Zeng Yun in "Xunzi Persuasion": "Perseverance and perseverance, rotten wood does not break; Perseverance, gold and stone can be carved. "At that time, although I was not very old, I had already deeply realized the importance of perseverance. Therefore, completely ignoring the previous two failures, I went to Amei's house again on the morning of the third day of the first lunar month.

This time, I went in the name of "New Year's greetings". Without my uncle by my side, I was "riding alone for thousands of miles", naturally at a loss, and my mind was in chaos. Only that fiery heart, burning with firm faith, drives me to move forward bravely.

On the way to Hui'an, I felt as if I had experienced a fierce battle of ideas for three days and three nights, and my spirit was highly tense. At that time, the courage that came out of nowhere allowed me to complete a series of challenges such as "crossing the iron door downstairs, climbing the stairs on the seventh floor, and ringing the doorbell in my room", until finally, I sat on the sofa in her living room nervously.

Although my aunt and uncle were still as enthusiastic as ever, my heart was like a frog chasing mosquitoes, fluttering and fluttering. After the whole "interrogation", sweat soaked my back, and Amei did not come out of the room.

At that time, I was sitting on the sofa, because I didn't have my uncle's timely "rescue" by my side, so I didn't know how to "start" the first sentence, and I held it for a long time, and finally blushed and squeezed out a sentence: "Uncle...... Happy New Year, Auntie! ”

In fact, as early as on the way to Hui'an, I had carefully prepared the opening remarks: "Uncle and aunt, Happy New Year!" First of all, allow me to wish you good health and happiness for your family! However, when I saw the two kind elders, I suddenly became cringe, as if a gecko had broken its tail, and suddenly forgot the second half of the line.

Seeing my uncontrollable nervousness, my uncle looked at me with kind eyes, and he said gently: "Ah Song, it's good for you to treat this place as your home, and you don't need to be too restrained." ”

My uncle's words, like a warm spring breeze, soothed my inner turmoil in time. I replied with a little relaxation, "Well, thank you, uncle!" ”

Uncle continued: "Time flies quickly, I haven't seen you for half a year in a blink of an eye, and I feel that you are more mature than before! ”

I smiled shyly, and finally responded in a relatively complete sentence: "Yes, I hope that I can mature as soon as possible, and I will graduate in a year and a half, and I hope that I can integrate into society as soon as possible." ”

Uncle nodded, he smiled and asked, "It's good, then do you have any plans for the future?" ”

I was so confused about the future that I couldn't say why. I can only combine my so-called "expertise" and respond lightly: "I want to be an editor after graduation." ”

At this time, the uncle seemed to be recalling something, and he said brightly: "I remember that in 1990, I set foot in the city of Shenzhen, which is full of business trends. I was 32 years old at the time, and when I first came to Shenzhen to look for a job, I wrote a letter to the editorial department leaders based on my love for words and my longing for editorial work. In the letter, I took an interview with a certain leader as an example, and not only drafted an outline of the interview, but also explained the key points of the report. Unexpectedly, just a week later, I was offered an interview...... Later, he successfully entered the editorial department. ”

He paused, his eyes flashing with memories, and continued: "In the editorial department, I didn't have a high diploma and no relevant work experience, but I never stopped studying and worked hard day and night. In the first-year interview competition, I came in second place, behind a Ph.D. in journalism. My hard work and dedication have finally paid off. ”

I looked at my uncle with admiration, and he continued: "It was thanks to that time that I had the opportunity to visit various towns and villages to interview the celebrities of Shenzhen at that time, and established a good relationship with them...... Later, due to the construction needs of various towns and villages at that time, I changed my career to the stone carving business, and my family life gradually improved. ”

After listening to this, my admiration for my uncle was spontaneous, and at the same time, the tension in my heart gradually dissipated.

My uncle talked to me a lot, and even talked about the outlook on life and the world. It's hard to think that I really haven't even seen the world much, so I can only keep saying that I will work hard, and it can be regarded as a fool.

After more than an hour of talking, it was already half past ten, and I told my uncle and aunt: "It's not too early, I should go back!" ”

At this time, the uncle looked satisfied, smiled and said, "Ah Song, you finish lunch, go back!" ”

I replied with some embarrassment: "Thank you, no need, I want to ...... I think...... Invite Ame to my house to sit down. ”

Listening to my proposal, my uncle was a little surprised, but he still showed a tolerant smile and called Ah Mei out of the room. I saw Amei slowly walking to the living room, her head down, her cheeks slightly red.

The uncle smiled and said to her, "Ah Mei, Ah Song invited you to his house to sit down?!" ”

Amei replied with an embarrassed face: "Dad, this is not good! ”

Uncle still smiled and said, "It's okay, it's good to visit a friend's house during the Chinese New Year!" ”

……

At first, Ah Mei was unhappy and resolutely refused to go out with me, but after repeated persuasion from her uncle and aunt, she finally agreed in a compromise.

At that time, I was overjoyed, like a mighty general who had won a battle, and I thought that this was the crucial step in meeting my parents. In addition to snickering joy in my heart, I was even more amazed at my bravery. This kind of "leaping" bravery, even I have to stretch out my thumb and give 10,000 likes.

From Hui'an County, we took a ride to Zhangban. At that time, I was like a fisherman looking at a lighthouse in the vast sea of fog, and the joy in my heart could not be suppressed. Through the car window, the rows of slim cypress trees outside are still so rich and green in the cold winter.

The car arrived at Zhangban Street, which is still two kilometers away from my house, and I need to take a motorcycle to get there. At the time, she was sitting in the middle of the motorcycle, and I was sitting behind her. We were two fists apart, but for me, I had never been so close to her, or rather, to be exact, so close to a girl. I can't believe it's real. Smelling the faint fragrance of her hair, I was fascinated, as if I was in a dream.

I remember reading such a story before: when God created man, the first man was two heads, four hands, and four legs, and later God found that such a person was particularly perfect and omnipotent, so he split this kind of person into two, let them waste time, and cross mountains and rivers to find their other half. I used to scoff at this, but now that I'm sitting behind Amei, I realize that this is the truth, so I keep chanting "Amen" in my heart.

The motorcycle stopped on a village road, and I led Amei from the village road to an overgrown path. The trail rises high and floats over the fields, only thirty centimeters wide, flanked by fields full of peanuts, and if you are not careful, you will fall into the ravine. The weeds drowned the ankles of pedestrians, and there were often lizards running from side to side in the grass, and crickets jumping up and down. When she walked to my door, she was behind me and asked in shock, "Is this your home?" ”

I turned my head, looked at her shyly, and whispered, "Yes! ”

When I got to my house, it was about 12 noon. At that time, my eldest aunt and second aunt also came to my house to pay New Year's greetings, and everyone was sitting around a round table to eat.

Seeing us coming, the family members stood up and stared at us.

I led Amei to a seat and excitedly said to my family: "Family, let me introduce you to you, this is my good friend Amei." ”

Ah Mei looked around and said with a flushed face: "Happy New Year, everyone!" ”

Mom took over the conversation with satisfaction: "Amei, welcome to my house!" ”

Grandma kindly echoed: "Welcome Amei, it is a blessing for our family to know you as a friend!" ”

Ame smiled reluctantly and sat down awkwardly, while the family looked her up and down, left and right. The smiles on everyone's faces are one after another, and they can pile up the continuous mountains, and they can't wait to hold Amei in the palm of their hands, look at it like a sage book, and offer it like a saint.

At that time, the family was very enthusiastic about Amei, and this enthusiasm should be no less than the courtesy that Lu Xun received when he went to Sendai, Japan to study.

Although enthusiasm is the flame that melts the glacier, the moonlight that illuminates the sky, and the lighthouse when the lonely sail returns, she has not moved her chopsticks when her family keeps beckoning her to eat. I saw it in my eyes, and I was quite uneasy, for fear that she would be hungry, but my mother took practical action and kept putting vegetables into her bowl.

Her mother said to her kindly, "Amei, you're welcome, you want to eat vegetables!" ”

Amei replied with a crimson face: "Auntie, I'm not polite!" I'll do it myself, you don't have to clip it for me! ”

However, her face stiffened, and she frequently picked up the water cup on the table, and drank the water with a slight tremble, as if she was participating in a terrible Hongmen feast.

After a few brief pleasantries, Amei was silent. During the banquet, the aunt said to her with a smile, "My family Ah Song, I have been studying since I was a child, and I am a very practical person, if any girl 'follows' him, she will be very happy in the future!" ”

She didn't say anything, just laughed. This kind of smile is particularly stiff, like the smiling man with deep sorrow in Hugo's pen. She didn't seem to dare to look up at everyone, and her eyes were still a little wandering. This kind of drifting, left and right, up and down, often unconsciously floats to the bottom of the table, as if a suspicious mine has been found at the bottom of the table!

During the meal, she suddenly motioned for me to go outside with her. When she got to the door, she asked anxiously, "Where is the bathroom in your house?" ”

I took her to the east side of the hall, her parents' bedroom, pointed to a wooden barrel covered by a curtain next to the bed, and said embarrassedly, "This is where we are convenient!" ”

Surprised, she asked, "Are you still using this kind of barrel?" ”

I replied, "Yes!" ”

At that time, she subconsciously shrank back, as if she was worried that a few rats or spiders might pop out of the house at any time. In this case, it is as if sitting on this barrel to relieve one's hands is to go to the avalanche site in the high mountains, and you will surely fall into the abyss with a "plop".

When I walked out of my parents' bedroom, she also escaped, looking panicked and pale as paper.

I asked, a little puzzled, "Aren't you going to be convenient?" ”

She said with a look of horror: "I'm not used to using wooden barrels, is there any other convenient place outside?" ”

I immediately felt extremely embarrassed, and replied embarrassedly: "There is an open-air toilet outside, about 200 meters away, I'll take you there." ”

She acquiesced and followed me out of the house. We walked through the sheep intestine path, past a dilapidated red brick house, and finally came to a simple open aqua toilet. This area, inaccessible and overgrown, looks very desolate. According to legend, this aqua toilet was built in the fifties and sixties of the last century, and the squatting position is made of two stone slabs, leaving a pit in the middle, without a door, and the three sides of the squatting position are surrounded by low stone walls. At that time, we only dared to come here to poop during the day, and at night we had to solve it in our own barrels because we were afraid. Moreover, squatting in such a dry toilet in winter to poop, the northwest wind blows the buttocks painfully.

This kind of aqua toilet does not distinguish between men and women. When people in the city go to the countryside to go to the toilet, they usually call a companion, which is regarded as "looking at the wind" for themselves, for fear that someone will break in and cause embarrassment. In rural areas, there is a special need to go to such a toilet: before entering the toilet, you must first make a secret signal, usually coughing first, or asking "Is there anyone inside?" If you hear a cough inside, or if someone inside responds, "Someone's there, wait a minute!" "In this case, then wait, if no one responds to the code, then you can go in.

So, I stood outside the aqua toilet, looked at the weeds on the ground, and gave Ah Mei a "look".

In a matter of seconds, she was free. Based on the speed at which my normal men urinate on weekdays, how can it be so fast to conclude that women have a few more processes to urinate? Presumably, she was frightened by the desolate scene in front of her, so when she urinated, she deliberately carried out an "acceleration" that was contrary to normal physiology.

On the way back from the aqua toilet, Amei said with a sad face, "I'm going home." ”

Hearing this, I persuaded her nervously: "You have just arrived, go in and sit again!" ”

But she resolutely refused: "No need, I'm going back, remember to tell your family that I'm gone." ”

I stumbled, "Okay! ”

I was going to send her off, but she was adamant. Watching her leave in a hurry, her figure was like a meteor that crossed the night sky in an instant.

My heart was like a night sky crossed by a meteor, empty, and the joy in front of me disappeared in an instant.

At that time, I didn't know where I got the courage (even if I borrowed "Courage" from Liang Jingru, it was a few years later), and I dared to bring her home so confidently?

At that time, my house was a single-storey stone house, built in the 90s of the last century, and its appearance was like a yellowed old photograph, showing the vicissitudes of time. The inside of the house is even more consistent, and when it rains, there is often a buzz outside the house, and the inside of the house is ticking. Every now and then, my grandmother and mother would be busy taking out pots and pans to catch water, and listening to the rain in the house became my most unique "audio-visual" memory at that time, except for listening to the tapes of the Four Heavenly Kings.

In this house, there is a hall in the middle, and there is a room on the left and right sides, one for my parents, one for my grandmother and one for my sister. There is a small hallway in front of each room, and my room is independent like a wooden bench with a "chair back".

Entering the gate, the floor is paved with small, old-fashioned hexagonal bricks, some of which have long since had untimely cracks. The walls are made of uneven granite, and all walls are unpainted, just as primitive people were not whitewashed. The stove is set up in the corridor on the west side, and every time the cooking is filled, the whole house is smoked, and the whole house is blackened, and the local direction is even smoked into the coal mine site.

Outside, there are even flocks of chickens and dogs. They often run into the house to forage for food, and they will inevitably step on the feces in the cold. So it's a bit like stepping into a landmine.

It's good now, I think when she goes back, she will think of my black house when she dreams at night, right?!

I felt remorseful and introspective, deeply aware of the old adage that "if you want to hurry, you can't do it", I didn't go to her again for the rest of the winter vacation, knowing that everything needs to be considered in the long run.

However, at home, I still miss her very much, because this longing is one-way, it makes me more and more lonely, and I often can't help but pick up the clumsy pen in my hand and write down my feelings at that time:

February 14, 2005

"Why am I so lonely?" This sentence actually came from the mouth of a person who was old enough to celebrate the New Year.

"Lonely?" The relatives around him asked puzzled.

"Lonely!" My resolute reply made them immediately understand that I was not what I said.

This kind of loneliness is by no means alienation between relatives! This kind of loneliness is not the indifference of friends! This kind of loneliness is not driven by imagination!

It's because, because, because, I don't have you by my side! A you who can make my loneliness disappear in an instant! A person who can make my life extremely happy from now on!

On this special day, beloved girl, I am sure that I am deeply in love with you!

February 15, 2005

Loneliness, like a pair of invisible black hands holding me, I am afraid of loneliness, but why am I willing to be its captive?

Loneliness, like a heavy iron shackle around me, I am afraid of loneliness, but why do I have no complaints to be its prisoner?

Loneliness, like a strong mental force bound me, I am afraid of loneliness, but why should I die to be its captive?

Don't be surprised, baby, and don't doubt it – it's for you! Willingly for you! No complaints for you! Dead set for you!

February 17, 2005

In the past, I couldn't understand the meaning of "making people haggard for Iraq", but now, I have fallen into the abyss of longing that is increasing day by day. A semester of parting, 147 days of missing.

Thinking of you every day, the continuation of life, is a lingering thought that I can't get rid of. Because beyond that, I can't do anything else—many times, I can only look at you, listen to you, and keep you in my dreams...... But when I wake up, I am often left with only gloom and sadness - a thick sadness, like a violent flood, which makes me breathless!

Finally, we ushered in the opportunity to get together - infinitely beautiful pictures filled my mind! But the reality is not so! You always say that you want to accompany your students and friends out (maybe my passion makes me unreasonable), and you leave me alone to let the grief and claws run wild; Your far-fetched explanation makes my sensitive heart like a paper kite in a storm...... Yes! I can only refuse to sleep night after night, and lose my dreams every night.

But I don't blame you, because I believe that sad days will always pass, just like there will always be a rainbow after a heavy rain! I believe that in the days to come, there will be a world of affection for us—when we are holding hands and arm-in-arm...... Let infinite thoughts be exchanged for a beautiful reality!