Rejecting others is an extremely embarrassing thing, especially for Chinese who like to talk about human feelings, it will make the rejected person unhappy, and in serious cases, the atmosphere will become gloomy and cold, and even affect the friendship between each other. Therefore, we should master the art of saying "no" and let others accept rejection calmly.

● Dodge procrastination

There are two specific ways to procrastinate:

The first is to reject it through the mouth of others.

Xiao Wang, a salesman, works in a bicycle shop, and one day, a friend of his came to the shop to buy a bicycle. His friend looked at all the cars on display in the store, but was not satisfied, and asked Xiao Wang to take him to the warehouse to have a look. Xiao Wang faced his friend, and the word "no" couldn't come out, so he smiled and said: "The manager just announced a few days ago that no customers are allowed to enter the warehouse. Although Xiao Wang's friend was not very satisfied, after all, it was a little less unhappy than directly hearing the answer "no".

The second is to procrastinate for time.

Xiao Zhang learned that Xiao Zhou's store sold color TVs. He came to Xiao Zhou's store and said that he was in a hurry to buy a color TV. Xiao Zhou motioned for him to look at the customers in line, and said to Xiao Zhang: "It doesn't seem to work today, next time." I'll tell you when the time comes. ”

Sometimes you can use both of these methods in combination. Let's look at the following example:

An employee of a certain unit found the workshop director and asked for a transfer of work, and the workshop director knew that he couldn't do it, but he didn't immediately answer "impossible", but said: "This problem involves several people, I can't decide personally, I'll bring your request up, let the factory discuss it, and reply to you in a few days, okay?" ”

This answer can make the other party understand that it is not a simple matter to change jobs, there are two possibilities, so that the other party's mind is prepared, which is much better than the effect of rejecting on the spot.

● Obscure twists and turns

Sometimes, it is necessary to reject something that is obviously unconscionable or inappropriate, but in order to avoid conflict, or for some reason it is inconvenient to express it explicitly, it is possible to use obscure and tortuous language to imply it to the other party in order to achieve the purpose of refusal. Take a look at the following conversation.

A: "Our intention is to make the next meeting possible in New York, I wonder what your government thinks?" ”

B: "The food in your country doesn't taste good, especially the hotel I stayed in the last time I visited. ”

A: "And what do you think of the French tapas I used to entertain you today?" ”

B: "It's okay, but I prefer British food." ”

Party B euphemistically and implicitly rejected the suggestion of holding a meeting in the United States and France with "American food is not good", "French food is okay", and "I like British food", hinting at the idea of holding a meeting in the United Kingdom.

In addition, it can also be used in the form of circles to achieve the purpose of rejection.

One boss called a young employee into his office one day and said to him, "Boy, I can't imagine how we would live without you, but from next Monday, I want to give it a try." Good bye. ”

The boss went around in circles, avoided the word "dismissal", and used beautiful language to achieve the goal of returning to the absolute side.

When Su Shi and Su Zhe were officials in Beijing, an old friend came to visit and wanted to ask them for help to get an official and a half-job, but they didn't find it for a long time. One day, the man saw Su Shi and said, "Please think of a way!" Why don't you ask my brother to help me. Su Shi didn't say anything, but told the man a story. He said: "There was a man who was so poor that he wanted to make some money by robbing tombs. He dug up several graves in a row, but found nothing. He saw the tombs of Boyi and Shuqi in front of him, so he dug up the tomb of Boyi first. Someone in the tomb sighed and said, 'I Boyi starved in Shouyang Mountain and became thin into a handful of bones, and I can't meet your requirements. When the tomb robber heard this, he said with dismay, 'Then I will have to dig up Shuqi's tomb again and try my luck!' He said, 'You'd better go elsewhere and find another way!' If you look at me like this, you know that my brother can't do anything about it! When the man heard this, he was stunned at first, but soon he turned red and went away.

In the face of an old friend's request, Su Shi was unwilling to destroy the old friendship or agree to his request, so he used the twists and turns of the story to express his attitude. He used a metaphorical approach, using the story of Bo Yi and Shu Qi to compare himself to him and his younger brother Su Zhe, after all, it was more convenient to say the words of rejection from Bo Yi's mouth, and finally indirectly rejected his friend back then.

● Avoid the real and the virtual

Avoiding substantive questions and deliberately using ambiguous language to give flexible answers is not only flawless, but also achieves the purpose of refusing to respond to critical questions.

When the second batch of members of the Chinese Olympic delegation arrived in Seoul when the 24th Olympic Games were held in Seoul, reporters asked Li Menghua: "How many gold medals can China win?" "Can China surpass South Korea?" Li Menghua replied: "After October 2, you will definitely know. The reporter asked: "China's Xinhua News Agency has predicted that it will win 8 to 11 gold medals, do you think it is objective?" Li Menghua replied very cleverly: "China has full freedom of speech, and journalists can write whatever they want!" ”

●Delayed rejection

When someone asks you, if you can do it, you can say yes, but if you feel that the request is beyond your ability, of course, you can immediately refuse: "No, I can't help with this!" But if you use the delay method to say, "Well, I'll figure out a way, if it can be done, I will definitely give you a reply as soon as possible, what do you think?" "If you call again after a day or two to say that you can't do anything, then at least you are not "saying no", you are doing your best. Sometimes, the rejection is often the attitude of others when they reject, or they are official, domineering, or careless. If others have done their best, then even if things don't work out in the end, they won't complain.

Sometimes, the "delay" method can also be used in the case of outright rejection.

Xiao Zhang wanted to observe a special teacher in class, but the teacher, apparently humble, politely declined, saying, "Okay, if you say the class will start, the class will start." However, if this class is to be successful, to the satisfaction of students and teachers, and to conform to the spirit of education reform, I have to think carefully about the teaching plan. Looks like you're going to have to give me a year. I have to think every day for these 365 days, how painful! ”

The teacher denied Zhang's request using a delayed method. Originally, it is a kind of respect for others to come to observe their own classes, and if they refuse directly, it will make the other party think that they do not know how to lift. Instead, use the technique of "procrastination" to reject the other person, first readily agree, and then push the time to a year later. Everyone knows that it doesn't take a year to prepare for a class. Therefore, the requester also understands that the teacher is indirectly refusing, and certainly will not be reluctant.

● Humorous rejection

When rejecting others, using humor can often make the other person understand our euphemistic rejection, thus avoiding embarrassment. So, why does humorous rejection play a role in improving the atmosphere and avoiding embarrassment? It's because of the role of humorous logic. The logic of humor differs from general logic in that it does not use concepts, judgments, and reasoning to prove like general logic, but achieves the purpose of communication by communicating each other's emotions. As long as it is used properly, this method of refusal can generally achieve better results.

It is said that US President Franklin D. Roosevelt served in the military that year. A friend of his wanted to get a secret from him. Roosevelt, of course, couldn't leak secrets, but he didn't want to hurt his friends either. So he quietly asked his friend, "Can you keep it a secret?" The friend thought that Roosevelt would tell him the secret only if he promised not to tell anyone else, so he agreed: "Of course, I will keep it a secret and not tell anyone!" At this point, Roosevelt said, "If you can keep a secret, then so can I!" His friend was stunned, then hugged Roosevelt's shoulder and laughed. Here Roosevelt's humorous rejection paid off.

But what do you do when your friends' requests are well-intentioned and for your sake, and you don't want to accept them? It would be great if you could tell someone what you meant in a lighthearted, humorous way.

The Italian musician Rossini was born on February 29, 1792, and because there is only one leap year every four years, he will be 72 years old when he celebrates his 18th birthday. He said it would save a lot of trouble. The day before his birthday, some friends came to him and told him that they had gathered 20,000 francs to erect a monument to him. When he heard this, he said, "What a waste of money! Give me this money and I'll stand there myself! ”

Rossini did not agree with his friends' approach, but instead of rejecting it head-on, he put forward an unrealistic idea: "Give me this money, and I'll stand there myself!" Implicitly pointing out that the friend's approach is too extravagant and pointing out its irrationality.

●Hypothetical rejection

When you can't fulfill what others ask, you can also use hypothetical methods to imagine the possible consequences of his request, which is unacceptable to him. In this way, it is tantamount to rejecting him. But this rejection is not uttered by the rejector, but is drawn by the rejected person himself, guided and inspired by the refuser's assumptions, so that it does not cause unpleasantness and in turn can educate and enlighten the rejected.

When a relative wanted to ask him to open the back door to buy a cheap air conditioner in the factory where he worked, he said cheerfully: "If it is cheap, this is easy to do, you can give as much as you want, and I will make up for the rest!" I am afraid that any relative who wants to take advantage of this consequence will not be able to accept it, and the result is naturally not to talk about it.

The beauty of the "hypothetical" rejection method lies in the use of the "clear and honest rejection" method. On the surface, it seems that there is no refusal, and sometimes it is even very happy to agree, but in fact it puts a fact in front of you that you cannot accept, and you have to withdraw your request immediately.

● Counterattack for defensive refusal

The method of counterattack and defense and refusal is to realize the purpose of the other party before making a request to us, and then make a similar request to the other party first. Here's a prime example.

The self-employed Liu heard that the son of the director of the industrial and commercial bureau wanted to borrow a large sum of money from him. He knew that if the money was sold, it might be a meat bun beating a dog - never returned, but he didn't want to offend this son. So he had an idea, and as soon as the son of the director of the industrial and commercial bureau entered the house, he immediately said: "You came just in time, I was trying to find you, these two days can make me anxious, there is a batch of goods is very cheap, but people have to ask for a mouthful, I can't get together this fund, I want to borrow tens of thousands of dollars." When the other party heard this, he regretted that he had gone to the monk's temple to borrow a comb - he had gone to the wrong door, and quickly prevaricated a few words and left.

Liu seized the opportunity here and counterattacked for defense, so that the other party was rejected without psychological preparation, and its purpose was naturally difficult to achieve.

●Self-deprecating rejection

There is often such a situation in life, when others make requests or invitations to you because of your fame or status, it is not that you meet certain conditions, and then directly reject everyone, which may make everyone very shameless and very unhappy. At this time, you may wish to find a flaw related to yourself as an excuse, use humorous language to mock yourself, and hint to the other party that you are reluctant and unsuitable to agree to their request, which will often have better results. Lincoln used this method of refusal.

On one occasion, Lincoln had to attend a conference of newspaper editors in Bloomington, Illinois. He said that he was not an editor and that it was very inappropriate for him to be present at the meeting.

To illustrate why it was best not to attend the meeting, he told a humorous story: "Once, I met a woman riding a horse in the forest. I stopped to give way, but she stopped, staring intently at my face. She said, 'I'm just now convinced that you're the ugliest person I've ever met.' ’

"I said, 'You're probably right, but what can I do?'

"She said, 'Of course, you were born with this ugly appearance, and there is no way to change it, but you can still stay at home and not come out!' ”

Everyone laughed at his humility and humor.

The organizers of the newspaper editors' convention invited Lincoln because he was president, so Lincoln's presence was nondescript. Lincoln told an amusing little story and mocked himself for being too ugly to attend such a public event. This excuse sounds comically absurd, but it hints at Lincoln's refusal. After this news spreads, it is expected that no one will invite Lincoln to participate in some unrelated activities.

● Rejection in compliment

If the other party's request you want to refuse has some truth but you don't see its disadvantages, then refuse the request, first praise the strengths of the request, and then tactfully point out the flaws, so that the other party will understand and accept your proposal.

At a meeting of an electronics company in the United States, the company manager took out a trademark he designed and asked for everyone's opinions. The manager said: "This trademark is designed with a sun, which is very similar to the national emblem of Japan, and the Japanese will definitely be happy to buy our products when they see it." "The participants in the meeting praised the manager's design as very good, and it will definitely expand the Japanese market and bring great benefits to the company.

However, a young sales director said, "I don't agree with the logo design. The manager was stunned. The attendees also looked at him in amazement. The young director added: "I'm afraid it's too good!" The manager was even more confused, and asked with a smile: "I can't understand what you said, can you tell me why?" ”

The young director said, "The theme of this sun design is really in harmony with the Japanese region, and it will definitely be loved by the Japanese people, and the sales of the products will be very good." However, our company is currently expanding into the Chinese market not in Japan. This is obviously the bull's head and the horse's mouth! ”

The manager suddenly realized and exclaimed excitedly: "Your words are so good! ”

This example illustrates that when expressing opposition or rejection to a boss or someone in authority, it is important not to be straightforward, but to have good reasons and clever tactics. The young director first used the praise of "great" to give the manager face, satisfy his self-esteem, and make him not lose his dignity. He then explained his reasons and rejected them by saying that it was not the Japanese market that he wanted to expand, but the Chinese market. The manager feels that his words are reasonable, and he will not feel that he cannot get off the stage.

●Misinterpretation of the original intention to refuse

A woman said to Lincoln, "Mr. President, you must give me a decree of the title of colonel, and entrust my son to be colonel." Sir, I am not asking for your mercy, sir, but I have the right to do so. Sir, my grandfather fought in Lexington, my uncle was the only soldier who didn't run away in the Battle of Fort Bras, my father fought in New Orleans, and my husband died in Monterey. ”

"Madame, I think," said Lincoln, "that your family has done enough to serve their country. Now is the time to give that opportunity to others. ”

In life, a situation can be commented on from multiple angles and lead to a variety of conclusions. Therefore, one of the effective methods of refusal is to misinterpret the meaning of others. Because it is easier for the rejected person to feel the unintentional nature of the action. The mother, who asked for a promotion for her son, after telling her family history, hoped that Lincoln would "count the merits and reward" "Ze and his son". Lincoln, on the other hand, seized on the "toil" and drew another conclusion. Lincoln deliberately misinterpreted his intentions and politely refused, in a tortuous way of expressing contempt for those who demanded from the state.

Here's another example:

When Wilson was governor of New Jersey, he received a call from Washington saying that his good friend, a senator from New Jersey, had just died. He was very saddened. I don't want to think that a few minutes later, a politician in New Jersey called him.

"Governor," the man said, stammering, "I wish to take his place as a senator." ”

"Well," Wilson was so disgusted by the politician's impatience that he added, "if the funeral home agrees, I'm totally in favor of it." ”

You can't avoid people in life who are quite disgusted but inconvenient to destroy relationships. You don't need to accommodate him, you should let him know what it means to be self-defeating. Mr. Wilson misinterpreted the original intention of the politician who coveted the status of the deceased, deliberately avoiding the deceased's original position, and subtly using the deceased's funeral home to misinterpret it. The language is spicy, but it is not revealing. You can imagine the embarrassment of the person on the other side of the phone.