Help others, but don't expect them to be thanked, give others help with a restrained mindset, and you will get joy from the help itself rather than the gratitude of others.

If we keep expecting gratitude from others, we are probably asking for trouble. Rather than worrying about others being ungrateful, we should not anticipate them. Dr. Johnson of the United States once said, "Gratitude is a very cultivated product, and you cannot get it from ordinary people." ”

Expecting others to be grateful is a general mistake because you really don't understand human nature.

If you saved someone's life, would you expect them to be grateful? You might—

But Samuel Leibovitz was a well-known criminal lawyer before he became a judge, and he exempted 78 criminals from the electric chair. Guess how many of them have come to say thank you, or at least send a Christmas card? You might have guessed it – not a single one.

Jesus got ten paralytics up and walked in one afternoon—but how many came back to thank Him? There is only one. Jesus looked around at his disciples and asked, "What about the other nine?" "They all ran away, and they ran away without a trace!

If it's about money, it's even more hopeless! Charles Schwarber said that he had helped a bank teller who had misappropriated bank funds to make stocks and caused losses, and Schwarber had helped him make up enough money to avoid a lawsuit. It was to thank him, but only for a while, and then he turned against the man who had saved him, the same man who had saved him from prison.

If you give a relative $1 million, he will thank you, right? Andrew Carnegie had already sponsored his relatives, but if Andrew Carnegie were to come back to life, he would be shocked to find that his relatives were cursing him! Why? Because Carnegie left more than $300 million in philanthropic funds, he inherited only $1 million.

That's what happens in the world. Human nature is human nature – and you don't have to expect it to change. Why not just embrace it? We should be like one of the wisest Roman emperors, Marcus Allerius. He wrote in his diary one day:

"I meet people who talk a lot, people who are selfish, people who are self-centered, people who are ungrateful. I don't have to be surprised or bothered, because I can't imagine a world without these people. ”

Doesn't he make a lot of sense? We complain every day that others will not know how to repay the favor, who is to blame? It's human nature. So stop expecting others to be grateful. If we occasionally receive gratitude from others, it will be a pleasant surprise. If not, it won't be sad.

A woman living in New York complains about her loneliness all day long. None of the relatives wanted to come near her, and when the relatives went to visit her, she would spend hours babbling about how she took care of her nephews when they were young. She took care of measles, mumps, and whooping cough, and they lived with her for many years, and they sponsored a nephew to finish business school, and they lived with her until she got married.

Are these nephews coming back to visit her? Some! Sometimes! Purely out of obligation. They were all afraid to go back to see her, because the thought of sitting for hours listening to those old tunes, endless and self-pity was always waiting for them. When the woman found that she couldn't get her nephews back to visit her, she was left with one last trick – a heart attack.

Is this heart attack faked? Of course not, the doctor also said that her heart was quite nervous and she often had palpitations. But the doctor couldn't help it, because her problem was emotional.

What this woman needs is love and attention, or rather, "gratitude," but unfortunately she will probably never be grateful or loved, because she thinks it is deserved, and she asks others to give it to her.

How many people are like her, because others are ungrateful, because they are lonely, because they are neglected and sick. They want to be loved, but the only way to truly be loved in this world is not to ask for it, but to give it without asking for anything in return.

It may sound too unreal and idealistic, but it's not! Asking others to be grateful is not the best way to pursue happiness, to pursue true happiness, we must abandon the idea of whether others will be grateful, and only enjoy the joy of giving.

Parents have always hated their children for not being grateful.

Even King Lear, the protagonist of Shakespeare's play, could not help but exclaim: "An ungrateful child is more painful than the teeth of a viper." ”

But if we don't educate them, how can children know gratitude? Ingratitude is in nature, like a weed growing everywhere. Thanksgiving is like a rose, which needs to be carefully cultivated and watered with love.

If the children are not grateful, who is to blame? Maybe it's us who are to blame. If we never teach them to thank others, how can we expect them to thank us?

A gentleman living in Chicago worked hard in a carton factory, earning only $40 a week. He married a widow who persuaded him to borrow money to send her two ex-husbands' sons to college. His weekly salary had to be used to pay for food, rent, fuel, clothing and to pay his arrears. He worked like a coolie for four years, and he never complained.

Does anyone thank him? No, his wife took it for granted, and so did the two sons. They didn't feel at all indebted to the stepfather, just thanking him.

Who is to blame for this? These two sons? Maybe! But isn't this mother even more deserved? She believes that these two young beings should not be burdened with such obligations, and she does not want her son to start their lives "from debt". So it never occurred to her to say, "Your stepfather sponsored you to go to college, what a wonderful person!" On the contrary, her attitude was:

"Oh! That's what he was supposed to do. ”

She didn't think she was burdening them in any way, but in fact she gave them a dangerous idea that the world had an obligation to let them live. Sure enough, a boy wanted to "borrow" some money from his boss, but he was in a difficult situation.

Let us not forget that if we want to have grateful children, we must first become grateful people. What we say and do matters. In front of your children, don't slander the kindness of others, and don't say, "Look at the Christmas gifts given by my cousin, they are all made by herself, and she is reluctant to spend even a dime!" "It may have been a small thing for us, but the kids listened. Therefore, it is better to say, "Cousin must have spent a lot of time preparing this Christmas present!" She's so nice! We have to write to thank her. In this way, our children will invisibly learn to develop the habit of appreciation and gratitude.

Don't expect others to appreciate you, this is your way of being a sensual person and doing things rationally, and it is also the secret scripture for exposed and introverted smart people to cultivate their own qualities and gradually get better, and it is also the way for us to enjoy a happy life.