Persuasion refers to the use of certain methods and techniques in daily life to make the other party change their existing behavior or thoughts, so as to carry out a certain activity according to their own will. When persuading others, the skills and proportions of persuasion have a great impact on the effectiveness of persuasion. Careful study of the art of persuasion plays an important role in harmonizing interpersonal relationships and enhancing the effectiveness of work.

●Understand who is being persuaded to do so

Before convincing someone, it is generally necessary to have an objective understanding of the other person's situation. Only by knowing oneself and knowing one's opponent can one adopt different persuasion techniques for different opponents.

Subjects of advanced knowledge, who have a great interest in intellectual debates, disdain to listen to superficial and colloquial words, should fully demonstrate your erudition, make more abstract reasoning, and devote yourself to the discussion of the inner connections between various issues.

Objects with low culture who do not understand advanced theories should give more obvious examples.

When it is not appropriate to follow the temptation of the object of self-use, you can use the method of agitation.

The subject of a quick temper hates long arguments that go on and on, and the language needs to be concise and direct.

The object of silence should be picked to speak more, otherwise you will be in the clouds.

If the object of stubborn thinking is attacked hard, it is easy to form a stalemate and cause a bullish situation, so we should look at what the other party is most interested in and transform.

Knowing each other through words is the key to victory. We can observe the personality traits and inner activities of the other person from the subtleties of speech.

People with strong personalities rarely use mantras like "that", "um", and "this"; Conversely, cautious and neurotic people often use this type of term. Japanese language psychologist Yohiro Mitsuki believes that people who often say "sure enough" in conversation are self-righteous and emphasize personal opinions; People who often use "actually" want others to pay attention to themselves, they are willful, stubborn, and conceited; People who often use words like "what to do in the end" do so because their latent desires are not satisfied. Understanding the psychology and character of the other person through his unintentional gestures can sometimes capture more real and subtle thoughts than words express.

For example, the other person is holding his arm, indicating that he is thinking about a problem; Holding your head, it shows that you are at a loss; Walking with his head bowed and his heavy steps indicates that he is discouraged; Holding your head high and talking loudly is an expression of confidence; The woman did not say a word, rubbing her handkerchief, indicating that she had something in her heart, but did not know where to start; People who are truly confident and powerful will lean in and humbly listen to what others have to say; Shaking your legs is often an act of inner anxiety and thinking about countermeasures; If there is a slight tremor, it may be a sign of a relaxed mood.

Of course, the understanding of the object of persuasion should not stop at silent observation, but should also take the initiative to reconnoiter and adopt certain countermeasures to stimulate the emotions of the other party, so that we can quickly and accurately grasp the ideological context and dynamics of the other party.

● Show up

Using your own experience to convince others is a very effective way to do this. First of all, facts speak louder than words, facts are the most convincing, and ten theories are less convincing than one fact. Second, personal experience is more real, which is far from being comparable to hearsay. In addition, there is another advantage of showing up, that is, you don't need to preach seriously, as long as you talk about the situation a little bit, let others experience it, and it seems subtle and tactful.

A typical example of showing up to persuade others is the story of Zou Ji in ancient China who persuaded King Qi Wei to speak widely.

Zou Ji is a native of Qi, with a burly body and a good face. One day he asked his wife who was more beautiful than the famous beautiful man Xu Gong. The wife said, "Of course you are beautiful." He was a little unconvinced, and asked the concubine again. The concubine said, "Where can Duke Xu compare with you!" At this time, a guest came to ask for a meeting, Zou Ji asked the guest again, and the guest also said that he was more beautiful than Xu Gong. Zou Ji was very puzzled. When Xu Gong came, Zou Ji looked at him secretly, looked in the mirror carefully, and felt that he was much worse than Xu Gong. But why do wives, concubines, and guests say that? Zou Ji lay on the bed and thought about it for a long time, and finally realized this truth: his wife favored him, his concubine was afraid of him, and the guests asked for him, so he didn't tell the truth. So when he saw King Qi Wei the next day, he told King Qi Wei about his situation and told King Qi Wei that now everyone in the court is partial to the king, and the officials are afraid of the king, and they all ask for the king in the four realms, which shows that the king is deeply deceived! So King Qi Wei ordered to open up the way of speech.

The biggest advantage of showing up is that it avoids the tone of criticism and lecture that often occurs in the process of persuasion, and instead uses similar questions to inspire others to "will you be like this?" Because you have (or have been) a problem that you have, you are humble, and you put yourself on an equal footing with those who are being persuaded, so that you do not make people think that you are condescending, so you are also easy to accept.

●Fallacious persuasion

Fallacious persuasion does not directly refute the wrong views of the other party, but first assumes that the other party's views are reasonable, and then derives a conclusion that even the other party has to admit is absurd, so that he willingly gives up the original wrong views and propositions and unconditionally accepts the ideological information output by the persuader.

Practice has taught many people that when we are confronted with opinionated people, it will be inconvenient to directly refute their mistakes, and the most effective and ingenious way is to persuade them to fallacies.

There is a passage in Aesop's Fables: The Unfaithful Trustee that says it very truthfully: "When a lie is too off-topic, if you want to use arguments to dispel the fallacy, then you are too serious." Because that will be entangled in meaningless details, it seems stupid, it is better to directly use the fallacy method, in order to strive to make the other party "dumb to eat coptis", there is bitterness and can't be said.

According to the "Historical Records and Funny Biography", it is recorded that the king of Chuzhuang had a beloved horse, "dressed in embroidery, placed under the Chinese house, sat on the open bed, and ate jujube", but the horse died because he was too fat. King Chuzhuang was very sad and wanted to hold a funeral for the dead horse with the "coffin doctor's ceremony". Left and right urged him, but King Zhuang did not listen, so that he became angry and ordered: "Whoever dares to come and tell me to bury the horse again will be punished with death!" ”

When Youmeng heard this, he entered the palace and laughed on his back, and King Zhuang was surprised and asked why, Youmeng replied: "This is your favorite horse, my lord!" Our Chu country is a big country, what pomp can't be put out, and the king only buries the horse with the doctor's funeral, which is too shabby! I think it should be buried with the king's funeral. King Zhuang asked, "What should we do then?" ”

You Meng said: "We should use carved jade as a coffin and Wenzi as a coffin, mobilize a large number of soldiers to repair the tomb, and requisition a large number of people to carry the soil. At the funeral, the envoys of Qi and Yue were listed first, and the envoys of Korea and Wei followed; Then build an ancestral temple for it, worship the gift of the ether prison, and enshrine it with the city of ten thousand households. In this way, all the princes and the nations will know that the king has despised people and has valued horses very noblely. When King Zhuang heard this, he suddenly came to his senses, and blamed himself for almost making a big mistake, so he dispelled the idea of burying the horse with a doctor's ceremony.

King Zhuang's burial of horses was originally a very ridiculous thing, and refusing to listen to advice was even more arrogant and unreasonable. At this time, no matter how much anyone blindly admonishes positively, they are ignorant of current affairs, and the consequences can be imagined. The cleverness of Youmeng lies in the fact that he did not continue to forcibly admonish directly, but adopted the strategy of pushing the boat along the river and adding fuel to the fire, exaggerating what seemed reasonable, and extending it along King Zhuang's absurd train of thought, until even King Zhuang himself thought it was extremely ridiculous, and then he was happy and convinced to abandon the non-admonition.

You can also use such a set of methods, that is, first ask some questions to let the other party talk about their own opinions, even if the other party is wrong, do not rush to point it out directly, but constantly raise supplementary questions, induce the other party to push from the wrong premise to the obviously absurd conclusion, so that he has to admit his mistakes, and then try to guide him to follow your correct thinking logic, step by step to the point you advocate, to achieve the purpose of persuasion and persuasion.

There is also a story: In his later years, Emperor Wu of the Han Dynasty wished that he would live forever. One day, he said to his courtiers, "It is said in the book that the longer the 'philtrum' under a person's nose, the longer he lives." One inch longer in the 'middle of the man' can live to be 100 years old. I don't know if it's true or not? ”

Dongfang Shuo felt that the emperor's dream of immortality was very ridiculous. Seeing that Dongfang Shuo seemed to be sarcastic, the emperor was displeased, and shouted: "How dare you laugh at me? ”

Dongfang Shuo took off his hat and said respectfully: "How dare I laugh at the emperor?" I'm laughing at Peng Zu's face is too ugly. Emperor Wu of Han was puzzled.

Dongfang Shuo said: "It is said that Peng Zu lived to be 800 years old. If it is really like what the emperor just said, then Peng Zu's 'human middle' is eight inches long. So, isn't his face as long as a ruler? ”

Emperor Wu of Han laughed when he heard this.

Grasping the absurdity and using reasonable deduction to present a vivid and ridiculous picture is an indirect but more powerful refutation of the absurd, which can have a more convincing effect than abstract argumentation. Moreover, it is also a tactful method of criticism that takes care of the other person's self-esteem.

● Move with emotion

When persuading, we should also pay attention to the exchange of emotions with each other. Use emotion to impress the other party and make the other party trust, and then persuasion will be easy to work.

Mr. Guo Moruo visited Putuo Mountain in 1962. On the way to the tour, I picked up a notebook, and on the title page was a couplet: "I am disappointed every year, I look forward to it every year, I look for it everywhere", and I criticized it: "Where is the spring". Turning another page, it turned out to be a desperate poem, signed with the day of the day. Guo Lao was worried that something would happen, so he was anxious to look around for the lost owner, and finally found a girl with a gloomy look. It turned out that she failed to lose Sun Shan in the university entrance examination for three consecutive years, suffered setbacks in her life, felt pessimistic and disappointed, and prepared to return to Putuo.

Guo Lao first praised the couplet for its literary brilliance, and then asked with a smile: "I'll change it for you, what do you think?" Then he said affectionately: "I am disappointed every year, everything is difficult to achieve, everything is successful, and the horizontal criticism is 'spring in my heart'." After listening to the couplet changed by Guo Lao, the girl realized the care of her elders, and finally poured out the depression in her heart to Guo Lao. Guo Lao invited her to visit Putuo Mountain with him, and talked with her enthusiastically as he walked. When the girl knew that the elder in front of her was the grandmaster Guo Moruo, she was very surprised and grateful.

This passage also shows us a way to convince others, and that is to empathize with people. Especially for such a desperate woman, the reason why she is desperate is that she feels that there is no true love between heaven and earth, only coldness, so she feels that there is nothing to be nostalgic for, so she has the heart of suicide. Now that I feel the care of the people around me, I feel that "there is a true love in the world", and of course I will develop a love for life and the world, and I will have the courage to live again. It can be seen that knowing the reason can successfully persuade people, and "moving with emotion" can also convince people.

●Knowing the reason

Reasoning is an effective way to convince the other party. Convincing people with reason will definitely have an effect, unless the other party is a very unreasonable person. Even so, it is helpful to win everyone's support by clarifying the reasoning. Take 10,000 steps back, when you meet an unreasonable person, and you have to go to court to fight a lawsuit, you still have to be reasonable to convince the judge and the jury.

The American scholar Dale Carnegie, who specialized in oratory and social eloquence, often rented the auditorium of a major hotel in New York to hold classes. One day, he was preparing for a new training course when he received a notice from the hotel that the rent had risen to three times the original rent. But he had already given notice that it was impossible to change the address, so what should he do? He made an appointment with the hotel manager and said calmly: "You are not to blame for the increase in rent." Because you are the manager, the responsibility is to make more profits. However, we should carefully calculate whether this is good or bad: yes, you don't rent it to me, but rent it to the stage and the party, and they pay more rent than me, of course, it is financially advantageous. But the downside is that I can't afford to pay that much rent and have to move out, and every time I run a training course, thousands of educated and upper-level managers come to your hotel. Isn't that an advertisement? In fact, you may not be able to invite so many people to visit for a few thousand yuan, but I don't spend a penny of your money to invite you, isn't it cost-effective and worthwhile? Now please think carefully before replying to me. As a result, the manager relented.

In the negotiations, Carnegie did not call himself poor or blame, but admitted that the price increase was reasonable and showed a favorable side, but then he put forward the unfavorable factors caused by the price increase. Because he said both good and bad, he fully showed his "selflessness", and the starting point was all for the manager, so it was easy to be accepted. And after laying out the pros and cons, he does not draw a conclusion - whether the pros outweigh the pros or the pros outweigh the disadvantages, but let the other party weigh them by himself, and appear calm and generous, not aggressive.

●Talking the opposite

During the reign of Emperor Wuzong of the Ming Dynasty, the Qin Dynasty requested the sealing of the Shaanxi border land, which was strategically important and closely related to the country's social relations. But the emperor was proded and agreed, and asked the scholars to draft a sealed edict. Liang Wenkang was instructed to draft this edict, and he skillfully expressed his views on dissuading the emperor and changing his fiefdom by using the method of rhetoric and rhetoric.

He wrote: "In the past, Emperor Taizu issued an edict saying: 'This land cannot be given to the vassal king, not because of stinginess, but because of its vastness and abundance, the vassal king will definitely raise more soldiers and horses when he gets it, and he will definitely become arrogant because of his wealth. If there is a traitor who provokes and seduces at this time, he will behave badly and be harmful to the country. Now that the vassal king has begged to be given this land, let me seal it upon you! But after you get here, don't gather traitors here, don't raise more soldiers and horses here, and don't listen to the instigation of bad people, plot evil, disturb the border, and endanger the country. Otherwise, it would be impossible to protect his wife and children at that time. Please be cautious in this matter and not be negligent. ”

When the emperor saw this, he was very worried and decided not to give it to the vassal king again.

Liang Wenkang used the strategy of talking back here to stop the indiscriminate sealing of land. Let's look at another example:

In the spring and autumn, Jin Wengong asked the cook to make barbecue. While eating, he noticed a long hair wrapped around the barbecue. Duke Wen of Jin was furious and summoned the cook to kill him. After seeing the barbecue, the cook said, "I am worthy of death, I have three sins: first, the knife that cuts meat is as fast as a sword, and it can cut off the flesh but not the hair; the second is to use an awl to puncture the meat on all sides of the meat repeatedly before roasting, and apply seasoning, but no such long hair was found; Third, the fire was blazing, the meat was cooked, and the hair was not burned. When Jin Wengong heard this, he ordered the attendant who was waiting for the meal to be interrogated, only to know that someone was really framing the cook, and the cook was saved from being killed.

For a low-status cook, even if he has suffered a great injustice, he has no right to speak out. As a last resort, the cook retreated as an advance, first admitting his guilt, and then skillfully applying the "counter-evidence method" to describe all the evidence in his favor as evidence of guilt. On the contrary, Jin Wengong reflected and realized the unfairness of the punishment, so as to finally achieve the goal of rehabilitation. This example can be called the "lose-win method" in an unfavorable situation.

● Contrasting persuasion

A painter visited Adolf Menzel (a famous German painter of the 19th century) and complained: "I don't understand why it takes me a day to paint a painting, but it takes a whole year to sell it." ”

"Please try it upside down," said Menzel earnestly, "if you paint it in a year's time, you will sell it in just one day." ”

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Using the method of reversing the word order to show one's understanding of the causal relationship of things, it can not only give people a vivid impression with strong contrast, but also show profound philosophical reasoning, although the language is simple, but it is very convincing.

However, things are always causal to each other, so we should be cautious and rigorous in using this method, and avoid opposing one-sidedness with one-sidedness. In other words, it is important not to learn and use this method only in terms of form, but also to think carefully and deeply.

● Digital persuasion

When persuading, if you can come up with more authoritative and powerful figures, you can make the other party have a clearer feeling, and it will be easier to accept your point of view.

A man who served in the Navy in World War II said they panicked when he and his partner were sent to an oil tanker. They believed that once the tanker was hit by a torpedo and a large amount of gasoline exploded, it would send them all into the sky in an instant. In response to their panic, naval units sent out some accurate statistics, stating that out of 100 tankers hit by torpedoes, 60 did not sink into the sea. Of the 40 ships that actually sank, only 5 sank in less than 5 minutes. That said, there was plenty of time for them to jump off the boat. That is, the chances of dying on a ship are rare. In this way, knowing these average figures, the panic of those naval soldiers was swept away.

Letting the numbers do the talking is one of the most powerful and scientific ways to make a statement, and it is often effective to deal with fear and the concerns of those who fear a sudden disaster, and accurate statistics are even more authoritative.

● Character persuasion

"What are you going to do if you change me?" This method of persuasion is the first step in persuasion techniques. It uses "role-playing" to make the other party have a simulated feeling of reciprocal position, so as to simulate the feeling and achieve the purpose of persuading the other party. To paraphrase a well-known joke, if you ask someone to keep an old pair of shoes, it is undoubtedly a hint that you have asked him to wear them.

Gibson, an expert on American interpersonal relations, believes that one of his good friends, a certain army general, has achieved today's achievements entirely because of his superhuman persuasion skills. He said:

In 1929, the economic crisis in the United States, everyone was cornered by life, and young people were crowded into military schools of all arms. He was just a small citizen, so he bowed everywhere, mustered up courage, visited the local people one by one, was not afraid of touching nails, and tried to advertise himself: 'I am an excellent young man, and my body is also good, and my greatest wish in life is to go to West Point to serve the country, if your children are in the same situation as me, what should I do?' ……’”

Unexpectedly, these people with methods, after he said this, nine times out of ten, they gave him a letter of recommendation, and some people were more active in calling him and asking the congressman, and he finally became a student at West Point.

Anyone always has a great interest and concern for their own affairs. If this young man hadn't used "if your children were like me" as a tactic, how could he have achieved what he is today!

●Pay attention to convincing taboos

The practice of persuasion and persuasion is to motivate the fighting spirit, soothe the wounds, coordinate the relationship, and guide the way, in essence, it is a beautiful sentiment to be kind to others, and it is also a moral obligation that members of society should fulfill. However, why do some people try to persuade with sincerity, but in the end not only do not get the gratitude of the other party, but are ridiculed and blamed by the surrounding public opinion? The fundamental reason for this is that the taboo of persuasion and persuasion has been committed.

1. Avoid intensifying contradictions

A large number of examples of persuasion show that there are two main types of situations in which the conflict is exacerbated by persuasion:

The first type is to intensify the negative emotions that the other party should not have in the first place, thus adding fuel to the fire and expanding the situation.

The second category is "burning yourself". Because of improper persuasion methods, you provoke the other party, so that the other party transfers all the dissatisfaction and resentment to you, and you become his opponent and "punching bag".

Experience tells us that in order to become a cultivated persuader, we must have self-cultivation, a broad mind, and a generous and benevolent temperament. In the above situation, you must not ridicule each other and return a tooth for a tooth in order to save your own face, so that the jade silk will become a hostile person.

2. Don't rush things

It is often said that those who are good at chess always draw inferences from one another. Doing other people's ideological work is like playing chess, and we should also cherish this "three-step chess" approach, and we must be patient and meticulous, and we must consider it again and again. If the conditions do not exist, we are in a hurry to achieve success, do not look ahead and look backward, and always want to do it once and for all, and the result is often to achieve twice the result with half the effort, "success" with little effect, and even intensify the contradictions.

3. Avoid official tones

In order to overcome the bureaucratic tone, the most important thing is to enhance the consciousness of ordinary people, appear in front of them as ordinary people, and completely change the bureaucratic style of being high-minded, self-respecting, and subjective and arbitrary, as well as the style of pointing fingers and giving orders. It is also necessary to pay attention to upholding the attitude of seeking truth from facts, to be cautious in the use of clichés, and to strengthen the cultivation of language expression skills.

4. Avoid empty preaching

It is necessary to avoid empty preaching, especially from the following three aspects:

(1) The truth should be in tune.

(2) The ideological viewpoint should be clear.

(3) The language should be simple and novel.

5. Avoid regardless of the occasion

If we do not distinguish the occasion, we will not be able to persuade people by name, regardless of the person who has come before or after them, and the results will often be poor, and if we do not do it well, there will be persuasive results that are diametrically opposed to the good motives of the persuaders.