obviously, trading behaviors that are mixed with emotional relationships tend to give less and get more than simple trading behaviors.

Whether it is an exchange of feelings or a utilitarian exchange, since interpersonal communication is mutually beneficial and is to meet the respective needs of both parties, then there is a necessary condition for the continuation of interpersonal communication: the satisfaction of the needs and needs of both parties must be balanced. Otherwise, interpersonal communication will certainly not be possible.

Therefore, we do not have to blindly pursue the so-called "friendship without any utilitarian color", and there is no need to rashly complain that others do not have "friendship". We just need to frankly admit that mutual benefit is a basic principle of interpersonal communication, that both emotional and utilitarian interests are a conventional strategy of interpersonal communication, and that balance of needs and equal interests is a necessary condition for interpersonal communication.